"Holy shit," she panted as she fell back into her pillow. "That was amazing."
He leaned on his arm and gazed at her as he twirled one of her tousled curls around his finger. "You're amazing."
She turned her head and looked towards the heavily curtained window from behind which light was streaming into their room. "Sparky, it's morning already! When was the last time we went all night long?"
He smiled. "You say that like it's a bad thing, dear. But we're married now, and if I wanna fuck my wife all night long, then that's what I'm going to do!"
Christine laughed loudly. "Listen to you, dropping the F-bomb! Oh no, I'm a terrible influence on you, aren't I?"
"Yes, you are," he said, leaning in to kiss her. "But in the best possible way." He moved his hand down to her hip and caressed her thigh. "So…" he asked, "do you need a break, or are you ready to go again?"
"Again?" she laughed. "I think I married a machine! But seriously, Spencer- aren't you hungry? I'm not sure what time it is, but something tells me we're going to miss our free breakfast downstairs if we don't get up soon."
"Then we'll order room service," he said, kissing her neck. "And I'm already up…"
He moved on top of her again, spreading her legs with his own. He pressed his hips down against hers and rocked gently on top of her until she began to writhe and kick beneath him. Soon she was begging him, "Please, Spencer…please!" He slid all the way into her, closing his eyes as he felt her back arch and her sweet voice moan once more. After he felt her body relax, he began to thrust rhythmically into her, faster and faster until soon her nails clawed at his back and her thighs pressed tightly against his own. She opened her mouth to scream, but he pressed the side of his hand into her mouth to stifle her cries. He continued to drive into her until he once more felt the familiar throbbing of her body around his own. Her muffled cries died off into happy little moans, and he removed his hand to kiss her lips. Then he caught her wrists in his hands and stretched her arms up over her head. He paused to stare in wonder at her perfect, ample bare breasts before resuming his rhythm. She drew her knees up high, allowing him to penetrate her as deeply as possible. He groaned and spread her arms out to the side, pressing the full length of his body against hers. Soon he felt that familiar, delicious electricity rise in his body, and he moved to embrace her. He pressed his lips to her cheek and moaned in her ear, "Oh God, Chris…oh…fuck, yes!" He closed his eyes tightly as his orgasm rushed over him like a tsunami. At the sensation of him ejaculating within her, Christine cried out, climaxing once more.
After a long, blissful moment, he rolled off her, his arm still over her shoulders, and he planted little kisses on her cheek as she giggled happily. "Maybe marriage isn't such a bad thing after all," she chuckled.
"Mmmhmm," he murmured, his eyes closing drowsily. "That's what I've been trying to tell you…making babies can be fun, too."
Christine groaned. "Again with the babies!"
He pulled her tighter. "I know you don't like to talk about it, but be honest- didn't you feel anything when you saw those flower girls yesterday? You looked so perfect with them sitting at your feet as you said your vows."
She rolled her eyes. "Spud was sitting there, too. Does that mean you want to start hoarding cats also?"
"No, no cats. I'd be happy with just a little girl."
"A girl? Why on earth would you want a girl?"
"Because…just think of it. We could have a pretty little red-headed daughter with big blue eyes and a laugh just like her mother's. I can't think of anything more wonderful in the world…"
"Bah. No one wants girls. Girls make no sense. Even I don't understand girls, and I am one!"
Spencer laughed. "You're just being ridiculous."
"I'm dead serious. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating…if- and that's a really big if!- we ever have kids, it had better be a boy. At least when boys fight, they punch each other and settle things. Girls get angry and stay angry and no one even understands why. They just stay bitchy for no reason. No. Definitely no girls for me, end of discussion."
"And what if we did have a daughter- what would you do then?" Spencer asked, still laughing.
"You'd have to raise her. I ain't walking through that minefield. So if we ever do have kids- IF we do- you'd better make sure you're shooting with the right caliber, Sparky!"
He chuckled and squeezed her. "Okay. I'll be sure to look into that."
"You do that."
They both fell silent for a moment, then Christine sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed and surveyed the room. She sighed and picked something up off the floor. "Well," she said, "it looks like I'm never wearing these stockings again."
Spencer yawned and said, "At least they died for a noble cause."
"Died…or were murdered? I thought you liked them!"
"I did, but I like your lovely legs more, so I took them off."
"More like you mauled them off like a hungry bear!"
"I'll buy you new ones. I promise." He rolled on his back, stretched his arms over his head and yawned. "So what time is it, anyway? I could use some coffee."
"We've got time for breakfast if you get up now and get in the shower. Of course, we'll be cutting it close, so we may have to shower together to save time."
"You know as well as I do that it always takes longer when we shower together!"
"Ohh," she whined, "you never wanna have any fun!"
