Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid in any way, shape of form.
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10. Clue
So are we going to do this? I don't know.
Sitting on the railing across from Len's door, kicking my legs through the gaps between the iron rods, part of me really doesn't want to do this. Then why are we even bothering? Because in order to move on, to make a choice, we need to know, just how much is enough? But this has nothing to do with that. But Len's hiding something. That he is. We have to know what we're dealing with. There's no other way.
And what about us? What do you mean? He knows we're hiding stuff too. It's pretty obvious actually. Will we answer him back? I don't know. Maybe? Or at least partially? I don't know. I don't want him to hate us. I don't want him to leave. So is that it? In return for his honesty, we'll keep lying? I…I don't know. Why is being happy so hard? We were never supposed to have it to begin with. Right.
So are we going to do this? I guess so.
Staring at the door, the dents notched into the inorganic material, everything keeps changing. So this is no different. Really, it's not. Just get up and knock on the door. You know he's home. You know he'll let you in. But I'm scared. I don't want to end up regretting this. Come on. We won't. How do you know? I don't. The future is uncertain like that. Hey? Yeah? I have no idea what we're trying to do. I know. We can't leave. I know. There's no point in trying to do this. I know. We'll both die anyways. No! No? I want Len to live. …Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Why didn't we think of that before? Because it seemed inevitable. Is it not anymore? I'm not so sure anymore. Saints, this is all so pointless.
So are we going to do this? Yeah.
Slipping off the railing, my dress drags heavily, clinging to my body even as my hair slaps against my back. Behind me, the rain pours down mercilessly. Standing in front of the door, knocking three times, it's easy to hear the movement behind the door. Breath trapped in my lungs, Len calls out "Who is it?" and it's unexpectedly hard to say something as simple as my name. Because what if we haven't done enough? What if Kiyoteru was wrong? What then?
But the door swings open and there's Len, a look of pleasant surprise on his face. "Hey there Pretty Girl. There are sneakier ways to slip into my bedroom, you know." Joking easily, his fingers clutch the doorway, quickly turning white. But then he looks, he really looks and then there's concern written all over his face. "Jeez Miku! You're drenched!"
So I am. "Yeah. So now you have to let me in."
Chuckle pushing past his lips, he easily places a kiss on my lips and murmurs "As if I'd turn away a pretty thing like you." Sometimes, I really wish you would.
Grabbing my hand, he pulls me inside. There's a small dingy window, a single bed, a small bedside table, a single closet, a lone table with a pair of chairs and a door that most likely leads to a small bathroom. It's just like our room, isn't it? Water drips behind us, me, it's a mess. It's a shame really. The architectures don't believe in variety. Not for the poor anyways. We're not worth the trouble. Ha! True.
Placing me in a chair, Len grabs a towel and starts on my hair. Fighting with my hair ties, water splatters all over the floor, I'm surprised I don't have fish swimming through there. Are you kidding me? That'd be nasty. But Len says nothing, he's probably not even bothered. Humming under his breath, I just want to know one simple thing, the almost silence is nice, absolutely nerve-wracking, don't you dare back down now. Leaving the towel around my neck, he rummages through his closet, probably looking for something I can wear. A sheepish smile on his face, it's clear he doesn't have anything my size. I'm not surprised. But still, he grabs a shirt and a pair of pants and places them on my lap. Kissing me on the cheek, he heads into the bathroom without a word and shuts the door. The lock clicks.
Standing up to change, it's almost surprising how much bigger Len is from me. The shirt alone hangs to my thighs, I don't want to imagine the pants. I'll probably be better off not wearing them. Who needs those anyways? But I have to say, this is a nice shirt. Uh-huh. It smells just like him. I think I'll take this home with me. Haha, why not?
Coming out of the bathroom, his face slightly damp, Len's eyebrows rise when they land on me. His hands shaking ever so slightly, I can feel the smirk on my face. The words, "Like what you see?" tumble without a thought and I wonder how many of my questions will be answered tonight.
