Chapter 11
How it feels to let You go.
Susan Pierce was sipping on her coffee when she saw her daughter stepped out of the town car with heels and keys on her hand and a much ripped set of papers on the other one. Her blues looked tired but she still managed a certain energy she could tell by Brittany's body movements.
"I was expecting you to remerge later this evening or maybe tomorrow," She said surprised to see her that soon, knowing Brittany's ways with her wife, after John explained the subject of a Hannah Holliday changing his request and picking up his rental.
Brittany chuckled tiredly "Yeah, I thought so too but I'm flying to New York and wherever I have to,"
"What?" Susan asked deeply confused.
Brittany inhaled deeply "I don't know. The only thing I know is that Santana is not here with me after last night and that I have to see her because I need her and she needs me and I love her, mom."
Susan agreed although confused "John told us last night. He still went to have dinner with us,"
This surprised Brittany "Are you going to talk to him?" Susan asked.
"Yes, I will." She said firmly, stepping inside her house and immediately plugged her abandoned mobile when she was in her room. Brittany received a message when she turned it on Your flight takes off at 1pm, it's the nearest one... Pick you up at 11.
After reading it, she called Quinn and agreed to make the necessary stop before the airport...
Nobody's lost but nobody wins …
John opened the door tiredly and smiled at her the same way "I understand," Was the first thing he could say when he saw her standing before him, not inviting her in.
She bit her bottom lip for a moment "I can't say I'm sorry because I'm not, as selfish as it sounds," He nodded "But I thank you so much and I'm grateful for the time you gave me. I only can wish for you to find someone who loves you the way you deserve."
He sighed after a moment "I knew, Brittany. I've always known. She was always with you, she'll always be. I could feel it the few times you gave me the chance to actually be with you. I know you tried..." His eyes welled up and cleared his throat to continue "You gave your heart away a long time ago and I was blind to think I could have a piece of it. You never said it but I knew; you couldn't even wear the ring I gave to you and its ok. It's ok Brittany."
"Thank you, John." Was the only thing she could answer him through tears because he spoke what it was the truth all along.
He brushed some tears off her cheek with a thumb and kissed her forehead, saying goodbye. Agreeing she'd donate the ring or its value to a good cause, that piece of her life was completed and stored.
The one, the most vital piece remained incomplete and she prayed that not for long.
"Voicemail." She said after hanging up for the 30th time in those waiting hours.
Quinn huffed "I know, for what she told me, she's practically switching planes the minute she sets foot,"
"She's already on her way and I'm still stuck in here. I hate airports!"
You'll make her so happy... You always have. Be careful, ok and call us as soon as you land. Alejandro said and pecked her nose lovingly. After everyone said their goodbyes and wished her good luck.
Brittany was sitting with Quinn and Puck, waiting anxiously. Puck was on Santana's laptop, he pursed his lips "Shit!" They both looked at him "It seems you'll have to fly to Cork and then take the train or bus from there. There's no available direct flight to Dublin,"
Brittany nodded "I'll walk or run there, it doesn't matter. I can't wait to see her." She repeated.
"I figured you wouldn't want to wait until tomorrow morning. I'll book you this one, then." He spoke while clicking and typing "You'll be boarding tonight at 22:50. The info is in your email, print your pass and you'll be all set."
"I'll find out where she is staying at. She wouldn't tell me and I doubt she'll be answering our mails or calls anytime soon," Quinn said standing as it was time for Brittany to proceed with the annoying registration and airport security.
"Thank you so much, guys. This means the world to me," She smiled and hugged them at the same time, squeezing them together.
"It's nothing Bee. You better get that woman of yours." Puck said plating a kiss to a now wet cheek.
She laughed "Of course. I'll chase her; I'll tie her if I have too."
Quinn was brushing her tears away "Oh, she'd like that" They shared a heartfelt laugh, hoping it would be the case in a consent kind of way.
Now these years locked in my drawer …
"Tell me again,"
Santana rolled her eyes "You already know it."
"Uh huh," She kissed a tan shoulder, biting the skin playfully, sitting against the headboard, with Santana in between her legs, back against Brittany's front "But I love hearing it, every time... It will never get old,"
"You just like knowing the effect you have over me." Santana countered, her voice dropped a few octaves while Brittany kept exploring her warm skin.
"It's the same you have over me. Tell me again Santana. What's your favourite thing to do to me?" She nibbled her neck, earning a soft purr from pouty lips.
