Chapter 11

I slept for a good few hours that day. My phone rang a few times, but I didn't care enough to answer it. And it couldn't have been that important considering they never did leave a message. I finally did crawl out of bed around seven, but I was still tired.

I read somewhere that when you're depressed you sleep a lot. I'm beginning to wonder if I am depressed and if it's going to become a problem.

I shuffled into the kitchen, squinting because the light hurt my eyes, and pulled a beer out of my fridge. I really didn't even know why it was in there considering I hardly ever drink at all, but I had a few in there. I flopped onto my couch and looked through the channels on my TV. Of course, there was nothing on so I ended up watching some stupid teen movie. After about an hour I was on my third drink.

I guess I just liked to drink in self-pity. I hardly ever get wasted either. I only do that when I'm with friends and on a good night. But for whatever reason I got absolutely trashed on my own. I hated this feeling. I really did. And I knew alcohol wouldn't solve anything, but I didn't care.

My phone rang around nine. I pushed myself off the couch and searched around for the phone

"Yesssss?" I slurred into the phone, laughing as I did.

"Dougie?" he voice asked. Even in my state of mind at that moment I knew it was Claire.

"Claaaaire, whuddup?" I asked, sitting back down on the couch and putting my feet up, pressing the phone to my ear.

"Nothing, really. Just wanted to see what you were up to," she told me.

"I am up to no good," I told her giggling into the phone.

"You're drunk, aren't you Dougie?" she guess.

"Noooo, I am not." I confirmed, though it wouldn't fool anyone the way I was speaking.

"Seriously, Dougie, I'm a little worried you're going to do something stupid." Claire asked, sounding concerned, "do you want me to come over there?"

"Only if you're coming to punish me," I laughed.

"Dougie....lay off the alcohol tonight, okay?" she asked me seriously. I nodded and rolled my eyes, "Okay Claire, I will."

"And I'm calling Danny to make sure he watches out for you." she said.

"I'm eighteen fucking years old I don't need a babysitter," I sighed, but she had already hung up. I slammed the phone back on the hook and walked back into my bedroom to fall asleep for the rest of the night and most of the next day.

The phone kept ringing the next day too, but I slept right through it. Whoever it was didn't bother leaving a message so I didn't bother calling back. To me, it was no big deal. Nothing was anymore.

Nothing except finding Jasey, which probably wasn't going to happen

I woke up the next day around one with an awful hangover. My head was throbbing and every noise seemed to hurt my ears. Especially Danny's pounding on my door.

"What!?" I opened the door, rubbing my eyes.

"You okay?" he asked me, "Claire called last night. Said you were wasted."

"Yeah," I mumbled, "I've got a headache, but it's not too bad."

"No, mate, I mean are you alright? Ever since yesterday you've been so out of it." he said seriously, "If it's this Jasey chick, Doug, we're going to find her. You gotta believe me."

My stomach lurched at her name and I was literally bent over with my arms around my torso, "Sure Danny. I'll talk to you later."

"Call if you need anything," he said quietly, at a loss for what was going on I guess. I just nodded and shut the door then got a few asprin and flopped onto my couch.

The ringing phone caused me to fly my hands up the my ears. Every noise seemd to be amplified. "Ow..." I walked over and picked up the phone, "Hullo?" I mumbled.

"Is this Dougie?" a voice asked me.

"Yup, this is him." I said, "Could you quiet down a tiny bit man?"

"Sure," he laughed, then turned serious again, "I need you to do me a favor."

I tried calling Dougie almost every hour on the hour all day that day. He never picked up, but I loved hearing his sweet voice on his answering machine. It made me feel closer to him, even though I was still so far. I sat with Alex that night, and even though I felt bad, he kept pressuring me to try Dougie again.

"Call him back," he'd tell me after about an hour. I'd just smile and dial the number with no luck.

"I'm sorry," he sighed, putting his arm around me and hugging me. "We'll find him."

But I was convinced we wouldn't and my eyes filled with tears. Alex hugged me tight and I started crying, "I just miss him so much."

"You guys were really close," he said, an assumption, not a question. I nodded into his chest, "He was my best friend." I didn't even care that my voice cracked.

"So he's gotta remember you then," Alex whispered. Even though I knew it hurt him, I think he was slowly accepting the fact that I still loved Dougie and I couldn't respect him more for that. "Thank you."