Leaning against a wall, he says "Always" and I know it's true. Walking over to him, my arms wrap around him and it's worrying because I haven't even started asking my questions yet and already Len seems to be falling apart. It's a little hard to believe everything will be all right when he acts this way, every time a little worse than the last.
Pressed against his chest, my head tucked under his head, sometimes, I wish I could stay here forever, wrapped up in his embrace. I bet the world would seem better that way. So please Len? Make it so that I can't kill you. Tell me I've done enough. You should have escaped when you had the chance. Pulling us both toward the bed, we land in leap and Len's fingers grasp me tighter, his breath hitches, his heart rate jumps to an unsteady beat.
Curling on top of him, the usual words flow past my lips, "It's okay." Curling my fingers in his hair, pressing a short, chaste kiss to his lips, "It's fine, Len." You're not the only one here who's defective. I don't mind. Really. It's now or never.
"Len. I need to ask you something important."
"…Ok."
Taking a deep breath, the words come out easier than expected. "Why did you leave your home?" Why were you disowned? Who were you before? What are you running from?
"Miku…" Fingers clutching my hips, haphazardly tangled in my hair, his voice comes out strained.
"Please Len. I need to know. I really, really need to know. "
"Mi- "
"Did you know? The other day, someone told me that it'd be okay if I decided to be happy. They said…that I've done enough. But I'm not sure…I'm not sure Len. Did I really? I'm not sure. And the more I keep thinking, the more I don't know. And then I started to wonder, who were you, before you met me? Because if I really have done enough and decide to leave it all behind…I don't know Len. It's frightening. It didn't use to be this difficult. Everything was so easy, I knew exactly what to do and what was expected of me. Just…who were you Len?"
Holding me so tight, Len's heart beats under my head. I wonder how long that'll last. Today? Tomorrow? A couple years from now? Just how much time do we have anyways? I would really love it if it lasted eternity.
"Hey Miku?"
Taking deep breaths, I can sense Len's acceptance before he says it. "Yeah?"
"If I tell you this…do you promise not to hate me afterwards?"
It's funny sometimes, how these things turn out, the things we fear. "Len…there isn't much that would make me hate you."
"Miku…I'm scared…that if you knew what happened, you'd become disgusted with me. I'm scared you'll want nothing to do with me. I don't want you to leave. Please don't leave me."
Well fuck. "Len…I don't know if I can promise that. I…Len…Just know, that whatever you tell me, I'll always love you more."
Nails digging into my skin, "Miku – "
"Please Len. I need to know. You won't disgust me. At least for now, I won't leave. So tell me a story, ok? Tell me, why are you so scared of sex?"
Holding me tight, his body shaking, we're the worst. I know. We're being selfish. I know. But we have to know what we're dealing with. There's no other way. Because if we do run, somewhere far away and over the hills, my past won't be the only one to chase after us. That is something I know for sure.
"Tell me Len, who were you before you met me?"
And so he did. That night, curled around me, Len told me a story. Pressed against his chest, with his fingers tangled in my hair, his voice floating above me, it went something like this.
There was a girl, a boy and their mother. Of course there were other people, like the servants and their father but they didn't really matter as much.
The girl and boy, they were twins, little blonde beauties. Together, they were two parts to a whole. Hands clasped, hearts connected, their identity was defined as an entity. They were so sure that one could never exist without the other. They were going to be together, forever. After all, they were meant to be.
Living in the Central Blok in a secluded mansion surrounded by sprawling fields, their world was a small one, unnaturally microscopic. They were happy. Their mother was wonderful, the servants were kind and loving, their father was barely there, everything was perfect.
And then, one day, it wasn't.
Sitting at the dining table, polished and haughty, their father announced that he'd be going on a trip, somewhere far away. His wife was to come with him. And like the good and obedient wife she was, she agreed. They left the next day.
Crying in front of the doorway, they begged her not to go, to stay with them, they loved her more. Smiling fondly, she kissed them goodbye, "Be good." "I'll come back soon."
She never did come back. Hideki and Lola Kagamine died two days later. Someone had strapped a bomb to their car. There were no survivors. It was bound to happen eventually.