"Excuse me? Did I just spend last night alone?"
"No, you can't do that- you can't bank past fun and count it as towards present or future fun. That's not how fun accounting words, Sparky!"
"I thought you were in a hurry to get downstairs and eat…"
"Oh, you know me. I always wanna eat. I had to satisfy myself with getting you in my mouth last night, but now I want real food."
Spencer stretched again and smiled broadly. "Yeah, you did do that, didn't you? Thanks for that, by the way."
"You're welcome. You're also welcome for me letting you pull off that move…"
"Ah yes, the move. I've been wanting to do that for a while!"
"I know you have. You know, you gotta give a girl some warning if you're going to try shit like that!"
"I suppose you're right. Thank you, nevertheless, for letting me do it…"
"Yeah well, I figured if I'd let you do it for your birthday or Christmas, I might as well let you do it on our wedding night."
"Really? I can do that on my birthday, too? That's only a month away!"
"Easy there, tiger. Remember, give me some warning first."
"Consider this conversation your warning."
"Gee, super," she said, reaching over to tickle him. "Come on now. Up. I wanna eat and still have time to digest before lunch."
"What's the hurry? We don't have to go out for lunch. We can just order in if we want something. Our flight doesn't leave until this evening."
"Flight? So we're flying somewhere for our honeymoon? Interesting. Anyway, we do have to go out for lunch. Mom's putting something together back at the house, and knowing her, she'll have food on the table at the stroke of noon."
Spencer sat up with a groan. "We're having lunch with your family? Why was I not told of this earlier?"
"Not just my family- yours was invited, too. And I never got around to telling you before because we were just so busy the whole day, and then the whole night we just got…busier."
He sighed and stood up, running his hands through his hair. "I wish I had known. I only packed jeans and a polo shirt because I didn't know we were going to be seeing people today. I certainly can't wear this," he added, picking his wrinkled white shirt up that he'd discarded the night before.
"That's alright," Christine said. "You look hot in jeans. Woo!" she cried, reaching out to slap him on his bare bottom.
"Hey, you can't treat me like nothing but a sex object! I need you to respect me for my mind, too!"
"Mind, schmind. It's not your brain I like to screw!"
"Really? You seem to love screwing with my mind every chance you get. Did you want to get in the shower first, or shall I?"
"Ohhh," she complained, "if you're not going with, I guess I'll go first. So much for keeping the excitement in our marriage…"
Spencer grabbed her about the waist as she passed and kissed her hard. "Madam," he said, sinking his fingers into her hair, "if you hadn't made plans for us, I promise you I'd be busy exciting you all day long."
She giggled and grabbed his backside. "Well, let's fuel up at breakfast quick, then, and you can get busy exciting me until it's time to leave."
"As I said, it's a promise."

Garcia climbed in the backseat and slammed the door. "Coffee," she moaned. "I need coffee. Please tell me you guys brought me coffee!"
"Right here," Prentiss said, turning around to hand her the cup. "Exactly the ridiculously complicated way you like it."
"Excellent," she said. "You guys just saved my life."
"How late did you stay last night, Garcia?" JJ asked.
"To the very end," she replied. "Joe and I were the last ones out the door."
"Okay, so here's a question, because I'm sure you noticed," Prentiss asked. "Did Morgan end up hooking up with any of the single ladies or not?"
JJ laughed loudly as she drove. "That man was on a quest last night, wasn't he?"
"What a hound!" Prentiss burst out. "When I was leaving, though, he looked like he was almost getting somewhere with some brunette…"
"You mean the tall, gorgeous one in the red dress with the perfect bone structure?" Garcia said. "Don't you know who that was?"
"No," Prentiss said. "Why, should I?"
Garcia leaned forward towards the others. "You didn't see the resemblance? That was Reid's cousin! So no, that one was a swing and a miss, too, because once he found out he said it would have felt like kissing his sister!"
"What about the one who played violin at the ceremony?" JJ asked.
"Diana's sister. Married."
"And the blonde?" Prentiss asked. "She was cute and seemed pretty into him…"
"Christine's cousin's daughter. And trust me, she wasn't into him. At all," Garcia laughed.
"Oh, I don't know…they had some pretty dirty dancing going on last night!" JJ said.
"You know how I know? Because Alyssa's a lesbian. Her girlfriend was even there last night!"
"Poor Morgan. He finally got his apartment back to himself and he just got shot down all night!" Prentiss laughed.
"You know who didn't get shot down last night?" JJ said. "Did you guys see the look in Reid's eyes as he watched Christine dancing? Wow. I'll bet those two had a real rodeo last night."
"Oh, but did you see Boy Wonder dancing with his mom?" Garcia said. "I cried- I really did! I couldn't help it, I just got all puddly…how sweet was that?"
