Authors Note: this chappie short, I know, but you're lucky you got anything. I haven't got inspiration lately. Going Commando, on the other hand, is about to get a HUGE chapter, all about Neji's forehead.
Naruto was clutching at himself in an urgent way. "Sensei!" He whined. "I really, really have to go!"
Kakashi glared at him. "So, go piss in an alley!"
Naruto rushed off to do as instructed of him. Kakashi plucked off his student's hitai-ate before he managed to disappear.
"If anyone catches you, you belong to Suna."
Sakura averted her eyes as Naruto sighed with relief. Kakashi smiled in an abstract sort of way, and Sasuke glared at him.
"I thought that next time you saw Naruto, you were gonna shove a stick up his—"
"Yes, well!" interrupted Kakashi angrily. "Somehow the Hokage found out and she made me stop!"
He aimed a death-glare at Sakura, who looked sheepish. Sasuke huffed in disappointment.
Naruto came out of the alley happily scratching at himself, unaware of his close call.
-…-
Several minutes later, Naruto was scratching at himself.
"I feel itchy." He complained. Sasuke glared at him.
"Hey, Naruto? Remember that discussion we had? The one about not informing us of all your bodily functions as they happen?"
"But…I really itch! And I feel kind of oily, too!"
A small, evil giggle came from Kakashi.
"Oh, did I direct you into an alley that was infested with poison ivy? How careless of me!"
"Poison ivy?" shouted Naruto in horror. Sasuke and Sakura recoiled in horror as Naruto scratched frantically.
"Stop it, Naruto, you're just spreading the oil around! That's what's making you itch!"
"Yeah, idiot!" growled Sasuke.
"The oil, huh? Idiot, huh?" snarled Naruto, furious. He leapt on Sasuke, knocking him to the ground, and began rubbing against him.
"You and your freaky hormones get off me!" shrieked Sasuke. Then he realized—
"ARGH, NARUTO! THE OIL!! GET OFF!!"
"The oil, huh?" shouted Naruto angrily. "The oil? THE OIL? SO I'M AN IDIOT, AM I? WELL, I'M AN ITCHY IDIOT AND NOW YOU ARE TOO!"
Sasuke kicked him off and then leapt on him, punching him repeatedly in the face as Naruto laughed wildly. Sakura shrieked in horror and Kakashi laughed evilly as he was silhouetted against a yellow moon that popped up out of nowhere. The scene faded slowly, the sound of Kakashi's maniacal laugh lingering.
-…-
"Stop scratching down there, Naruto!" hissed Sakura. "People will think you have crotch rot or something!"
Naruto kept scratching. "But it itches real bad!"
Some passersby were staring. Kakashi smiled at them. Crotch rot he mouthed. They blanched and hurried along.
Sasuke scratched at himself madly and hated the entire world.