A/N - Thanks for all reads, reviews, faves and follows! =D A reminder you can see any artwork I do for this story on my Tumblr 'DeliriousAbsol' (AKA Del's Mad World). I'm also on the Sonic Amino as Mad Brit Gamer.

Chapter Eleven

I didn't want to skulk around my room any more. My mind kept fixating on that awful meeting. To take my mind off it, I tried to clear up the mess I'd made. Discarding the broken lamp and pillow, and dumping the bed sheets in the washing machine. No one else was in the laundry room. It was much too late, and I feared the noise would wake up the entire castle. Fortunately it didn't.

In one of the many cupboards filled with empty detergent boxes and mugs used to 'measure' it out, I found a brush and dustpan. That would do to clear up the floor in my room. It was filled with feathers, shattered glass and pastry crumbs. I must have spent hours cleaning everything to within an inch of its life. While I waited for the sheets to dry in one of the industrial driers I decided to take a shower. My fur was caked with grime and it was beginning to itch something crazy.

I decided to take my time, trying to think about anything else besides Sonic's crazy suggestion. How could he want me to…? No. There I went again. I needed to take my mind off it, but everything I'd been fixated with - namely Vanilla - led me back to that meeting table. What did I do? Did I go back to the Chaotix in the morning? Discuss things with them? Vector hadn't seemed happy. Maybe they'd have a better idea? One that didn't involve turning me back into a monster.

Those fur driers had fluffed me out like a plush toy. So I wet the brush and tried to smooth it back down. For some reason my ruff never co-operated. I'd have to make do, or wear my jacket. I noted it slung over a chair where I'd tossed it during my frantic cleaning spree. Faint sunlight reflected off the scuffed silver button on the left pocket. I was still feeling warm from the shower, so I left it there and went to get the sheets from the drier.

Once the bed was made, the room felt a lot less dark. Although that may have been down to the sunlight starting to pour through the window. I didn't know what time it was, and when I switched the digital clock back on it failed to tell me. Instead blinking zeroes. I sighed and grabbed my jacket as I peered through the window at the waking town. It would probably be too early to impose on the Chaotix. Maybe I could just wait somewhere until they woke up?

My gut twisted with dread as I briefly ran over that meeting once more. I clenched my teeth together and groped into my pockets for my gloves. I had to get out of here and get some air.

As I pulled my gloves out, a green bottle cap struck the floor and rolled towards the dresser. It clinked off one of the wooden legs and rattled onto the floorboards. As I stooped to grab it and toss it into the waste paper basket, Cream's voice echoed in my mind.

'You need to let all the fizzy out.'

My eyes widened as I stared at the bottle cap. Even now, through something as worthless as the lid to a soda, she was chipping away at me. But she was right. There was a lot more to this whole ordeal than just firing up a powerful ruby. The Phantom Ruby itself wasn't evil. It was what I'd done with it, and why. I clasped my fist around the bottle cap and stood up, catching my fractured reflection in the shattered mirror. Beneath it, one of the zeroes on the clock morphed into a 'one'. I set the bottle cap down beside the dried up daisy chain then narrowed my eyes at the broken mask. She was right.

I decided to take the little rabbit's initial advice and go and see Nanny.

The entrance hall was virtually empty, but the smell of frying bacon and eggs assaulted me like a toxic smog. I tucked my muzzle behind my collar and made for the door. Omega stood beside it like a sentinel, and he glanced my way as I reached for it.

"I see you have removed that putrid cloud from about you," he said.

I didn't look up at him, just shoved the door open. "Yeah, would you look at that?"

If he acknowledged my sass he didn't say anything. No efforts to stop me. I marched out into the town and made a beeline for the path to Mocha's. Quickly, before I changed my mind. Part of me wished I'd kept hold of that bottle cap as a reminder. Something to urge me on whenever my foot began to falter. I didn't want to re-live it. I didn't want to re-live any of it.

Yet I found myself at her door. Knocking.

