CHAPTER ELEVEN
It's late when Mary sets her pen aside, finally acknowledging the headache that's been building behind her eyes for the past few hours. Absently she rubs at her temple as she stares down at the letter she's been writing, the words blurring together in her fatigue.
It's nice enough to hear from Gerard, there's a history there she finds comforting, but in every one of his letters there's still the veiled reference to marriage, as if denying him twice outright and subtly in every answering letter since is not enough.
I think of you often, he wrote.
How wonderful it would be to have you here.
It was becoming a nuisance, he was becoming a nuisance with his stubborn refusal to accept that she would never be his wife.
But why not?, she thought. He'd make a good husband, a good father, and was the type of man she'd always imagined herself with. The type of man she'd always planned to build her life with. Well educated, steady, kind.
Dependable.
He certainly wasn't the brooding type, there was nothing dangerous nor volatile in him and she'd never had to spend hours trying to decipher what the hell was going on between the two of them. Or whether or not there was anything going on between them at all for that matter.
And she would never, ever, have to worry about looking up one day to see him riding out of her life.
Enough, she told herself, Leave it alone, damn it just leave it alone.
"Mom?"
Startled her gaze snapped up to find Billy, still fully dressed, still awake when he long since should have been asleep, standing in the door of her office.
As usual she felt her heart contract at the sight of him, felt her lungs seize on the breath she'd just taken. She loved him so much that sometimes she wasn't sure how she lived with it. Even the sullen, secretive ghost of him she'd been living with since Chris and Ezra had so easily stepped out of their lives.
She could kill those men for that.
How dare they, she thinks, how dare they make him love them and then leave. Just leave as if none of it had ever mattered at all. As if they didn't matter.
He, she corrected herself, As if he didn't matter.
She'd even thought about sending him back to his grandparents in the aftermath of their leaving, thinking being away from the memories of those heartless bastards might make it easier for him to accept their absence. Had gone so far as to ask if him he'd like to go.
She hadn't known her son was capable of such a fierce anger but it was a lesson she wouldn't forget.
He didn't look sullen or secretive now though, nor is there any evidence of that anger. Instead he looked rumpled and tired, more weary than any little boy should ever have to be, and there was something in his voice, something small and hesitant, that tells her he is afraid.
Terribly afraid.
Pushing away from the desk she opened her arms with a come hither gesture and with more willingness than she'd thought possible he came, crawling into her lap, putting his arms around her as he hadn't since before his father died.
"What is it, Honey?," If she was tempted, as any mother would be, to remind him that it's past his bedtime she knew better than to say as much. They both knew he hadn't been sleeping well in the last few months, as they both knew the cause, and they've fought over it often enough. Doing so now would serve no better purpose than to make him turn away.
His grip around her neck tightened and she could feel the fear coming off of him as her own embrace grew stronger in response.
"Grandpa…Grandpa won't…,"She felt him take a deep breath, bracing himself.,"He won't make them die. No matter what they did. Will he?"
It's no secret where the town Peacekeepers have gone off to, no more than the reason for their abrupt departure and this isn't the first time she'd been asked that question. Orrin Travis wasn't known as The Hanging Judge for nothing but no one could quiet wrap their minds around the idea that he'd not only let but sentence Chris Larabee and Ezra Standish to hang. Of, course no one could quiet figure why both men were in Jail for murder in the first place when they'd left town weeks apart and with no apparent communication before hand either.
Will Orrin hang them? Knowing them the way he does? Knowing it will break his grandsons heart all over again?
She doesn't know.
She doesn't know and all she can think about is that he might.
That, however, isn't something she can say to her son. Her son who Loves Chris like a father and, she has begun to realize, Ezra every bit as much as that.
"Your Grandpa only hangs bad men Billy, and Chris and Ezra aren't bad men.," Stupid, thoughtless men, but not bad.," Besides that's why the others are there, to make sure everything turns out all right."
Somehow she's not very surprised when he corrects her, " No, they went because they want to make them come home because they still don't understand why they left. Mister Ezra says they're meddlesome, but they can't help it."
"Does he now? Well, I don't suppose he said anything else of any value.," she murmered, wincing almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth.
"Lots. But mostly that its not my fault Chris left and that's not why you wanted to send me away."
"Of course it's not your fault Billy! Oh God, I don't want you to ever think that…," her words drifted off as what he'd just said, what he'd really just said, settled into her mind.
