I do not own, or receive any benefits from the Harry Potter Benefits.
Remus Lupin P.I. Part 11: Vanities Virtue.
By Larry Huss
Take a small youth, put him in a long dark robe, and have him put a silencing spell on his sneakers. If he is trailing an unsuspecting young girl and her menacingly unnatural extra shadow through a series of dark and twisty corridors, down ramps and stairs that weren't there all the time, and at a reasonable distance he is very unlikely to be detected. Sure, if the extra shadow is the semi-animate shade of a hugely powerful wizard there might be some danger of being spotted, especially if it was in the Muggle world, where to the trained senses magic stands out like a torch. But in the magic-soaked halls of Hogwarts, detecting something as mild and gentle as what Harry Timmons was using would have required a great deal of attention and a bit of good luck. As it was the shadow had enough to do just steering the strong-minded girl in the proper direction, and keeping her questioning nature from coming to the surface. One might be forgiven (by the pathologically fair-minded) for not engaging in all due diligence under the circumstances. Lovegood talking in a dreamy way while another voice was mumbling in a high-pitched series of hisses as the pair went along might have been considered a bit much, though.
Harry Timmons didn't like this at all. Once he could have done the same, but when the spell with a personality had been driven out of him years ago he had ceased to be able to converse in Parseltongue. One of the things he had done on coming to Hogwarts had been to find out if he could regain that talent, or maybe learn another animal language. The results of his researches had not been reassuring. Parseltongue was considered a sign of pure evilness in the user, Harry had become glad that he had lost that ability when the curse had left him; it made things a lot easier than having to conceal the ability. Now Luna Lovegood seemed to have it, or rather something with a very different voice using her was versed in the language of snakes. It confirmed some of his recent conclusions, and that was scary too. It didn't help that he had just detected that he was being followed by someone who was pretty soft-footed him (her?) self. When Luna passed around a corner leading to a stretch of corridor without stairs or other obvious turn-offs, Harry dropped back a few paces and turned to face his trailer, wand out. Neville Longbottom hopped backwards with a small "Eep!"
Harry waved Neville to go back to the dorm. Neville shook his head, his features set with childish stubbornness. "I don't have time for this!" Harry thought to himself, and put his finger to his lips in the international sign of silence. Then, motioning the boy to stay behind him, he continued his stalking of the wild Lovegood. He had a very good idea of why Neville was out following him. There was this whole weird "Heir of Slytherin" thing keeping the gossip network of the school busy; the assumption being that the Heir was responsible for the graffiti on the walls near where the petrified people (and cat) were found. Neville had been carrying around a crush on Ginny Weasley, and evidently when he noticed Harry slipping out (as he often did in any case, for the fun of it) he was brave enough to follow a suspected Heir to find out what was what, and to see if there was anything he could do to help his heart-throb. Harry thought it very romantic, but very dumb. When they got back to the Hufflepuff Commons he planned to tear a stripe off of Neville for general foolishness; now wasn't the time for that, though.
Pausing only to cast the silence spell on Neville, Harry turned and quickly went around the corner again to find… emptiness before him. There was just the dull clunking sound of a door shutting itself. Putting on some speed Harry (and Neville) came to the only possible visible door, the entrance to Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom. Faintly, from inside, they could hear three voices. One was Lovegood's, one was an unidentified female voice, and the last was the hissing at a far greater volume. Harry weighed the various factors against each other: the sanctity of a girl's bathroom (even if it was one usually unused), versus discovering a dangerous conspiracy against the safety of all the students of Hogwarts, versus it all being something else completely and him looking like a complete fool for bursting in. With a sigh he told Neville to back him up, using Flippendo (1) if needed. Setting his shoulders and taking a deep breath, Harry burst into the lavatory.
