I know, I know, I took forever to update on this chapter and my excuse is still the same : college is a pain in the neck, even during winter break. And this chapter took me far more work than I thought. I'm still not completely happy with it but I think it's as good as it'll ever get.

All my love for those who reviewed and favorited and all my thnaks for your patience ! Happy new year to each and every one of you ;)

Callie xx

Chapter 11

Winter break is upon them a week later and her dad just called her to apologize, Linda and him will be leaving for Ireland to see her family, does she really mind staying at university for Christmas ? She lies and tells him it's fine, really, she had plans with the girls already and anyway, she wanted to study more on her dissertation thesis and go to the library. She hears the relief in her father's voice and she knows the lie was worth it. She tells him she loves him before hanging up.

In the living room, Rose and her boyfriend are making sure they have everything before going back to London, to Rose's mum's. Amy and Rory have already left for Leadworth this morning, with Martha and Rory's other flatmate, Mickey. Clara is slightly tempted to call them, to take up on Amy's offer to join them.

( " You know, if you don't fancy see your wicked stepmother's face for Christmas, come and see my future mother in law's." Rory sighs and Clara laughs. " No thanks, I'm actually looking forward to see my dad, even if it means seeing her." )

She finally decides against calling them, not wanting to hear Amy's well-meant compassion over the phone. The other obvious choice stares her in the face but she hesitates. He told her he'd go and have dinner with his sister for Christmas and New Year's Eve which meant he was staying in town for the duration of the break. She dials his number because she cannot stay and hide in her flat for the whole vacation, that would be immature and she is not that.

" Clara ?"

His voice startles her and she looks around before remembering she's on the phone.

"Hi there ! I… I'm not leaving town. I know I told you I would be but there was a change of plan and I'm here. So, you know. Maybe we could see each other, if you're not busy ?"

She hears him shuffling some papers and she guesses that he is at his desk, working on his research or some other projects and she curses herself. Of course he would be busy.

" Come now ? I'll have tea ready by the time you're here."

She smiles and agrees, hanging up after saying goodbye. She wishes Rose and John a safe journey before going and she is out of the door three minutes later, a warm coat over her red jumper and her scarf and gloves hastily put on. She's impatient to see him, even if she's not exactly sure what she's going to say to him about her sudden change of plans. The truth is a good option but she doesn't want him to think ill of her father or that she cannot handle herself for the duration of the break. She's not a little girl nor is she dependent on others to take care of herself.

A internal voice chides her, telling her that she's being obstinate over very little but the truth is that it hurts that her father chose to be with Linda's family rather than with her. Not that she is not aware of Linda's ways of persuasion, but her father's lack of resolution is a blow nonetheless.

She's in front of his door before long and he opens almost immediately after the first knock. She laughs to his confused face. Someone is very eager to see her, it would seem.

" Were you waiting for me behind the door ?" She enters and kisses his cheek before unwrapping her scarf.

"No." He lies. She raises an eyebrow but doesn't push the matter any further. We're all entitled to our little secrets from time to time. They get upstairs and her coat and gloves are put away while he gets her a fuming mug. The place is as messy as ever but it procures her a sense of comfort that her tidy room at home always fails to give her. She tries not to read too much into that as she sits with him on the couch, sipping her tea and ignoring his inquisitive gaze. She knows he won't ask if she doesn't want to say and she's grateful. However, she also knows she cannot pretend something is not the matter. They finish their tea in comfortable silence, his hand on her knee and her head on his shoulder.

She tells one truth and one lie :

"My father is flying to Ireland with my step-mother, so I'm staying here with Martha." He nods, looking at her. His hair is either in need of a cut or a hairbrush, she cannot decide. He is wearing his comfortable jumper and jeans and his hand reach under her chin so he can kiss her. It's tender, chaste even. There is reverence in his touch and it burns her, setting her bones on fire while she fails to catch her breath. She is in his lap almost instantly and she takes off her jumper while he fumbles with the attach of her bra. They knock books off the couch – bloody scholar – and she makes a short affair of his jeans. It's quick and heated, silent and full of unspoken curses against her father, Linda, Nina and him, even, for making it seem so damn easy to please her when everyone else is failing her.

They don't speak for a few minutes after it's over, both resting and wondering what just happened. She's on top of him, almost completely naked except for her skirt. He only misses his shirt and she's glad of it, of the lack of barrier between her ear and the thumping of his heart. His hand caresses her back while the other holds her. It's so simple, she thinks, to give herself to him. He always gladly receives. There is no wall, no façade to keep her out of reach. She loves him, she knows. She tightens her hold on him, praying to merciless gods that he might one day return the sentiment.

" I'm so glad I met you." She speaks before she comprehends her words but she doesn't regret them.

He doesn't miss a beat.

" I'm so glad I met you too."

xxxx

They gather their clothes after Clara begin to shiver. Well, he only misses his shirt. Clara has to find a few more items of clothing. He makes a game of guessing where her intimates are when they can't seem to find them until Clara realises he'd been hiding them all along – " Am I not allowed to keep souvenirs ?" – and she pinches him and tickles him until he surrenders them.