A few moments passed and I begun to wonder if she'd heard me. Maybe she wasn't up yet? I fought the urge to walk away and lifted my fist to knock again. But before I could, her silhouette appeared in the window and the lock clicked. The door cracked open, revealing her sleepy face surrounded by waves of tousled caramel hair. A look of surprise crossed her sapphire eyes and she hugged her dressing gown about her.

"Infinite?" she said with some surprise. A brief smile crossed her lips but it melted just as quickly as she tried to read my face. "Is everything okay?"

I diverted my gaze to the stone wall and cleared my throat. "I need to talk to you."

"Now? It's not even six thirty. Not that I'm not happy to see you."

That early? I shuffled with uncertainty and took a step back from the door. "I can come back later."

"No, come in." She stood aside and waved for me to enter. "Just… give me a minute or two to get ready."

I closed the door behind myself, muttering an apology. She merely nodded at me and escaped back up her stairs. So I ventured into the kitchen and decided to brew an apology in the form of a strong coffee. Two, actually. I'd been up most of the night and could use the boost myself. She joined me as I was pouring them out, her pink nose twitching at the heavy smell of coffee beans.

I handed her one of the mugs. "I'm sorry it's so early."

"No, it's fine." She stifled a yawn and turned towards the living room. "I was due to get up soon anyway."

I joined her on the sofa and clasped the hot mug to my stomach. Her eyes trailed over me and she sipped her drink.

"I'm really glad to see you've left your room," she said. When I didn't reply, she added, "So what's the matter? Has something happened?"

"You could say that." I ventured a sip of my drink. I actually had made it a tad too strong. Why hadn't she said anything? "It's… where do I begin?"

"Just take your time," she said quietly.

So I did. I kept what I actually wanted to say to one side for the time being. I needed a way in, rather than dropping it all on her like a ton of bricks. So I ran over the idea I'd been struck with about Vanilla and Barbara's whereabouts on the Egg Carrier. The link with the missing people as far back as the war. Ending it all with Sonic's ludicrous suggestion.

I sat clutching the coffee mug, waiting for her response. She brushed back a lock of hair from her face and sighed at the far wall.

"So you really think you might have found them all?" she said.

I nodded stiffly.

"What do we tell Cream?" she asked.

"Nothing." I sipped my drink again. "Because we've not solidly found them yet."

She shifted on the sofa, wrapping her long tail around her legs. "Are you going to go through with it?"

"No."

"That's understandable," she said. "You seem pretty shaken."

I was. Terribly. My hands began to tremble so I leant forward to place my coffee on the table.

"But is it not worth considering if it will help all those people?" she asked.

I froze, tail bristling. "No. It's not."

"Well, it just seems that-"

"Mocha, the Phantom Ruby shows you your heart's desire," I said.

She stared at me over her steaming coffee mug, mouth hanging open slightly. I couldn't meet her eyes. I wound my fingers together in my lap, focusing on the rug near my feet.

"Do you want to know why the war really started?" I asked.

A long silence passed between us, or it felt like it. The second hand on the kitchen clock tore through the silence like a pendulum axe.

"That's why you're here, isn't it?" she whispered.

I nodded stiffly, not looking up. "You suggested I get everything out before I explode, so…"

"Yes, I did. And after what you've just been through, it sounds like it might be a good idea." She paused briefly. "Although I can't deny I'm not a little scared."

I met her eyes then, and I honestly thought I saw fear. It twisted my stomach into knots. My mind whirled through the past week. Everything she'd done for me. Everything she'd said. I deeply feared after hearing all this she'd take it all back. Regret ever having anything to do with me.

"I'm not going to lie." I tried to mask the pain in my voice. "It might change the way you look at me."

Hearing it come out of my own mouth, it wasn't worth it. I shifted on the sofa and made to stand up. Mocha dropped her mug on the table in her haste to stop me, splashing coffee onto the coaster. I looked down at her outstretched hand, mere millimetres from my arm.

"Don't," she said. "If you need to talk about this, I'm here. And it won't change anything, okay? I promise. This is you now."

"You can't promise," I said. "Because you don't know."

"I do."

"You don't!" I snapped. "What I'm about to tell you will change things. Because there's a lot more to 'Infinite' than a Phantom Ruby and an abuse of power."

