SPOV
Tray took off to go meet up with Sam and Alcide at the bar after he was done with his dessert. I told him I was fine and that he should go out. He had been sitting at home taking care of me for the last 2 weeks. I have to admit I was a little worried about my self control being left alone with Eric, but I kind of wanted to talk to him about what Claudine had said. That wasn't something that Tray should be present for. And it was also a subject that would definitely detour my brain from going anywhere near the gutter that it seemed to live in when Eric was around.
I grabbed another water bottle for myself and a beer for Eric before we went to sit down on the sofa in the family room. I sat down in the corner of our overstuffed sectional (my favorite spot), and threw a blanket over my legs. Eric sat down an appropriate distance away and put his feet up on the coffee table in front of him. I watched as he reached into his pocket to pull out his recorder.
"Hey, before you turn that on can I talk to you for a bit?" It was a true testament to how much better I was doing now that I was actually initiating a conversation about my past.
"Sure." He said hesitantly. "Is it about the article on the guys? Pam said you guys all okayed it."
"No, it's not that, but just so you know I thought the article was great. I know the guys are really excited about it." He looked relieved at that. "They've never minded talking about their lives to the press. They just decided that since I wasn't willing to, they wouldn't either. Pam liked the idea and said it would add the mystery to the band, so we agreed to only answer questions about the music and tour dates."
"So what did you want to talk about?"
"Claudine, um, she had kinda said that I could talk to you about my past, that you would understand…. that you would understand what it was like." I couldn't even look at him and my ears felt hot at the amount of embarrassment I felt bringing up our mutual abuse. I taking a large gulp of water when I felt him move closer to me on the couch. His voice was very quiet when he first started speaking.
"It's okay to talk about it Sookie. I told Claudine that if she thought it would help you, she could tell you. I told you I wanted to be your friend and I meant that." He reached out and lifted my chin so that I would look him in the eye. "So what did you want to know?" I stared at him for a moment then. The look in his eyes was so sincere and full of understanding. I reached up, took his hand and brought it down to my lap. I loved the feel of his hand in mine, so I didn't let go.
"I wanted to say thank you. I owe so much to you." I let go of his hand momentarily to rub my hands over my face in frustration. This was so hard for me. "What happened to you made me realize that none of it was my fault. I thought for a long time that it happened because I was a girl. And I am so sorry that it happened to you. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me when I was drowning in it all. I haven't felt this okay for a very, very long time and I owe you for that." Eric pulled my into a hug and I held onto him. I haven't talked to him more then a handful of times and he knew more about me then anyone of my close friends. I felt very tied to him.
"Anytime Sookie. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you." He squeezed me just a little bit harder. We sat there for a bit longer just hanging on to one another until we heard the phone ring and pulled apart. We listened as the answering machine picked up, it was Tray. "Hey Sug, we decided not to hit the bar after all. We're all over at Sam's place. Love you."
Instead of moving back to his original seat, Eric sat next to me with his arm across my shoulder. I didn't want him to move so I held onto his hand, so he wasn't able to pull his arm away, not that he tried. It was Eric that spoke first.
"So can I ask you something?" I nodded, extremely curious what he wanted to ask, considering how much he knew. "I wanted to ask about some of the rumors that surround you and the band?" I laughed at how cautious he was being. I knew the rumors and I'm sure it was Tray's "love you" to me that had him even broach the subject.
"Sure, what did you want to know?" Somehow I knew he was asking me as a friend and not as a journalist.
"I was wondering if you're romantically involved with anyone."
"No, I'm not currently involved with anyone romantically." I playfully nudged his ribs with my elbow, so he knew I understood what he was really getting at and said, "You know if you want to know if I've slept with them all, you can just ask." Since we were sitting so close I couldn't see his facial expression and I was oddly relieved when I heard him start to laugh. It was weird caring about what he thought of me.
