"When truth is replaced by silence,
the silence is a lie."
- Yevgeny Yevtushenko
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"I really just don't see what there is to talk about, it doesn't matter that he's a 'good guy', I'm not holding my ass over the fire because his fat fuck of a roommate saw something he shouldn't have."
"So what, just go and stick a knife in his throat?"
"Doesn't fucking matter, he just needs to go away."
It was four in the morning; Krista was listening to Ilse and Ymir back and forth constantly while Annie and Mikasa looked like their brains were working overtime. Sasha hadn't been able to make it to this impromptu meeting, but that may have been for the best.
She didn't know herself what to do; it was a fucked situation to be sure, but killing the person in question did seem like it was something that could be avoided. Yet, regardless, it was the fastest and easiest solution. So, of course, Ymir was all for it.
"You can't seriously be having a moral crisis here, Joseph, he'll be fucked, but also, in case you weren't aware, he is also a trail that could lead right to us."
"I'm thinking about, you know, not just putting him in a hole because of something he might do. One of us could go talk to him… "
"No."
Annie and Mikasa both said it at the same time; the latter finished what was surely a collective thought,
"No one else is getting put at any kind of risk because of this. We can deal with it, but we're going to deal with it smart and safe."
Ymir was reaching classic levels of frustration.
"And how exactly are we fucking supposed to do that."
Mikasa was quiet for a long time.
"I don't know."
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He sat in his room, typing away furiously. This essay was due tomorrow, but he really didn't need to continue working on it; he had already written out eight or nine drafts at this point. The work was all that was keeping him from having a completely stress related breakdown; he had already caused his lip to bleed in a few different places.
Fingers flying over the keyboard, he found himself not typing in relation to the essay topic. As he reread his work, he noticed that he had moved to talking about a completely unrelated subject in his political paper. Laughing in a way that didn't sound like himself, he closed his eyes while holding down the delete button.
Not for the first time, he turned quickly to glance at the clock. His roommate's class was over, he should have been back by now…
Something warm hit his hand and he glanced down to see a drop of blood on the top of his palm. Angrily, he scrubbed it off. A firm, knock on his door caused him to jump a good foot. Standing up without noticing, he made his way to the door, heart in his throat. He looked through the peephole. An officer was standing stock straight, waiting patiently.
Is this it?
Knowing there was no other option, he opened the door, putting on the straightest face that he could. Feigning gentle surprise, he asked,
"Hello?"
The officer smiled softly, but offered no greeting in return; instead he said,
"Are you Alex's roommate?"
Finding it hard to breath, he still managed to reply,
"Yes sir."
"Well son, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but… we found him dead on the campus trails early this morning."
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Steaming with anger, Mikasa strode down the hall that led to the general meeting room, phone clenched in her hand. She knew she was late, but she was not going to be the one to get ragged out, that was for sure.
Pushing the door open, she saw her friends displaced around the large table; Ymir and Ilse sitting on the table casually, Annie off to the side, leaning against the wall, Sasha laying down on a line of chairs, and Krista talking with Hange, who was looking over a good number of papers. As she entered the room, attention flicked to her and Ilse spoke up,
"Took you long enough, we were about to… "
The ire must have been obvious on her face,
"… what's wrong?"
As opposed to responding verbally, she tossed her phone on the desk and Ymir and Ilse almost sent each other to the ground trying to be the first to read it. Mikasa let them; she turned her back to them and went to the window. She knew behind her, they were all taking turns reading the headline and when she turned back, they would all look sober and surprised. After waiting a good thirty seconds, she did, and was not disappointed. Other than Hange, who was looking around in interest as though she was watching a very close football game, the faces looking back at her were concerned and confused.
At least one of them was faking.
"So does one of you want to fess up?"
She posed it as a demand and felt her blood pressure increase further as no one did. Meeting each of their stares in turn and receiving no feedback, she shook her head, exhaling in disbelief as she moved to look back out the window.
"Jesus Christ."
The uncomfortable silence was broken after a minute by Hange, who, Mikasa realized, probably hadn't she slightest clue what was going on.
"Is someone going to tell me what this is about?"
Mikasa listened to Annie calmly explain the relevance of the dead college student in the article and why they hadn't told Hange as they had had it under control.
Which is complete bullshit.
Killing had of course been the easiest and most opportune way of going about it, and she wasn't even particularly upset that one of them had done the deed. She was more annoyed they had done behind everyone else's backs and…
What is Joseph going to think?
