Saviour - What if the men Shelby gave her baby to hadn't been the loving parents she thought they would be
Rating - T
Characters - Shelby & Rachel
A/N -I think this is the longest part so far, it seemed to take on a life of it's own!
Rachel couldn't hold back her tears as she stood in the hallway after the slushy attack, usually she'd wash up and change into the spare clothes she kept in her locker but she'd taken her clothes home to wash the night she'd ended up being left at her mom's house. How was she going to explain this to Shelby? Her clothes were brand new and by now she could even feel the cold liquid seeping into her underwear, Shelby was going to kill her.
Rachel hadn't seen Sue watching her and she didn't notice the cheer coach approach her. Sue had watched Rachel get closer and closer to a breakdown and decided to step in before Rachel had a meltdown in the middle of the corridor, "have you got any clean clothes?" Rachel shook her head, "follow me" Sue commanded before stalking down the corridor, pausing only once to make sure Rachel was following her. Sue lead Rachel to the cheerios' locker room, "wait here" she ordered before turning on her heel and leaving Rachel shivering in the changing area. Sue returned a few moments later and passed Rachel two fluffy red towels, a small bottle of shampoo and a bar of sweetly scented soap, "go take a shower" she said, "I'll get you some cheerios sweats to change into and leave them on the bench here." All the staff had been told that Rachel was now living with her mother and the police were to be called if either of the Berry men showed up on campus, "do you want me to call your Mom?" Rachel nodded slowly, if Shelby was going to punish her for ruining her clothes she'd rather get it out of the way sooner than later. "Okay" Sue nodded and gestured towards the showers, "you go get cleaned up, I'll bring you some clothes and then go call your Mom."
"Thank you" Rachel whispered as she put the towels down on a bench, not wanting to dirty them as she undressed.
Sue said nothing, just nodded as she left the room, "Berry" She called over the roar of the powerful shower, a few minutes later, "there are some clean clothes out here and a bag to put your dirty ones in. Come to my office when you're done."
Sue called Shelby and explained the situation, Shelby was understandably furious and, as she wasn't even home yet, turned around and headed straight back to the school after making Sue promise to keep an eye on Rachel until she got there. Sue had been keeping an eye on the younger brunette for a lot longer than she'd let on, there was something about her fathers she didn't like but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. She'd noticed a while ago just how thin the girl had become, and after watching her for a few days and noticing she never ate lunch, Sue had started breaking into Rachel's locker to leave food, fruit, rice crackers, cookies, anything just to be sure the girl had something in her stomach. She was brought back to reality by a gentle tap on the door, "Thank you for lending me the clothes" Rachel said softly as she entered the room. She was grateful that Sue had thought to leave her a sports bra and some panties with the red sweatpants and cheerios t shirt, "I'll have then laundered and back on your desk in the morning."
"Keep them" Sue said lifting a red duffel bag onto her desk, "there's a uniform in there, as soon as things at home have settled down and the uniform fits you I want you to be my new flyer" Sue had given the girl extra small sweats but they hung off her like they were several sizes too big. The uniform was a size small, rumours of the sadistic diets she put her cheerios on were greatly exaggerated. If any of her cheerios dropped below what Sue considered to be a healthy weight they were off the squad until they gained back some weight and got the help they needed.
Shelby made it back to the school in under fifteen minutes and she was soon stood in Principal Figgins' office with Rachel and Sue, "Would you care to explain why my daughter got covered in flavoured ice just seconds after she walked into the building this morning? And" Shelby looked at Rachel, "I'm guessing its not the first time its happened."
"Mom" Rachel whispered, edging closer to Shelby.
"It's okay baby" Shelby reassured Rachel as she wrapped her arms around the girl. "I want to know what you're doing about the obvious bullying that goes on on your school" she turned her attention back to the Principal.
"The students have a hierarchy Miss Corcoran, they need to..." Figgins began before he was interrupted.
