PART 4
Warning: This chapter might not be for sensitive readers!
That was in all seriousness a warning for this chapter, and this chapter alone. And none of the other fuckshit that happened in the last forty. Or the ones to come. God help us all, what is in store. I cannot imagine. No, just kidding, I do. I've read it beforehand in order to judge whether it was worth my time to parody. It was so bad, it ended up being the grande finale.
And look out for a brand new Mary Sue God Pokémon to show up and destroy the world. Or maybe not. It's not fun enough for there to be Mewtwo, a clone of Mew. We went and made a shitty OC clone of Mew itself called ETERNALMEW! Which is also wearing armor and shit and...well. Wait. I've spoiled it already. Oops.
Ha, not sorry.
We join Woman Boss leaving the scene so Granny Sadism could take over and open up the rape and torture dungeon. And now you know why this chapter has been rated for safety while the others weren't. It's fucking brutal. But how much more or less brutal in comparison TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT IN THE PAST FICS AND CHAPTERS. See, warning for one thing among all that other stuff doesn't make a lick of sense.
The narration described Giovanni's red suit and being hidden in the shadows with his Persian. Yes, nobody fucking knows who Giovanni is. Much less this version of him that came straight out somebody in the fandom's worst nightmares.
A Mary Sue trainer girl came in. She looked exactly like Gary, only female.
"Who goes there," said Giovanni from the shadows.
"I'm Mary, of Pallet Town," said Mary Poke. "I've come here to battle. And I'm stealing the dialogue from Battle of the Badge and twisting it to suit myself here."
"Yeah, whatever," said Giovanni. "No one cares."
"Can you tell the Suethor enjoys snakes? Namely," she said, throwing out her first Pokéball, out from which popped an Arbok. It's Kobra backwards. Get it? Cobra? "COBRAS!"
It's called a fucking Arbok. That is the species name. It's not a cobra. It's a Pokémon.
"SISSY BOY! ARE YOU DOWN THERE?" called an old woman's voice.
"Oh, man," said Giovanni, cancelling the match. "Sorry, I gotta go. My Granny wants me." He ran all the way upstairs to the office room where his creepy Grandma was sitting at her desk. "What is it, Grandma? I was in the middle of a Pokémon match!"
"No one cares about your silly Pokémons, boy," she said.
"But this is supposed to be a Pokémon fanfic," said Giovanni warily.
"No," said Granny Rocket, grinning with her slimy stained dentures. "This is someone's Mary Sue insertion smut fetish badfic travesty with the names of stolen fictional characters pasted onto it."
Giovanni gulped, looking immediately fearful.
"I have a mission for you, my dearest grandson," said Granny Rocket.
"But I'm supposed to be Viridian Gym leader. I don't go on missions. I send my lackeys to do that kind of thing," said Giovanni. Granny whacked him in the face with the cane. "Ow!"
"Don't you question my authority, little boy! You do whatever I tell you to," said Granny Rocket. "You're not the gym leader anymore. Now you do whatever I want."
"Okay, Gran-Gran." Giovanni kneeled submissively. "I'm sorry for being rebellious!"
"You're going to go on a random diversion scene to capture the rarest Pokémon in the world within 24 hours while I observe your every move on two thousand hidden cameras somehow so I can watch you fail. I mean so you don't fail!"
"This is a stupid plot already," Giovanni grumbled. Granny catched his head with the cane again. "Ow! Grandma! You'll give me drain bamage!"
"Shut up, sissy boy," said Granny Rocket before letting out a cackle.
Her ratty old Persian got into a fight with Giovanni's Persian, establishing dominance by slicing it in the face until it whimpered and slunk away behind Giovanni. Giovanni cowered in front of his Granny dom.
"Leave the Persian here so I can skin it for a rug...I mean use it for my own Pokémon battles. I'll take over as gym leader for you," she said.
"But Granny! My beloved Persian," Giovanni whimpered. He cowered in the face of her wrath once again. "Okay, okay! I'll never question you again." His bottom lip trembled. "I won't fail you in my mission."
"Oh, I'm sure you won't," Granny Rocket said, pressing a switch on her desk. "I've taken measures to make certain you won't fail me. These will be the consequences if you do!"
The wall opened up and everything fucking turned into THE DREADED TORTURE RAPE DUNGEON FROM NOWHERE! And lo and behold, there was Jessie chained to the wall. Here we fucking go. Here it is. Clench tightly.
