A/N: Thank you very much for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts! I'm glad you guys are loving this mismatched fic. I'd like to remind that this chapter is probably real close to the 'pure crack' warning I' mentioned in the first chappy. Just be warned. LOL. But at least Kaname and Zero are talking, yes? Enjoy!

NOTE: Please remember that this fic features couples with multiple spouses(Polygamy/group marriage : i.e. IchiruxSaraxMaria) and includes Slash/Yaoi (boyxboy). If you are offended by this in any way or disagree with such themes, then you are under no obligation to read this fic. I take no stance on it, I just think it makes this crazy story a little more fun.

See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.

Ichiru had excused himself when his parents had gotten into a shouting match. He'd grabbed Sara and the two had made their escape to safer places. He'd then allowed her to lead him to their private chambers and then he'd taken to pacing the length of the room before their bed, while his wife decided on what to wear to bed.

"Ichy, how about this one?" She held up two silken nightgowns, awaiting her husband's usual reaction.

The pacing human waved a hand faintly in her direction. "That one's fine." He didn't look up.

She scowled.

He didn't notice.

She returned the two to the dresser drawers and selected another specimen—one with more lace and less straps. "How about this one?"

"This is bad." He said, at last. "I don't like this at all, it feels as if I'm missing something that…" He frowned, biting his lip. "You don't suppose, I mean, it's not like they would, right?"

There was no answer.

"Sara!"

"Fine!" The pureblooded princess huffed. "They wouldn't do whatever it is that you think they wouldn't do, happy?"

"No!" He pouted at her.

She rolled her eyes. "How about this one?" She asked, pointedly.

He ignored her in favor of pacing once more. "If they did, then that would explain, but then that doesn't explain anything at all and what's wrong with me being anywhere? There wasn't anywhere else I was supposed to be, was there?"

"In bed, with me?" His wife suggested. She balled up the latest specimen and stuffed it back into a drawer. "I need to go shopping."

"Mmm? No, not this week."

"Ichy!"

"Too dangerous, they have patrols on west side and there were mentions of some rouge vampires out and about." A moment of coherence seemed to have slipped through. He fixed her with a pale lavender eye. "You're not going."

"But-!"

"You can go next week if you want or order online. I don't care. I don't want you out there."

"But, Ichy, I haven't got a single thing to wear and-"

He sighed and turned, crossing the room to gather her easily into his arms. He pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose and then to her forehead. "Promise me you won't go out there and you won't go sneaking about when you know danger's afoot."

She pouted.

He nuzzled her ear.

"Fine."

"Sara…"

"I promise."

"Good girl." He kissed her for her troubles and held her tight for a moment.

"But I really don't have anything to wear." Her voice was muffled in his chest.

He smirked, wickedly. "Then don't wear anything at all. Saves me the trouble of ripping it off."

A squeal came from the formerly subdued armful and Sara leapt free of his arms to make a beeline for the bathroom. He watched her go with some inkling of amusement, knowing that she'd be busy for at least the next hour with creams, perfumes and the like. A quiet sigh left his lips.

That was one thing taken care of.

He moved to the chamber doors and stepped outside into the hallway. A quiet whistle brought a large, shaggy dog to him and he rubbed the head vigorously. "I need you to take a message to Zero for me." He told the dog. It whined in response. "You don't know where he is?" Another whine. "Well, that can't be good. Have you seen him at all today?" No answer. Ichiru sighed. "Okay, did you see him this morning." The head shook. "This noon?" The head shook. "This afternoon?" The head shook again. "This evening?" A short bark. "Good boy, take me there?"

Ichiru followed the dog through the darkened hallways of the castle, forcing a few smiles as he passed the stationed night sentries. He stopped dead in his tracks when he realized the hallway that the dog had chosen. He stood, riveted as the dog approached the massive golden doors and pawed for a moment, then retreated.

The Kiryu prince was sure to keep out of sight of the two night guards that stood watch beside the doors. He gulped and signaled the dog to retreat, grateful when the mutt did as he ordered without a scene.

The honeymoon suite.

This was really bad news!

Zero roused himself from the light nap, stretching and yawning comfortably in the softness around him. A tantalizing scent wafted through the air and he sniffed appreciatively before the rest of his senses caught up with him. He sat bolt upright, startling the second occupant of the room and leading to renewed tension in the air.

"Kuran." He managed.

"Kiryu." The other spat.

They glared at each other for a few minutes and then Zero looked away. His face brightened seconds later. "I've got it!" He scooted off the bed and started towards the center of the room.

Kaname's glower wavered and he inched back towards the built-in inground pool as the silver-headed boy approached.

"Oh get off it." Zero snapped. "It has zip to do with you." He stood in the center of the room and then squinted up at the domed ceiling. "You know, it never fails to amaze me that there is never a shortage of pigeons in this castle."

Kaname blinked. "What-?" The confusion verbalized itself before he could help it.

"Pigeon." Zero repeated. "There's got to be one in here for messages, at least one." He continued to squint up at the ceiling and then a wide grin spread across his face. "There! Right there!" He pointed. "Now to knock it down."

Kaname gaped. There really wasn't anything he could say or do to such madness—or was it blatant insanity?

Zero whirled around and trotted over to his bathroom. He emerged seconds later with his arms filled with small toiletries. He set the armful down on the floor near the center of the room and then picked up a small bottle. He squinted upwards and reared back, chucking the little thing up into the air.

Nothing happened.

It fell down and so did Zero's happy face.

He sighed and chose another item, repeating his actions until nearly everything had been used.