"What a beautiful moment for them both," Prentiss agreed. "And 'Teach Your Children' was the perfect song for them. Did he really pick that out himself?"
"Yes, that was all on him," JJ said. "Trust me, I had to practice with him for hours on that!"
"I think we can all agree, though, that the most memorable dance of the night was when Hotch actually did the chicken dance," Prentiss said.
Garcia grabbed the seat backs, laughing. "Oh my God! All I can say is thank heavens for camera phones! How many drinks did he have to have before he did that?"
"I don't know," JJ said, "but at one point I did see him and Gideon doing shots with her dad and brothers…"
"I was a little disappointed he didn't loosen up more," Garcia said. "Gideon, I mean."
"Oh, I don't know," JJ said. "He seemed to have a good time chatting with her grandpa. Some people just aren't much for dancing, especially to the kind of music they had last night."
"Yeah," Garcia said, "I guess it was too much to ask of him to jump in with Joan Jett…say, what's in the pan back here, J? And careful! There's the turn off, there!"
"I know where I'm going, Garcia! And those are just some brownies I made this morning."
"Ooh, are they the ones with caramel in them?" Prentiss asked. "I love those ones you make!"
"They are," JJ said, "and I just get the mix from a box. You could make them, too, you know."
"Me, bake? I don't think so," Prentiss said. "I could almost burn water trying to boil it. Looks like the Hotchners made it this morning…" she added as they pulled up.
At the sound of their car doors slamming, the front door opened and Alex came out to greet them. "Good morning! Sleep well?"
"Ugh, what little I got, yes!" Garcia moaned. "Is the blissfully wedded couple here yet?"
"Who, them? No. No one even knows if they're out of bed yet, though if I know my boss, she'll be here on time to eat! Come on in!"
As they stood in the doorway to the parlor, the three women exchanged glances; only men were in the parlor, talking and laughing, already with their drinks in hand. They followed Alex through to the kitchen, where Mrs. Arcangeli had mustered her troops and was barking out orders. "Patsy, check on that ham for me- I don't trust the thermostat on her roaster. Cori, I need you to finish frying those meatballs and get them in the oven because the potatoes need to go on the stove. Oh! Hello, girls! Does that pan need to be kept hot? No? Then go ahead and put it right in the dining room on the buffet, and tell Emmy I need her and Kylie to set that table."
Prentiss leaned in and whispered in Garcia's ear, "Listen to that- remind you of anyone we know?"
Garcia giggled. "Ma'am," she said, "is there anything I can do to help?"
"Get yourself an apron over there and- wait, is it you that's the vegetarian? Okay, then maybe you can take those beans over there and work on them. Just snap the ends off and snap them in half."
"And what can I Emily and I do?" JJ asked as she came back into the kitchen.
"Oh…" Christine's mom said, looking around. "I think we've got everything covered…Aunt Norma, why don't you put those potatoes down. We've got enough, don't you think? Go sit with the girls in the parlor and relax. Take some mimosas with you, if you'd like. We have plenty in the fridge. Glasses are in the cupboard."
"How about you, Aunt Norma?" JJ asked as she took down the glasses. "Would you like one, too?"
"Oh, I've already got a glass here, dear. Just top me off, please." She put her arm in Prentiss' and asked, "What's your name?"
"Emily," she said. "And this is Jennifer."
"Emily and Jennifer. Such pretty names for pretty ladies."
The women proceeded to the parlor, where Wes quickly stood and found them seats by the window. "These two were damned lucky they had me to set them up," Joe was saying. "I went on one blind date. This was right before I met Laurie. So I meet this girl for drinks. She seems cool, looks nice. A couple of drinks in and I have her laughing, so it's going great. We have a few more drinks, and then she suggests we go back to my place. And I'm thinking the gods have finally smiled on me, because things never go that great with the ladies, right? So we get out of the cab and we're making out in front of my apartment and all of a sudden she stops and points to this huge toad on my front steps and is like, 'What's that?' And I go, 'Oh, that's my toad. He likes to hang out there at night sometimes because I knock bugs down of the porch light for him.'"
"Oh, gross," JJ interrupted. "I'll bet that killed the mood!"
"Wait. So she goes up on my steps and, while making eye contact with me, brings her foot down on my toad and stomps it to death. And I'm like, 'What the fuck is wrong with you?' Sorry, Aunt Norma. 'The fuck is wrong with you? Why did you just kill my toad?' And she goes, 'I wanted to make you mad so you'd fuck me really hard tonight!' I'm like, 'I'm not fucking you after you murdered Stanley, you fuckin' psycho! Get the hell off my stoop before I call the cops!' So I have to spray her with the goddamn garden hose to get rid of her, and I go inside thinking it's over. Then, like, 20 minutes later there's this pounding on my door. It's psycho bitch and now she's topless. I don't even know how she got in that building; it's a locked building. Anyway, I had to call the cops on her. She cried her way out of trouble and they let her go. But that's why these two were lucky I set them up. I mean, I know they're both a little crazy, but at least they're not, like, toad-murderin' crazy."
