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*Many thanks to Numina for the editing this chapter. They have been extremely helpful and accommodating*

Her Fugue, His Lie, and Their Story

Chapter 11: Just a Man

"I knew it."

The abrasive chill in her voice set Severus frozen in place. For a fleeting moment he thought she was angry but the longer he observed her, standing there looking almost translucent against the vivid blue sky, the more transparent things became. She wasn't angry, she was hurt, and that made her even more dangerous.

Severus kept very still, not quite trusting himself to make a movement or compose a thought to say out loud. Any action on his part seemed treacherous and she wanted to say something- she wanted to say something badly. He could tell by the way her eyes were welling up with tears and her rosy lips kept trembling away from forming any type of comprehensible word.

"McGonagall told me once that on the night of that battle she had to duel Voldemort," Hermione began at length, her voice wavering back and forth on the thin line of control, "She said that she had to come so close to him that she could see the whites of eyes- that she looked him straight in the eye- and so I asked her what she saw, naturally thinking she wouldn't even be able to say for sheer horror, but she did and you know what? She said she saw a man, just a man because sometimes there could be nothing more frightening in the world. Well, I couldn't understand her then, but I think I do now. It's terrifying."

Severus continued to stand there, brow furrowed in genuine concern. Although he couldn't quite make out what she was saying, her tone was accusing enough to put him on high defense, like a snake burrowing underground before the storm.

"What nonsense are you talking about?"

"How could you?" she asked in a rather strangled, crestfallen voice, completely ignoring his question "All this time I've been telling myself that you didn't, that you couldn't have, and all this time I've been blind. You told me I was a fool once, and you were right."

For an intelligent man, the fragments of what she was insulating came together slowly, like the last two pieces of a puzzle finally falling into place. Once the realization was upon him he sighed, a soul-deep, body deflating sigh which must of confused Hermione because she took a cautious step back.

Severus stared at her. He thought she looked beautiful even if she was calling him a monster. He had lied, tortured, he had even killed- there were so many horrific scenes in his life to choose from but this one might have been the worst.

"Say something!" Hermione demanded in the face of his silence, "Aren't you ashamed?"

Severus did feel ashamed- deeply ashamed that he had thought she might have considered him anything more than what he was. He couldn't explain everything -he was a spy, he was a killer, he was a man. His blind, complacent faith in the future had suddenly been scratched away by the fact that his sins had already cost him his life. Now it was about salvaging what was left. Now he was angry.

"You honestly think I- You think I raped you?" Hermione flinched, "You think I cursed and then tried to kill you?"

"I don't think, Severus, I know." she spit, seemingly encouraged by his ability to speak. Her hands were in white-knuckled fists at her sides as she regained the ground she had lost towards him. "I've been doing a bit of reading too, and you know what, I think I always knew it was you. Deep down in my chest where I can feel your heart beating itself relentlessly against mine, I knew something wasn't right. It's not a wonder we're connected, you took away a million pieces of me that night. You left nothing but a shell to spare. I know I said I didn't care what you did during the war but it turns out I do, and I can never forgive you. I don't care what the rest of the bloody world thinks!"

There was a silence between them only interrupted by Hermione's sharp breathing. He watched her chest heave up and down, realizing there, this was what it meant to survive. It was messy and confounding and bloody. And at that moment especially, it seemed so unclean, as if death was not accustomed to being cheated and it was cackling in the face of the person who thought they just might have skated by with a life left to live.

"You're wrong." Severus felt the words slip out of his mouth like tar. He didn't want to look at her anymore, he wanted nothing more than to slink out of the blazing sunshine and back into the tall shadows of the world. "You're so wrong."

Hermione's lip trembled again, this time with fury, "I don't think so."

"Do you want to know what happened that night?"

"I already-"

"-will you just shut up and stop being an insufferable know-it-all for once in your life?" he barked, feeling more irate than he had ever in his life. Didn't he deserve it? "I want to show you something."

Severus pulled what seemed to be pocket watch out of his robe but with a flick of his wand, the thing had turned into a basin of churning water. Once again, Hermione teetered backward.

"It's a pensieve. I won't tell you not to be afraid of it, but you knew what it was once. Albus Dumbledore gifted it to me after I turned spy for him and his army in 1981," said Severus, raising his wand to his forehead and relocating a wispy substance to the water in the basin, "I've kept it with me ever since. He told me it was the only true way to face my demons, perhaps it's time you finally get face yours, Hermione."

"I'm only interested in one demon."

"I think you'll find him there."

A/N: Thank you for being loyal to this story. I will finish it eventually, don't give up on me. Any comments/criticism is helpful and appreciated.