"Bollocks" Shelby said fiercely before apologising to Rachel for her language, "I've worked in high schools for almost 10 years, and yes there are hierarchy but I have never, never, seen behaviour like this. Behaviour you don't seem to be interested in stopping. Rachel will be taking the rest of today off so we can go and replace the brand new clothes that have just been ruined, clothes I will expect the school to pay for. And I swear on my own life, if I ever find out this has happened again, to any student, not only will I have my daughter pulled from this school faster than you can blink, but I will tell the education board and every newspaper and news channel in the state that you are happy to turn a blind eye to students being assaulted in your hallways. This. Ends. Now." She spat before reaching for Rachel's hand, "come on darling." She nodded to Sue who opened the door for her, "thank you for your help Coach Sylvester."
Sue nodded, "could I have a word?"
Shelby nodded, "Rachel sweetheart, I'm just going to talk to coach Sylvester for a couple of minutes, do you want to wait in the car?" Rachel nodded and Shelby kissed her head before passing her the car keys and reassuring the girl she wouldn't be long.
"I've told Rachel I want her to join the cheerios" Sue said as soon as Rachel had rounded the corner, "she's got the uniform, it'll be too big now but when she's settled at home and the uniform fits..." Shelby nodded, "if she doesn't want to then I won't force her, I want you to know that she has a choice, I might be strict but I won't force her if she doesn't want to join."
"I can assure you" Shelby said firmly, "she wont be joining unless it is what she wants".
Sue smiled, she liked this woman, "good" there was silence for a minute, "how's she doing?" Sue asked, anyone who knew her would have been surprised at the kindness in her voice.
Shelby sighed, "she's hanging on in there, she's so fragile, emotionally, I just hope I can help her away from the edge before she breaks down completely."
Sue smiled sympathetically, "as horrible as it sounds, maybe you need to let her break down, let her get it all out of her system and start from scratch."
"I'm taking my cues from her, we've got an appointment with a therapist later in the week. I'm confident that she'll be okay, it's just going to take a while to get there."
"I think once she gets used to the fact that you're there and you're going to be the rock that she needs" Sue raised an eyebrow at Shelby and lowered her voice, "because you are going to be there for her aren't you?"
"Of course I am" Shelby frowned, "I let her go once, I'm not going to do it a second time."
"Good" Sue said before continuing, "once she understands that you're going to be there she'll come along in leaps and bounds, she just needs time to adjust."
Shelby nodded, "I know."
"You're doing a great job". Sue told her, "I'm a good judge of character."
"Thanks" Shelby smiled before gesturing down the corridor, "I should go, her fathers, they used to leave her home alone, I don't like leaving her for too long."
Sue nodded, "okay, and don't worry about Rachel, I've got her back."
Shelby nodded again, "thanks."
"Any time" Sue pulled a business card from her pocket and handed it to Shelby, "Figgins is useless, if you find out Rachel is having any more trouble call me, I'll sort it."
"Thank you" Shelby pushed the business card into her bag, "and I appreciate you keeping an eye on her."
"No need" Sue shook her head, "now go spend the day with your daughter."
"Oh baby" Shelby sighed as she found Rachel sobbing in the passenger seat of her SUV, "what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry" Rachel whimpered as Shelby hugged her awkwardly over the centre console, "I'm sorry."
"Sweetheart you've got absolutely nothing to be sorry for, nothing at all."
"You don't have to buy me new clothes" Rachel whispered, "I can clean them, it takes a while but the stains will come out."
"You're not cleaning them Rachel, I know you might have had to do that in the past but not any more, your school will be reimbursing me for the cost of your new clothes, I'm on your side baby, you don't need to fight your battles on your own any more and I meant what I said in there, if it happens again, even to someone else you're out of there, I'll home school you if I have to. Sweetheart you don't have to go through that, it's not 'normal' and neither do you 'deserve' it. You don't have to put up with anything that hurts you, makes you uncomfortable, anything you don't like. If it's something you feel like you can't speak out about then tell me, I'll stand up for you baby, I promise you."
"Thank you."
"It's what I'm here for darling, I love you and I will do anything to make sure you're safe and happy."
"I love you too" Rachel whispered, it still felt strange to have someone repeatedly tell her she was loved, but in the short time she'd been with Shelby, she was starting to believe that someone wanted her, that she wasn't a failure or a waste of space. If Shelby still loved her even now she knew what a loser she was then maybe things wouldn't be that bad.