"Any time," he nodded, "I just don't want to see you like this. I can see what it does to you every time someone so much as says his name. It kill you, Jase, and you're tearing up at the seams. And as much as I wish you'd love me because I'm right here I understand that you're still in love with Dougie. And even though I still love you I only want you to be happy. That's why I want to help."

My eyes started watering again. "Don't cry, babe," he smiled, wrapping me in his arms again.

"I'm such a jerk," I sobbed, soaking one of my favorite of Alex's shirts, "You're right here. You're giving me your all. And I'm still going after this guy who I haven't seen since I was nine years old."

"You're not a jerk," Alex whispered, "You can't help it. I get that. Don't worry, as long as you don't forget me all together I'm completely okay with just being your friend. Just please stop putting yourself through hell. It isn't worth it."

"Have I mentioned that you are absolutely amazing?" I smiled, kissing his cheek.

"You may have once or twice," he laughed. He stood up and grabbed my hand, "Come on, I'll take you home. And keep calling him, Jase. Don't give up."

"I won't." I said. I almost fell asleep on the car ride home.

"Hey Jasey, whether you like it or not, we're celebrating your birthday tomorrow, so you better rest up." Alex smiled as he dropped me off. I groaned, "Noooo."

I hated when they threw me parties.

"It'll be a small party. Just you me Kyra Tori and Jack. I promise," he said, "So I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sure, bye Alex" I waved. I dont even know how I made it to my apartment without passing out. As soon as I was in my room I fell asleep without even taking my shoes off.

The next day Kyra made me get ready at five so the two of us could drive down to Tori's house for my "party." I was pretty excited to get to hang out with my close friends, and it was my eighteenth birthday so that was pretty big.

But I had the worst feeling in my stomach. Today was the ninth anniversary of the day Dougie left me.

"Happy Birthday!" Jack hugged me a kissed me on the cheek as I walked into Tori's house. I smiled, "Thanks Jack."

"AH! Jasey!" Tori came flying at me, tackling me to the ground in a massive hug, "Happy 18th!"

"Thanks," I laughed from the ground, "Now get off me before I call 911 and report a rape."

Tori laughed and helped me up, then got us all a few drinks. The four of us sat around for a while drinking and talking, waiting for Alex to show up.

He never did. I tried not to let it get to me. I tried to have a good time. But I just couldn't. Plus with the sick feeling I got thinking about Dougie, I just didn't want to do much of anything.

"Where is he?" Tori asked from her couch.

"I dunno, he's supposed to be here." Jack sighed, "Jase, I'm sorry he said-"

"It's fine," I sighed. "It's okay. I don't mind. It's fun without him..."

Real convincing.

"No, the dude's being a dick and he ruined your birthday and I'm sorry," Jack argued.

"Don't be sorry, Jack. It isn't your fault. And trust me." I said as tears filled my eyes, "This isn't the worst birthday I've ever had."

"Don't cry," Tori and Kyra hugged me, "It'll be okay."

"Thanks for all this guys." I sniffed, wiping my eyes before my makeup started to smudge, "It really does mean a lot."

"Anything for you, babe!" Jack laughed, making me smile like he always can. My phone started ringing from my pocket, and I pulled out my phone.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Jasey." It was Alex.

"Listen, I don't want to hear it," I told him.

"No, Jase! Wait! don't hang up!" he begged, "Please. I didn't forget it was you birthday, I swear. It's just that....well I have a present for you.

But you need to come here to get it. Please?"

I looked around, then sighed, "Fine Alex. I'll be right over.

I hung up my phone, "That was Alex. Listen, do you guys mind if I go over to his place for a second? I'll be right back."

"Sure," everyone nodded and I went outside and hopped into my car. I was ready to tell Alex off when I got to his house. I had a really bad sense of deja vu. This reminded me of my birthday nine years ago. Someone I really care about always forgets.

I knocked on the door, ready to yell at Alex.

"Come in!" he called.

"Alex, I swear, this better be good because I'm real pissed at you right now," I called as I opened the door. It was dark inside, and I searched his wall for the light switch. I flipped it on and when I saw those two people standing in that room my hand flew up to my mouth and my eyes filled with tears.

Alex, who was standing on the right smiled while the boy next to him stood motionless, just like me. I'd recognize that face, those eyes, that blonde hair, anywhere even after all this time. But I stood speechless, letting a pool of tears spill out over my cheeks. And the boy opened his mouth, like he was going to say something, but he just stood speechless, mirroring me.

"Look what I found," Alex smiled, "Happy Birthday, Jasey Rae."