"Kissing you." Santana conceded and turned her head to share a languid, wet kiss with her wife to make her words count for good measure.
Brittany asked again with growing flushed cheeks and neck "Mmm, kissing me? Why? Tell me,"
Santana kissed her again and released pink, swollen lips with a soft slick noise "Because I love you and I love the way you taste. I love how your mouth feels and the way your tongue moves around mine, inside my mouth, grazing, licking my lips too," Their foreheads were leaning together and Brittany shuddered at the low tone of the velvety voice, humming in the process. She could feel her hot breath against her face.
Santana grazed her lips on Brittany's "It feels warm, heady and for me, it's addictive." Brittany moaned softly when the tip of Santana's tongue ran along her lower lip.
"Santana..." The blonde breathed out, very much lost into the woman's eyes and lips and kissed her yet again with unhindered want and need, her fingers buried on her black, slightly damped from sweat, hair.
Santana gently laid her down and covered her lithe body with her searing mocha skin, parting long legs tenderly to nest in between them. Ungluing glistening lips for breath, Santana rolled her hips and smiled lovingly at Brittany.
"Kissing you is my favourite thing to do and now," She groaned when pale hands squeezed her rounded ass cheeks, pressing her desperately into the other woman's core "Now I'm going to show what else I love doing to you, baby." She murmured hotly to her ear.
Watching through my own light as it tints the shade of you …
Santana was staring at the bluest sky and the clouds rumbling lazily all over it. Some shades of it colour made her painfully remember her eyes, the blue eyes that haunted her dreams and that used to tell her things without actual words. One look from those eyes was enough to make her happy, to make her sad, to make her crave.
She wondered how it was possible for her to feel so lost and broken when the sun was illuminating her way, warm and comforting, but it couldn't do anything to alleviate her pain and soothe her soul and shattered heart. A deep, strangled sigh made her realize she was crying, her tears were silently pouring down her gorgeous face. The feeling was the same when she left and somehow it was worse because now, for Santana, it was all over, all of her happiness was gone. The hot blood running in her veins indicated she was alive when she felt already dying and the knowledge she wouldn't see her, hear her voice, touch her anymore was enough to break her completely without a chance to heal.
Gone was the laughter, the caresses, the furtive looks, the stolen glances and kisses... Her kisses. And so, like a dull shadow she kept unsuccessfully trying to block her out of her mind.
Landed was the simple message Quinn and her father read and Santana ignored the constant buzzing that followed after she sent it.
She numbly hailed a taxi and registered at the Hotel her new firm established on her contract as a temporary accommodation and fell on the bed with heaviness, breathing in her absence and the melancholy surrounding the spacious room. She stared blankly at a random spot on the ceiling, afraid to close her eyes and think of her; no matter her exhaustion, sleep was not an option.
No more memories of us, no more, please... was her last thought before shutting down her mind.
So, I've learned the meaning of the sun …
Not so different story was Brittany, who kept thinking that the hours were passing painstakingly slow. When she arrived to New York, she went to her apartment, took a long shower and cried, shaking with contained sobs.
She calmed down after what it seemed forever and called Mike to set some things. She lay on her bed for a good hour, trying to sleep but failed. She decided to grab her light luggage and waited for her still hours away flight at the airport over a cold, forgotten coffee.
Soaring through the darkness, she was sure that gloom shade suited both hearts at the moment. Brittany understood. She understood the pain Santana must have felt when she left because that helplessness was consuming her now too. Brittany could only imagine the hurt, and could only hope for a chance to heal her broken heart.
She would do anything, anything to have her back and be able to remind her every single day that she loved her profoundly and share countless memories, old and brand new ones.
"If you please just stop scratching and wriggling. You're going to hurt yourself further,"
The brunette complained, hiding it quickly "But Britt-Britt…"
Brittany suppressed a smile "No buts, San; give me the fork,"
"But it itches!" She whined and handed her the item.
"You're such a big baby," The blonde disappeared into the bathroom and came back with her blow dryer, setting it on the cool mode "Here…" She said with Santana casted foot on her legs, blowing the soothing air into it.
Santana sighed in relief "I am not a big baby," She pouted adorably.
"Yes you are, but you're my big baby." Brittany giggled and kissed her better...
The blonde couldn't help the teary chuckle that escaped her. It was indeed a lifetime spent with that woman, a woman so worthy. A woman with the most mysterious eyes that always drew her in, with the perfect defined cheekbones, with the most kissable, soft lips; a woman that smelled as enthralling as her presence.