"Yes, and the memory of it frightens you." She locked eyes with me, trapping me in sapphire headlights. "I can see it written all over you. So I know I meant it when I say it won't change anything, because it already has."

I sank back in the sofa, not breaking eye contact. Those words resounded in me and I found myself believing her. I gave a curt nod and turned back to my hands, trying to think of some way to start this wretched story.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Then I guess I'll start at the beginning."

...

The world had screwed me over my whole life. I never really knew where I stood in it. Even from the day I was born, I wasn't wanted. The youngest of five. A weak, sickly, pathetic runt who's parents didn't expect to see out the month. I proved them wrong.

Desert life was a struggle and it was clear who my parents valued least. It even echoed in the name they gave me. 'Zero'. Nothing. I was always last to everything. Dinner, water, education. But I strove to do better than my siblings. Their aim was to join our father in his criminal gang, and they often went off looting with him. I was never invited, and when they came home I was shooed from any following celebrations. Needless to say the day I turned fifteen I went my own way.

You see, I didn't just lurk in my room sulking whenever I was ejected from their presence. I managed to find myself a watering hole just on the outskirts of our village. A bar frequented by the shadiest desert dwellers you'd ever meet. Father never went there. He had enemies, and I was one of them. I'd met this ringtailed cat called Blade. He hated my father the most, and at first me as well. He'd assumed I was a spy and on a few occasions I was sent running. One of the perks of being small means you can be quick and fit into places they can't. But I persisted. Their assumption I was a spy twigged something, and I decided that's what I would become. For them. Shamefully, at first I was a bit of a kiss-up. Running to the bar to get them drinks before telling them all I knew about my father's next job. That got their interest. But as proof I had to go along with them. That way, if it was a trap, they could hold me for ransom. Not that they would have gotten anything out of it.

When they discovered I was right, I was in. Their little spy. Scouting out my own family as well as any other mercenaries they might have had issues with. Then when I turned fifteen they recruited me. Gave me a dagger. My first proper job was a raid on an underground arms-smith in the hottest part of the desert.

Blade's group of mercenaries and jack-of-all-trades were a bit of a mixed bunch. Wildcats, jerboa, spiny mice, even a porcupine. But the ones I found myself talking to the most were a couple of jackals named Ace and Jackson. Or Jack for short. They were a sappy pair. Jack crooning over Ace most of the time - and she let him, and vice versa. I often found myself feeling uncomfortable in their presence, but they never told me to go away and would often reel me back into their conversation. Something I wasn't used to. What interested me the most was that neither of them were really happy with the ringtail's way of running things. See, Blade had favourites. Jack and Ace were not at the top of his list. Neither was I. For high profile targets, he'd send out his trump cards. Maybe a rookie or two he thought showed promise and could use the training. For high risks where the prize was small, he'd send those he saw as 'disposable'.

To me, Ace and Jack were anything but 'disposable'.

Over the next four years, I found myself working with them a lot. Along with a couple of faces I never made efforts to remember. Weapons raids, assassinations, hijacking… we did it all. If the job called for it, and he didn't want to send in his more valuable troops, he'd send us. Oddly enough we made an impression. We soon became his 'go-to trio' for high risk/low reward jobs. Because he knew we could do it, but in his eyes we were still expendable. Still too 'weak and clumsy' to take on bigger, high profile jobs. I'd grown tired of being thought of as weak and disposable. And it was about time I proved to myself otherwise.

One night, after a particularly tough job where Ace had received a bullet to her shoulder, the three of us found ourselves plotting. At first, it had been a joke. A couple of drinks, maybe too many shots on Ace's part. We'd come up with a means to get rid of Blade. Take him out. Show him we actually had promise. That he'd wasted us. I didn't want to work under his thumb anymore. I wanted to go my own way, start my own gang, be my own boss. Blade, he had us under wraps. A contract. The only way we got out of his 'employ' was death. We ended up crippled or a liability, he'd kill us. Or have us killed. He had men to do his dirty work, why not use them? Let's just say all of us were relieved Ace hadn't been shot in the leg.