Kaname's curiosity finally got the better of him. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get a pigeon so I can send a message." Zero scowled at him. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Randomly throwing things into the ceiling to see if they'll hit you on the head."

The boys glowered at each other for another long moment and then Zero sat down on the floor.

"How do you send messages back home?"

"What?"

"Just answer the stupid question, idiot."

"My name is Kaname!"

"Well, it's not like you're calling me Zero and I'd rather not be on a first-name basis with you right now." He huffed. "If you in your happy little castle back home, how do you send a message to someone else in the castle?"

"You use a lizard."

Zero blinked. "You what-?"

Kaname rolled his eyes. "A lizard." He drew out a silver lizard pendant from his inner tunic and held it up for display. "You write a message, stick it in the mouth and will the recipient to receive it."

Zero's violet eyes grew wide and round. "No kidding!" He breathed. "That's genius."

A pleased flush crept onto Kaname's face. "Well, we have our moments." He said, airily. "How do you send messages?"

"By pigeon." Zero gestured to the dome. "There's a carved pigeon in one of the stones up there. You knock it down and write your message on it, address it to the correct person and they get the message."

"Sounds confusing."

"It isn't, really. Usually, they're hidden in plain sight or in the hallways and whatever. I'm guessing since communication in here shouldn't happen out there, this one is really well hidden."

"Ha. Of course."

Silence reigned for a moment.

"Your parents aren't going to listen to you." Kaname ventured. "It's a waste of time."

Zero rolled his eyes. "Like I'd be writing to them." He snorted. "I'd be writing to someone that'd get me out of here." A sense of wistfulness flickered through Kaname's pale features. "Don't you have someone like that?"

The emotion was gone almost as quickly as it had come. "I wouldn't involve other innocent parties in a problem that had nothing to do with-"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and whatever. I don't care. I intend to get out of here and out of this-" he gestured between them "before my life goes completely-!" He mimicked and explosion and then shot up to his feet, a new projectile in hand.

"I doubt your twin would be of much help." Kaname sniped.

"Good thing I'm not calling him then, huh?" Zero retorted. "Got a good throwing arm?"

"What?"

"It's up there. Just take something and throw it."

"And I'd listen to you because…?"

"Because you'd like to get out of this room without having to do it the right way?"

"What?"

"Because you probably don't want to have sex with me."

Kaname choked.

Zero blushed a bright red as if he couldn't believe those particular words had left his own mouth. "Er, I meant." He stammered.

"I know what you meant." Kaname growled. A healthy pink flush dusted his own cheeks as he bent down and scooped up a few of the small bottles and squinted upwards. "And that's incentive enough!"

They threw the items upwards for several long minutes before Kaname finally threw up his hands. "This isn't working."

"Try harder."

"I've tried hard enough."

"Suit yourself."

"I intend to." He glowered at the other boy, moving away and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Great, now you're going to sulk?"

"Shut up!"

"I would, if I could get out of here. I am not going to spend a single night in this-!"

"Why don't you levitate something up there and knock it loose?"

"What?"

Kaname rolled his eyes. "Never mind. I forgot. You're not a vampire."

Zero blinked.

The dark-haired prince uncrossed his arms and shuffled over, standing directly behind Zero and leaning forward over his shoulder to follow his exact line of sight.

"Whoa! What do you think you're doing?" Zero sputtered, he spasmed forward, but Kaname caught him quickly and moved forward to keep them together.

"Just shut up and stand still!" He growled, irritably. "I forgot you were just human."

"Hey!"

"Get over it." The pureblood ground out. "My powers were forcibly reduced and sealed so that I wouldn't be a danger to you." The dark eyes flashed a shade of red. "I still have some of them though."

Zero gulped.

"Throw one of those stupid bottles so I can check something."

"What are you checking?" Zero asked, nervously. He was having a hard time pretending that being so close to a rather attractive and powerful creature had no effect on him. It had a rather large effect. A rather hard one too.

"You." Kaname rolled his eyes. "The pigeon, idiot. What else?" He seemed to resist the urge to add something else to that sentence. "Hurry up and throw the thing!"

It worked.

Zero threw a little bottle of mouthwash and Kaname telepathically slammed it into the appropriate ceiling tile.

A square shaped slice of ceramic fell into Zero's outstretched hand. Roughly about four-inches on all sides, a black and gold image of a pigeon was burned onto the center of it.

"Now what?"

"Now I write." Zero looked around. "Where'd that knife go?"

Kaname held a hand out and the knife came flying into his palm, hilt first.

Zero twitched at the sound and took it from him a little sharper than necessary. "Show off."

Kaname snorted. "Who are you going to write? That twin of yours?"

"Tempting, but no. I'll strangle him on site when I see him." Zero began to carve his message on the surface of the tile.

"Who is Grandmaster…Cross?" Kaname read over his shoulder.

Zero glared at him. "Do you have to do that?"

Kaname shrugged, innocently.

"Grandmaster Cross is our resident wizard." He rolled his eyes. "Wizard, mage, magician, whatever you want to call it. He owes me and he'll get us out of here—hopefully before our parents figure out the switch-up."

"Grandmaster?" Kaname repeated.

"He thinks it's a cool title."

And for Kaname, there wasn't anything he could say to that.

A/N: Ha...pigeons and lizards. Argh. I have no clue where all of that came from, but it sure made sense for the rest of what little plot this fic has, so it stays. Bet Kaname had a good throwing arm though, huh? At least Zero got to see him in a-c-t-i-o-n. :P Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you like. Cheers!