He was due to come in anytime now, though she wouldn't be surprised if he didn't show. She closed her eyes.
How can we expect him to trust us pulling shit like this…?
Hearing her name, she returned her attention, if not her gaze, behind her.
"Listen, Mika… I know maybe this isn't what you wanted to hear, but… "
In her mind's eye, she saw Ymir looking around for visual consent.
"… none of us did this. Though I damn wish I did, none of us acted on this, we stayed in line. This was… some… "
She spun to face Ymir, allowing some of the angry fire in her heart to translate into her words,
"Some what? What? This guy gets a hint of our operation and just happens to wind up with a broken neck in the fuckin' woods? We were the only ones that knew he was a threat; Hange didn't even know."
"Yes, and I resent that."
Ignoring the jibe, she continued, realizing she had taken several steps forward.
"No, one of you acted on this. And ultimately, it may be for the best, but in the meantime, someone still had the gall to go behind our backs and possibly destroy any chance of Joseph ever trusting us!"
Ymir fired right back,
"So what do you care? Maybe one of us did take care of the problem and maybe one of us did shit on our relationship with him. He'll get over it probably faster than you will."
The tension was thicker than water.
"What exactly does that mean?"
"Guys, c'mon, we can talk about… "
"Quiet Krista."
"Don't talk to her like that!"
Ymir took an aggressive step forward and Mikasa met her in stride. Annie and Ilse began to move forward to break up what could have quickly turned ugly, but all motion stopped at the single, piercing creak of the door.
Backing off immediately, she turned to see him step in.
Before she even met his eyes, she could feel his rage.
He stepped in passively and gently closed the door behind him. Remaining in front of it, he brought his eyes up to meet theirs' and Mikasa felt a stab in her heart, as through the rage, she saw hurt. As he turned away, so did she; she caught a glimpse of Hange's face as she did so. As was expected, she woman was enjoying every second of the drama.
"I know… that one of you… or some of you… or all of you… did what you thought was right."
He was staring at the floor now, defeat showing through his angry mask.
"And I don't care who it was. What's done is done. But, to whoever broke his neck in those woods… just… you should know… he didn't deserve it."
Seeing angry tears well up in his eyes, she barely fought down the urge to move to him, to apologize, to ensure him everything would be alright; she would rather he be bellowing at them. He swallowed.
"That's all."
Moving then to his regular place at the table, he sat down, now unwilling to look at anyone. As everyone eyed him apprehensively, Hange finally attempted to change the mood.
"Well, if that's all done with, we do have a rather important order of business here to attend to… as you know, you'll be making a somewhat lengthy trip this evening to the border to meet up with… "
As everyone sat down to listen as the plan was laid out, Mikasa found herself tuning out the talking; she already knew the plan by heart. Instead, she sat in her guilt and frustration, occasionally hazarding a glance at Joseph. He was clearly paying attention, but there was a hollowness in his eyes she hadn't seen before. It wasn't like the emptiness she had seen and felt in him all those weeks ago; this was more a… bitter acceptance.
He has to know it was for the best.
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It didn't take long to find her; she always would hang out in one of two places.
Krista gently nudged open the door that led to roof access before quietly ascending the stairs, which echoed anyway. They had about an hour before they were supposed to leave; they had opted, to air on the side of caution, to take a longer way to the border so they would need to get a good head start.
This was a big deal that they had agreed to be a part of. There was a lot at risk, but with such a huge payoff, it was something they couldn't pass up. And while Krista knew she should have been feeling nervous about the whole thing, and she was, it wasn't at the forefront of her mind. That spot was being occupied by the incident that had just transpired and she knew she needed to clear the air with Mikasa; this was not something they needed hanging over them.
As she reached the roof, she saw her there, leaning over the edge, staring at that stupid cigarette.
"You know, holding onto those isn't going to help anything."
The raven haired girl sighed without turning around,
"You're probably right."
For a moment, the blonde let the gentle wind remain the only sound between them as she looked up towards the sun. It was a beautiful day, not too hot, but warm, with a blue sky and fat, white clouds that drifted lazily though the atmosphere. The sight calmed her, but as she opened her mouth, she was beat to the punch,
"Krista, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you earlier… I just was mad."
"Oh God, don't worry about that. And don't worry about Ymir, she's just being overprotective."
Quiet again.
"But I did want to tell you… I agree. Someone must have done it."