The good part was that Lovegood was completely and decently dressed, and was just standing there with an open book in her hands talking calmly to the ghost of a teenage girl. The bad part was a second ghost, one that was of a teenage boy speaking in Parseltongue, much darker and more solid than the girl-ghost. The worst part was that the wall behind the sinks, mirrors and all, was moving backwards to open a hole in the floor. Coming up through that hole was yard after yard of barrel-thick snake, more than big enough to think a Third Year was just the right diameter for a late night snack. In the brief seconds that Harry stood there indecisive, the snake (a Basilisk, just as he had figured out while waiting for Lovegood to come out of her Tower) spotted him and made a predator's quick decision.
It was hungry, centuries hungry, and the few prey it had found in the corridors the last few months had been taken by its power before it could get them down its throat. In fact, it hadn't even bothered swallowing them; petrified things took forever to digest and made it feel lethargic for decades. This time it was going to have a meal (even if a bit small) that was properly alive and kicking as it went down the gullet! Accordingly, it slid a thick, dark nictitating membrane (2) across its eyes; now if the prey looked directly into its eyes they'd only be slowed up a little, rather than become the consistency of granite.
Several things happened in the next three seconds. Harry, seeing the snake set itself to strike, dived further into the room as the fastest move he could make. He passed through the boy-ghost (feeling the usual clammy cold that those interpenetrations always had) as the head of the snake missed him by this much. The snake bumped into the wall next to the door and turned its head in pursuit, even though its body was still blocking the closing of the entrance to the lower levels. The boy-ghost, who had been laughing in Parseltongue, screeched in discomfort as the unpleasant feeling of something so nasty and hot as a living person went through his space. Luna Lovegood, seeing a boy jumping into a girl's bathroom (even if not being quite in possession of herself) said something naughty and threw something at the boy. It happened to be the book she had had in her hands. Myrtle the ghost, feeling a strong sense of déjà-vu, flew up and over one of partitions of the toilet stalls, then dived into the pipes and went far, far, away. After he saw the snake start to pursue Harry Timmons, Neville Longbottom stepped into the room (the snake, with its vision reduced due to the protective membrane it had been using hadn't seen Neville in the dark corridor outside) and thought that a Flippendo really wasn't going to do the trick this time.
Seeing something coming at him from the corner of his eye Harry did what any good Chaser would do, he caught it as he began to squirm under the door of one of the toilet stalls. It was locked (as were all of them in the bathroom) by Peeves at Myrtle's (Moaning Myrtle, one of the more recent ghosts of Hogwarts) request. Otherwise there would have every day been an absolute stream of girls coming in to use the place and making the most unpleasant odors; and it was Myrtle's home after all!
Harry managed to get all the way in before he saw the tip of the snake's nose begin to wedge itself under the door, and begin to splinter the wood as it pushed itself further into the stall. He leaped up onto the seat and yelled out, hopefully to a Longbottom who had followed him into the bathroom.
"I need a mirror! A mirror!"
Luna Lovegood muttered to herself that she had never understood why people thought girls were the vain sex.
The ghost of (or at least soul-fragment of) Tom Riddle didn't do anything much but look at the drama being created at the back wall of the bathroom. He had never really seen a snake swallow a frog whole, much less a human, and he was very interested in getting his chance now. It would be, at the least, the most amusing thing that had happened in his sight since his creation. His attention was focused on the disintegrating door, he paid no attention to Neville Longbottom looking at the still displaced sinks and mirrors, and trying to figure out how to use his still fairly basic Transfiguration to further whatever Harry-brained scheme he was now involved in.
Screw to snot? Bolt to butter? Nail to needle? What exactly was needed right now? He squinted his eyes and decided, pointing his wand toward the nearest mirror screwed to the wall. Beginning the wand motions for this type of Transfiguration he intoned, "Screws to Steam!" while keeping the nature of the spell wrought change clearly in his mind. Harry had drilled him in this sort of thing last year, until he could keep up with the best of Professor McGonagall's class; now was the time to see if he could keep focused when it counted.