There is absolutely no way Ezra could've known she'd intended to send him back to his grandparents. No way at all unless…
Very carefully she eased away from him, not far, just enough to make him look her in the eye.," Billy, when did Ezra say that?"
He looked away, quickly, then back and away again.
Any mother worth her salt would recognize that behavior.
"Billy?"
"I'm not 'sposed to say."
"Billy, you're not in trouble…"
"No mom, I'm not supposed to say! He asked me not to and I'm not gonna!"
Though there is a part of her that is taken aback by his suddenly sharp tone there is another part of her, a deep, tightly coiled part of her, that loosens and eases as she finally understands.
Of course, she thinks, recalling all the time he's spent at the Post office lately, his eagerness to send and retrieve her own post., My God, no wonder he didn't want to leave.
At some point after he'd left Ezra must've started to write him and somehow he must've been able to write the man back. There wouldn't have been any real frequency in their correspondence (or at least none that she could imagine, but who was she to say?) but with an apparent faithfulness she found almost stunning.
He'd left, without a word for another soul, but he'd stayed in contact with Billy.
They want to make them come home, he'd said. Not back, but home.
UUU
Maisey was sitting at the bar when the man, Nathan Jackson, ordered what looked to be his third bottle.
She knew she shouldn't be, sitting in a saloon that was, but Shannon, one of the barmaids, took a room with her and the girl hated to walk home alone. Before he'd been put in jail Ezra had made a point of being there to walk her home at night, a kindness which had never been asked of him and had been appreciated all the more for that. But then there was the shooting and there was no one else she trusted enough to get the girl home safe and unmolested.
So here she sat in the last place the respectable woman she was trying so hard to be could afford to be seen waiting for Shannon to finish her shift.
To say it made her uncomfortable to be here would be an understatement, but all things considered she'd rather be uncomfortable than take the chance that something could happen to the girl on her way home in the late hours of the night.
That something very well could happen she took for granted, the world they lived in was not a kind place to a woman alone.
Curious as she waited for Shannon she eyed Mister Jackson from across the room, this man J.D. thought so very highly of even as he made him so mad and frustrated that he didn't know what to do with himself.
For herself this was her first encounter with the man, he never came to her table, and wherever he slept it wasn't in one of her rooms, but the impression she had formed to date wasn't exactly a favorable one.
Here, she thinks, is one of the men that took away J.D.'s smile.
To be fair he didn't look as she'd pictured him, all slouched and bunched into himself as he poured the whiskey with a deliberate kind of concentration the action shouldn't have warranted. He looked dazed and tired, a man suffering from a bad shock .
She would never approach this man the way she had J.D., could not picture herself forcing her way into his thoughts and his world in such a manner, but to her shock she wanted to. There was something so lonely, so desolate about him that she wanted to put her arm around him, wanted to tell him that nothing was ever broken so badly that it couldn't be fixed.
Had it been J.D. sitting there with two empty whisky bottles in front of him as he started his way into a third she would have done just that, knew he would have welcomed the gesture because he was still young enough to understand that no burden had to be borne alone.
This man whose very skin proclaimed the trials he must've faced in his life would never welcome any such gesture.
Not from her and very likely not from anyone else.
Then Shannon was there, her threadbare shawl draped over her shoulders, putting an end to her musings about Nathan Jackson.
Repressing a sigh she threaded her arm through Shannon's and walked through the batwing doors beside her into the night.
UUU
Desperate times called for desperate measures and it was with absolutely no shame that Buck turned the key in the lock of Ezra's cell, quickly turning to pass said key to Vin so that he could do the same with Chris's cell.
"Rise and shine boys!," he shouted with something close to glee.
"C'mon Cowboy, lazy's not yer way.," Vin called out behind him as he heard the door to the opposite cell swing open
No one was surprised at the speed at which the apparently sleeping men reacted, both quickly maneuvering themselves into an upright position, both reaching for weapons they didn't have.
Behind him he heard Chris's voice, rough from sleep and what Ez'd done before they'd got here, "What the Fuck do you think you're doing?"
Keeping his eye on Ezra, who sat on his bunk suspiciously quiet, perfectly unmoving, Buck answered, "What we have here is a bit of a situation."
"Nothin' much," Vin put in, "but we'll be needin' yer help jest the same."
