Yellow deeply feared the day when the Crystal Gems find her useless and a burden to their survival. After all, Pearl did outright state that a fighter would be much more useful than whatever Yellow could provide.
The idea of fighting at first sounded like something out of a dream, something that represented the hidden strength and potential Pearls possessed and forced to hide. Carrying a weapon, charging into battle, being the one who saved everyone instead of the one most likely replaced after dying; to Pearl, it must've been a fantasy come true.
Not to Yellow; the idea of doing any of that make her flinch and quiver. After being subject to so much cruelty at the hands of menacing Quartzes, she could hardly imagine filling in that role herself, no matter how useful it would make her. As much as she once enjoyed insubordinate Gems quake in their knees if they were caught by their superiors, destroying their physical forms absolutely sickened her. She wasn't sure if it was out of compassion and hatred for violence or simply cowardice and horrid memories of being threatened in the past.
Great, now she was useless and couldn't give herself a good excuse why.
Pearl must be so ashamed. She could've had the chance of training another possible warrior and was given a cowardly Gem instead. Yellow doesn't deserve her pity or her service.
Luckily, she may not be alone on the whole "refusal to fight" stance.
Steven seemed to most pacifistic one out of all the Crystal Gems, which surprised Yellow immensely, since he had the gemstone of Quartz, who were known for their foreboding aggression and bloodlust. He tried to be gentle to everyone, even to his enemies, even to the ones who once threatened his life. He didn't seem to possess a single menacing bone in his body. Yellow wondered how he was related to the infamously cruel Rose Quartz.
Peridot seemed to be unskilled in combat as well—but only because she was truly unskilled. She really did wish to be stronger and perfect her metal-controlling powers. She had such a powerful weapon at her hands and yet fails to activate it at the right times. She insists that one day she would be just as powerful as Lapis is but struggles immensely (and sometimes Yellow liked to admit that watching her do so is quite comical).
But as much as Yellow tries to tolerate their presence, she doesn't want to become like them. She needed to be useful somehow, seeing how before Yellow Diamond didn't even seem to bat an eye when she realized her faithful servant was missing. She wanted to do something that could help others and make an impact instead of dragging everyone down. As a Pearl, she was only permitted to do the menial tasks that her former master couldn't be bothered with. And it was very easy to replace her. She needed to be someone meaningful, someone worthy of all the help the Crystal Gems have given her.
She needed to be someone who deserved to be saved.
Yellow Diamond's attack had left a lot more scars than Peridot's initial arrival to Earth years ago. Gems have actually died during this assault and now shards have littered Earth's precious soils. All of Beach City has become one massive graveyard for forsaken Homeworld soldiers.
Steven seemed to take this the hardest. All his life, he had been trying to make sure no one would ever get hurt from the Crystal Gems' actions. It was the one thing that separated him from his mother. But now, a million deaths of complete strangers now plagued him and he had done just what Rose Quartz did—shatters Gems for the sake of Earth—only to a frightening degree upwards.
The rest of the Gems try to keep a brave face for Steven to make sure he doesn't completely lose it but it was hard. This wasn't the first time they had been surrounded by millions of dead Gems. This wasn't the first time they ended up hurting the world around them in order to protect it. If anything, they were used to it. But the way Steven mourned his enemies as if they weren't sent to kill him filled the Crystal Gems with the same pity.
He was the one thing keeping them from becoming the monsters Homeworld portray them to be.
Today, their mission objective was to clean up the wreckage that was left behind on the coast and collect all the Gems shards before they started causing harm towards humanity.
Cleaning up messes, Yellow thought as she walked across the shimmering sand, littered with pieces of damaged Homeworld software. That's one thing I can certainly do.
But she was quickly proven wrong when she realized that the ship wreckage was a thousand times heavier than she thought it would be. Only Garnet, Jasper, and Amethyst (when shapeshifted to the right size) could handle it. Pearl, Lapis, and Peridot have taken the duty of bubbling Gem shards and discarding any smaller, possibly hazardous material.
Lapis seemed to handle the work the same way she handled all things: with a blank deadpan expression on her face. However, Steven's presence almost made her a little more upbeat, if only slightly. Perhaps she was reminiscing about the fact that she once came to Earth on a ship just like these.
Pearl organized everything into neat piles and became irritated when Amethyst liked to mess with it for fun. All in all, she was being the most efficient out of all of them.
Jasper and Garnet did all the heavy-lifting while Amethyst tried her best to distract them, often making playful remarks their expense. Garnet, as always, kept a straight face but ruffled Amethyst's hair in response. Jasper was clearly aggravated but eventually decided to indulge in a mischievous headlock before continuing work. Yellow didn't even two Quartzes could even interact in such a casual manner that didn't cost someone's life.