"Okay, have you slept with them all?" I was about to answer, but he continued. "I kind of already figured out that nothing is going on with you and Tray. It's just that the way he talks about you, I could tell that he really loves you. And after I saw you two together at the bar the night we "meet," I asked Pam how long you two had been a couple." I started laughing. I couldn't help it, but instead of telling him what was so funny I let him continue. "She told me that nothing has ever gone on between you and Tray. So I'm curious about the validity of the other rumors and now I'm even more curious why you're laughing at me."
"Did Pam tell you anything else?" I was still giggling, I couldn't help it.
"No, well she teased me about being interested in you." Huh, that was interesting. I knew he liked me, he told me as much at the cemetery, but I wondered why Pam hadn't said anything to me. She always takes the opportunity to tease me whenever she gets the chance.
"So she never mentioned that she and I were together?" I can feel myself tense with worry over what I've just told him.
"Really?" His voice breaks and he sits up so he can look at me. "You and Pam?" Oh god, I should have known. He's smirking at me and I just know that he has already conjured up a visual of Pam and I together. Of course he's like every other male in my life. They all teased us asking if they could join in or just watch when they found out. Alcide was the worst, of course. You could tell Sam was embarrassed when he found out, but not enough to stop him from telling me that it only raised his esteem for me. Well at least my filthy mind was in good company.
"Yep, me and Pam."
"Was it serious?" Shit, how did I explain this part. Truth, he could handle the truth.
"Um, no. I ended it when I started getting help. We weren't anything more then a hook up, but I felt guilty that I had basically used Pam. She and I had a long discussion about it and well… well, basically, she said we weren't serious and you can't exactly use the willing. So we were using each other. Does that make sense?"
EPOV
God did that ever make sense. She looked nervous that I might not approve of her actions. Which was ridiculous, considering my own past.
"Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I take it that Pam never talked to you about my past then." She looks a little worried and I find out why when she asks her next question.
"Did you sleep with Pam, too?"
"No. Since we met she's only been into women and women alone. Although I did hear that there was one guy one time, but that experience pretty much just reassured what she already knew. That men just didn't do it for her." I watch her relax and I take a breath to steady my resolve. I had to be honest with her. "I knew Pam before I met Claudine." I know she'll understand that I meant it was before I got help with my own demons. "I've changed a lot since Pam and I first met. Back then I did use women for sex and Pam was the perfect wingman." I take another breath and prayed that she understood. "After I left my godfather's home I felt the need to prove to myself that I was a man and that translated into sleeping with a lot of women. Later on it turned into an escape for me." I told her how I had justified using them by telling them it was a one time thing and that if they were hurt in the end that it had been their fault to believe that I would change for them. I also explained how I ended up meeting Claudine and how I knew what she was going through because I had been where she is. "So after I got things figured out, a lot of the friends I had weren't so interested in the person I became, except for Pam. She's the only one that knew me beyond all that bullshit anyway." I watched her face carefully for any sign as to what she was feeling. But I couldn't figure anything out.
"I get it, believe me I get it. And don't worry I'm not freaked out by it." She must be better at reading me then I am her. Either that or she can read minds. "I'm glad you got help and not just because it's benefiting me." She smiled then. "Can I ask if you've been in a relationship since then?"
"No, I've dated some, but nothing serious. Pam's been on a quest to find me a girl for a while now."
"How long has it been since you've changed?"
"It's been a long while now."
"You're not going to tell me?"
"Not yet, but I will, just not right now."
"So is it safe to assume that you're hesitant to tell since it correlates to how long it's been since you've sleep with someone?"
"Yep and now I am going to take the focus off of myself and go get some more of that cobbler that you made. Did you want some more?" She nodded her head yes and I got up. I grabbed my empty beer bottle and her water bottle and went to get us some more dessert for both of us. When I got back to the couch I handed her her bowl and sat down where I had been sitting before I got up. It felt good being this close to her and I didn't think she minded, since she rested her head on my shoulder when I sat back down.
"So there's you and Pam, what about the others?" I asked.
"Um… well as you know nothing ever happened between Tray and me, but that was mutual. We both knew the brother/ sister zone was it for us. And Sam was interested until he met Daphne, but he's just too sweet." She shrugged.