All those assassinations I'd been sent on had given me a lot of practice for what began to unfold. I'd practice on the target dummies in the training room. Made sure they never saw me. I built it up until I had a ninety-seven percent success rate. It took months, but we couldn't be hasty. Ace and Jack joined me, along with other expendable mercs who caught wind of what we were doing. It turned out Blade had more enemies in his employ than he'd realised. But it wasn't their mission, it was ours. Get rid of Blade and his 'favourites'. Because those favourites would probably be after our necks. Anyone who'd twigged what we were up to had to be silenced. Unfortunately we had to get rid of five of them. Too sneaky. Too interested. Too 'that look in their eye'. And we weren't secret about it. If questions were raised during training drills, we were honest. Needless to say it instilled fear and everyone fell silent. Some fled, so we got rid of them too. Quickly, before anyone dangerous found out.

When the time came, it was just the three of us. We planned it secretly over drinks, well away from prying ears. Too many would have been too risky. Not to mention we had a lot to prove. Blade slept with body guards. Two at the main entrance to the base, two at his door. A couple of men patrolled the corridors. We had to take out each and every one.

One of Ace's go-to weapons for assassination were poison darts. A poison that had tranquiliser properties, knocking the target unconscious before it messed up their insides. I won't go into details, I lost my lunch when she described it to me. She wasn't much smaller than me in height, but she was daintier. The perfect fit for an air vent, lying in wait for the patrol guards to walk by. Then she'd nail them with the darts. It was fast acting, and with a high enough concentration they'd never be able to reach for their radios to call for backup.

While she was doing that, Jack and I would drop onto the guards stationed by the main door and take them out. Easy, just like I'd practised. Then climb up the walls to Blade's balcony, and cut our way in. Jack had a nifty diamond-tip on the handle of his dagger just for breaking and entering on the quiet. He removed the window carefully and we were in.

Blade snored. I remember that. A soft noise that couldn't be heard from outside. As I approached the bed, something took over me. It was meant to be a quick and easy job. Stab the cat and run. He slept on his back, which explained the snoring. Two soft thuds came from beyond the door. My cue that Ace had taken out the guards.

Jack kept watch at the window behind me, whispering for me to get a move on. I clutched the dagger Blade had given me tight enough for the handle to leave imprints on my leather glove. No, I wanted him to know it was me who'd killed him.

I stretched out my other hand and gripped his muzzle, keeping his jaw locked shut. His yellow eyes snapped open, fixing on mine. I remember seeing fear in his eyes, then a fleeting look of admiration. Realisation that he'd underestimated me, and in doing so had made a fatal error.

"Who's disposable now, jerk?" I'd whispered, right before I slashed my dagger across his throat.

Jack wasn't happy with me, I could tell. I'd taken a risk waking Blade. Anything could have gone wrong. I didn't know he'd slept with his sword. Either he'd been too stunned to use it or he'd wanted to see if I would go through with it. Jack insisted it was the former, and all it would have taken was for his reflexes to kick in and I'd have been skewered like a kebab.

I didn't care. I'd done it. Blade was dead and we were free. Free to do our own thing.

As for the rest of his team of 'favourites', Ace dealt with that. She laced everything in the kitchen. All I can assume is it worked. Either that, or no one ever bothered looking for us. You're probably wondering what happened to the rest of the disposables? My guess is they met the same fate as our targets. An unfortunate side effect of getting rid of our enemies. We couldn't alert them because of the risk, and we couldn't leave any witnesses.

That night, we fled. Heading towards the hotter part of the desert, away from Blade's mansion. We ran until sunrise, then took up refuge in a bar to discuss what would become of us. I still wanted to start my own gang, and Ace was on board.

"You should be the boss," she said. "You're the one who killed Blade."

"Yeah," Jack snorted. "And the fool woke him."

Ace cocked an eyebrow at that, and fixed it on me. But she never said anything.

It was too early to make any real decisions. We were exhausted so decided to sleep on it. And none of us could make a decision. So things remained equal for the next two weeks. Just us three, working together. Stealing and selling just to get by.