Just then, a car pulled up the drive. "I think they're here!" JJ exclaimed.
That was enough to bring Garcia scurrying out from the kitchen. "Aw," she said, "isn't that cute! He's opening the door for her! He's such a gentleman!"
"Is she walking funny?" Aunt Norma asked, craning her neck for a look.
Joe laughed. "I think the better question is, is he?"
"Look at him rubbing her back," Garcia giggled. "He can't keep his hands off her!"
Christine's grandfather laughed and slapped the arms of his chair. "That's the tune he's been singing all night!"
Alex ran to the door and threw it open to them. They entered to a chorus of welcoming cheers. Spencer's mother stepped forward and put her hands on their cheeks. "Oh, my two babies," she gushed. "You look positively radiant! Spencer, doesn't your bride look lovely?"
"She's the most beautiful woman in the world, Mom!"
"No," teased Alex, "you look like hell, boss. Kinda like you haven't slept all night!"
Spencer blushed deep red while Christine rolled her eyes. As he followed his mother into the parlor, Alex grabbed Christine's arm and leaned in to whisper, "I'm right, aren't I?"
"You're nosey, is what you are," she replied with a chuckle.
"Oh, come on, boss! I want details!"
"Hey, now," Garcia said, as she crowded around with Prentiss and JJ. "We're nosey and want details, too!"
"Well," Christine said, "if you must know…after we got back to the hotel, we got to our room, and he helped me out of my dress, then he started to take off his own clothes…then, I think he meant to say, 'Who's your daddy?' But he accidentally said, 'How's your daddy?' So then we both put our clothes back on and spent the next few hours discussing my father's recent health concerns."
"Seriously?" asked Alex.
"No, you dolt. We got naked and humped like rabbits all night long. What do you think we did?"
From the other room, Christine's grandfather called out, "Crystal! Come here, girl!"
"Yes, Grandpa?" she said, coming into the room.
"Be a good wife and run along to the kitchen. Your man needs a drink!"
Christine looked at Spencer with one eyebrow raised. "Oh?"
Spencer shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "No, Chris, it's okay. I never said-"
"Nonsense, boy. Our little girl was raised right!"
"What would you like, husband?"
Spencer looked from her to the old man and back to her. "Just a Coke, please," he said weakly.
"Bah!" Grandpa said. "Get him a man's drink! Put some whiskey in that Coca-Cola!"
"No, really, Christine, you don't-"
"Nope," Christine said, raising her hand. "You heard the man. I was raised to be a good girl. One Coke and whiskey, comin' up!"
"So," Grandpa said, placing his hand on Spencer's arm as she left, "did you have some fun with our girl last night?"
Spencer blushed again. "Yes, sir, we did."
"Hear that, men?" Grandpa said, slapping him on the back. "My grandson had a historic evening last night! I trust that means I'll be getting some great-grandchildren soon?"
"Ah…" Spencer stammered, "that, um, that's up to Christine. I'm only one variable in that equation."
"A willing participant," Grandpa said. "Well, you're young still. You've got plenty of time. You just have fun trying to make them."
"Your beverage, my liege," Christine said, returning with Spencer's drink.
"Thank you," he said quietly, taking it.
"So what's for dinner, Crystal?" Grandpa asked.
"Mom's baking a ham," she replied.
"Ham!" Grandpa exclaimed. "You can't serve your husband ham the day after his wedding! This young man has worked up an appetite! Fry him up a proper steak, girl!"
"No, really, it's okay!" Spencer protested. "I like ham!"
"Hogwash! When women get married, they get treated like a queen for a day. But the day after, that's when a man should be treated like a king! Girl, run to the store and get him a nice thick one," Grandpa declared.
"Christine, really, you don't have to do that," Spencer said.
"No no. You're king for a day. If you want a steak, I'll get you a steak."
"Hey, while you're out, get me one, too," Joe said.
Christine turned and bent down until her nose was just inches away from Joe's. "You sure about that, Joseph?" she asked in a low voice.
"On second thought," he said, "I really like ham."
"That's what thought."
"Hey, boss," Alex said. "Why don't I run to the store, okay? We need more dinner rolls, anyway."
"We need more bourbon, too," Melanie called from the kitchen. "And champagne!"
"Got it! What kind of steak do you want me to get?"