"So the sibling zone and a nice guy, huh? You're just mean." I teased.
"Oh come on, you have to know Sam pretty good by now. Can you honestly see the two of us together?" No I couldn't see them together and not just because I was to busy seeing us together.
"No, you're right I can't see you and Sam together. So that's leaves Alcide. What's the story between you, too? I know he's happy with Maria-Star now, but you guys have known each other for longer then they've been a couple." I wasn't worried that they were harboring feelings for one another even if they had been involved ay one point. I was asking purely for the sake of getting to know her.
"Well you know how Alc joined the band right? I'm sure one if not all of them told you, right?" Yep, they all told me, but instead of teasing her I just nodded my confirmation. "So Alc has always been kind of attached to one crazy girl or another, Maria-Star excluded, of course." I nodded again. "But one night after our first really big gig, we were all out partying pretty hard and he just so happened to be unattached at that point. Anyway he and I ended up being the last two people awake and in our drunken stupor decided that making out would be an okay thing to do. One thing lead to another and things heated up considerably. I ended up going down on him and when he tried to reciprocate I freaked out, big time. We joke about it now, but at the time he was really upset by my reaction. He tried to talk to me about it, but I refused to tell him anything. I remember being afraid he'd leave the band, obviously that never happened. We may still flirt, but after that, it's completely innocent flirting."
"So you've only been with Pam then?" It was hard not to ask her why she freaked out on Alcide, but I knew I needed to let it go. If she wanted me to know, she'd tell me.
"Yeah just Pam." She looks uncomfortable, so I decide to make a joke instead asking what was bothering her.
"Wow, what would the fans think? Aren't you suppose to be a succubus or something? What would Rev Newlin say?" She started laughing, I loved making her laugh.
We had both finished our second dessert, so took her bowl and set it on the coffee table, along with my own. I fought the urge to kiss her by putting my arm around her and holding her to me instead. She felt so warm and perfect next to me, that I didn't want to let go. So I didn't. We sat curled up next to each other on the couch talking about some of my weirdest interviews for the next hour or so. I'm not sure when it happened, but we both fell asleep.
I woke up to Tray coming home around 7 o'clock the next morning. He smiled at me and shook his head on his way through the house to his room. When he was out of sight I looked down at Sookie and realized that she was still wrapped around my side and that our fingers were still laced together. I seriously thought about leaving, this was too intimate for the friendship we were trying to have. But in the end, I decided that staying made more sense. It was rude to leave without saying goodbye, right? And I didn't feel right about waking her up, so I stayed. It had nothing to do with that fact that she felt too good in my arms to leave her or how wonderful she smelled. Then there was the reality that I wasn't sure how long it would be, if ever, before I would get to do this again. So I stayed.
SPOV
I woke up on the couch with my arms wrapped around a still sleeping Eric. I smiled to myself thinking about how good it felt to lay there next to him. I looked over to the clock and saw that it was almost 8. Sam would be here in the next 30 minutes for our morning yoga ritual, so I needed to get up and get changed. I, begrudgingly, began to wiggle my way off of the couch. I hadn't made it very far when I felt Eric's arms tighten around me. He pulled me back to where I started and I swear I heard smell me, before he sighed. I giggled and patted his chest. I watched him slowly wake up and when he finally looked at me he smiled brightly.
"Hey." He whispered.
"Hey, um, did you just smell me?" I giggled at the embarrassment that crossed his face. "I'll take that as a yes." He rolled his eyes at me then.
"Your fault, you smell good." He reasoned.
"My fault, huh?" He nodded. "I gotta get up and get moving. Sam will be here soon. If you want you can go crash out in my bed or you can join us."
"What are you guys doing?"
"Yoga." He laughed.
"I'll pass, but thanks for the invite."
"Do you have any plans today?" I hope I'm not coming off as clingy, but I just wanted to hang out with him for a little bit longer.
"Not at all, how about you?"