That's when I ran into Riley.

A young jackal no older than fourteen. Much younger than me. He was a bit different to other jackals I'd seen. Fine white stripes spread along his arms which I thought at first were scars until I saw his fur moving in the breeze. His mane hung in tangles down his back, grey from the desert dust. I could almost count his ribs. He was trying to steal apples from a vendor cart without them noticing, and failing miserably. In the end, he gave up, turning away as if he'd never even been interested. As I strolled passed I snatched one, tossing it into my other hand so the vendor couldn't see. Then I slipped it into the kid's hand.

I hadn't been intending to talk to him. I was on my way back from selling a couple of weapons on the market, and I had to catch up with Jack and Ace. But he caught up with me, thanking me non-stop.

In the end I had to turn and tell him to go away. But he wouldn't stop tailing me. Asking questions. How did I do it? Could I show him? Where was I going? Did I need an apprentice?

When I asked him what he thought I was, his answer was simple:

"A professional thief."

I frowned at him. Gold eyes full of innocence, a strength shining from a half-starved body.

"Wrong," I said quietly. "I'm a mercenary."

His eyes lit up at that. Then came the begging. With a roll of my eyes, I resigned myself to taking him on. In an unformed team, with no clear leader.

Needless to say Jack and Ace thought I was trying to pull a fast one. Using a kid to rank myself up to the position of leader. Although Ace was a lot more lax about it.

"We need a boss, and he did kill Blade," she said.

"What's that got to do with anything?" asked Jack.

"Easy," she said. "He took out the previous leader, so the position goes to him."

Jack stared at me over the top of Riley's astounded and awe-struck face. Then the older jackal sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he said. "You didn't exactly mess it up."

And that's how I became leader to the Jackal Squad. And also, much to my initial chagrin, Riley's 'father figure'. The pup followed me around like a… well… pup… offering to help with the most menial of tasks. Given he had no home, he ended up moving in with me. We didn't yet have a base, so I stayed in a cheap run-down apartment, with sandstone walls bleached from the sun.

Eventually I quite enjoyed having Riley around. He was a keen learner, and I taught him everything I knew. How to use a dagger. Basic stealth (start with the basics, then rank up). Target practice. I guess he reminded me of myself, how I'd been with Blade. But somehow, I didn't think things would end up the same as they had for him. Riley was clearly devoted and had never had a father. My guess was that's why he glued himself to me.

There was no hostility between Jack and I. I might have been appointed leader, but I was no tyrant. The three jackals were like family to me, and I to them. We looked out for each other. Even when new members joined, they ended up becoming part of our little family. The first were a pair of twins we ran into in the bar one afternoon. They hadn't been interested at first, withdrawing back into their own private world. Their names were Jet and Ebony, and like their names suggested they were darker in colour than your average black and white jackal. They still sported the white mane and gold eyes, but no markings down their backs and their ruffs were completely black.

When we were discussing a conflict with another mercenary squad, one who we'd had too many run-ins with, the twins showed interest. Same enemy. Why not work together? That's when they joined, and they showed promise. Fantastic assassins, quiet and elusive. Blended in with the shadows almost flawlessly.

They had this little trick they liked to do where one pretended to be the other. Despite being brother and sister, they looked identical and they ran with it. Their signature kill-skill was a simple bait and switch. Something they liked to call 'The Evil Twin'. The girl would lure in her target (or the boy if the target was female), then when they left together, they'd subtly switch places and strike. Sick humour, but it worked.

The last one to join my ranks was Bryce. An absolute clown. Very much a brawler, and quite liked wearing bandages. None of us understood why.

As years went by, we only grew in strength. And with it, our image. That brought both the good and the bad. Soon the entire desert learned of the Jackal Squad. We were the go-to group when someone wanted some dirty work doing. If you wanted weapons, explosives, machine scraps, you came to us. Other mercenaries didn't like that. I made a lot of enemies, often without even realising it. So I coined the name The Ultimate Mercenary, and it was a confidence my squad could rally behind.