"I wish I could see what was going on in that head of yours" Shelby said softly before kissing Rachel's temple, "I'd like to see where it is you drift off to."
"I'm sorry".
"Don't be" Shelby smiled at Rachel before kissing her again, "let's go home, we can get you some new jeans another day." She kissed Rachel again, "we'll get there baby, I promise you sweetheart things will get better, it won't be like this forever."
Tuesday passed without incident, Figgins had punished the hockey team that slushied Rachel with a one day suspension, but on Wednesday they were back and looking for revenge. "Do you have your text book Rachel?" her third period Biology teacher asked her.
Rachel shook her head, "I think I left it in my locker."
The teacher nodded and scribbled something on a sheet of paper, "here" she passed Rachel the note, "go fetch it, we'll be doing some of the exercises in it in a little while."
Rachel nodded, taking the note that gave her permission to be out of class before leaving the room. She'd not got far when she suddenly found herself surrounded by a group of jocks, "so" one of them hissed in Rachel's ear, "seeing as you ran to mommy and now we're not allowed to bring slushies through the gates we need to fond some other way to show you where you belong and it's not at the top"
Rachel didn't realise she'd been herded to the top of the stairs until it was too late. She didn't even have time to scream as she felt large hands on her shoulders pushing her forwards, she tried desperately to catch her footing on the stairs or grab the handrail but she couldn't and she landed at the bottom of the stairs with a sickening thud.
"What the..." Sue frowned as she saw someone laid on the floor in the middle of the corridor, "Berry" she gasped, sprinting forward and pulling her cellphone from her pocket to call 911.
Rachel came round in the ambulance, she was strapped to a board in case she'd injured her spine and understandably terrified, "Momma" she sobbed as she fought against the restraints, "Momma, Momma." She made a gagging noise and the paramedic grabbed a cardboard bowl and lifted the board Rachel was laying on so she was on her side just in time for Rachel to be sick, "momma" Rachel cried before vomiting again.
"Rachel" the paramedic wiped gently at her mouth with a tissue, "do you know where you are? Do you know what day it is?"
"Momma."
"I've called her" Sue made her presence in the back of the ambulance known, "she's on her way, she'll meet us there. You've had a nasty accident and I know you're scared but you need to stop fighting Berry. Once we get to the hospital and the doctors know you haven't injured your spine you can get up and we can start getting you ready to join my team." Sue tried to hide the fact that she too was terrified, in her opinion Rachel had been unconscious for far too long for there not to be anything wrong.
"Momma" Rachel whimpered again.
"She'll be here soon Berry, she loves you and she'll be at the hospital as soon as she can."
Shelby was petrified, all Sue had said was that she'd found Rachel unconscious at the bottom of a flight of stairs. Tears clouded her eyes and she had to force herself not to think about her daughter so she could get to the hospital without getting in an accident herself. "Rachel Berry" she shouted, not caring that she'd pushed to the front of the queue. "I'm looking for Rachel Berry" she repeated as the receptionist called a passing doctor over.
"Are you Mom?" Shelby nodded, "she's just through here" he lead her down the corridor, "you need to prepare yourself but it honestly does look worse than it is. We're almost certain that she's got a broken wrist, but she's strapped to a spinal board until we can get her an x ray to check she's not got any spinal damage. We're probably going to do a head scan too, she was out for quite a while and she's been sick since. Now you're here we might be able to assess her a little bit better, every time we've tried to ask her anything she just calls for you. X ray are ready for her but we need her to calm down a little before we take her up. We don't want to give her anything to calm her down in case it masks any symptoms of anything more serious. I know you're probably just as scared as she is but we need your help to try and keep her calm."
Shelby nodded, "okay".
"She's really agitated about being on the board, the sooner we can calm her down the sooner we can get the okay to take her off it.
"Okay" Shelby gestured towards the door, "can I?"
"Sure" the doctor opened the door, "after you."
"Momma" Rachel whispered as Shelby moved to stand over the bed.
"I'm here" she wiped at Rachel's tears, "I'm here baby."