"The guys and I are having a barbeque this afternoon and I was wondering if you wanted to come. We try to have one every Sunday and there's usually about 20 people or so that show up. There will probably be at least that many people this week, since I was outta commission for the last couple of weeks." I smiled and bat my eyelashes him, hoping he'll come.
"Are you cooking?" He reaches up and brushes the hair away that has fallen in my face.
"Well duh." I say sitting up.
"In that case, of course I'll be here. Do you need me to bring anything?" he asks and I shake my head no. "Okay then. I'm going to head home, shower and get some laundry done. What time should I come back?" I shake my head clear of the barrage of images of him in a shower that has filled my mind and tell him everyone starts showing up around 2, but the food won't be ready til around 4.
"I'll be back at 2 then." We get up and I walk him to the door and hug him goodbye. After I close the door behind him I start my little happy dance, hoping to stop the squeal that is threatening to come out. Shit, he makes me feel so retarded. I think to myself as I realize I have a perma grin that ain't leaving my face anytime soon.
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Sam shows up 10 minutes later and my face is aching from smiling so much. He looks at me weird, but instead of saying something we get started. After and hour of contorting ourselves in ways that just shouldn't happen, he follows me into the kitchen. Tray's in there getting himself a cup of coffee and hands me my morning handful of vitamins and a bottle of water. I jokingly scowl at the cup in his hand.
"You're almost there Sook, just a little bit longer." He laughed.
"Sookie doesn't need that anymore," Sam chimed in, "she was in a good mood this morning without it."
"Is that so?" Tray raised an eyebrow at me. I wasn't sure what time Tray got home, but the look on his face let me know he knew where I slept and with who.
"Sorry to disappoint you Sam, but coffee is in my near future." Sam shrugs in acceptance, completely unaware that Tray is insinuating anything.
Sam needed to go because he was have breakfast with Daphne. He told us they'd be by later for the barbeque and gave a me a kiss on the cheek before he left.
"So how did everything go last night after I left?" Tray asked. I rolled my eyes at him.
"It went just fine. Thanks for asking." He just stared and waited to see if I was going to say anything else. When I didn't he decided to speak again.
"So nothing happened?"
"No nothing happened. We talked and we ended up falling asleep on the couch together. And by the way you're acting, I know that you already know that, don't you?" He chuckled.
"So did you invite him to the barbeque?" I knew where he was heading with this.
"Not as a date, just a friend."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yeah Tray I'm sure. I like him, I really do. But I can't be more then friends with him right now. He knows that, we've talked about it." He looks surprised about that. "We both know that we like each other and he said that he wants to be friends until I am ready."
"I told you he was a good guy." He gloated.
"So, I was thinking I should call Lafayette and invite him too. He use to close up his restaurants on Sunday, since there wasn't many folks that went out to eat after church services."
"Well that sounds like a fine idea." He gave me a hug and handed me the phone before he left the room. He had the biggest smile on his face and I wasn't sure if it was about Eric and me or if it was the fact that I was willing to invite a bit of my past into my present. Maybe it was both.
I dialed a number I hadn't called in over to 8 years. The phone only rang twice before a very sleepy Lafayette answered.
"Bitch, you knows I'm sleeping. Why the hell you calling me?" I looked at the clock and saw it was just passed 10.
"Jesus Laf, get your ass outta bed? It's too late to bed in bed still."
"Sooks, that you?" I heard his sheets moving through the phone.
"Yeah Laf, it's me. Sorry it's been so long, I've been kinda busy." My eyes started burning with tears. I was so afraid he'd yell at me or just hang up.
"I know you been busy, girl. We got TV out here. And I have seen your fine ass on it a time or two." He laughed. "Who cares about why you haven't called before now. All that matters is that you are now." That was it, I started crying.
"I've missed you so much, Laf." I sniffled into the phone.
"Awe girl, none of that now. You know I miss you too. You callin' to tell me that yous finally comin' for a visit? You can bring that fine piece of ass, bass player, you got to make up for taking so long to call me."
