Prettyinpinkgal: I think these chapters are going to get a bit less "personal" with Misuzu, a bit more third-person omniscient rather than having more of a look through her eyes. Misuzu's starting to experience things, as seen early in this chapter, that she probably could not really think about clearly. Plus, it works better with my writing style. (I hope.)

...And maybe it's slightly because I'm trying to crank these chapters out quickly, and I accidentally realized how Misuzu's becoming less personalized and I'm too lazy to do anything about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own AIR.

THE LAST FIFTEEN SUMMERS

THE TENTH SUMMER

With each passing summer, Misuzu felt as if she were being pulled closer to something, as if she were a dog on a leash who was gently and subtly being tugged closer to her owner until...what? They collided? It didn't feel much like a collision, but an embrace instead. Maybe a more suitable analogy would be a (normal) mother moving to hug her (normal) daughter.

There was something nostalgic in it. Misuzu found herself looking forward to summer's approach more and more each year. It was as if she was...

"It's like I'm finding myself," she whispered into the ear of one of her dinosaurs, a little shyly, but with a distant look in her eyes. Misuzu felt as if she were on the doorstep of a world unseen to others, a world unseen even to herself. And with each passing season, the door grew ever closer. She would someday need to decide if she dared reach out her hand and turn the handle.

Did she even have a choice?

These were deep thoughts for a little girl just turning ten years old. She might not have thought of them in just that way, but the abstract concept of these thoughts were present nonetheless. She occasionally suggested her strange love for summer to Okaa-san, but she only answered distractedly while she drank, saying, "Heeh, who would like smelly, sticky summer over Christmas? Happy New Year!" before passing out.

Okaa-san drank more when she was home now, which was funny, seeing how they were able to buy more stuff now.

(Haruko never let on that the drinking was her way of dealing with the stress of suddenly realizing that for better or worse, Misuzu was, pretty much, her daughter. Keisuke rarely, if ever, volunteered money anymore, and Haruko was making just barely enough to get by without asking him. The only times she did call were to ask when he was coming for his daughter, but slowly those had dwindled down to once every ten months, if that. Another reason for her excessive drinking, besides the stress of working so much, was the fact that it allowed her to tear away from herself, just a little bit, so she could cuddle up with Misuzu or joke with her. If she wasn't completely in her right mind, it didn't seem to cause Misuzu to have any attacks.)

So Misuzu usually kept these things to herself, and she prided herself on her ability to smile even nicer now, even when Okaa-san felt far away from her. She thought it meant she was becoming stronger, or growing up, or becoming independent.

At least, that was what she was thinking.

At school, card games were making a comeback among the children. Misuzu often used it as an excuse to talk to her classmates (although, truth be told, her only comments were "Wah! Amazing!" and "That was close" and last but not least "I think you'll do better next time!". Her classmates' responses always consisted of awkward or genuine or sympathetic smiles, with replies such as, "Thanks, Kamio-san"). Misuzu soon grew to see the game not just as something people in general do, but as something that friends do.

As she was walking to the store with her small amount of spending money in July, the clouds were gathering above. They were still white, but thick and full. She wondered if a storm might roll up later that evening. She soon grew so lost in her thoughts that she tripped and landed face-first.

"Gao," she whimpered, brushing off the dirt, gravel, and traces of sand from her face and accidentally whacking herself in the nose while doing so.

A scratch had appeared on her face, and quite a bit of blood was oozing disturbingly from it. The doctor's office had a hose outside, no doubt for Kirishima-san (her classmate, not Kirishima-sensei) to hose off her newfound buddy, a stray dog named Potato, when he came back muddy and panting due to the heat. Misuzu, as no one was around and the sign on the door said OFF TO LUNCH, bowed to air and said, "Excuse me!"

"I'm glad I'm prepared!" she said, her smile becoming a little less watery as she pulled out a handkerchief she kept with her all the time. Okaa-san said it was Mama's back when they were little. She felt that nagging feeling of guilt again, because she wanted something of Okaa-san's more than she wanted something of Mama's.

"Nihaha!" burst from Misuzu's mouth as she turned the faucet on, and a stray trickle of water veered from the usual path into the hose and squirted up at her instead. It felt great, after the heat of the afternoon. She washed her hands off on that miniature fountain and then turned the wheel a bit more so it disappeared.

Her hand squeezed the handle, and out burst a heavy bombardment of water. Tentatively, Misuzu reached out and stuck her handkerchief just barely in it before realizing that she really was dumb; she could have carefully wet it on the funny little fountain instead of in this barrage.

It took only a second for the handkerchief to be sufficiently damp. Misuzu placed the hose respectfully to the side before tending to her wound. It stung a lot.

As she pulled away the handkerchief, she examined it. Crimson blood was on there, not enough to be alarming, but an impressive amount nonetheless. Misuzu shuddered, but then stared at it some more. Her mind grappled with something she did not understand, and her heart whispered a secret about blood, something she did not want to hear, something it knew for some unknown reason. It told her there was too much blood, that she had seen too much blood. Misuzu didn't understand where this was coming from. She fell often, but rarely did blood spill. Mama didn't bleed when she died, so far as Misuzu saw. So why did she feel like blood stained her life?