"If you fail me, I'll torture you along with your Mary Sue slut girlfriend!" Granny Rocket yelled.
"Oh my God!" Giovanni screamed. "I knew it would happen sooner or later! I just wish it had happened later. When I was in a story like this."
"The original narration says I found her while driving in the snow some unspecified months ago so I kidnapped her and kept her chained in my rape and torture dungeon for a fucking month and no one noticed? Hmm. Poor girl! Anyway, I hate her because she stole your affection, ha ha! Wow, these Sues have a big fucking problem, don't they?" she attempted to explain to the frightened audience.
"Yeah, you and mom seem to have that ongoing theme here," said Giovanni, shaking his head. "It's really subtle."
"THE SUETHER IS SO FUCKING BITTER OVER HER EX! HAHAHAHABWAH!" Granny Rocket yelled at the fourth wall. "Everyone must be tortured as revenge. Especially all the new female characters."
"Yeah, well. Bye, Persian," Giovanni said as he French kissed his pet Pokémon goodbye forever and somehow switched his gender magically, becoming a woman. "Granny didn't even tell me to disguise as a woman this time. I did it because I wanted to. Now let's engage in inappropriate comedy mixed in with all the torture and rape! That's good writing."
He dressed himself as as specifically described weak princess and ran to the forest, where Brock was mentioned specifically as wandering through the forest looking for women. Lots of specifics there. Princess Gio-chan stumbled toward Brock and fell into his arms. Again, clothes have multiple sentences of description, but nobody can stop to accurately describe anything else going on here in detail. That doesn't matter to the story. Just what the characters are wearing. And how much suffering they go through when they're tortured or raped. Mmkay. Got it. Priorities.
Brock blushed and drooled over the hot bishi chick in his arms that had no eyebrows. "Whoa, did I get lucky wandering here through this forest! I hope you're not some creepy pedophile perv dressed as a chick but you've got a dick, 'cause I don't want none of that!"
"Uh," said Princess Giovanni. He spoke in a bad falsetto again. "No? I assure you. I'm totally legit and stuff. Tee hee!" He began to tear up. "I need a Mew to heal me or I'll die."
"That's pretty weird. Why don't you just go to a hospital?" He looked around. "The chances of finding a Mew are really rare."
"I was hoping to find a specialized Mew trainer because it was fabled that he would be my one true Prince, to whom my life, and my lovely female virgin pussy, will be forever indebted! I shall be forced to marry him without question if he can provide me with a Mew."
"I can totally do that!" Brock's eyes lit up even though they were closed. "I'm a Mew trainer! That means I'm your Prince!"
"So where's the Mew?" Princess Giovanni asked, heavy with suspicion.
"Uuuuh," Brock said nervously, fumbling with his pocket. "Somewhere? In my pocket. Let me check for it."
Tracey popped up. "Hey, I get a cameo too! Hi, guys!"
"I'm not a guy," Giovanni snarled before remembering his voice. "I mean, tee hee! Oh my, another strapping young man! Do you perhaps have a Mew?"
"No, but I drew one based off a description," said Tracy. "I'd like to draw you, Princess! I've never seen one so tall and lacking eyebrows before."
Giovanni blushed and giggled. "Oh boy."
Brock was struck by the stupidity that befalls all the men who start warring over a woman they've been stalking or an unfortunate abused dude in drag in these pieces of shit. "I SAW HER FIRST!" He shoved Tracey to the ground.
"Ow! What is your problem?" He picked up his sketchbook and tried to wipe off the dirt.
"I have no idea, actually. I don't feel much myself today," said Brock.
"Well, I only had a few seconds of cameo in this shitty story and you kinda ruined them. So goodbye, I guess!" He finished up his crappy doodle and showed it to Giovanni. "This was the best I could do on such short notice."
Giovanni cringed when he saw the awful picture of himself dressed up as a fake Princess. Tracy really captured his face well.
Brock drooled on Giovanni's pink heels. "I'm really not myself lately, hurr durr hurr! I usually don't drool this much. But now that we're alone, I can molest you."
"Oh boy, here we go," Giovanni sighed, shoving his face into his palm.
"No, wait!" Brock turned around and bent over, exposing his ass. "You can spank me and maybe it'll break whatever curse you've got!"
"What curse?"
"I dunno. I thought maybe you were cursed to have no eyebrows."