A woman that was hers and hers alone, Brittany belonged to Santana and Santana belonged to Brittany, there was no other way, there'll never be other way.
Fill these spaces up with days …
Santana finally pressed the green button after several rings, irritated at the insisting caller.
"Glad to hear you too Santana," Quinn said evenly, she remained silent "You're not answering the texts or mails we've been sending you. We're worried,"
She huffed "I've been away only for five days Quinn, I'm fine." Her voice groggy and tired.
"Santana, where are you?" The blonde questioned after unsuccessfully trying to find her at the hotels all over Dublin. She tried contacting Karen Jameson but the woman didn't even know Santana was already in Ireland.
"You know where I am,"
Quinn cleared her throat "Listen, Brittany's-"
The line went dead... Quinn rubbed her forehead and refrained from calling again; fearing Santana would turn off the cell-phone after being able to contact her and hear her.
Apart from the void texts she's been sending telling them just that she was all right and calm, there was nothing else. Of course that was a blatant lie but they needed not to know that she was spending sleepless nights in her hotel suite and just wandering around, having Irish beer here and there and barely eating. It was her mourning process, she said.
Instead, Quinn called Brittany, who was now staying at a hotel, nearby the train station that took her from Cork to Dublin...
To say that Brittany was exhausted was an understatement, the jet lag was still at its full effect, she too, wandered around Dublin hoping to find her and the anxiety she was feeling not knowing where Santana was staying, was killing her.
I can't sleep, I can't speak to You …
"What?" Santana snapped, mentally slapping herself for not turning off her phone that pleasant summer evening, alone with cold black stuff poured in a slightly tulip shaped pint glass.
A quiet voice made her heart dropped in her chest "San? Where are you?" Brittany all but pleaded, fresh tears forming in her eyes "Where are you? I'm-"
"Don't do this to me, please," Santana closed her eyes, feeling a wave of emotions hitting her at once "Please, help me to let go Britt... I can't anymore, I can't." She hung up and tossed the phone at her feet, leaving Brittany to cry at the broken tone of the grave voice, sounding so rough and vulnerable at the same time.
Something inside of her clicked and the hypothetical light bulb bright her sorrowed mind. Sniffling, she looked online for information about the hotels near the Temple Bar area, figuring Santana had been drinking by the sound of her voice and her way of talking.
Quinn and Noah had no luck searching for a Santana Lopez, so, she tried something different and bolted out of the place, dragging her luggage's wheels, when her perspicacity and the well knowledge of Santana's mind works did the trick.
"All right, Mrs. Lopez, here's your card key," A tall man standing behind the Conrad's front desk told her, handing said item to an eager Brittany.
"Thank you. Excuse me, would you happen to know where Miss Holliday is at the moment?"
He appeared to give it a deep thought "She's brunette, very black hair, tan skin, defined cheekbones, full pouty lips and cute button nose," The blonde described dreamily.
"Aye, fierce beautiful lady with sad eyes," He elaborated "No Mrs. Lopez but I can deliver a message when she returns,"
The blonde shook her head "It's ok. I'll wait for her." She replied with a hint of a smile and the man nodded politely, welcoming her.
Brittany practically ran to her suite and threw her bags inside, quickly making her way to the bathroom to wash her face. Then, she hurried through a couple of floors and sat at the Business Suite door the man indicated Santana was staying at.
And she waited; she waited for her love and her heart to come back.
I'll open to see just to be sure ...
Three hours later, Brittany saw her, walking heavily and erratically towards her... She stood up instantly, holding her breath and heard her singing lowly "I'm fine, baby, ho're you... I miss you, you know…" She giggled "Stupid song," Santana stumbled gracefully, reaching for her key inside her low hip jeans back pocket.
Santana shook her head and blinked several times to try and focus her vision. She thought it was a dream, a painful daydream or an alcohol induced reality.
"Britt," She croaked, stepping closer on careful feet.
"I'm here baby." Brittany spoke softly, crying in relief for finally seeing her again and sadness for been the cause of the obvious aching of Santana's broken being.
Santana reached for her as a curious child. She cradled her face and trailed her fingers over her nose, her lips and with her thumbs; she caressed away the pouring tears.
"It's not dream, it's not a dream," She said to herself "You're really here." Her face lighting up in amazement.
"I am." Brittany smiled and lunged forward, wanting to merge with her Santana in a tight embrace.
You can go you can stay ...