"Get out of my cell Vin. And lock the damn door behind you."
"Now Chris, why ya gotta be like that?"
Still Ezra just sat there, that aristocratic jaw of his tightening up in a way Buck knew too well and had missed with an almost worrisome amount of affection.
"C'mon Ez, it's just a bit of an outing. You should be glad to be outta this cell.," he smiled, knowing how much the expression would annoy the man, then added, "Fact is I thought by now you'd be all but begging us to let ya out."
If he knew one thing in life it was how to get a rise outta people, his friends better than most.
"I assure you Sir that I do not beg. Moreover I find I have grown rather accustomed to my circumstances and have no wish to worsen them in this poorly executed attempt at a jailbreak. As Mister Larabee said, be sure to lock up on your way out."
"What part of get out did you fail to understand Vin? Jesus, where the hell is Dean when you need him?"
"Nate's drunk.," Vin said simply, his voice heavy with an implication that would have been out of place if you didn't know the man in question.
Even watching for it Buck almost missed the flash of emotion that crossed Ezra's face, though it'd come and gone too quickly for him to say what emotion it was exactly. The mere fact that it'd been there at all gave him some hope that maybe this afternoon hadn't really been as bad as he'd thought it was, hadn't made the situation impossible to fix.
"So what if Nate's drinking? What do you want us to do, break outta jail to join him for a quick one?," Chris said behind him and still Buck kept his gaze on Ezra, who wouldn't meet his eyes.
"No, Nate's drunk cowboy. Well and truly drunk."
A tense silence fell over the cells as Ezra's eyes flew to his, disbelief written plain across his face, which was maybe the most obvious expression he'd ever seen on the man.
"Nate doesn't get Drunk.," Chris protested with almost no conviction, obviously recalling the one and only time anyone of them but Josiah had seen the man have more than one or two drinks.
It hadn't been fun. It hadn't been pretty. And it really hadn't ended on all that much of a high note.
"Well, I'd say it's more he don' get drunk very often. ," Vin corrected.
"Will you shut up, Vin?"
"When you get off yer ass and do something' I jest might."
He winced and was already turning to head off the tempers rising behind him when Ezra's voice cut through Chris's response.
"Why?"
Attention snapping back to the Southerner (Wanting to wince because that was how he thought of him) he did what was expected and asked ,"What was that there Ez?"
"Why," Ezra rose from the bunk as he spoke, moving with a coiled grace that made Buck want to take a step back, if not slam the cell door closed altogether, his face darkening with a temper he'd never seen before but had imagined when he'd seen what the man had done to Chris.,"is Mister Jackson currently so inebriated as to have both yourself and Mister Tanner desperate enough to seek our aide?"
"Beyond the obvious, ya mean?," he asked, thinking of what had gone down between the two of them earlier and playing for time as his mind raced.
He hadn't expected enthusiasm from the man but he sure as hell hadn't expected the out 'n out rage he could feel coming off him in waves either. Ezra's temper had always been cold, sly, damn near quirky, his control of it perfect.
Not that he'd ever doubted the man was capable of more, growing up as he had he'd learned to watch for the subtle clues in a man that were more often than not all the warnin you ever got before they went flying off the handle and he'd long since realized that it really was the quiet ones you had to watch out for.
Men like Chris, hell men like him, you expected them to come out swinging, there just wasn't any subtly to their natures.
Men like Ezra, like Vin and Josiah, you had to keep your eye on because it was entirely too likely that you wouldn't be looking when all of a sudden something, some little thing that shouldn't matter, happened and without any warning a'tall they'd overturned the table, shot the Dealer and burned the building to the ground.
All the same he hadn't seen it coming.
Not today, not after the he'd stayed his cool self in the face of Nate's insults. Handling them better, in truth, than the rest of them had.
But then he thought of the bruises on Chris's neck, remembered Dean's description of how they'd got there.
You can only push a man so far, he thought, And maybe, just maybe, he don' have no control left.
Those green eyes snapped fire at him before shifting to some point over his shoulder and he heard Chris curse under his breath.
And he knew, just by that, that the situation had just gone bad on him.
Well, worse than he'd expected.
"I find it beyond interesting, " Ezra hissed, taking a step toward him, " that you should seek my help in addressing any difficulties Mister Jackson might be facing at this time, not to mention utterly baffling as I cannot imagine he would welcome my interference at this juncture."