"Get him a ribeye," Christine said.
"Oh, don't be so scotch," Grandpa said. "Get him a big porterhouse!"
"But his favorite is ribeye, Grandpa!"
"It..it's true, Grandpa," Spencer said. "I prefer ribeye."
"Well, I suppose there's no accounting for taste, if that's what the man wants," Grandpa conceded.
"Grant," Alex said, "are you coming with?"
After Alex and Anderson had left, Grandpa said, "That girl of Margaret's is a real peach, isn't she?"
"I couldn't get along without her," Christine agreed.
"Are you paying her enough?"
"Yeah," Christine said, sitting down by Grandpa's feet. "I think so. Plus she's got room and board, a truck, a retirement plan and a percentage of what I make…"
"That's good. That's good. People always say that in business, the most important people are your customers. That's a lie. The most important people are your employees. Always remember that. Who's that young man she's with?"
"His name is Grant. He works with Spencer in the same office. It's how they met."
"Is he a good man?"
"Yeah, I think so. Spencer thinks so, too. He treats her well, brings her home on time, and he has kind of a healthy fear of what Spencer will do to him if he ever gets out of line."
"He'd better fear me, too," Joe interjected. "No one had better mess with our Alex while I'm around."
"I think Christine's the one he'd really better be worried about," Spencer said, taking a long sip from his glass. "She'll maul like a grizzly bear protecting her cubs any man who tries to hurt that young woman."

After dinner, they all gathered back in the parlor. Garcia was in a huff with Alex. "I can't believe you had the audacity to place the flowers you stole from me right in the middle of the table!"
"Stole from you?! I caught that bouquet fair and square!"
"You did not! They were in my hands and you wrestled them away from me!"
"Hey, it's not my problem you're getting slow in your old age."
"Old age? Old age?" Garcia fumed. "If I weren't a lady and if this skirt wasn't too tight, I'd plant one of my fantabulous shoes right in your skinny little butt for that!"
"It's those shoes that did you in," Alex laughed. "Those aren't the kind of shoes you wear to full-contact bouquet catching! That kind of thing you gotta do in sneakers or barefoot, like I did, and I won, fair and square. So there!" With that, Alex stuck her tongue out at Garcia.
"Ooh!" Garcia exclaimed, frustrated. "Did you see that? Are you all watching this? I tell you, this younger generation has no respect! Kids these days- sheesh!"
"Mom!" Christine called out. "Leave the dishes and get in here! That's Spencer's job, anyway!"
"Let me just start the dishwasher first…" After a pause, her mother appeared from the kitchen. "Honestly, Chris, I don't see how you're even ready to have a household of your own with your attitude! And don't you dare make that young man do all your dishes for you! He works very hard. He should be able to come home to a clean house and relax."
Spencer turned to Christine and smiled broadly. "Did you hear that? You have to clean house from now on- your mother said so!"
Christine leaned in and said, "Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try and make me. I dare you!"
"Well," said Aunt Norma, "before the two of you get into a fight over the dishes, maybe you should open this."
Christine took a box from her hands. She pulled the bow off, stuck it on Spencer's head, and opened it. "Aw, dish towels," she said, holding them up to show them off. "You embroidered these yourself, didn't you? They're too pretty to use!"
"Nonsense. You both put them to good use, and maybe when you see them you'll remember not to fight about who does the dishes."
"Thank you, Aunt Norma!"
Spencer nudged Christine. "There's something else in that box," he said.
"Oh, I've seen it," she replied.
He smiled. "Maybe you should hold that up for everyone to admire, too."
"Come on, Chris," Joe said. "Show us what else you got!"
Christine looked from her brother to her husband and slowly lifted the other items from the box. "It's a baby bonnet and booties," she said somewhat bashfully.
"And a blanket," Spencer added. "That's so sweet! Thank you, Aunt Norma- these will come in handy."
"Maybe," Christine said.
"Definitely," Spencer corrected.
"Hey," Christine said under her breath, "just who's side are you on, anyway?"
"My own," he replied.
Garcia looked at them both for a brief, tense moment and said, "Here! It's time for my present! Open it! Open open open!"
Christine took the bow off it, pressed it hard onto Spencer's chest, and opened it. "Hats and scarves! Ooh, and they're so soft, too! These will come in handy this winter!"
"Yes, thank you, Penelope," Spencer said. "Now she can stop stealing mine when the weather gets cold!"
"You're both so very welcome," Garcia said with a grin.
"I guess I'm next," Haley said, standing up. She placed a large box on Christine's lap.
"Look, sweetheart, another bow," Christine said, pulling it off and sticking it on Spencer's head.
"Why do I have to wear them all?" he asked with a frown.
"Because it's tradition," Christine said, tearing the paper off the box.