Over time, I replaced my old dagger. I stumbled across this crimson steel in one of our raids. My blacksmith skills were shoddy at best, but I managed to form it into a sword. With each blast from the flames it only grew stronger, and once it was finished it could cut through metal and bone with ease. With Riley's help, we even managed to forge a handle for it. It became my trademark scimitar, and was often the last thing my targets or enemies would see. I was never without it.

Day after day. Year after year. It was always the same. Find a job, do it, get the cash, survive. Maybe fend off the odd guy who wanted my head. Of course, I'd managed to gain my own bounty. Every mercenary in a ten mile radius wanted my head on his wall. One unfortunate buffoon almost succeeded. Claimed my right eye. I claimed his life. It was a sore spot. Despite what my crew thought - a battle scar that showed I'd survived. I'd won. Well, I saw it as a weakness. It took me years to perfect my listening skills to make up for the loss of most of that eye's vision. But now, no one can sneak up on me. Many learned that the hard way.

A few years back, word got around that Eggman had set up base in the desert. The market was on fire with requests for his technology. Surely some mercenaries had got to him and raided his base? No. But they would.

All of my team were keen. It would sell for a fortune. We'd be rich. Our profile would soar, and every mercenary in the desert would fear us. Fear me enough that they'd finally leave me alone. I'd be able to sleep without waking at the faintest noise.

I wasn't a coward. I refused to believe it. But it was becoming very difficult to trust anyone. The only people I could trust were my crew. My family. Any hopes at a normal life were out of the window. No hopes of settling down. Women liked the scar, the fact my eyes are two different colours, my tail. But they like the reward that came with me a lot more. Who'd sniff at ten grand? So after two almost fatal mistakes, I turned each and every one of them away. Genuine or not, I'd never know. But it didn't matter. I had my crew. I wasn't lonely.

Nontheless, the desire to get everyone else off my back was too strong. We were the first at Eggman's base. We waited for him to drop his guard, then ran in for the kill. Get rid of Eggman, raid everything in his base. Then sell it for a hefty profit. But Eggman had something I hadn't catered for. A powerful jewel. One he'd named the Phantom Ruby. It got in the way of my attack and I struck it with my sword. If it weren't for that, Eggman would be dead. No war. No more Eggman. You have no idea how many times I've run that over in my mind. But no, I struck that wretched jewel and the world warped around me.

Ruined. Empty. Heartless.

I hadn't noticed before how much I'd wanted it. A barren world, brought to destruction by my own hands. No one to fear because anyone left surviving in it would fear me. Little Zero, the pathetic and worthless runt, triumphing over all his enemies. Just me and my Jackal Squad.

During my stunned silence, Eggman knocked me down. Then he did something I would never had expected. He offered me a job. Work with him, and I'd rule over that world I wanted alongside him. My crew panicked. They hated it. We didn't need Eggman, we'd be fine. But I wanted that power, so like a fool, I took it.

And yes, they questioned me. At length. I told them it would all be fine. We'd manage it, we'd defeat all our foes. Maybe at the end, we'd even take out Eggman. Just like we had Blade. The world would be ours.

Of course, people tried to stop us. We fought back, keeping other intrusive mercenaries at bay. But one night, I heard the screams as my crew tried to fend more of them off. Screams. Someone was actually proving to be a challenge. So I ran to help, drawing my sword and storming over the dunes. I found Riley first. Lying there, panicked eyes fixed on mine. By the fresh blood trail behind him, it was clear he'd been trying to make his way back to me.

He stretched out a shaking hand. "Boss… help me…"

They were the last words he ever said.

I don't think I'd ever cried before, but I did then. I hugged his limp body and scowled towards the cries for help. Whoever it was, I'd make him pay.

So I rushed to find them, staying high up on the rocky pillars of the ruin. Then Eggman's voice crackled in my ear.

"Your squad was useless! Go and clean up their mess already!"

I muttered my reply, too consumed with rage to fully process his insult. Below me was a massacre. The twins. Bryce. They'd fallen, lying dead in the freezing night air.

Then I saw him. That black hedgehog, Shadow. Looking for his robot friend Omega. He stood over the fallen bodies of Jack and Ace.