"I want to go home." Rachel sobbed, "I want to go." She once again began struggling to get up.
Shelby felt her heart swell as Rachel called her house home, "baby" Shelby wiped at Rachel's cheeks again, "I know you're scared and you're probably in a lot of pain right now, but you need to be here. You're on this board because the doctors don't know if you've injured your spine or not" the doctors and Sue had already tried to explain this to Rachel but they could tell she hadn't listened but Shelby's soft voice and her hand stroking Rachel's cheek seemed to be doing the trick, "you need to calm down so they can find out for certain and if nothings wrong then I promise you they'll let you sit up. I'm not going anywhere baby, we'll do it all together." She stood over the bed, making sure Rachel could see her, "take some deep breaths darling, come on, in and out" she slowed her own breathing so Rachel could match her breaths, "good girl" she smiled once Rachel seemed calm. "The doctor needs to ask you a few questions, I need you to answer them for him okay. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be right here."
The doctor examined Rachel and, after poking and prodding her for a while determined that it was unlikely that she had a spinal injury, but he was still worried about her head.
It was an hour later when the results of Rachel's x rays and scan came back, the doctor explained that there was nothing wrong with her spine and a nurse set about removing the straps that held Rachel to the board and helping her to sit up.
Whilst this was happening the doctor took Shelby to the far corner of the room to explain that whilst Rachel's spine was fine, she had definitely broken her wrist and they had found a small bleed on her brain.
Shelby felt like the world had been pulled out from under her feet, "what, what does that mean?" She asked.
"It means that a blood vessel in her brain has burst and there is a small amount of blood between her brain and her skull, it's no bigger than a nickel and I'm not too concerned right now but I do want to keep her in overnight. She'll be monitored closely and we'll give her another scan in the morning. If there's no worrying behaviours and the bleed is either the same size or smaller then you'll probably be able to take her home tomorrow and we'll bring her back in in a couple of days for a check up."
"And if it gets bigger?"
"We'll deal with that if it happens. She's conscious, she doesn't seem too disorientated or confused so I don't think we need to worry too much. If she starts complaining of dizziness, headaches, or she stops making sense when you're talking then let someone know straight away."
"Can I go home now?" Rachel asked quietly as Shelby walked back over to the bed.
"I'm afraid not baby." Shelby saw the fear in Rachel's eyes as tears began to, once again, roll down her cheeks, "hey, you're okay darling." Shelby gestured for Rachel to move over and she slipped off her shoes before climbing in the bed beside Rachel, "I know you want to go home darling but" Shelby sighed, she didn't want her daughter to panic, "you know you hit your head when you fell?" Rachel nodded, "well, the doctors want to keep you in tonight just to keep an eye on you and make sure there's no serious injury."
"Momma" Rachel whimpered.
"Shh" Shelby began to rock her gently, "you're okay, I'm not going to leave you, I'll call Amy and ask her to bring us both some things but I'll be here with you Rachel, I won't leave."
"Rachel?" A nurse walked over to Rachel's bed and she nodded, "I'm Lucy, I'm here to put your arm in a cast and get you out of that splint."
Rachel nodded and her eyes opened wide in fear as she felt Shelby stand from the bed. "I'll be right here" Shelby took Rachel's good hand in hers as she sat in a chair beside the bed.
"There we go" Lucy smiled as she pulled off her gloves, "this cast is just temporary, you'll have it on for a week or so until the swelling goes down. You'll get to choose the colour of the next one" she smiled, "it's a pretty clean break so you should only need to be in plaster for six weeks."
True to her word Shelby didn't leave Rachel's side, "I'm going to ring my sister, ask her to bring us some things" Shelby told the doctor once Rachel had fallen asleep, "I should be back before she wakes but if I'm not can you tell her I've just gone to call Amy and I'll be back soon."
"Amy" Shelby whispered into the phone as her sister answered, "I, I need you to get some things for me, Rachel's in hospital."
"Shit Shell, what's happened?"
The tears Shelby had been holding back all afternoon began to fall and her body shook with sobs, "I don't know, her teacher called me and said she'd been found unconscious on the floor at the bottom of a flight of stairs, she was being bullied Amy, the teacher that found her thinks someone might have pushed her."
