EPOV
While I was heading home I was thinking about Bella and what she was going to do tonight while I'm with my brothers. I wanted to go back there and take her away from my sisters so we both won't have to face my siblings. When I got out of the car I noticed that there wasn't sound coming from the house. Emmett is up to something. He's not ever this quiet. So I walked to door hesitantly. Once I stepped inside the house I was immediately attacked my Emmett. I may be a vampire but I swear he just gave me a bruise. I groaned. "What the hell was that for?" I said searching his thoughts but only coming up with
Emmett: I kissed a girl and I liked it, The taste of her cherry chapstick, I kissed a girl just to try it I hope my boyfriend don't mind it, It felt so wrong It felt so right, Don't mean I'm in love tonight, I kissed a girl and I liked it I liked it
"Oh nothing really Eddie," I growled at the nickname, "'just so you won't be able to escape! MUAHAHAHAHA!"
I was lifted onto a chair and chained to it. Was he really that stupid? I can just snap out of here.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you Andy because we could do this the easy way or the hard way."
"Why are you calling me Andy?"
"Because that's the main characters name on The 40 Year Old Virgin." I glared at him but that only caused him to smile and laugh his booming laughter.
"Bye Emmett." But before I could break my way out of the chain I suddenly felt guilty enough to stay in the chair. Jasper….
I turned to my left to see an apologetic Jasper.
Jasper:Sorry dude he has dirt on me plus I just want to take my punishment walkin'.
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back on Emmett. I peered into his head again but only to hear
Emmett: If I was a rich girl na, na, na na, na na na, na na na, na na na, na na See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
Damn him with the thought blocking. Yet I can't help but wonder why those songs.
"Fine I will cooperate. Now what do you want that soo important that it will take me away from my Bella?"
"Well since you have never been to a strip club I just want to give you 'the talk'." Oh shizz.
"OK yeah that will be a negative there so I'm just going to leave." I just up and realized that the chair was super glued to my butt.
"What the!" I said and looked at Emmett who was laughing so hard he fell on the ground.
Emmett: Oh my gawd! You should have saw your face! PRICELESS!
"I swear we need to get you and Alice checked up or go into therapy! Jasper do they have a vampire therapists?" I asked. He should know he gets out fake birth certificates! Jasper just shook his head. Damn.
"Wooh! Alright now back to business. Now Eddie-cenz," I growled, "just sit back and relax while I tell you about how you should act and what to do in a strip club." Emmett said while pulling out diagrams and one of those CPR dummies (well I think that's what it is) dressed in a bra and thong.
"Now once we enter the club we have to clam the best table in the house NO MATTER WHAT," he had a map of the club pointing at the closest table to the stage, "If we have to throw a couple guys across the room then we shall! OH! And just to act human one of us will order drinks. Jasper no Sex on the Beach, Margarita, Martini, Daiquiris, or in other words girly drinks we don't need people to think your gay. I had enough of those gay guys like that Victor gu—," Jasper cut off.
"Hey for your information he was bi so yeah." He defended weakly.
"Sure but what about that guy uh what's his name uh oh Elliot! Yeah remember how he pinched your butt? So no girly drinks only beer." Jasper just crossed his arms and thought Girly drinks are good for the soul and body and gay people are cool
"Why were there gay guys at a strip club if the strippers are girls?"
Emmett frowns and made a face, "Well while you were at med school and our wives were out, me and Jazz went to this strip club. Yet we didn't know at the time that it was for gay people… so all around us were guys kissing guys and girls kissing girls. And being the only strip club around I stayed and watched the girls while Jazz had his fruity drinks. Why he drink them and didn't just poor them in a plant is beyond me." Wow the last sentence actually makes him sound like a grown up. "After we get the beer we all sit and enjoy the show. Who knows Edward here may get a lap dance! Let's hope Bella won't find out." Scratch that last thought, "Oh and I hope you bring money 'cause we have to give them tips. Now," he said bringing the dummy to him side and started pointing, "when the stripped slash hooker comes up to you, you can put your money here, here, here, here, here—"
"There's no way in hell will I put money in a woman's butt crack or above her womanly part!" I yelled horrified when he was pointing at the areas.
"Well too bad! Either that of put it in her thong or her bra."
"I don't get how Rosalie can deal with you." I started shaking my head.
"Because we both love to watch The Secret Life of An American Teenager! Gosh I thought you would know that by now since being the freak you are!" he cried throwing the dummy on me smiling.
Emmett: Ha he's getting more action from the dummy than from Bella.
I glared at him. "Har, har, har you're such a comedian."
"See Jasper even Edward thinks I'm funny."
"Em one word for you: Sarcasm." Jasper said shaking his head.