"She's full of shit," Joe said. "It's not a tradition."
"You'd better leave them," Christine warned as she saw Spencer starting to pluck at them. "Yay!" she suddenly exclaimed. "It's a couple of pecan pies!"
"Look underneath them," Haley advised.
Christine gasped as she handed the pies to Spencer. "Is this really…oh my God… it's THE RECIPE!"
"Careful now," Haley warned as Christine waved the notecard in the air. "That is for your eyes only. My grandmother is probably turning in her grave as we speak because I've given it to a Yankee…"
"Ooh, sorry," she said, clutching it to her chest. "I'll guard it with my life." She pulled it out to take a little to peek at it. "Whoa, that's a good healthy snort of bourbon in there, isn't it?"
Haley made as if to snatch it away from her. "You've said to much. I should have known you couldn't be trusted!"
"Oh, no you don't! You can't have it back now! Alex, be a lamb and put these pies in the dining room, would you?"
After Alex had taken them away, Grandpa said, "Crystal, come here and give this box to your husband."
"Oh my God," she said, lifting it up. "What's in here, lead bricks?"
Grandpa laughed. "Just about."
She set it on Spencer's lap. After playfully sticking the bow in Christine's hair, he unwrapped it to find a polished wooden box. When he opened the box, both he and Christine gasped. "Well?" Garcia asked. "What is it?"
"A pair of Colt Single Action Army pistols," Spencer said.
"You know what they call those?" Grandpa asked.
"Peacemakers," Christine said.
"That's why I gave those to you," Grandpa said. "Now, I want you two to think. When you have an argument- and believe me, you're gonna have a lot of them- before you go to bed angry, I want you to pull out those pistols. Then you'll find a way to work out your problems, because there's nothing life will give you that's so hard you have to settle it with those."
"Can I see them?" Hotch asked.
As Hotch admired the pistols, Morgan asked, "What's the caliber on those?"
".357," Christine said, "which is good, because I think the .45 would break my wrist."
Spencer stared at her. "He just said we're not supposed to use them, and you're already making plans?"
"We're not supposed to use them on each other, dork," Christine said. "But there's no point in having a gun if you don't shoot it at something!"
"Well, of course," Grandpa laughed. "Melly's got some cartridges there for you. "Take 'em out back and try 'em out! Crystal, be a good girl and run along upstairs. Get some hearing protection for your man!"
"Wait, Pop," Melanie said. "They can do that after. I still haven't given them my gift!"
"Oh! Oh, yes. By all means, let's see that first," the old gentleman said.
"Just a second," Melanie said, standing up and walking to the other room. When she came back, she was carrying an enormous box that she set across both of their laps.
"One more for you," Christine giggled, pulling off the bow and sticking it on Spencer's head. "Here, help me open this." They both tore off the paper and lifted the lid together. "Oh…my…God…" Christine said as she let the lid slip to the ground. "What on earth? How…is this what I think this is?"
"What is it?" Prentiss asked. "Let us see."
"Help me out here, Sparky," Christine said, standing up. From the box they drew an enormous hand-made quilt. They spread it out for everyone to see; it was blue on white with little patches of yellow. In the center was the monogram, 'SRC'. Christine's hands shook as she held it up.
"I found that when I was going through Mom's sewing room," Melanie explained. "It was almost finished. I just bound the edges and put your wedding date on it down at the corner. Chris, she always knew you two were meant for each other," she continued, with tears in her eyes. "She knew you'd be together- that's why she made this."
Christine let go of the quilt and put her hands to her face. "I…I'm sorry. I just…I just can't right now…"
She ran out of the room. Spencer started to follow her, but Melanie stopped him. "Let me talk to her," she said. She found Christine in the kitchen sobbing.. "Come here," she said, putting her arms around her. "See? She found a way to be here. This whole time, she was already here. Shhh…she would have been so proud of you yesterday. She was always so proud of you. Come on. You can do this. Let's go back out…"
"No. Just give me a minute. I need this hug," she sobbed into her aunt's shoulder.
They stood for a moment while Melanie stroked her back. "Okay now?" she asked quietly.
Christine nodded. "Yeah," she said, reaching for a tissue to wipe her nose. "I can do this."
Returning to the parlor, she stepped over to hug Spencer. "You see that?" she said, gesturing toward the quilt. "She loved you, too."
"She was a wonderful grandmother," Spencer said. "And she found a way to be there for both of us."
Christine picked up a corner of the quilt and held it to her face, kissing it. "Thank God I'm not wearing any makeup today," she laughed through her tears. "This is the most beautiful quilt I've ever seen. I love it. It's perfect."
Spencer crushed her and the quilt to him. "You're right. It will be beautiful in our room. Thank you so much, Melanie."