"Fuck"
"She's gone to look at the CCTV tapes."
"Is Rachel okay?"
"She's broken her wrist and they've found a bleed on her brain. It's only a small one and if it's gone down in the morning I can take her home, can you bring us some things please?"
"Of course I can, what do you need?"
"Some pyjamas for me, Rachel won't want hers, will you bring some of her leggings and a t shirt of mine for her to sleep in. Erm, some sweatpants or something for tomorrow, underwear, some soap and stuff, I don't know Amy, just bring anything. She's terrified, I wouldn't ask but I cant leave her, I've only been able to call you because she's taking a nap. There's a bear on my bed, he's Rachel's, she'll want him."
"Don't worry about it Shelly, let me take the kids to Mom's then I'll get your stuff, what ward is she on?"
"She's still in the emergency room but they're going to move her soon. I'll text you when we go and let you know what ward we're on."
"Okay, don't worry Shell, she's a Corcoran, she's tougher than she looks. I love you both."
Shelby smiled, "I love you too."
"Momma" Shelby could tell Rachel was still exhausted when she woke just 10 minutes after she'd got off the phone with Amy.
"You're okay sweetheart" Shelby brushed Rachel's hair from her face, "I'm right here" she kissed Rachel's forehead before slipping off her shoes and climbing onto the bed beside Rachel. "You need to get some rest darling" they shifted in the bed for a while before Rachel made herself comfortable. Shelby raised the head of the bed so she could sit against it and Rachel shuffled down the bed so she was laying on her side between Shelby's legs, her head on her mother's thigh. "Come on now" Shelby began to play gently with Rachel's hair, "close your eyes." She began to hum quietly and in less than ten minutes Rachel was finally asleep.
Rachel hadn't been asleep long when the doctor approached the bed, "we're ready to move her up to the paediatric ward" he told Shelby, "a porter will be here soon to take her up." He'd seen how much calmer Rachel was when her mother was around, "you can ride up with her like that if you'd like?"
Shelby nodded and stroked Rachel's head, "that might be for the best."
The doctor nodded, "it's fine. I thought I should give you a heads up that someone from the neurosurgery department will be in to speak to you both later, it's nothing to worry about, standard procedure for anything more than a bump on the head, they just like to know what they'd be dealing with in a worst case scenario. I don't want either of you to panic."
"Momma" Rachel's eyes flew open as the bed started to move, "Momma".
"I'm right here sweetheart, I'm right here." Rachel started to shake in fear so Shelby moved her so she was sat with her back against her mother's chest, "you're okay baby" she wrapped her arms around Rachel, "I meant it when I said I wasn't going anywhere, you're just being moved up to a paediatric ward. I've spoken to the doctor already, you'll be in a room on your own and I can stay all night, I've already called Amy, she's going to bring in some clean clothes and some pyjamas, there's nothing to worry about."
"I'm scared" Rachel whispered.
"I know darling, but I'm right here okay, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
"What happens if I can't go home tomorrow?"
"Then I stay here with you until you can go home."
"Please" Rachel's eyes filled with tears, "please don't make me go back, I'll do anything."
"You won't be going back there darling, you don't need to do anything. There's no way I'd let you go back there, not now. The doctor has already told me that you'd have to take some time off anyway but when you've recovered I'll sort something, get the school to send your work home, I don't know, we'll sort something when you're feeling better but you're not going back there darling, you don't need to worry about that."
"Here we go" the porter announced as he pushed the bed into a small room, "you just need to shuffle across to that bed there" he gestured to the bed by the window, "I can get someone to help you if you need?"
"I think we're okay" Shelby said with a smile as she helped Rachel over to the bed, which was far more comfortable than the one in the emergency department, "thanks."
"It's okay" the porter smiled, "just doing my job, someone will probably come in in a little while but if you need anything in the mean time use the green button by the bed" he gestured to the button, "or the red one if it's an emergency."