"Ohh…," Emmett said while picking up the dummy, "Well since we got to talk to you 'bout this, me and Jazz are going to catch a couple of deer or something real quick." He threw the dummy at me smiling. "Have fun with Becky."
Emmett: Oh I left you a present Andy!
And with that they left. I was afraid of what he left so I just desided I'll look when I had enough courage. Until then I decided to burn the doll. After I did my task I looked at my watched and saw that I only have 2 hours and 30 minutes till we have to leave. This is going to be a long night.
I decided to go watch TV to pass time since I couldn't go to Bella's or Alice will throw me to Lauren. Shiver. 800 channels later I ended up leaving it on FX which was playing Monster-In-Law and ironicly The 40 Year Old Virgin was on. During the whole movie I was thinking Damn this black lady is hilarious! And Wow she's crazy! When the movie ended I only had 50 minutes left till we have to leave yet neither of my brother's weren't home. Hopefully they left without me. I decided to go up to Emmett's room to see what he gave me. I cautiously opened the door. I mean really, what could be in here? 'Cause last time he left a box for me containing a viberator and a Playboy magazine. I walked in to find leather pants on the bed with a note.
Dear Eddie,
Hope you enjoy your pants. By the time you read this Jazz and I probably got back from hunting and are wearing our pants. Now I order you to put them on! If you don't I'll tell Bella about the time when we went hunting and Jasper sent you a lot of lust for payback for burning 4 of his Civil War books and when you attacked the deer you ended up kissing the poor thing. Now do you want her to know? That's what I thought so….
Love your bear like brother
I ripped the letter and threw it at the wall. If he loved me he wouldn't make me wear this. I reluctantly put the pants on and felt uncomfortable instantly. I ran to my room to find a shirt to wear and saw a red dress shirt on my bed with another note.
Dear Edward,
You can either wear this or that hideous shirt that you had in mind. Well to bad! Your wearing this. Stop rolling your eyes. I already gave that shirt to a stray dog. I doubt you'll find it and no I didn't buy it. Rose did. Now put it on and in about 30 seconds Emmett will brake down your door so you better hurry.
With love and having with Bella,
Alice
I did what she said with 3 seconds to spare. Right when I was about to open the door Emmett kick the door sending it and me towards the wall.
"Edward! Oh Eddie-cenz! Where are you?" Emmett yelled.
I threw the door at him and said, "Let's get this night over with." I looked at him and saw he was wearing blood red leather jeans with a black dress shirt.
"I see you're wearing my present. Maybe you should wear that to school."
"Shut up." I said and walked out to my Volvo to see Jasper wearing tan lether pants with green dress shirt. "Does he have dirt on you too?" I raised my eyebrow
"No, Alice insisted on my wearing this or else." He shivered. Everyone knows that you do what Alice tells you what to do. If not she'll rip you apart and separate the pieces in the Great Lakes. She did that to Emmett until Rose, Esme, and Carlisle made her get him after a week. That was the quietest week ever.
I walked to the driver's side of my car but was stopped by one of Emmett's hands.
Emmett: We are taking my car since you don't know where to go.
I sighed and walked to the passenger's side of the car while Jasper sat in the back seat. To whole ride we listened to Emmett's rap station. Run This Town by Jay-Z can on and that's when I got this feeling. It felt like I was missing some very important piece of information and it had something to do with Alice. I was knock out of my thoughts by Emmett saying, "Fellows welcome to Diamond Club Cabaret!" (A/N: Not a real club in Washington just something random.)
I looked at the building in front of me in disgust. How can people go here? The building was white with "Diamond Club Cabaret" in neon and there were plants and men surrounding it. I listened to their thoughts and was disgusted immediately.
Random dude 1: I hope I get some pussy right away since I'm not getting any from my wife or girlfriend….
Random dude 2: Maybe I can bring one of these strippers home with me. I'll probably have to get them drunk….
Random dude 3: Please let my fake ID work, Please let my fake ID work I really want to see naked women….
Random dude 4: I wonder what my dog is doing. It better not me humping the cat again….
Sigh. I'll just have to try to tune all of these pervs out. After we parked me and Jasper slowly (even for a human) to the building while Emmett jogs but he stopped when he notice our walking pace and decided to push us faster towards the door. We walked or pushed to the front of the line ignoring all of the shout and glares to the bouncer. (A/N: Idk just making it up as I go) The guy was in his 30's and was as big as Emmett. We got out our ID's and bribe money and gave them to him. He gladly took them and let us in.
"Guys, I can already tell its going to be one hell of a night." Emmett said while shoving us threw the doors.
Sorry if the story wasn't funny:/ just been sad recently 4 no reason. And sorry for not updating I'm
just trying to think of things to put in my character bag and every time I get on the computer someone
always kicks me off. It sucks so send me reviews cuz those are like little boxes of happiness to me:)
-Giselle