"Okay, first off, MAJOR GARY-SUE ALERT!" A ginger shouted into the screen, oblivious to her companion's grimace.

"Dara, can you not?" she complained, shooting a toxic glare. "We haven't even announced the name of the freaking fanfic."

"B-but, Gary-Sue," whimpered Dara, exaggerating the quiver in her lips.

Urushi sighed, rubbing her temples stressfully. "I think that can wait a few minutes." She faced the camera with a welcoming smile that only the host of a cheesy variety show could pull off flawlessly. "Today's review is ConEmber's fanfic, Fighting the Good Fight. It's about a Netherborn called ConEmber, the second-born son of Herobrine. After his coming of age, ConEmber decides to journey into the Overworld to explore the environment outside of the Nether."

"Now can I say it?" said Dara.

"You may."

A wide grin quickly etched itself on her face as her lungs took a massive gulp of air. "Sowellyousee, IthinkConemberisagary-sue whichisamalemary-sue becauseofhowhe'slikeHerobrine'ssonandallplushe-"

Urushi looked at her friend right in the eye, her words spoken in a clear, concise pace that resembled a teacher talking to a toddler. "Dara, slow down. I can't understand anything you just said."

She grumbled, "Fine, fine, Miss Sour Tsundere."

"What did you call me? Sun dare? What's that? Some kind of fruit?

"It's an anime thing, something that you will never comprehend in a bajillion years, baka!" she boasted proudly.

"Doesn't that mean cow in Spanish?"

"Urushi, sometimes I just can't believe your lack of knowledge."

Urushi snorted in return. "Says the one that thought gold was butter."

"Hey! Do you know how many times I got a toothache after trying to eat all that gold?"

"Exactly. Thanks for offering more evidence that supports my point.

"You're welcome," Dara kindly returned before her eyes widened in realization. "Hey, wait!"

Urushi snickered. "So, that aside, ConEmber, I think you should definitely work on your character. I mean, the fact that he's the son of a god already puts him into the danger zone, but it could have been easily avoidable if you didn't let him he defeat his father, the powerful ruler of the Nether, seeming to not even break a sweat. About that, I think you should make the battle longer and maybe try to make it so ConEmber has a hard time trying to best his father. At least fit in a bit more effort and struggle for ConEmber."

Dara continued for Urushi, "Don't feel bad, though. Plenty of writers unknowingly make Gary/Mary-Sues by creating characters with similar or identical names. Usually, they want to pretend to be the hero, and that often develops into a flawless character. Oh, and another thing you should look out for is in the case of Emma Weiss. She's the daughter of Notch, a god just as powerful as Herobrine if not more, and yet she fears ConEmber."

"Now that's out of the way, you might need to check on your grammar as well. A few commas here and there could and should have been replaced by semicolons or periods. There's also this one typo, 'I look done at my hands.' I'm guessing it's supposed to be 'I look down at my hands.' And in one of the chapters, you put 'me and my brother' when in fact, it should be 'my brother and I.' Lastly, you shouldn't use '*sigh*', instead, put it into words.

"Urushi, stop being a Grammar Nazi." The co-host rolled her amber eyes at her friend.

"But he wants advice," Urushi defended, gesturing at the screen. "I need to be honest."

"Try being honest in a nicer way," Dara suggested, sticking her tongue out defiantly.

"But you have to balance between negativity and positivity, right?"

"Addition, subtraction, who cares?"

"It's Yin and Yang. An idiot like you wouldn't understand."

"Anyway," Dara continued, "I think your story is interesting, especially since it started with a birth. You kinda need more descriptions and details, though. While the first few chapters were pretty okay, the rest really need some pacing. It's too rushed and lacks details."

Urushi was about to speak when a sudden rumble invaded the air. However, it was not the grumble of an irritated young soul; it was a signal of hunger. Dara sheepishly smiled, "Sorry 'bout that. Haven't eaten anything since twelve."

Urushi rolled her eyes, "Well, go eat human liver or something. When in doubt, commit cannibalism."

"What?"

"... Just go get something to eat."

Dara grinned with the innocence and ignorance of a toddler. "Okie-dokie!" A spring in her step, her footsteps could be heard trotting away into the wooden kitchen.

Urushi shook her head, smiling at her friend's childish tactics."Okay, back to business. While ConEmber is quite an interesting character, I think you can improve by showing more feelings and emotions. In the case of Sora, for example, there were a few moments of confusion, but I think you could emphasize it more."

"Guess what I got~" With triumphant stomps, Dara waltzed into the room, a large plastic cup of milk tea in her hand. "Boba!"

Urushi nodded to acknowledge her before continuing as if nothing occurred. "Oh, yeah. By the way, I think you should try to make the gods sound more formal and proud or something, because in truth, I don't think Herobrine and his children would act in like this way."

"What? I think they're perfectly mature! Like me!" Dara pointed to herself with pride, the cup nearly falling out of her hands. Thankfully, she caught the cold beverage before it made contact with the wooden floor.

Her companion scoffed. "Yeah, sure, mature. Well, whatever helps you sleep at night."

"At least I'm sexy, unlike someone here I could name." Before Urushi could snap back a retort, she was interrupted by the slurp of Dara's straw as she greedily drank her drink. "Oh, and just wondering but, how could F.I. be so welcoming and easy to approach. I mean, heh? I mean, he allowed ConEmber, a stranger, to stay in his house. Even I wouldn't do that, and I let zombies and creepers in case they die from the cold."

"Y'know, you should be more afraid for yourself rather than those zombies."

"B-But one of my closest friends is a zombie! He's even staying in our house because he just lost his home since he forgot to pay the rent."

"Oh, I'm sorry, is he an imaginary friend? I apologize for hurting your feelings." Urushi mocked, sarcasm laced through every word.

Gritting her teeth, Dara tightened her fists. "But he's right here!" She trotted to the closet and, with a great flourish, flung open the door with much gusto. Putrid, rotting flesh emitted into the air as the undead corpse was revealed, eyes widening at the sight of breathing, living, surviving humans.

Grasping her weapon tightly, Urushi flew out of her chair. "WHY THE NETHER WOULD YOU KEEP THIS THING HERE?" She shouted, strategically getting into a stance as she prepared for combat.

"I'm surprised you haven't even asked how I covered up the smell," Dara replied calmly, oblivious to the approaching fingers of the zombie behind her. "Anyway, his name is Robert and he likes warm hugs."

"Too bad, because I like killing zombies!" With a war cry that would make even a Ghast tremble in fear, she charged forward, horizontally slashing her sword at the monster. With one clean swipe, the decaying head departed from the mob's torso to Dara's horror.

The attack was so powerful that the head flew directly into the camera, kicking it off the birch dresser it was on. Dara's whining and Urushi's near-hysterical laughter were the last sounds recorded before the screen was flooded with sizzling static.