The One Where Chandler Finally Experiments
By: Jana~
Chapter Eleven
***********
--Chandler's constant fidgeting was driving Joey nuts, but there was no getting him to sit down. He was too aware of what was about to take place. Of what the evening would bring.
Joey was nervous, too, but for all-together different reasons. This night symbolized the last night of being single. Sure, he'd been in a monogamous relationship with Chandler for three years, but this was a 'for life' commitment he was about to make. He was so sure it was what he wanted, but now on the eve of making it official, he was having doubts.
Doubts, not about his love for Chandler, but of his ability to make him happy. Though he kept his feelings well hidden, Joey had been plagued with worries for the better part of two weeks, replaying all the milestones in their relationship, in his head, a thousand times over.
Chandler had been so very reluctant to admit to himself that he was gay, and just as hesitant, if not more so, to admit it to their friends. Sometimes he felt as if he had somehow pressured Chandler into exploring and examining his sexual orientation, and couldn't help but wonder if, at some point, he would see it the same way and be angry with him for it.
The desire to keep him in his life prevented him from saying anything; opening the can of worms that could lead to the demise of the relationship, but he was starting to rethink the intelligence of that. If he kept his mouth shut now, what was the possibility that down the line, Chandler would figure it out on his own and end it anyway?
The expression he wore immediately clued Phoebe in that he was struggling with something.
"Hi, guys," she said breezily, giving them each a hug. "Why so intense?"
Chandler answered, assuming she was referring to him, unaware of the chaos raging within his fiancé's mind. "I haven't seen my dad in years! I guess I'm just a little nervous."
"Relax, Chandler," she soothed. "Your dad, more than anyone, will understand this."
"Yeah," he agreed absently, knowing there was no way he would be able to explain the anxiety he was feeling.
She watched as Joey rubbed Chandler's back in support, his look mirroring Chandler's, but obvious to Phoebe that the concern in his eyes was for different reasons.
"I need to borrow your hubby for a sec," she asked of Chandler, linking arms with Joey. "Is that ok?"
"Sure," he answered with ease, "Just don't have him gone too long. I need him right now."
Smiling, she assured him, "I won't. Breathe, ok?" she instructed. "In and out, slowly. Cleansing breaths. Your color is all off. You need to sage."
He scowled at her, confused. "I need to what?"
"Sage," she repeated. "You know, you need to calm down."
"That's not what sage means," he informed her, still scowling.
"It does to me," she replied with confidence. "In Aromatherapy, sage helps with calming and centering."
He couldn't argue with that, and he didn't want to… he had far too much on his mind. "Ok." The simple word was as much for acknowledging her as it was for dismissing her.
**
--"Ok, Joseph," Phoebe asked firmly, but kindly, and as a friend, "What's wrong?"
"What?" he asked, hiding behind a veil of confusion.
She gave him a sideways glance, letting him know she wasn't buying his act. "Out with it, Joseph Francis."
"Ugh," he groaned, "I hate it when you middle-name me."
"I know," she replied, "I'm using it now to show you how serious I am," she explained. "You shouldn't be this squinky right before your wedding."
"It's just… Chandler," he lied. "He's so stressed, and I don't know how to help him."
"That's not all though," she asked, placing her hand on his shoulder encouragingly, "Is it?"
"No," he admitted, glancing over at Chandler before continuing. "I'm worried."
She nodded, pleased that he was prepared to open up to her. "What about?"
"What if he decides, down the line, that I somehow pushed him into this? That it was because of me that he turned gay? That I pressured him, and confused him?"
"Joey," she sighed, "That's not going to happen. You didn't turn Chandler gay. You can't turn someone gay."
"I know that," he returned, "But, what if, because of me, he is diluting himself or something?"
Her smile couldn't be contained. "You mean, deluding himself?"
Blinking in confusion, he asked, "Isn't that what I said?"
"No," she told him. "What you said means to weaken the strength of. Deluding means to deceive, or, in the way you were trying to use it, to lie to himself."
"Yeah!" he exclaimed. "That's what I meant! What if, because of me, he only thinks he's gay?"
"I've seen the way he looks at you, hun. The way he acts around you. He's not lying to himself, about wanting to be with you. He loves you!"
Heavily sighing, his eyes wandered over to where Chandler stood. "I wish I could be so sure."
"If you are really that uncertain, you should talk to him."
"He's so stressed right now, cause of his dad coming, and because his dad and mom will be in the same room together for the first time in years. I can't add to that."
**
--"Nervous about tomorrow?" Ross asked Chandler as he approached, his third glass of champagne in hand.
"Among other things," Chandler muttered, still on the lookout for any sign of his parents.
"Trust me, it's easy. Just don't say the wrong name, and you're golden."
Chandler smirked, nodding in receipt of the advice. "I'll try and remember that."
"I want you to know," Ross said seriously, "That I'm really happy for you guys. I know I acted a little weird in the beginning," he added. "After you first told us, but it was just the shock of it, ya'know?"
It was the first time Ross had opened a dialog about his reaction. At the time, everyone thought it best to just leave him alone, and allow him time to deal on his own. As time went on, they all just fell into a comfortable denial about Ross' feelings, never pressing to discuss the matter, for fear of it causing more harm than good.
But now, he was broaching the subject, and Chandler momentarily forgot about the impending doom of his parents arriving as he, for the first time, asked the question he was dying to know the answer to.
"Why did you freak, when we told you?"
Ross sighed, knowing an explanation was long overdue. "I don't know," he admitted. "I guess I just wasn't expecting it. I mean, I feel that I'm an intelligent man, but, I did not see this coming. We were roommates in college! We've known Joey for years! How could I not see it?"
"So," Chandler asked, to be sure he understood correctly, "You reacted the way you did, because you felt stupid about not seeing it on your own?"
With a shrug, Ross muttered, "I guess. In a way."
"Man," Chandler smiled, "That is so not what I was expecting you to say."
His brow furrowed, Ross asked, "What were you expecting me to say?"
"I was expecting you to say that you were having problems dealing with this, because you had shared space and time with guys you thought were straight, and maybe you wouldn't have, had you known."
"No," he insisted, "I don't care about that. I was just, well, feeling stupid. You guys are my best friends. You were together for eight-something months, and yet, I had no clue. It's like with Carol," he used as an example. "I had no idea, when she said, we need to talk, that she was going to tell me she was a lesbian, and in love with Susan. She'd gone out with Susan, supposedly innocently, for months, and I didn't see it coming?"
"Well," Chandler offered, "Maybe your 'gaydar' is just, not as finely honed as other's are."
Ross laughed. "Yeah, I guess so."
**
--"Whatever it is they're talking about," Phoebe answered Joey's question, "It's helped Chandler relax. His color is much better."
"Uh-oh," Joey interjected, "I think that's about to change."
"Why?" Phoebe asked, and Joey gestured with his head in the general direction of the door.
"Cause, I think that's Chandler's dad."
TO BE CONTINUED…
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