Tom Riddle's… whatever turned to toward the new voice, and then went back to the unfolding action on the other end of the room. Behind him was just some silly 'Puff playing with the mirrors, not even trying some (ineffective against a spirit) offensive spell. Maybe when the Basilisk was done with the other one there would be an exciting chase through the corridors, leading to an inevitable bloody conclusion. What fun!
As the head forced itself under the door Harry looked at the open book in his hands. On the open page there was neat, schoolgirl handwriting, alternating with a clear and forceful masculine script; the two in dialog with each other. Harry tried to rip a page; no go. Obviously it was enchanted to a fare-thee-well. Harry thought back to Cesar's stories of the long and interesting (if not always honorable) careers and achievements of various Black family Wizards and Witches. The evil thing that Cesar and Remus had discovered while cleaning up the old Town House. Things began to click in Harry's mind; they would be very useful if he managed to survive the next fifteen seconds or so. About half the Basilisk's head was now under the door, which was also starting to break at the hinges. Harry leaped down onto the snout and began to beat it with the book as hard as he could.
The landing of the boy, followed by repeated impacts by an enchanted diary, weren't painful in any major sense to the Basilisk but they did sting a little. As much startled at that as anything else the snake gave an unusually strong toss of its head and ripped the remnants of the door from the hinges, and shot Harry into the air in a cart-wheeling curve. Without his broom under him Harry was a bit handicapped at doing aerobatics, but he managed to land on his belly without damaging anything seriously. As he got to his knees he saw the snake turning to him with jaws agape. Trying to earn enough time to get to his feet Harry threw the book as hard as he could at the huge, open target. Reflexively, as it saw something coming toward it fast, the Basilisk snapped at the fluttering diary. Its fangs tore through the protective enchantments like needles through cloth; automatically the snake pumped a dose of its venom through them to "kill" whatever it had caught. The unmatched power of Basilisk venom began to dissolve the powerful death magic that was at the root of Riddle's binding spells, and the boy-ghost began to scream with pain, before disappearing. Luna Lovegood, receiving the psychic shock of having all of the life-force that had been stolen from her return at a rush, dropped like a sandbagged sailor.
Ignoring the drama playing out in front of him Neville Longbottom yelled out "Wingardium Leviosa!" in time to prevent the mirror he had just freed from the wall falling down and breaking into a thousand pieces. He pointed his wand to move the mirror over to where Harry Timmons was now up onto his knees.
The Basilisk had felt a very painful shock go through its system when it had snapped the book out of the air; now it felt the reassuring presence of the Master suddenly vanish. After all those years of magically aided life it had a pretty good idea of what had just happened. It was the most embarrassing moment for the snake since the 11th century. It quickly decided that the best course of action was to kill all the witnesses of this mortifying blunder. It was certainly Time to Get Dangerous, and it retracted the membrane that shielded its eyes.
Harry saw the serpent sway back and forth for a moment then seemingly prepare itself for some definite purpose. By now the mirror Neville had freed was close enough for Harry to try out his idea. Drawing his wand, he called out "Engorgio!" the activating word for the enlarging spell. Obediently the mirror grew from a modest rectangle suitable for a public washroom to one that was better fitted to grace the ceiling above the bed of a very odd person.
The sudden blotting out of part of the room naturally enough drew the attention of the Basilisk, which turned its head a little and looked. Into eyes; beautiful and deep and powerful eyes. Into the paralyzing, petrifying eyes of a Basilisk. While it was only natural that the snake be immune to its own venom, in the natural (even the naturally magical) world the need for immunity to a petrifying gaze wasn't likely to come up. Accordingly, it didn't exist, and the pet of Salazar Slytherin felt itself (just for a moment) start to go rigid, before all sensation left it. Of course, a properly made potion of Mandrake could revive it, but you'd have to find someone very sure of themselves to prepare and administer it.