So I roared at him. Threatened his life for taking every one of my crew. I bit back my tears and focused it all into a blind rage. But it wasn't like fighting another mercenary. He was on a whole other level. Fast. Super powered. Vanishing and reappearing in an instant. I couldn't even hit him. It was little wonder my crew hadn't stood a chance.

And neither did I.

I lay there, shaking. Actually shaking. My sword lying two feet out of reach. All he did was stand over me. I still remember his words.

"Worthless. Don't let me ever see your pathetic face again."

He vanished into thin air, leaving me trembling, confused and alone. My crew. Gone in an instant. Why had he spared me? Wasn't I even worth finishing off? I stood up, enraged, roaring into the night.

The crippling loneliness that followed turned me into Eggman's personal laughing stock. A mad man who's only company are robots. Robots that can be repaired. Upgraded. Unlike my flesh and blood family, they're not feeble. Not so easily taken away. What did he understand? So I resigned myself to a life of loneliness. No more pain. No more weakness.

Shadow wasn't the only one to treat me like some pathetic weakling. I'd had it my entire life. My parents, Blade, those mercenaries who thought they could sneak up on me. Who'd had me watching over my shoulder for the flash of a blade. Everyone who'd looked down on me. Who'd turned my life into a living nightmare. So I decided I'd get revenge not only on that black hedgehog, but the world.

I wanted to be something, and I thought I'd had it. Zero had found his strength, but it had been crushed under the boot of that black hedgehog in one night. So I'd take things to a different extreme. Zero was no more. Instead, he was twisted into a different figure. That's when I abandoned that old identity and became Infinite instead. Fusing with Eggman's final Phantom Ruby prototype. I'd get my revenge and be something in the process, and if that meant making the world suffer then so be it.

...

I sat staring at my hands, biting back the tears that threatened to follow. Trembling as I waited for Mocha to say something. Anything.

She took in a shaky breath and leant forward slightly. "But was it worth it?"

I shook my head. "No. I lost everything. The moment I decided to join Eggman was my downfall. I lost my closest friends and the only family I'd ever known. I lost my identity. I forgot who I was. I almost lost my own life." I let out a bitter, single laugh and let my head fall into my hands. "I even lost my mind."

Mocha sighed and absently trailed her hand over her arm. "I'm not going to lie, that was a common assumption."

"Everything," I went on. "Lost in a fleeting moment of stupidity. It still hurts. I can still hear them, begging for their lives. Shouting for me. I can still see Riley desperately trying to cling onto his life while its flowing out of him. I'm scared it'll happen again. That because of my own stupidity, I'll lose someone else. Or someone will take them off me out of spite because of who I am."

"That's not going to happen," she said quietly.

"I'm sick of it." My voice came out as a whisper as silent tears began to break free.

There was a moment of silence, but I could still feel her sat there. At some point she'd edged closer to me, but I wasn't sure when.

"If I could change the past," I went on. "If I could only go back and tell myself not to join Eggman…"

"It didn't sound like you were happy as a mercenary," she said.

"No." I wiped my eyes on my glove and let my hands drop back into my lap. "But it gave me decent reflexes."

"Well, from what it's worth, I'm glad you've told me," she said.

"You don't hate me?"

"Of course not," she said. "If anything… I feel I know you a little better."

"You mean you know what I used to be," I said. "The old me died when Infinite was created. And Infinite died when the Phantom Ruby left." I paused and shook my head. "I don't even know who I am anymore."

"I feel like I do," said Mocha. "It's like you've taken off another mask. Maybe one you didn't even know you'd been wearing."

I gave her a sideways glance, prompting her to elaborate.

She took the hint and looked away, smoothing out her tail. "Maybe you've been wearing them your whole life, and that mercenary was one of them?"

"That's a funny way of looking at it."