"Here, help me fold this," Christine said, sniffling. "We'll put it upstairs in a bit. First, we have something to give you guys. Sparky, do you have those envelopes?"
"I've got them right here in my 'purse'," he said with a smile. "See how handy this thing is?"
"Stay awesome, baby," she said with a smile. "Okay, as a token of our thanks for putting up with us, we got each of you attendants a little something. Actually, we got the same thing for everyone but Aaron and Jason," she said, passing them out, "so you can all open them at the same time…"
"Whoa!" JJ exclaimed as she opened the envelope.
"Oh, wow," Prentiss said. "This is seriously cool."
"I'm going to Vegas, baby!" Morgan said.
"Chris," Melanie said, "this is really too much."
"No, it's not. Really, it's not," Christine said. "You guys stood with us on the most important day of our lives, and we want each of you to go, relax, and have a good time on us. Think of Spencer and I while you're having fun in Sin City. We really want you to. Here, this one's for you, Aaron…"
"Disney World?" Haley said, looking over her husband's shoulder.
"Or Disneyland," Spencer said. "You can use that voucher at any of their properties. You can even go on a cruise if you'd like. They sail all over the Caribbean, if Jack's too small to enjoy the park."
"A cruise," Haley said dreamily. "Oh, Aaron, we haven't been on a cruise since our own honeymoon!"
"This is very thoughtful, you two," Hotch said. "Thank you very much."
"And finally, Jason, we got this one for you," Christine said, handing him an envelope.
"Yellowstone National Park," he said, reading it's contents.
"We know you're a nature lover, and the geologist in me just had to send you there. You've got a private cabin right inside the park any time you want to go and get away from the world," she said with a smile.
"Peace, quiet and nature," Gideon said softly. "It sounds wonderful. Thank you both."
"There's one last thing," Christine said. "Sparky, can I have that?" He gave her a small box he'd taken from his messenger bag and she walked over to Garcia. "Penelope…hoo, I'm gonna cry again…Penny, we couldn't have done all this without you. You are such a huge reason why we will remember yesterday as one of the greatest, most beautiful days of our lives, all of our lives. You worked so hard and poured so much heart into every aspect of that day so selflessly, that we wanted to give you this little extra something as a small token of our gratitude."
She handed Garcia the box. "Guys, you didn't need to give me anything! I did it because I love you!"
"No, we did need to. We so totally needed to," Christine said with a chuckle. "Especially me."
She took the paper off, and her eyes grew wide. "Oooh, Mikimoto!" she gushed. She opened it and put her hand up to her breast. "Oh, be still my sparkly, fabulous little heart! It's beautiful! My lovelies, this is simply too much!"
"Well, let us see it, Garcia," JJ said.
On her finger she slipped a ring with a large pearl surrounded by tiny diamonds and sapphires in blue, pink, orange and yellow. She held her hand out for the other women, who all fawned over it.
"I wanted to go with something simpler," Christine said, "but Spencer insisted we get the most colorful one they had."
Garcia jumped up and stamped her feet in joy before throwing her arms around Spencer and Christine. "Thank heavens for you and your gorgeous gray matter, Boy Wonder. You profiled me better than I could have profiled myself. And you, my sweet little Gingerpotamus- thank you thank you thank you! Don't you ever lose this man! He has the best taste in jewelry ever. I love it!"
"You are so very welcome," Christine laughed as she extricated herself from Garcia's embrace. "Wear it in good health."
"Yes, and thank you again, Garcia," Spencer added. "Truly."
After she'd sat down again, Christine turned and stared at Spencer for a moment. He shrugged his shoulders a little and asked, "What?"
"Oh, I think you know what."
"No, give me a hint."
"Is that really the last thing you have there in your magical man-purse, my dear?"
Spencer picked up his bag and set it on his lap. "Yes, that seems to be all of it…oh…no, wait…there is this one thing left in here- and it's got your name on it." He offered her the final envelope with a smile.
"What is it?" Prentiss asked.
"Their honeymoon," Garcia said.
"Wait- is this, like, a surprise to you?" JJ asked incredulously. "Spence, you planned your honeymoon without her?"
"That's what she wanted," he said.
Christine held the envelope to her forehead. "Let's see," she said. "It can't be Hawaii, because we've already done that…Jamaica, maybe? Mexico?"
She looked to him, but he merely smiled and shrugged.
"Hmm…oh! You like snorkeling, so we're going to Australia to see the Great Barrier Reef! No, that's not it…the Mediterranean, maybe. Greece or…no! Morocco! I've always wanted to go to Morocco!"
"Really? You've always wanted to go to Morocco?" Spencer asked. "You've never told me that!"