"Nev, give me a hand in getting Lovegood here down to the Infirmary, will you. For some reason I feel a bit under the weather right now, and could use some help," Harry said as he slowly let the enlarged mirror down to the ground.
"Think we'll get into any trouble for this Harry? I'd hate for Grandmother to send me a Howler for messing up."
"Well…I think we'll either be expelled or given medals, so's not to worry. If we're expelled, no Howlers to ruin your breakfast. If it's medals, she might send a cake or something. And look, the snake's tail is still hanging down into that hole. I bet that leads to the Chamber of Secrets. I'd give medals odds of three to one if I'm right. Meanwhile, keep focused. Lovegood needs some attention now."
The boys picked up the girl, one at her head, the other her feet, and slowly worked out their rhythm walking together as they carried her down to the Infirmary.
?
Remus Lupin was sitting in a chair older than his grandfather and sipping excellent tea from a china cup. It was only of the inferior sort that the Qianlong Emperor (3) had allowed to be exported to the Outer Barbarians, but it was still clearly the most beautiful artifact that Lupin had ever seen in his life. When Augusta Longbottom wanted to be gracious, she didn't pull any punches.
"Mr. Lupin, I must say that you have always completed any commissions I have given you to my complete satisfaction, if not always with my desired degree of dispatch. But that is more likely due to my impatience than any shortcomings on your part. It is in recognition of this that I wish you to conduct an investigation for me that is not in connection with my duties as a member of the Hogwarts Board, but as a private individual.
"As you know, I am the guardian for my grandson, Neville, who is currently a Second Year student at Hogwarts. I am naturally concerned that he is not involved with the wrong company. By which I mean those who would exploit him, or lead him into folly. Accordingly, I would like you to investigate one of his classmates, who seems to have gained a considerable sway over Neville's actions, and has led him, perhaps innocently, into the most hazardous situations several times. I would like you to investigate the character and antecedents of Harry Timmons, a young man of whom I have not found a single connection to any reputable Wizarding family. "
Lupin tried to appear calm at this unexpected request. He had to squash this investigation completely; while his professional ethics demand a considerable degree of (he was too honest with himself to think he was going to give complete) candor there was a limit to how far he could allow that course of inquiry to go. If he wasn't able to satisfy Madame Longbottom she would just find someone else to investigate Harry, and though Lupin was fairly sure that his various manipulations were good enough to pass scrutiny, he was too much of a realist not to accept that what one man could hide another might discover.
"As you know, Madame, I have talked with Timmons on several occasions, and found him fairly unambitious in regard to using connections to advance himself. I will confess that I have in fact done some previous background research on Timmons, and I can assure you of certain facts about him.
"He is in fact an orphan, whose honest parents were unfortunately caught up in the violence of the First Wizarding War. For his own good it was decided to have him raised outside the Magical community, and under a pseudonym. He has been informed of all the facts of his parentage, and is in complete agreement with the decision. In his general conduct, I think that it can stand up to any honest scrutiny."
"Mr. Lupin, I appreciate your swift fulfilling of your commission. I presume you consider Mr. Timmons to be intelligent, brave, forthright, and honest?"
Lupin nodded his head. Madam Longbottom then continued.
"That is very much the impression I had received from Minerva McGonagall when I wrote to her on this very question. I have the greatest respect for Minerva, and her canvas of some of the other teachers at Hogwarts seems to bear out her conclusions. I presume you have some idea of her speculations on Mr. Timmons origins?"
"I believe, though she hasn't said so directly, that she has the opinion that my relationship with Timmons is parental. In that she is mistaken, though for various reasons I have never tried to disillusion her. There are certain long-standing reasons for that."
Madame Longbottom nodded; she had her own information on which to judge the reliability of Professor McGonagall's speculations.
"Minnie has always been something of a romantic; she was always too straitlaced for illicit affairs herself, but how she would gossip! But enough of my reminiscing.