"Actually, I was kinda hoping you could come out here this afternoon, to Shreveport, for a barbeque I'm having." I said. "I know it's late notice and all."
"Sure I'll be there, baby girl. What time you need me?"
"Why don't you get here a little early, so we can catch up before everyone else gets here. How's 1 o'clock sound?"
"That only gives me a couple hours to make myself fabulous, but I'll make."
I gave him my address and directions on how to get here. We say our goodbyes and hang up. I run through the house to Tray's room and knock on the door before opening it.
"He's coming Tray." I blurt out, completely ecstatic and overwhelmed by how good I feel.
"Of course he is Sug." He gave me a squeeze and laughed at how overly excited I was.
After I calmed down, I spent the rest of the morning cooking, while Tray cleaned for the party. I had everything in their perspective marinades or rubs, getting them ready for the grill and all of the different salads I made in the fridge (macaroni salad, potato salad, fruit salad, pasta salad and even a seafood pasta salad). Tray had stocked the extra fridge with all kinds of beers and sodas. The desserts and appetizers would be coming with the guests. With everything preset, I decided to hop into the shower.
I raced through my shower, so I'd be ready by the time Lafayette got here. I was nervous about seeing him again, my heart was racing. It was only the second time my past would be introduced to my present. Well if you counted Bill's brief intrusion backstage after our last show. The major deference between that and now was that I was proud to call Laf my friend and Bill Compton was someone I hoped to never hear from again. I knew I was kidding myself with that hope, but with everything else going on, my issues with him were just going to have to wait.
I had my hair, make up and nail polish (hooker red, of course) finished and was carefully sliding into my favorite 1950s retro sun dress. It had a square neckline, wide straps and a form fitting skirt that came to just below my knee. The straps and skinny belt were cherry red, but the rest of the dress was white with little red poppies on it. It fit my curves so perfectly that I swear I was born in the wrong decade. I grabbed my red wedge espadrilles with Eric's height in mind and headed for the front door when I heard the door bell. I was half way there when I heard Tray yell that he'd get it. I took the extra minute I was given to lean against the wall to buckle the ankle straps of my shoes before I went to find Laf and Tray. When I came around the corner Laf surprised me with a super girly squeal before he charged me and picked me up. He was spinning me around while I attempted to make sure he and Tray had introduced themselves.
"You really think I don't already know that fine boys name, Sook? I told yous I seen your fine ass on TV and you can bet I noticed all your man candy that you been surrounding yourself with." He still hadn't but me down and seemed to be doing an up close inspection of my face, but really he was looking me in my eyes. He had a way of reading me, that was always right and I wouldn't be able to hide it if I weren't really okay. When he was done he set me down and took in the rest of me as well. When his eyes finally met mine I could see the tears in his eyes.
"Oh now, none of that, Laf. You'll ruin both of our make up." I teased. In true Lafayette fashion he was all done up. From his sparkly purple eye shadow to his purple toe nail polish that I could see peeking out of the front of his leather sandals. I had seen him in dresses before, but today he opted for an embroidered white button up and a pair of jeans. They were bejeweled, but it was still toned down for him even with the nail polish and make up.
"Yous a sight, girl. You lookin' good as I ever seen." I watched as he expertly dried his eyes without messing up his makeup with the hankie he pulled from his pocket.
"Thanks Laf, you look real good too, but you already know that." I smiled when he winked at me.
"Of course I know it, but its always nice to hear it. So baby girl, is he really yours like dem papers say or do you share?" I watched as he looked over to Tray and check him out.
"Oh he's mine alright, but he's more or less taken over your job. He looks out for me just as good as you did."
"So he's fair game then?" Tray cleared his throat and Laf and I started laughing. "Don't you worry none, precious. My Jesus won't let me touch anyone but him, so yous safe."
"You didn't tell Alcide anything about your friend, Laf, here did you Sug?" Tray asked and then smiled brightly when shook my head no.
"You aren't friends with da haters now are you, baby girl?" Laf looked confused.