The relatives started passing by soon after that, strangers dressed in black. Their whispers filled the house, muted by the obligatory wailing. The fortune. "Oh how could this happen?" Billions of Ethas. "They were such kind people!" Don't you know how many companies they owned? "How tragic!" The connections they have - had? "They'll be dearly missed!" And look at this house… "You poor dears." It's magnificent. "I'm so sorry for your loss." It could all be ours. "I wish I could help…" Ugh. But those brats…
It's a little sad sometimes, how helpless children are.
Weeks passed, and the relatives came and left until there was only one, an uncle from their father's side. It was decided that he would take care of the twins until they were old enough to claim their inheritance.
Sitting in front of them, legs crossed, he looked so kind. He seemed so kind. Looking into his eyes, so different from their father's, they thought they could be happy with him, like everything could be perfect once again.
Seated in front of the balcony window, hands intertwined, it was hard not to be hopeful.
The first clue was the car. Rolling into the driveway, inky and shining, it reeked of money and power.
The second clue was the family, the one that was never mentioned beforehand. At best, it was a marvelous surprise. Stepping out from the passenger seat was an elegant woman with cascading blonde curls and oversized sunglasses. Following behind her was a boy, a few years older than them, with wheat blonde hair and icy blue eyes. Perfection never looked so attainable until then. At worst, well…
Running down the stairs, so unbearably close, the frailest of images really do shatter easily. Greeted by disinterest and distain, it was easy to connect the dots. The family name, the money, the power. That was all the people in their driveway ever wanted. And they got it. Dinner was really quiet that day. No one came to say goodnight. The old staff was fired the next day.
The boy, Leon, was a terror. Destroying everything in his path, because he wanted to, because he could, because the maids liked his smile and pretty blue eyes, his was the worst kind of enemy, the kind they couldn't win against.
And so, they kept to themselves. They had each other. They didn't need any one else. All they needed was the other. Everything would be fine. After all, they were meant to be. They were going to be together, forever. Everything would be ok. They were sure of it.
Years passed. Their uncle took over the family name while their aunt spent all the money. And Leon…well, he found new toys to break. It became normal, to hear him, them, moaning, whining, from his room, the nooks in the hallway, everywhere really.
And somewhere, between all that time, things changed, as they do, as they should. So minute in the present, it grew and melded until it was impossible to ignore. But the clues were always there.
The girl started to disappear from time to time, categorizing the disappearances as "feminine problems." Her legs wobbled, she smelled odd, messy hair, burn marks from her curling iron, it should have been obvious to just about anyone. It was definitely obvious to the maids, who gave them pitying looks as they passed by. But it's amusing, how strong desire can be, especially when it comes to the things that don't want to be seen.
He found them in a guest room, his twin and Leon. Legs tangled, her back arched, his hand on her breast, it's the last thing anyone expects really, their other half having sex with the enemy.
Frozen by the doorway, he couldn't move, he couldn't look away, compelled to watch even in his horror and disgust. Anger boiling under his skin, at her, at Leon, at himself, the world spun at dizzying speeds, hopelessly beyond his control, when did things become so wrong?
And then their eyes met. Horror and sadness and embarrassment and shame and regret and pain and regret, WHY? They hated him! He was their enemy! How could she let him touch her like that? What had gone wrong?
But the clues were always there. And in a way, he had always known. He just didn't want to see it. How selfish. He should have known! He was her other half, wasn't he? HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! How many times did she secretly ask for his help, to be saved? How many times did he ignore her out of convenient ignorance? The clues were always there.
But he didn't want to see them. He didn't want to connect the dots. So time did it for him. Games should always reach their completion.
Squeezing her eyes shut, opening them again, she mouthed for him to go, to leave, please. But he didn't. So he stood there, compelled to watch even in his horror and shame.
And then Leon turned around. "What do we have here?" he said. "Do you want to join in on the fun, Lenny boy?" he asked. "Your sisters screams beautifully in bed, did you know?"
Switching positions, his sister on display, he could see everything and even still, he couldn't move. (Sometimes…I can still hear her screaming.)
