Epilogue: Death and Destruction and Madness
That crushing numbness had overtaken him again as he carried Fitz and laid him gently on the couch they usually cuddled up together in while reading. Like they had the night before. He couldn't feel a pulse, couldn't hear him breath, and couldn't help but feel a twisted twinge of gratitude that Fitz would no longer have to face the angel of death he would one day become.
The Eighth Doctor kissed Fitz very softly on the lips, then pulled away. He let out a long, shuddering sigh.
"He isn't gone," said a musical voice behind him.
He turned to see the White Guardian, in female form, wearing a long, flowing gown of white and a circlet of feathers on her head. She leaned forward to touch Fitz. Long, dark lashes fluttered, and suddenly Fitz's soft grey eyes were staring at him. Fitz sat up all at once, gasping, shivering, and the Doctor held him and cried a few scattered tears of relief.
"Fitz..."
He chuckled weakly. "Nice to see you too, Doc."
"Come to me, Doctor. I'll let you forget."
He released Fitz, standing up to face the White Guardian, feeling undeserved of her attention at the moment.
"What, is this what you're doing to everyone?" Fitz said, getting up, sounding horrified. "Stealing their bloody memories because you think that's what's best for us mere mortals?"
She said nothing.
"Don't let her, Doctor," Fitz said, standing at his side. "It's better to know, isn't it? Better to realize what you're facing."
The Doctor looked at him very sadly, and a little ashamed. "If my fate is to become the destroyer of worlds, then at least allow me the illusion of freedom. Of choice."
Fitz gripped his shoulder. "There's always a choice. You taught me that."
He stepped away from Fitz, looking into her pale, silvery eyes. "I'm sorry, Fitz."
"Then let me remember," Fitz said, standing between him and the Guardian. "Let me help him. I'll keep the Doctor's secrets. I'll remember for both of us."
"One day you will," she said very sadly. "His burdens will be yours, if you are strong enough to carry them. But the moment hasn't come yet."
"I'm ready right now," Fitz argued, defiant. The Doctor felt very proud of him at that moment.
"No, you aren't," she said, and smiled. "But that's never stopped you before."
She touched his temple. The Doctor caught Fitz in his arms as he collapsed. He laid him back down on the couch and turned to her.
"Thank you," the Doctor whispered as she reached for him.
He woke up on the couch with the Doctor curled against him. Fitz yawned. A strange sound crept through his mind, like a remix of the TARDIS dematerializing and the ringing after a long night at a club. Accompanied by a dull throbbing headache, of course. Fitz contained the overwhelming urge to stretch so as to not disturb the Doctor, who was whimpering in his sleep. Another one of his nightmares.
Actually, the whole console room looked like a nightmare, now that he actually paid attention. It was dark, far darker then normal, acrid smoke drifting faintly near the ceiling, which was currently projecting the familiar swirls of the vortex. The Doctor looked pretty bad himself, the left hand pressed against his chest covered in dried blood, looking as though he'd been in a bar fight.
The Doctor's swollen eyes fluttered open, staring straight at Fitz with a manic intensity.
"I've had a terrible dream," the Doctor muttered, stroking Fitz's cheek, then staring at the dried blood that flaked onto his fingertips. "Was it real?"
Fitz held him, pressing the Doctor's head against his chest, calming him. "Shhh... It's all right. Just a dream."
The Doctor curled against him, more asleep then awake. "It was terrible Fitz. I killed you. I killed so many people. Nothing but destruction."
He began to weep quietly against Fitz's chest. "I dreamt of madness, and I was the angel of death, and I did terrible, terrible things. To you, to everyone."
Fitz held his lover, his best friend, until the Doctor slipped back into sleep. Fitz shivered, and he couldn't stop. The tears had begun to dry on his own cheeks before he realized he'd been crying.
Up next is Upside Down In Venice! The amusing, romantic, and tragic tale of how the Doctor came to owe Casanova a chicken. Crossover with David Tennant's Casanova. Already posted and waiting for you, dear readers.