"No nothing like that Laf. All my guys are more a "to each their own" kinda people. It's just that a couple years back Alcide pissed Pam off pretty bad, so she "leaked" info that he was gay. Then set it up so some photographers got him coming out of a gay bar. She was the one that took him there and he was only in there for 5 minutes before he figured it out, but the photographers were there waiting. Let's just say after that, he gained a new following and every once in a while he gets an over zealous fan." Tray laughed then at my under statement. And decided to take over from there.
"Since Alcide doesn't want to alienate any of his fans he won't come out and say he's straight. He doesn't want anyone to think he thinks there's anything wrong with being gay, so he just keeps quiet. Poor Maria-Star gets accused of being his beard or just his hag all the time. We've been known to set him up a time or two." Tray finished there.
"So yous saying I gets to have me some fun?" Tray and I both nodded. "Well alright."
"I'll let Maria-Star know so she won't swoop in and save him. She enjoys the game just as much as the rest of us." I said.
Tray took off to go grab the ice for the barbeque, leaving Laf and I to get caught up. He followed me into the kitchen so I could make him a banana daiquiri and grab a water bottle for myself.
"So other then yous still running your lil practical jokes, baby girl, hows you been?" Laf questioned.
"I'm better then good, Laf." I looked at him in the eye so he understood that I wasn't just saying it. "So you and Jesus finally stopped fucking around and got serious?" Jesus ran the business side of Laf's restaurant while he worked in the kitchen. When I was working there they hadn't made it past the steeling glances phase of there relationship. It drove me crazy to watch them move so slowly, but I kind of understood it. Being an outcast your whole life makes it hard to trust and giving up a friendship for a relationship that may not work, just seemed stupid. I was ecstatic to hear they were together.
"Uh huh, we actually made it to Vegas last year to make it official." I squealed when he showed me the ring I hadn't noticed earlier.
"If I had known you two were together now I would have invited him too."
"Well that's fine an all, but I wanted you to all to myself for a little bit. Don't you worry none, now that I knows where y'all live, we'll be visiting. What about you girlie, you get yourself a special someone? I read all about you an that Miss Pamela Ravenscroft in the tabloids?"
"Just between us, yes, we were together, but it wasn't ever anything serious."
"So you don't got yourself a lady, hows abouts a man?" He asked.
"Nope." I popped the p and hoped he wouldn't notice the smirk I couldn't contain.
"Nuh uh, baby girl, I saw that." He laughed. "That's fine if yous not gonna tell me just yet, but you knows if your boys here today I'm gonna be able to tell."
"There is a guy, but I'm working through some stuff, so we're friends, for now." I looked up to see him smiling at me. "You actually met him already. He was at the restaurant a few months back." I watched the wheels in his head spin as he tried to figure it out. It didn't take long before it clicked for him and a sour expression took over his face.
"I'm not saying he ain't fine, baby girl. But are you sure it's okay, him being a reporter and all?" He trailed off there, looking worried for me.
"Yeah Laf, I'm sure. I know he's a journalist and he's actually putting out a bunch of articles about the band." He still looks like he wants to object, not convinced that I should trust Eric. Instead of letting him start his argument I decide to just tell him. "If it weren't for him Laf, I'm not sure I'd be standing here right now. He, um, he helped me get some long over due help." I feel tears prick my eyes. "I was suffocating in everything from before and he saw it and pulled me back from destroying myself." He gets up from his seat and moves closer to me. He pulls out his hankie and cleans up my tears and pulls me into a hug.
"Okay, baby girl, I'll give him a shot. But if that boy hurts you, he's answerin' to me." I laugh at him then.
"God Laf, I missed you so much."
"Me too, baby girl, me too."
Hello, I thought I'd have this up sooner, but things have been a little crazy here. Spring break is next week and I can't figure out if I'll have more time for writing or less. With 4 kids to entertain, it's anyones guess. Anyways hope you like the new chapter and thanks to those of you who do take the time to review, you're awesome!
And as always, voyeurs welcome.