Sitting there, hips thrusting, Leon looked so proud. "You know, this little twin relationship you have going on here is real cute."With his hands grabbing all over her body, he crowed, "Little Rinny here was the only girl in this entire fuckin' place that constantly kept refusing me." Head hanging, her tears dripped onto her thighs. "But it's funny." Grabbing her hair, wrenching her head back, "Because the moment I mentioned your name and your possible untimely demise, she suddenly became as eager as all of the other horny bitches in this place" her lips were bright red and bruised. " She must love you sooooo much, don't you think?" Blood dripped down her chin. "Oh, what a sweet little twin here you have Lenny." She didn't want to scream and moan. "You should be proud." Not in front of him. "Now do me a favor," he said. "Leave. You're ruining the moment." (I should have done something.) "But don't worry – I'll give her back to you soon enough. Don't I always?"
Puking outside the doorway, Leon watched and laughed, cackling, intermixed with the escaped sounds from Rin's lips. Running down the hallway, that couldn't be it. There was still something he could do. He could still save her, right?
They could run away, over the hills and far away. Two bags, clothes, food from the pantry, most of the money from the safe, something could still be salvaged, surely.
He found her on her bed, staring out the window, her nightdress falling off one shoulder. Fiddling with a revolver, she saw his reflection through the window.
"What are you doing Len?"
She looked so defeated.
"Rin, let's leave, somewhere far away, just the two of us."
So shattered and broken.
"And do what?"
But everything would be ok.
"Start over. There's more to life than this mansion. We could find our own way."
Wouldn't it?
"Yeah. I could just prostitute myself once we run out of money."
They were two parts to a whole.
"No! No. I'm...I'm sorry Rin. I'm sorry for not noticing. I'm sorry for not helping. But...it'll be better this time. I'll be better this time! I promise!"
They were supposed to be happy.
"Len. I have to do this. He'll never let us go. He'll never let me go."
They were going to be together, forever.
"You don't know that."
After all, they were meant to be.
"But I do."
Weren't they?
"Rin…"
Reaching towards her, she flinched from his touch.
"Don't touch me…I'm dirty."
Hugging her tight, he was so sure there was still something left to fix. "Please Rin? We'll go someplace new. We'll move to a new republic. We'll live together and we'll be happy and there'll be no one to hurt us. All – All I need is you. I don't need or want anything else. All I want is you. You'll see. Everything will be all right. I won't let you struggle by yourself anymore. I'm so, so sorry, Rin."
But Rin just struggled. "No!" She screamed. "YOU'RE WRONG! YOU'RE WRONG! IT'S TOO LATE! THERE IS NO GOING BACK! EVERYTHING I EVER DID WAS FOR YOU! Don't you see Len? Don't you see? You are everything to me. I'd do anything for you. Please don't let all my hard work go to waste."
"Then come with me."
"It's not that easy!"
Lunging for the revolver, he intercepted and as they tumbled and rolled, falling off the bed, the clues were always there, right from the very beginning. Screaming, crying, there is no such thing as perfection, they were doomed from the start. After all, the children of politicians never live for long.
And then the door slammed open, startled by the noise and his finger twitched, positioned in the wrong place, aimed at the wrong person and the gun went off and that was how Rin Kagamine died, bleeding on the floor, whispering, "I'm sorry."
Blood pooling around his knees, the world twisted and tore, going too fast, the light fading from her eyes, the relieved look on her face, love you screaming, yelling, "what did you do?!"
Horribly empty, equilibrium off, taking the heaviest bag and running, "Bye Len," he can't stay. Tearing down the hallways, tripping and falling, Leon laughing, cackling, sweat slicked skin, robe half open, his body over Rin's, the look in his eyes, the creak of the bed, blood rolling down her chin, "I'll give her back to you soon enough, don't I always?"
Standing, stumbling, the world blurs, the vase trembles on its stand, fingers curled, breaking, shattering, flying, bursting, blood, water, flowers, yellow and golden, everything burns and Leon screams, howls, clutching his face, you can't stay.
Crashing through the front doors, slipping down the stairs, hotwiring a car, there's no one waiting for him to come back.
Moral of the story: there's no such thing as eternity.