"Since meeting with Mr. Timmons, Neville has been involved in a number of escapades, all of which have had a degree of danger, and all of which he has, to general surprise, not least my own, been outrageously successful at. Though the Headmaster has successfully obfuscated the precise facts about the Chamber of Secrets affair it seems that Neville has been, with Timmons active support, given the majority of the credit for ending that murky business. Yet Neville has written to me indicating that he was merely involved by accident, and the greatest parts of the danger and success were borne by Timmons. Even for a 'Puff this altruism seems extreme behavior, and naturally arouses the suspicion of an old Slytherin that Timmons is attempting to ingratiate, for some unknown purpose, himself with Neville."
Lupin thought a moment, and then responded.
"I think it more likely that Timmons is attempting to keep the spotlight of notoriety off of himself; the fame of being on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team is quite enough for him. Prestige in the school without undue scrutiny seems to be his comfort zone. Also I believe that he wished to give your grandson as much credit as possible in order to help him with his relationship with Ginevra Weasley, when she is revived. I think the boy is something of a romantic himself."
Inside, where things did not show, Augusta Longbottom was purring in contentment (after all, cats, as well as snakes, were very Slytherin creatures). Minnie was quiet right about some things; Lupin knew far more about Timmons than he had any right to, considering the limited amount of contact he should have had with the child. It was interesting news about Neville and Ginevra Weasley, though. The boy was certainly blossoming at Hogwarts; he even had a sweetheart!
The Grand Dame made up her mind. Timmons was acceptable for Neville to associate with. His connection with Lupin was certainly no drawback; in a profession rife with shady characters, Lupin had gotten a reputation for discrete and responsible effectiveness. Lupin's rescue of the Dumas child a few weeks ago had even crossed over into the Wizarding press! She did wonder what Timmons' name should properly be; that would no doubt come out in the fullness of time. For now she would be content to hear Minnie spin her fables about Lupin, and laugh inside.
"I understand you are being married soon, Mr. Lupin. My congratulations, even if she is a Muggle. I hear that she is quite the rising star in their legal system. I hope your children are all Magical."
"That is very kind of you, Madame Longbottom. I just hope that they get her looks and brains. I was never so happy as when I realized she would overlook my manifold shortcomings and agree to marry me. In fact, she discovered me in my afflicted state before I had a chance to explain things to her, and still accepted me." Lupin said this with a tone of awed gratitude, suitable for a young man well on the way to matrimony.
"Oh dear, I hope that there wasn't an… accident at that time." Madame Longbottom could see in her mind's eye the terror of a poor Muggle girl suddenly confronted by the spectacle of a Werewolf in full fury.
"I find that with a few tots of Bushmills in my bowl even my changed form is very calm. An endorsement for the product that they cannot, alas, ever hope to use. And it's considerably more affordable than the Wolfsbane Potion. I've written of this to several publications dealing with Wizarding medical affairs, and also the values of meditation and mental conditioning, but as the mere facts are contradicted by ages of false knowledge my personal researches have not been investigated to see if there is a general principle involved."
Now that was interesting news, certainly something up Brother Algie's Unspeakable alley.
"Perhaps I might be able to help you there. I shall make my own enquiries and see if some attention might be given to alternate therapies for your condition. Consider it a wedding present, if you will."
"Thank you indeed, Madame. I've wished for years to find a way of testing how much of our werewolf lore was accurate, and helping the others afflicted that haven't been as lucky as I have been in dealing with the problem. Thank you again!"
?
Luna Lovegood made a nearly complete recovery from her possession by Thomas Riddle, Jr. She did wonder if she had certain obligations toward Timmons and Longbottom. They assured her that only Princesses had that sort of problem, and as there were two of them a romantic solution would be rather difficult for her in any case. She thanked them for their consideration of her youth and innocence, but declared that her sense of indebtedness was in no way satisfied. Neville and Harry looked at each other with some trepidation, both curious and apprehensive of what her fertile mind might decide upon.