"Ez…"
"Not to mention that not a single one of you fine Gentleman, most especially Mister Jackson, has ever gone out of his way to help me in any way shape or form,."
Eyes narrowing Buck took a step toward him, his long stride halving the distance between them.,"I understand what yer saying boy, I do. , " he snapped, wagging a finger at him ever as he thought, Yep, no subtly here, "And it's true enough that Nate ain't ever done you no favors. But you're gonna wanna get off your high horse Ez, I ain't never done you no wrong."
"Get away from him Buck! Now!"
"Don't take this the wrong way Chris, but go to hell., " he tossed over his shoulder before turning back to the man in front of him.," I was your friend there son, every blessed step of the way, and you ain't gonna stand there and tell me that I wasn't!"
Maybe he didn't have a response to that, maybe he did, Buck couldn't say, but Ezra opened his mouth and he didn't have to hear what he had to say to know that he was gonna roll right on ahead as if he hadn't said a word and Buck felt his temper snap.
No subtly a'tall.
"You left because you wanted to Ezra, because you were too damn afraid to stand there and fight it out with the others. To tell them what a bunch of bastards they were being. You don't get to blame me because you're a goddamn chicken shit!"
"Easy now Buckly…"
"Buck damn it!"
"And where were you when I needed you Buck? JUST WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU!"
He remembered then Ezra's goodbye, remembered that he'd had no warning for it, no preface. Remembered thinking that he knew Ezra was meaning to go., "Have you ever stopped to think that if you'd told me you needed me I'd been right there at your Goddamn side? Hell," he snarled, " not even that. If you'd just turned around to look you'd seen where the Hell I was Ezra., "He took another step forward, jabbed his finger into his chest hard enough to bruise.," Right there next to you son. Right.," Jab.,"There.," Jab.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?"
As one the four men turned to see Deputy Dean standing in the hall, eyes bulging, face quickly going from red to purple as he visibly struggled to control his temper.
And as one all four men said.," It's not a Jailbreak."
Which, Buck thought making no move away from Ezra, said something about all five of them.
Then Vin had to go and make it worse, which wasn't really his style but they were all knida stressed right now.
"We're just borrowing 'em for a sec."
If anything that only made the Deputy more agitated as he planted his feet, took a deep breath and let lose with a display of temper that even Buck, no stranger to such things, and all things considered really, found impressive.
"You are not borrowing them! Or breaking them out! Or taking them anywhere! For Fuck sake! What is wrong with you people? Half the fucking time you don't even talk to each other, and then when you do you just fight and snip and snipe at each other like a bunch of old women! And now you think you're just gonna come in here and take my fucking prisoners wherever the hell you want to like it's no damn thing at all! While you're standing there why don't you just go ahead and close the Fucking door behind you? At least when you're all locked up I can get some fucking sleep! AND WHERE THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET THE DAMN KEYS?"
Not unappreciative of his predicament Buck repressed his smile as his own temper cooled as quickly as it'd heated, because, really, he wouldn't have expected this of the man but he was kinda proud of him for it all the same.
"Trust me, " Vin assured him, " you wanna let us have our way this time."
The Deputy made a sound, which probably wouldn't be considered polite, his hands clenching and unclenching where they hung at his side.
Shooting him a look of contempt Ezra sat back down on the bunk, picked up his book and , for all intents and purposes dismissed everyone else in the room from existence.
Normally he would agree with Ezra in that Nate's problems weren't any of his business, but there was the way he'd reacted to the fact that Nate was drinking, the way Chris had reacted and that Goddamn whiplash of temper. And that told him that whatever the reason for Nate's sudden urge to drink it had something to do with the two of them.
Most men would think that unlikely since the three of them hadn't seen each other since Nate and Ezra's earlier confrontation but he wasn't most men and he knew his friends.
Directing his eyes heavenward the Deputy was clearly trying to take the time to collect himself, then obviously remembering how well that'd worked before he shook his head and met them look for look.,"You're going to explain this situation to me, now. And you are going to make sense. And you will tell me where you got the keys."
No one said anything, no one moved.
Typically enough ( While he was still trying to figure out what the hell Dean was doing there when he knew the man had been off the bed at the end of his watch) it was Ezra who broke the silence.