The moment came to an end when laughter entered her ears. Like a dream, she had woken up from it, and it lay forgotten in some unreachable world-was it behind the door?-although its mark remained on her. Her face felt remarkably pale despite the heat, and her hands shook just a little.

What had turned her attention to the (real?) world was a group of schoolmates sitting around under a tree at the corner of the street, engaged in a game of Rich Man, Poor Man. Misuzu remained unseen, standing as far away as she was, and she heard cries of protest and victory, but overall Misuzu heard only the sweet music of laughter.

Misuzu sat and leaned against the door of the doctor's office. The laughter reminded the subconscious part of her that gripped onto that odd dream-memory that her life was sad and hard, but it was not a nightmare. There were moments like this, when the waves echoed around the empty town (for the town, by this point, really was quieting down as more and more people left over the past year), reminding her she wasn't entirely alone; when birds' songs happily poured forth as they stretched their wings and soared high off into the air, occasionally leaving a treasured feather behind them; when children's laughter, even if her laughter wasn't mixed in with theirs, lifted her spirits and said that one day, she too might be a part of their group.

Then she made the mistake at looking at the sky, and memories of her hard life came back.

Then the ocean became hard and lonely-sounding, the sound sailors must hear before meeting their tragic fates on the seas; the birds' songs became parting words and farewells as they abandoned her; and the children's laughter became sharp and mocking, taunting her with what she did not, could not have, perhaps not ever.

No, Misuzu thought suddenly, desperately. The doctors said I'd probably outgrow it. I'm sure I... I'm SURE that I'll be fine, if only I make up my mind to be! Playing cards isn't really a big deal, right? I...I'll definitely be okay!

The children suddenly were called away, and Misuzu exhaled a large sigh of relief at being allowed to escape from that potentially humiliating and miserable challenge.

"Ah, Kamio, are you feeling all right?"

Misuzu jumped and looked up, seeing the beautiful Kirishima Hijiri-sensei. "Ah, yes! I'm sorry! I was just...I scratched myself, so I used your hose to get my hanky wet. I'm sorry if that was rude of me!" she cried suddenly, bowing.

"You don't need to bow so often, Kamio," said the doctor with a slight smile. "I know your mother and I both prefer to see you happy and at ease. Don't worry about offending people. Just be yourself."

Misuzu played with her hair. "Ah...Mmm, but I still feel..."

Kirishima-sensei leaned closer. "Kamio Misuzu," she said authoritatively.

"Y-yes!"

"It might help your attacks go away if you relax some more."

Whether Kirishima-sensei meant this, or if she was just saying it to get her point across, Misuzu never knew. But she grabbed onto this hope wholeheartedly.

"'Kay!" she cried, grinning big.

Kirishima-sensei didn't look very happy with this attempt-no doubt she thought Misuzu was trying to hard in another way now-but said nothing about it. Instead, she said, "Do you need a bandage for your scratch? It was good to wash the wound right away, but..."

"Nihaha, it's okay, it's feeling better already! I'll go get something when I get home."

"Going anywhere in particular?"

"Ah, to the store."

"Buying more dinosaur toys then?" Sensei asked, smiling again.

"Ye...s..." Misuzu paused. An idea occurred to her, and she thought it might be a wonderful one. "Um, Kirishima-sensei, you don't...have...to play with someone else if you get a set of cards, right?"

Sensei blinked. "No. You can play solitaire. Do you know how to play? The cards might come with an instruction manual for it and some other games."

Misuzu considered this, then nodded. "Okay. Thank you very much, Kirishima-sensei!" She folded her hands and bent halfway into a bow before righting herself straight away, laughing her shy little laugh as she waved instead.

She didn't have any bravery or hope of being able to play with any of her classmates. They knew her too well, and she knew herself too well, but maybe, just maybe, she could have Okaa-san play with her.

The fan greeted her as she entered the store, the breeze causing her hair and skirt to ruffle slightly. "Nihaha," she giggled slightly.

"Ah, Misuzu-chan," said the convenience store manager with a grin. "Here for another stuffed dinosaur?"

Misuzu shook her head. She'd give up another "friend" to risk having a friendship with Okaa-san. "I wanted to look at cards, if that's okay!"

He chuckled. "I thought you might. You kids are all over these things this year. And since I figured one of these days you might be coming for one..." He pulled out a card set. As Misuzu looked at it, she realized they were dinosaur-themed.

"Uwaaah!" cried Misuzu, her eyes sparking with excitement.

"Like 'em?"

"Yeah!"

"Yours for only two hundred yen!"

Misuzu quickly ran around the counter and hugged the man, then quickly gave him the money and took the cards and ran out of the store, her shyness returning to her quickly. Her heart swelled with joy again, and she wondered how she could think life was sad.

As soon as Misuzu took the game out to play with Okaa-san, she had an attack.

Another step was taken, and the door creeped closer.

Maybe the question wasn't what she would find at the other side, or even if she should open it. Maybe it was just her fate.

Maybe the question was, how should she meet it?