Say My Name
AN: Song: Used To Love Her by Guns N Roses. /Song Lyrics/; 'Thoughts'
Used to Love Her
The freezing rain poured down from the fake heavens on the blood red planet of Mars. He stood waiting. The water glistened as it ran down the sides of the marble headstones that stood proud in the cemetery. His hands were stuffed in his pockets casually. His white bandages becoming damp with rain. He looked around the empty grounds as a chill ran up his spine.
/I used to love her/
"Spike?" Her cold voice called to him as he felt her presents. His head snapped to look at her as water flew from his soaking hair. He felt his heart jump into his throat.
"Julia…" he sighed as his eyes glazed with a strange look. She was still as beautiful as when he had last seen her. She held a red umbrella above her head protecting her perfect blond locks from dampening. In her other hand she clutched a gleaming silver hand gun.
/But I had to kill her/
He pulled his hand from his pocket as a small click of gold rang in his ears. He felt the cold wet metal against his warm skin.
'Faye.' He blinked away the rain as his eyes hardened.
"I have something I want…" he paused as she moved closer to him so he was under the red protection of her umbrella as she lowered the gun.
/I used to love her/
"…to tell you." She smiled her sad smile as she pressed her lips against his. She touched his wet face with her hand and caressed his cheek deepening the kiss. He felt the cold metal of the gun press against his face. His body tensed as he felt her soft lips against his.
/But I had to kill her/
His mind wanted to give in, wanted to love her, wanted run off with her, but his heart screamed no. His heart would never be hers again. He pulled back and shoved her away. His two toned eyes blazed with hate. He wiped his mouth off with his hand in disgust and revulsion.
/I had to put her six feet under/
He stopped as his thin lips pressed against the gold bracelet. His eyes softened. 'Jasmine.'
/And I can still hear her complain/
"Spike?" Julia cried as she regained her footing a confused expression etched across her pale face. "What is it?" She questioned.
"Do you really think I'd just come running back to you after you left me?" Spike asked coldly with a muffled voice. Julia's cold blue stare landed on the gold bracelet Spike seemed so transfixed by.
"What is that?" She questioned in a sneer appalled by the item he wore that seemed not to belong to him but to a woman. He looked at her as she pointed the gun at the offending jewelry.
/I used to love her/
'How could I have ever loved her?' He moved his arm from his face and let if fall limp against his body. 'Manipulative vixen.'
"It's Faye's bracelet." His voice was flat, dead. He saw a flash of jealousy and pain behind her eyes.
"Faye?" Her face recoiled in detestation at the woman's name. "Who's she?" Her voice was now at a dangerous tone almost on the verge of screaming.
/But I had to kill her/
Spike smiled as he answer.
"The woman I love." He paused and added the spiteful final sentence. "The only woman who has ever loved me." That's when she snapped. He could see it in her eyes, that blind hatred he had seen many times before, but never in her eyes.
/I knew I'd miss her/
He'd never miss her if she were gone.
"What?" She screamed pulling the trigger of the gun in a burst of unbridled rage. The hot bullet grazed his cheek as he stared at her wide-eyed. She had shot at him. She wanted to hurt him. She wanted to see blood. He felt his veins pulse nervously as he tried to keep calm. "I loved you! Me!" she screamed firing again. The bullet lodged itself in his shoulder in a blast of white-hot pain. He stumbled back slightly by the force of the speeding bullet.
/So I had to keep her/
"No. You. Didn't." He yelled back furiously. He moved towards her quickly gripping her wrist tightly in a firm grip. "If had why would you leave without a fight? And don't for one moment think calling me to come to you after years of torment and pain looking for you will make up for all the pain I've had to suffer." He could see the sudden fear in her eyes as she inhaled deeply. He let go of his hold on her flinging her arm to her side. "You never told me you loved me, you would avoid the question when asked you, you change the subject when I told you how I felt." He stepped away from her clutching his bleeding shoulder with a bandaged hand.
/She's buried right in my backyard/
"Wait." He paused and looked up. "You told me once you loved Vicious, but that was when you thought I was him. When you thought you were having sex with him." His bitter voice echoed in the silent graveyard.
'I did the same thing to Faye.' His mind played back the memory as it fueled the burning hate deep in his heart and soul.
/I used to love her/
She stared at him. He had never thought he could speak this way to her, his angel, his love, his Julia. He would never love her again. Never again. Not after how she had played him like a fool.
"I lived two years of my life in a dream waiting for you." He looked away from her down at the slicked cement pathway. "Just to wake up and see it was all a nightmare."
/But I had to kill her/
He wanted her to know what pain she had caused him. He wanted her to feel that pain.
"You wanted to have your cake and eat it too." He let go of his shoulder as he began to tear into her. "The only reason you're so pissed is 'cause the man you really loved, Vicious, is a psycho. And the only reason he is that way is cause you slept with me and he found out. And now you're all alone. You have no one."
/She bitched so much. She drove me nuts/
"No one." His voice had a malicious glint of joy. He saw the tears welling up in her blue eyes.
"Shut up!" She screamed realizing that he had figured out why she only now had come to him. She was all alone with no one to love her.
"You lost us both. You played him and you played me." He was finally saying these things to her, finally breaking free from her unnatural hold she had on him.
/And now I'm happier this way/
He'll be better with her gone.
A true ghost.
A phantom that can't return while he's trying to move on with Faye. A memory that will never hurt Faye again.
Spike watched in slow motion as she brought the gun to his chest.
"Shut the fuck up or I'll make you!" she screamed pulling back the hammer back cocking the gun. She was going to shoot. She was going to rip his very life from his body. She wanted his blood.
/I used to love her/
Spike grabbed her wrist using his left hand he snapped it back. The sound of the bone cracking echoed in his ears as he took the gun out of her hand. A shot rang out as her hands final movement pulled the trigger. Another white-hot bullet lodged in his side as he cringed.
/But I had to kill her/
He turned it back on her clenching his teeth. Her eyes widened slowly as he held the gun to her heart. The silver gleamed in the pouring ran as held it in his left hand.
He hadn't planed this.
He held his side with his right hand.
She had tried to kill him, what kind of woman who loved him would do that?
/I used to love her/
He paused not sure what he was doing. Julia looked at burning fire that blazed in his miss-matched eyes.
"Just run back to your little whore!" She tried to find courage to stand up to him as she saw something in him snap hearing her say those words.
/But I had to kill her/
"You know nothing." Everything she had done to him, every drop of blood he had spilled for her, every emotion of hate he had ever felt for her all mixed together in a perfect storm of hatred.
"She's just my replacement, Spike." Her calm voice tore his heart knowing her words held some truth.
'How can she be so calm?' Her tranquil tone was what set him off even more; her malicious words had no right to be set to that sweet calm voice.
He had never meant this to happen though but nothing could stop the memories playing, nothing could stop his hate from exploding.
/I had to put her six feet under/
"No!" He pulled back on the trigger, firing blindly. The storm that had been brewing struck its first blow and claimed its first of many lives.
/And I can still hear her complain/
"Bang."
AN: Next Chapter: Buried Myself Alive