Mikasa's eyes were fixed on the horizon, but Krista knew she was listening,
"And even if they don't admit to it, even if they never do, it… "
She swallowed; this was hard to say,
"It was the only way we could eliminate any… any risk… "
Now she turned to look; she wasn't angry, but there was a fire burning behind the question. They met eyes for a good long while before it came,
"Did you do it?"
"No."
Now we see.
Blowing out a long breath, she turned back to the horizon,
"I believe you."
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The drive was certainly scenic if nothing else; the gradual hills and distant mountains had given way to woods that had grown thicker and thicker as the sun dipped towards the horizon. With the previous incident being put mostly behind them, Ymir was now free to let her nerves regarding the deal to take over. There was a lot at risk, heavy product, unknown dealers, border cross… but…
We're going to be getting a whole lot of money.
It really was. They had been making very good money before this, but now… this was something like winning the lottery. She looked up as Krista nudged her with a toe.
"Sasha's going."
Glancing towards her friend, Ymir realized that she was indeed drifting off. Reaching down, she picked up a shaker bottle of G-Fuel and lobbed it; striking Sasha in the shoulder, it sat her right up as it dropped into her lap.
"Drink up. We have to be close and nobody's allowed no sleep."
Shaking off her surprise, she threw down a few swallows before muttering something about "tapping politely next time". Throwing away her own weariness, Ymir shook her head briskly before leaning back and taking some deep breaths. Looking around, she could tell she wasn't alone. Her girlfriend was doing her best to maintain awareness by bobbing her head without regards to the rhythm of the vehicle; she smiled as she had a flashback to the first time she had seen Exorcist.
Ilse seemed to be staving off sleep by moving her eyes around to everything in the now-tight space. The floor, the lights, the boxes, the guns, but her eyes most frequently came to rest on Joseph.
What is her deal with him?
It would make sense to be nervous over him after what had happened mere hours ago, but after he had given his two cents after arrival, he had seemed perfectly fine. Not distant, not depressed, just eager to get done what they were setting out to do. And yet Ilse was still looking at him with the concern of a mother.
They had all warmed up to him as well as he had to them in the past couple months, but Ilse had been uncharacteristically nice to him; the occasional flirty tip-off had been enough for Ymir, but if she had really wanted to get with him so bad, why hadn't she pursued it more than that?
She's never been the type to be shy… maybe
She was jolted out of her thought as the van pulled to the side and came to a jarring halt. As soon as it had stopped moving, Sasha killed the lights and everyone went for arms; the sliding of locking of them was the only sound as everyone collectively took aim at the door. Silence and darkness were all to be felt until a car door opened and closed behind them.
"Fuck… cops… "
Ilse spoke for all of them and the tension increased tenfold; this was a worst case scenario that hadn't been expected. Slowly, steps on asphalt could be heard moving slowly around the side and to the window. A small hatch that allowed for air circulation granted them all eavesdropping capability.
"I'm sorry officer, but, what seems to be the issue?"
"Well ma'am… "
Despite the tension, Ymir allowed a small smile as she felt Mikasa's guts twist at being called "ma'am".
"… are you aware you're driving without a taillight?"
In the darkness of the storage space, audible movement could be heard as everyone shifted in anger and Ymir hissed through her teeth.
Of all the stupid…
"No…. I'm afraid not, we've been driving awhile and I haven't looked."
"Well, had to make you aware… you'll need that taken care of ASAP… "
He paused and everyone waited in near-impatience for him to let them go on their way; no such luck,
"Might I ask what two young ladies like yourselves are doing out her driving what looks like a moving van?"
"Just helping her move stuff out of her boyfriend's place."
Annie answered on the spot and Ymir could tell she had had the response preloaded.
"Ah I see… well then… "
Ymir felt slight relief enter her as it appeared they were going to get out of this okay.
At least until what could only have been a full magazine went crashing down to the metal floor with all the sound of an elephant.
Ymir felt frustration race through her and she very quietly heard Sasha whisper,
"Shit…"
Breaths were all drawn in and held and they waited and prayed that it hadn't been heard…
"Ma'am, you got something alive back there?"
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AN: This is just a quick apology to anyone who has been actively following this story in regards to the lateness of this chapter. I've been trying to keep uploads within a one to two week time frame, but that is definitely not the case here... school just is coming to wraps, so what with finals and the sort, it's been hard to find the time. Now, heading home, I have a trip to see some family and a wedding to go to, so the uploading of CH12 may also be a little longer in the coming, but I may be able to get it out in a reasonable fashion. Regardless, in a few weeks, the chapters should come back to being weekly to bi-weekly... just wanted to address that.
Thanks for stopping by to have a read!