They'd been on the ward for almost an hour when there was a gentle tap at the door of Rachel's room and Amy walked in, her hands full of bags and a helium balloon trailing behind her, "how are you feeling?" Amy ignored her sister and moved straight to the empty chair by Rachel's bed, sitting opposite her sister, "stupid question" she shook her head, "I bet you're feeling like shit, but this is from Max to cheer you up. She placed the weight for the helium balloon on the table in front of Rachel before pulling a teddy bear dressed as a doctor from one of the many bags she held, "and this is from Lily. She says I have to kiss you better" she leant forwards and kissed Rachel's cheek. "And I wanted to get you a few things to stop you being bored." Amy placed several bags on the table, "but I didn't know what you like so I got you everything."
Shelby frowned as Rachel slowly searched through the bags, Amy really had bought everything, books, magazines, colouring books, puzzle books, chocolate, candy, you name it Amy had bought it. "Thank you" Rachel whispered, smiling shyly at her aunt.
"Its okay" Amy returned the smile, "I know how boring your Mom can be so you'll need something to keep you occupied."
"Hey" Shelby frowned when Amy called her boring, "I'm fun Auntie Lelby"
"Yeah" Amy nodded, "to my kids you're fun Auntie Lelby and I'm boring old Mommy but to Rachel you're boring old Mommy and I'm fun Auntie Amy" she said with a smile, "but to keep boring old Mom happy I bought you both this" she pulled a large plastic tub from one of the bags, "if Max's asthma has taught me anything it's that I'd rather eat dog food than what they call a meal in here, it's nothing special, just chicken pasta but you can eat it cold, or there's a common room down the hall with a microwave to warm it up if, like Jimbob, you find the idea of eating cold pasta revolting."
"Thank you" Rachel said shyly as Shelby smiled at her sister.
"Thanks Amy."
"No problem, it's not like you've never done the same for me." The two women sat chatting for a while, Rachel would join in occasionally but mainly she just listened to Shelby and Amy, "I was wondering" Amy turned back to Rachel a while later, "your mom said you mentioned doing quite a few sports when you were younger" Rachel nodded and Amy continued, "I've never been the most athletic of people, but I used to swim before I had Lil, when you're out of plaster would you like to come with me? You can come too Shel if you want, but there's no pressure" she reassured Rachel.
"I don't have a swimsuit." Rachel admitted, unable to look Amy in the eye.
"I'm sure we could get you one if you wanted to come, or maybe you could ask Santa for one?"
Rachel smiled and looked to Shelby who smiled and nodded, "I, I think I'd like that but I don't know how good I'd be" Rachel said shyly.
"Great" Amy smiled, "I think there's a ladies only session on a Wednesday night, or there's a family fun thing on a Saturday morning too with inflatables and stuff, me, you and your Mom could take Max and Lily" she shrugged, "we can sort something out when you're out of plaster, and don't worry about not being good, it's been a while since I last swam, the more we go the better you'll get".
"Trust me darling" Shelby smiled to Rachel, "if we go with Lily and Max you'll spend more time trying to stop Lily taking her armbands off than you will swimming."
"Yeah" Amy agreed, "she told me she wants to be a mermaid. I don't think it helped that she used to be scared of the water until Jim told her it was just like being in the bath. Maybe I should make her wear her armbands in the bath so she'll keep them on in the pool" Amy frowned. They spoke for a while longer and Shelby was pleased to see Rachel becoming more comfortable with Amy, "I should get off" Amy announced, "save Mom from the horrors of an overtired Max and Lil." She kissed Rachel's cheek, "call me when you're home, let me know how you're doing."
Rachel nodded, "thank you for..." she gestured to the table over the bed, "everything."
"Any time"
Amy moved around the bed and Shelby stood to hug her baby sister, "thanks"
"It's okay, like I said, you've done it for me enough times, the least I can do is return the favour, you know where I am if you need anything" she pulled away from the hug to look at Rachel, "that goes for you too Mini-Shel."
Rachel nodded, "thanks."
"It's okay, I hope you're feeling better soon, and let me know when you get your real cast on, I wanna sign it before your Mom" she said blobbing her tongue out at Shelby before saying her final goodbyes and leaving the room.