The Headmaster was glad that the finding of the Chamber of Secrets allowed him to cover up all the recent rumors of hard times at Hogwarts with a discovery of immense historical and magical importance. However, he was privately greatly disturbed by the identity of the spirit that had troubled Lovegood, and was even unhappier when he examined the ruined diary and saw the similarities between it and the locket that had been sent to the school some months earlier. He stopped dithering and began to actively recruit a new Order of the Phoenix.
Padma and Hermione, having gotten the straight story of what had happened in Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom (though she hadn't been seen there since), began to have deep planning sessions in regard to "the Timmons Question." Should they continue to wait until their Forth Year before claiming him, or was he too likely to already be taken by then? Should they keep their plan for sharing him, or have a contest to decide who got to keep him? They, of course, kept all this from coming to his attention, though they continued to make sure that they frequently ran into him in the corridors and library.
Ginny Weasley, on being revived in late May, was grateful to Neville for his part in getting revenge (though she was a little unclear on exactly what he had done) on her attacker. However, she still thought him a bit dull and insufficiently Quidditch-minded, and rejected his hesitant suggestion they start going out together. Her brothers (all of them) put him in their good books, and the Twins avoided any temptation to try out their latest products on him.
The prestige of Hufflepuff House was never higher, especially as they won the Quidditch and House Cups that year. Scouts from the professional teams began to show up at their games to look over Diggory, and the more astute ones noted the superlative teamwork of the Hufflepuff Chasers. Despite Hufflepuff beating Ravenclaw, one of their Reserve Players, Cho Chang, took a decided interest in the Hufflepuff Seeker.
Severus Snape was ecstatic with the potions he could now brew to full potential with the various parts of the Basilisk that were chiseled off of the petrified snake and revivified piecemeal. The experiment with Student Monitors had been a success and would be continued next year, leading him to many a more peaceful night, and even a slightly less acerbic classroom persona. The only fly in his ointment was when the Headmaster told him of the evident continuing presence of pieces of Tom Riddle, AKA Lord Voldemort.
Gilderoy Lockhart came very close to breaking the string of single-year-only DADA Professors. If, after the demise of the Dueling Club, he had only refrained from starting an Art Appreciation Society he might well have come back for the next term. Unfortunately, in order to give the student participants (chiefly females) a chance to study 'true beauty' he had offered and presented himself as a model for live drawing classes. While his garb (or lack of) would have presented no scandal on the beaches of a more torrid and liberal land, for that particular school he was perhaps a bit too… progressive. Accordingly he was not asked to come back the next year.
Harry Timmons, very slightly disguised to keep the members of the Magical Law Enforcement profession from having too good an idea of his looks in case he came to their attention at a later date, performed his role as ring-bearer with all due ceremony and dispatch at the wedding of Phyllidia Barnes and Remus John Lupin that June. He enjoyed the wedding, and received his first three serious kisses, one from an attractive lady who was old enough to be his mother (That one caught him rather by surprise). He was happy that Cesar was a very responsible Best Man, at least until the happy couple had left the reception to go on their honeymoon. At that point all bets were off, and things got a bit raucous. Harry accordingly shepherded some of the younger attendees to a quieter part of the grounds (Wilkenson's Gardens and Park), where it was he eventually received kisses two and three. It was his first experience with a wedding, and it gave him a very favorable impression of that sort of ceremony. When Cesar drove him to the Peter Andersons place the next morning, and Harry saw the family waiting to bring him into the house, he knew that this summer was going to be great.
Author's Notes:
1-Flippendo: a spell that makes an ordinary sized human's feet start to go up to where their head is usually, and vice versa, the body appearing to flip its orientation.
2- Nictitating membrane: a sort of extra eyelid, which may range from clear to very dark, that is found particularly in certain predatory sharks, reptiles and birds. It protects the eye, and moves in a horizontal rather than vertical movement.
3- Reigned 1735-1796 as the Emperor of China.