He never looked away from his book as he drawled out in his bored way.," Mister Jackson is not one to partake too liberally of the bottle as he becomes rather…unpredictable. Sometimes even violent. Yet it would seem that he has chosen your lovely town to do just that. After you and your men have first restrained and then detained him I want it to be known that I will not have him in this cell, Sir. Whatever the inconvenience this may cause you or anyone else."
"My men? What are you…"
"Damn it he's not gonna be in here…"
"I'm afraid Mister Larabee that the third cell will be needed for those members of the populace who will find themselves incapable of ignoring the chance at a good old fashioned…"
"What men? Members of the populace? Are saying…"
"That's right," Vin chimed in," there ain't no one fer crowd control lest we ken find 'Siah."
"Crowd control?"
Buck wanted to laugh as Ezra and Chris, then Vin, began to wind the man into just the position they wanted him in.
Nothing had ever made them put aside their differences quicker than someone else buttin' their noses in.
Then Dean seemed to collect himself, literally shaking off the confusion he was clearly feeling., " You're not taking my prisoners anywhere. I'm sure I can handle Mr. Jackson."
"Well, yer' a brave soul.," Vin drawled.
"That'll make a nice headstone there., " he thought to add, not wanting to be left out.
"Epitaph.," Ezra corrected, then frowned at the pages of his book.
The Deputy muttered something under his breath, something he didn't quite catch but sounded a lot like Bradley, with enough force to make Buck pity the man when he finally made it around to making an appearance.
"I still don't see…"
"It goes like this son, " Buck cut him off, " the only people Nate'll listen to when he gets like this are Josiah and Chris and we don't have the time to go searching 'Siah out. Besdes which, I dunno what set him off, but I'm willing to bet it has something to do with these two you got here. Can't see how as he ain't been near the jail in hours, " There was a flicker in the younger man's eyes at that, not much, but enough for Buck to see the lie, the guilt ,"but there it is all the same. Now you can follow the rules and deal with this on your own, or you can listen to us and let us take care of it before it becomes a whole lot more than you can handle. Whatcha gonna do, pick us all off one by one? You ain't got enough cells for that and I'm telling you now that's how it's gonna go if we don' put a stop to it right here. Trust me on this. We're trying to help."
Ezra snorted, actually snorted and Buck's attention shifted to him with something like shock.
Well hell, he thought. Then snapped," What's that supposed to mean?"
"Generally speaking it is usually taken as an expression of derision."
"English, Ez."
The other man sighed, long and deep, "Mockery, disdain, ridicule, contempt…"
"Oh just shut up.," he snapped, though not with much heat.
"You can take them."
Once again four sets of eyes swung to the Deputy, who looked about as harassed as a man could look, as Ezra dropped his book and all but launched himself back to his feet.
"I never once said I had in anyway resolved to cooperate with this farce! Furthermore I have no intention of leaving this cell with Judge Travis's arrival only days away! I am more than aware of how that man thinks and the absolute last thing I need is for one of your ever well-meaning citizens to inform him that I was seen gallivanting around town during the period of my incarceration! Misters Tanner and Wilmington will just have to resolve this issue on their own. They have, after all, managed to do so well enough for the past six months."
"Shows what you know.," Vin drawled.
Buck darted a look toward Chris, saw his jaw beginning to work in that way he remembered so well from the days before he'd married Sarah and knew there wasn't going to be any help coming from that direction.
"Fine then. Which one of you's gonna share a cell with him?"
UUU
Settling into bed that night Maisey allowed herself a small sense of satisfaction.
There was no doubt in her mind how the two Four Corners lawmen would react to the conversation she and Shannon had been having about her last customer as they passed the Jailhouse, and it hadn't been but a moment to stop off by Kevin's and let him know there seemed to be an awful lot of activity at his Jail for such a late hour.
He'd apologized, with all the manner's his mama'd taught him, for the string of profanities he'd let loose as she stood there with Shannon on his porch and nearly forgot to put his boots on in his hurry to stop whatever was going on.
Somehow she doubted Ezra was going be too happy about the results of her recent efforts and though that nagged at her she shrugged it off and pulled her blankets higher around her neck.
No, he wasn't going to be happy, but then he'd only asked her to do this thing, he'd never said how he wanted her to do it.
And that was a fact not even Ezra Standish could argue his way around.
UUU
The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties
and hold them in the right scale of values.
-Norman Thomas