And there was Yellow in the background, absolutely useless.
Even when there wasn't anything to attack them, she managed to be of no use to the Crystal Gems. If this was Homeworld, she would be harvested so something could be made of her presence. But even if it wasn't Homeworld, who was to say that the exact same thing wouldn't happen?
The Crystal Gems were a rebel league of warriors whose goal was to protect Earth which was a planet Yellow hardly knew or even valued that much. What could they do with a stranded Pearl who knew nothing of combat nor expressed an interest?
Yellow's gaze eventually fell upon Pearl, who worked in a quick but perfectionistic way. Despite being built so frail and delicate, she could engineer just as well as a Peridot and could fight at an equal level as Quartz. Yellow was of the same Gem type as her . . . and couldn't even imagine herself on the same level as her.
She felt her teeth clench underneath her breath. Yellow couldn't believe it. Was she actually jealous of Pearl, who she had been taught to see as a traitor and demon? It was utterly shameful, even more so than being a purposeless Gem.
Maybe she should've stayed inside the bubble Pearl initially put her in. It was a lot more peaceful than struggling with these awful thoughts while surrounded by such unfamiliarity. In a bubble, she couldn't feel pain nor could she feel sorrow. It was a like a blissful rest that stretched on forever without the foreboding feeling of death. She was less troubled then.
"Hey, Yellow!" a youthful voice snapped the former Homeworld Pearl out of her pitiful thoughts. "I collected some seashells for you!"
Yellow raised an eyebrow as Steven looked at her with wide eyes, carrying in his hands what appeared to be an assortment of pale-colored enamel-like beings that were as hard and brittle as a Gem. They softly glinted with a creamy sheen when in the sunlight.
"Thank you . . ." was all Yellow could muster when she took the strange gift. The supposed "seashells" and felt them weigh down her hands. They were smooth and creamy in texture, almost like the gem of a Pearl. The thought was so startling that Yellow nearly dropped them but grasped onto the shells to keep Steven smiling.
She had decided that out of all the Crystal Gems, he was the most innocent.
"Is something bothering you?" Steven asked, his gaze softening. "You looked like you were about to cry earlier."
"No, I wasn't!" Yellow cried in outrage, glaring at the very thought of her crying in front of them. Pearls weren't supposed to cry in front of others: it was a sign of inefficiency and incompetence, which Yellow already knew she possessed.
"Yes, you were," the young boy insisted, but not in a harsh, reprimanding tone Yellow expected. He sounded very concerned.
"Why would you care? I'm not the Renegade, you know," Yellow sniffed, crossing her arms in a somewhat defiant manner. She was beginning to think that was the only reason he bothered with her, because he believed she was just like the Renegade.
No matter if she wanted it to be true or not, Yellow could never be like Pearl. It was a ridiculous desire anyways, since it involved combat and direct violence, which frightened Yellow.
"I know that," Steven cried, placing a hand on Yellow's, which startled her but not enough to make her pull away. She was growing used to the constant physical contact that the Crystal Gems were familiar with. "And even you don't want to be like Pearl, I would still want to help you anyways. No matter what, you're still a Gem in need."
Yellow expected him to redact that statement the moment it came out of his mouth, but his expression remained soft and compassionate. Her eyes widened when she realized that he was being truthful.
"Well yes," she admitted bashfully, a blush forming on her pristine cheeks. "I was thinking about something rather . . . depressing. I don't think you need to bother with that. You have more important matters to deal with."
"But I want to," Steven said earnestly, grabbing onto Yellow's wrist and gently holding her hand. "If there's anything you need to talk about, you can trust me to listen."
"Fine," Yellow sighed stubbornly, her eyes flitting around the already quite populated area they were in. "But not here. If I'm going to discuss something personal, then I would like to do it in a more private area."
"Okay then," Steven happily agreed and the two of them retreated into the thicker forests shrouded by trees, away from the beach and away from the Homeworld wreckage.
Citrine peered from the shadows as she located her target: a young human boy associated with the Crystal Gems: someone absolutely defenseless and of value to the Crystal Gems; perfect for attack. She raises an eyebrow as she realizes that he has company: a Pearl that startlingly resembles the one that belongs to her Diamond.
She shrugs off the inconvenience. After all, anyone could defeat a Pearl in combat. She is most likely just as frail.
Citrine smirks as she summons her weapon—a sharp-bladed scythe that is both elegant and unyielding—and follows them.