"No, but I have told you how much I wanted to see the pyramids at Giza. We're going to Egypt! Or Mt. Kilimanjaro! You know I want to see that, too! We're going to Tanzania! Yay!"
Spencer laughed. "Sorry, dear. You've got the wrong continent."
"Ah-ha!" she cried. "But it is on a continent!"
Spencer laughed harder. "Yes, my brilliant, beautiful bride. You've narrowed it down to somewhere on planet Earth."
"Except Africa," she said.
"Yes, except Africa."
"Oh, for God's sake, Chris," Joe burst out. "Just open the damned envelope!"
"Alright, alright," she muttered. "Jesus, who peed in your little pool of happiness this morning? Let's see, what amazing adventure has my husband planned for us? We are going to…oh. Oh, wow," she said, flipping through the pages of the itinerary. "Oh, holy shit!"
"Christine!" her mother said. "Language!"
Christine leapt to her feet, leaned over, grabbed Spencer's face and kissed him for a long moment before sitting down in his lap and wrapping her arms around him. "Sweetheart, you really are the best, you know that?" She planted little kisses all over his face and neck, heedless of the chuckles around her. "I'm not squishing your legs, am I? Oh God, I love you so much! Thank you!"
"So, where are you going?" Garcia asked.
Between kisses, Christine answered, "Germany and Austria!"
Spencer's cheeks blushed red from the attention, and he said, "She's spent time there and loved it, and I've always dreamed of hearing Mozart and Beethoven performed in Vienna…"
"And we'll be in Munich for Oktoberfest! Yay! This trip is gonna have a little crazy for me, a little classy for him, and it's all going to be just as wonderful as the man I married, isn't it?" Christine said.
"And it'll be as beautiful as my lovely wife," Spencer said.
"Oh God," Joe moaned. "Put a lid on the sugar over there before we all slip into diabetic comas, wouldja? Come on, man. Let's try out those pistols!"
Christine stood and picked up the quilt. "I'll just run this upstairs and get you that hearing protection."
"While they get their things together," her mother said, "why don't you all come back to the dining room and get yourself some dessert?"
Christine was in her bedroom, bending over and smoothing out the quilt with her hands when she thought she heard a sound. She turned to see Spencer closing the door behind him. "Oh, sorry," she said lightly. "I was just admiring it all spread out. I'll get those earmuffs for you…"
He shook his head and smiled as he wrapped is arms around her from behind. "The only thing I need right now is you," he said in a soft, low voice.
"Spencer," she whispered, "we have a house full of guests downstairs!"
"And they'll all be none the wiser if you can stay quiet, dear," he said. He ran his hands up her back, under her shirt, and unfastened her bra before moving them forward to cup her breasts. He pinched her suddenly-hard nipples lightly before moving his hands down over her belly to the waistband of her jeans. Burying his face in her neck, he quickly unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans before pulling them and her panties down over her hips. "Bend over," he whispered in her ear.
She knew this was madness, that they were bound to be caught, but she obeyed him and grasped the quilt with both hands. She heard him unzip his own pants before feeling him grab her hips tightly and press his erection against her bare bottom. He moved behind her, positioning himself to enter her. She could feel the tip of his penis find her and linger for just a moment before, with a soft groan, he thrust into her roughly. He held her tightly against himself before moving one hand to the hair at the back of her head as the other moved forward and down, between her legs. "Isn't this how you like it?" he whispered. "Yes, this will make you cum for me…" With one finger he found her clitoris and began rubbing it gently. She bit the quilt and moaned as she felt the familiar electricity rising within her. He thrust into her again and again until at last her climax crashed over her. She tried to raise her head to cry out, but he forced her face back into the bed as she clawed helplessly at the bedding. As her orgasm subsided, he moved his hands back to her hips and pulled her hard against him. "Oh, my sweet little baby doll," he moaned in a whisper. "My beautiful little wife…" She felt him pull her back hard one last time and hold her as he throbbed and ejaculated into her. At last, he released her, and she fell helplessly onto the bed, panting.
After a long moment, she stood up and pulled up her pants. Turning, she saw him grinning at her, adjusting his fly and buckling his belt. She reached back to adjust her bra, then stood gazing at him, smiling and smoothing her hair as he tucked in his shirt. Finally he said, "I, uh…I should probably get back downstairs before everyone becomes suspicious…"
She nodded, smiling, and said nothing. He turned to leave and suddenly turned back, grabbed her face and kissed her firmly. He pressed his forehead to hers, their noses touching, and said breathlessly, "You are every sweet dream I have ever had, Christine."

A/N

The song to which Spencer and his mother danced was "Teach Your Children" by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

Garcia's ring is on the thegingerpotamus Instagram account.