The mood from then on is lighter and she helps him decide what to make for dinner. " I have a feeling you're not a fan of yoghurt."

" Doctor, that's hardly a meal. No wonder you're so thin. You need to eat more."

" Yes, ma'am"

They settle on mac and cheese with a homemade tomato sauce from Clara. " I may not been Soufflé Girl but at least, I know how to cook tomatoes." The Doctor smirks and holds his tongue, still too painfully aware that the brunette can pinch.

They open a bottle of red wine and light two mismatched candles on their table, seating next to each other and stealing from the other's plate. The sauce is a success and he allows that maybe, she's not as bad a cook as he thought her to be.

" And since when are you an expert in cookery ? Got any PhDs in haute cuisine hidden somewhere in your magician get-up ?"

"Well, I've been cooking for myself for almost three decades, so you could say I'm no amateur."

She's taken aback by the number and takes a sip of wine to hide her shock. But really, she shouldn't be so surprised. She knew the moment she saw him that he had a good twenty years on her, if not more. He's not a young man anymore but he is hardly old. And she's not an innocent either. She realises it's the first time since they started seeing each other that she'd really taken into account their age difference. She'd ask him his age if she wasn't so afraid of his reaction. Or the answer for that matter. He's not yet fifty. At least, she doesn't think so. And she's nearly 27.

Her three years off traveling with Nina in Europe before college are what decided her to go into English literature. She loved writing about her travels and reading and teaching English on the road. It had shaped her idea of romanticism and love. She thought she had loved Nina. She remembers her, her long blond hair and her green eyes, teasing her under their tent, in Budapest. " You've got a way with words, Clara. You could sway any foe with one sentence. Hell, you could probably flirt with a mountain range !" They had laughed at their own silliness, thinking it would never end, that the world was their oyster. Silly, stupid girl.

She looks at John and she believes that his age doesn't matter as long as hers is not an issue for him either. Nina was her age and it ended with a heartbreak. Age is no guarantee of success. Just a random factor, a number to acknowledge. At least, it feels like that for Clara. She loves him for his atypical intelligence, his unspoken fears, his messiness, the brilliant sound of his laughter, the way he looks at her when they're washing the dishes, when they're making love and his whispers, in the black of the night, against her skin.

She helps him clear the table and she wants to go out for a walk with him.

" You do know it's freezing outside ? And won't your friend be waiting for you ?" She bites her lip, having forgotten about the lie. She should probably go home, keep the appearances up but she's tired of pretending and she tells him the truth. No one is waiting for her back at the flat.

" I didn't want to be a burden. I can take care of myself."

" I know you can. It doesn't mean you should stay alone. It's Christmas, Clara. You should be with your friends."

She looks away. " What if I wanted to stay with you ?" The confession makes him smile. " Well, in that case, that's what we'll do." She blinks at him, not sure if she's heard him correctly. " You mean…"

"Tomorrow you'll take some clothes from your flat, your toothbrush and your laptop and you're going to stay with me for the break."

Her heart swells and she fears that her ribcage might not contain it. She hadn't expected to see him every day during the break, let alone have him ask her to stay at his place. It's a bit much, this rush of conflicting feelings. She kisses him full on the lips because she doesn't trust her voice not to break if she tries to speak. He catches her, his arms around her waist, and the silent reply to his invitation saddens him. He had a first-hand experience at loneliness but never had he thought that witnessing it in someone else would almost bring him to his knees.

She is strong, he knows. He had been surprised by her from the very first day, how she was speaking up, flirting and apologizing in one breath. She was the prey of an inner turmoil that she didn't seem to manage very well. She just had learned how to preserve herself from external threats, with a cheeky grin and a bossy attitude. However, her disarming smile was her best defence but also her worst ally.

Now, the mask of control was finally cracking, making her gasp for air and letting her emotions show. He couldn't be sure how long she had been keeping up that act but his instincts told him that she had been for a very long time, a few years even.

She starts to go limp against him and he leads her to the bedroom, giving her an old t-shirt to sleep in. She sleeps ten minutes later, her head against his chest.

Xxxx

He calls Donna the next morning around ten, while Clara is still asleep. She answers immediately :

" Well, hello there. Missing you little sis' already ?"

" Very funny, I've got a favour to ask you."

He hears her laugh. " Of course you do. Spill the beans, spaceman."

" Can I bring someone over to dinner for Christmas ?"

" You mean… your new girlfriend ?"

He pinches the bridge of his nose and wonders if it was such a good idea after all. " Yes, her name is Clara and she's been abandoned by her family for the holidays. So, is it alright ?"

The victorious tone at the other end of the line makes him cringe : " Of course it is ! I'm sure she's delightful ! I can't wait to meet her !"

He thanks her and hangs up before he realises what a bad idea this is. But he can't avoid the matter any longer and Clara needs to get out and meet people that are not him or the coffee shop barista. Even if it is his own sister.