She shrugged, and I watched her for a moment as she idly brushed the thick fur of her tail. I couldn't comprehend why she'd just sit and listen to me. I'd just revealed the monster I'd been prior to Eggman's crazed creation, and she hadn't told me to leave. She could so easily toss me out of her life, or get up and leave mine. The thought twisted a cold blade into my chest and I became increasingly aware of my sword, tucked safely away, ready should I want it. I didn't. It was another abstract reminder of my past. Something I wanted nothing to do with anymore. It had only brought me pain. I didn't want anymore pain. No more death. No more Phantom Ruby. No more looking over my shoulder perchance someone wanted to claim my life.

I'd sacrificed any chance I'd had at a happy, normal life back when I was a mercenary. Was there a chance I was really being offered that? Or would someone or something come along and snatch it all away? Like Sonic and his foolish Phantom Ruby suggestion…

My eyes closed and I sank back into the seat, biting back more tears. I didn't want it. But was it really the only way to get Vanilla back?

"I don't know what to do." My voice wobbled and I dug my fingers into my knee. "But I don't want to be alone anymore."

Mocha placed her hand over mine. Nervously. Lightly. When I didn't flinch, she let it settle there, venturing a soft squeeze.

"You're not alone," she said. "I promise that."

But how long would it be for? I decided not to ask that. I didn't even want to think it. I shoved it to the back of my mind and adjusted my hand so my fingers were interwoven with hers.

"Maybe we should change the subject," I said.

"Okay. What to?"

I shrugged. "Maybe… just tell me what you have planned today? Or what you've done all week?"

So that's what she did. And I just sat there, enjoying her company, listening to her talk while silently thanking her for not giving up on me.

...

I apologise if you are now out of tissues. I... hit myself in the feels way too much writing this entire story.

Review Replies:

PikasPuma - Yeah, I liked Shadow's attempts to 'lift the mood'. I enjoy writing him. It was a rough chapter. I'm glad it was so well received. I was a little worried people would find it too dark XD thanks for the review!

Esi Sandre - I'm so glad you liked that chapter. Omega is so much fun to write. I've not written him prior to this story, and his lines are such a joy to write! Yes, Shadow was a rather hilarious alarm clock XD

Guest - When you say metaphor, are you meaning in the artwork I've done? Not entirely sure! I might be missing something. Yes, Shadow was actually trying to help in his own Shadow way. Like a brick, basically XD As for the '& Knuckles' thing... I hadn't noticed that! A fortunate accident!

TurquoiseTriangle - There's a lot going on! Thanks for reading! =D

Infinite's Ruby - I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter! It was hard to write and I'm stoked people liked it. Shadow definitely took a step up in that chapter, too. I guess giving Infinite his sword back is a better choice to him than the Phantom Ruby! Although he could use some pointers in 'pep talks' XD

Remnants of Fantasy - I'm glad you like the art work, thank you ='D I'm also really glad you read and enjoyed Hunting of the Snark! It's a fantastic story and one I love to binge-read every now and then. Thank you for your kind words. I made myself tear up writing so much of this story! I'm glad I'm not alone! XD

Alanis Kingsdaughter - Thank you so much! I'm afraid I can't do more frequent updates as I draw chapter art for each one I post. I'm not sure I can do two pictures a week so easily. Don't worry, you've not come across as pushy at all. I appreciate the enthusiasm! If I could, I would!

MaleficKing - Thank you so much! There are no plans to do other POVs outside of what I have written already. The story is completed now, aside from being uploaded. Their reactions are left to the reader's imagination! =D I kinda think Sonic would have just groaned and rolled his eyes at Shadow, though, tbh XD

Guest - Hi! I'm glad you liked the songs! I... still have to listen to yours. I'm sorry. Working on another project, I've mainly been listening to EDM. I need to get around to that... Thanks for your kind words. Omega is the comic relief of this story, I have to say. As for Shadow waking the others... I guess he just appeared in their rooms and whipped off the bed sheets. Much to their screams of surprise and terror. He would have dodged a punch from Knuckles, being so fast. Briefly said his piece, then warped them all to the castle without so much as batting an eye XD (I don't think Shadow needs to sleep as much as everyone else, so he probably doesn't really get why these mortals have to sleep every single night...)

Thanks for reading! As always, please R&R! =D