"Do you speak to your brothers?" Rachel asked, breaking the silence a while later before shaking her head, "I shouldn't have asked that, I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry" Shelby reached for her hand, "you're allowed to ask questions about your family, and to answer your question I speak to Matt and Luke occasionally, there's no big family feud or anything but Matt lives in Columbus and Luke lives in Dayton so obviously I don't see them as often as I see Amy who only lives twenty minutes away. I see them at Mom's every couple of months and I know they meet up with their kids the way I meet up with Amy, if they lived closer I'd see them more often."
"Okay"
"You'll get to meet them when we go to Mom's over Christmas." She paused for a minute, "we need to decide what we're doing, over the holidays" she confirmed, "do you want to celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or both?"
"I don't know" Rachel said shyly, "My fathers and I never celebrated anything, well I didn't, I don't really know what they did" she looked thoughtful for a moment before asking Shelby, "what do you celebrate?"
"My family and I celebrate Christmas but not in the biblical sense, we all get together have a meal and exchange gifts, it's about spending time together and having fun."
Rachel nodded, "I, that sounds nice."
Shelby smiled, "it is, I usually go to my Mom's on Christmas day but this year I'd like to spend it at home just the two of you, I want it to be something you can enjoy, it can be a little bit crazy at my Mom's so I thought we could maybe have Christmas day at home together and then go to my Mom's to have dinner with the family on boxing day. How does that sound?"
"Won't your Mom be mad?"
"Of course not" Shelby shook her head, "I've already spoken to her and even though she's dying to meet you she's happy to wait a little longer."
A nurse bought Shelby a camp bed and some blankets later that evening but she didn't use it, she took one of the blankets and laid in Rachel's bed, allowing her daughter to curl into her, seeking out the comfort she so desperately needed, "I'm sorry" Rachel whispered, "that you have to be here instead of at home doing something more important."
"Nothing is more important to me than you" Shelby said firmly, "the only place I ever want to be is wherever you may be. I look at you" she sighed, "some nights I lie awake watching you sleep and there's this little voice in my head that tells me I've screwed up a lot of things in my life, but no matter how many other things I've messed up, I don't suck at making beautiful babies, because you are the most beautiful, perfect person I have ever met. All the things your fathers told you aren't true, you are beautiful and intelligent, you're humble and caring, you're so kind hearted, and so trusting, even after everything you've been through. It just amazes me that I made you, that you're the tiny inch long blob I saw on my first sonogram."
Rachel blushed and bit her lip, unable to look Shelby in the eye as she mumbled, "I don't think suck at being a Mom either."
"Oh baby" Shelby tightened her grip on Rachel as she felt her eyes fill with tears, "you've got no idea how much that means to me, Amy, she told me I'd do a great job, but to hear it from you sweetheart. I'm, I'm glad you feel like that."
Rachel snuggled closer to Shelby as she spoke again, "you know how you said you'd tell me you loved me every day?"
"Yeah" Shelby nodded, "and I will."
"I, I can tell you that you're a good mom every day too, if you'd like."
Shelby smiled sadly, "thank you" she kissed Rachel's head, "I just hope that one day you'll realise how much I love you, maybe that wont happen til you're a Mom yourself, but one day, I hope you realise that you are my entire world and I'd do anything to make you happy. I know it's hard right now to understand how someone could love you the way I do, but one day sweetheart, I hope you'll learn that I'm not ever going to walk away, there's going to be a day when you come home to tell me all about an amazing man, someone who makes you crazy happy, someone you want to spend your life with. You'll want to move out to live with your prince charming, start a family but all I'll want to do is wrap you up and cover you in kisses." Shelby wiped at her damp cheeks, "but no matter where you go, no matter how many babies you have of you own I'll still be hovering in the back ground, I will never ever be more than a phone call away, you could move to the moon and call me at 4am, I'd still answer and I'd still be on the phone for as long as you needed me to, . I know I'm rambling but it kills me to know that you think you're in this alone, but you're not, not any more, you've got me, you'll always have me."
Rachel's tears had soaked through Shelby's shirt and she felt her eyes getting heavy as she whispered "I love you Mom."
Shelby knew she'd never get tired of hearing those four words, "I love you too baby."