"Well I am feeling like hitting something," Giovanni muttered with half a smile on his face.
"I've been such a bad boy! Spank me, Mommy! I mean, Princess!"
Giovanni grabbed Brock and spanked the fuck out of him until his ass was red and raw. It hurt so good. This is a real Pokémon story somebody wrote and claimed was better that canon. I swear to God.
"OH YEAH, IT HURTS SO GOOD!" Brock fell into the grass after he was released.
Giovanni giggled and ran out of the forest and into the town. He entered a dive bar and went to the bathroom, changing into another set of clothing. Now he was a singer. The plot was going to force him to karaoke again. Instead of trying to catch the Pikachu by karaoke, he would try to catch the Mew the same way. Like in that last story with the part I skipped because it was absolutely awful and went nowhere.
"I love karaoke," said this godawful effigy of Giovanni.
He ran to the stage and no one stopped him. Also there was a CD player conveniently sitting there. Loaded with all your favorite anime soundtracks. He started singing Mad Machine from Bubblegum Crisis.
"You can't repost lyrics anymore, and nobody wants to sit through this part anyhow, la la la! Filler bullshit!"
Men gathered around for some reason. Why they'd be interested in this shit is beyond me.
When Giovanni finished he looked around for signs of the Mew but it didn't show up. Maybe he needed to let the men attack and molest him so the Mew could show up, sensing his depression and pain and whatever. Like with his Mom.
"No thanks," said Giovanni, running out of the building and back into the forest.
There, he wandered aimlessly, and the original narration even says that, until the Mew conveniently showed up.
There is really no direction to any of these. Not a single bit. It's pure stream of consciousness insanity.
"Mew? Is that you?" Giovanni asked.
The white Mew sat on a tree branch, giggling at Giovanni.
"Mew! It is you!" He jumped in the air. "Yay! Now I can save my Mary Sue girlfriend who has been locked away in a rape and torture dungeon for several months unbeknownst to me this while time because I guess I only care about her when it's convenient to the plot! And nobody ever mentioned she was missing before or thought to call the police and file a missing person's report or anything!"
Giovanni didn't let Mew see him, his old childhood friend, unless that plot is now irrelevant, and instead disguised himself as a specifically "hysterical woman" who lost her pet up a tree. Because that would make the Mew come down? What?
Giovanni hiked up his dress and stepped out in his heels and sobbed hysterically.
"OH, SOMEBODY! HELP! MY PRECIOUS LITTLE PET IS IN A TREE AND I'M TOO WEAK AND STEREOTYPICALLY HYPERFEMININE TO DO ANYTHING! BECAUSE FEMININE WOMEN CAN'T DO ANYTHING BY THEMSELVES! THEY'RE SO HELPLESS AND FRAIL! I REQUIRE A...strong and handsome man? Wait, how is this supposed to attract the Mew? Mew has no gender. What?"
Oh, so he's getting another trainer to help him get the Mew? Don't you have your own R&D department to make Master balls, you rich idiot? Or get them somewhere in bulk.
Some buff dude skipped past for the sake of a joke. "HEY, LADY, MAYBE YOUR CAT'S UP A TREE BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A SHRIEKY BITCH!" He laughed.
Giovanni scowled. Take a drink. And down the whole bottle. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!"
The trainer looked shocked. "What the fuck, lady." He ran back out of the plot.
And this continues on and on for far too long. My fucking God. The pain.
People randomly appeared for the sake of a bad joke and vanished just as quickly.
"Mew?" Mew asked from its spot in the tree. It had been sitting there watching these events for the past ten minutes.
Giovanni burst into hysterical sobbing again and the rest of the trainers looking for Pokémon in the forest told her to shut the fuck up and also threw their Pokéballs at her. And then they vanished from the plot.
YEAH, WE GET IT, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOVE ON, PLEASE.
"Mew," said Mew. It popped up by the perpetually sobbing Giovanni's head. Giovanni ran around like an idiot, trying to catch a fucking Mew with his hands. Mew giggled at him and farted.
"Hey, come the fuck back here, you backstabbing pink asshole! I thought we were childhood friends forever! I need you to let me capture you so my Mary Sue platonic fuckbuddy girlfriend doesn't get tortured and murdered by my insane sadistic Grandmother Suethor avatar!"
Mew enjoyed playing with the crazed transvestite. Uh huh. Then it flew back to a taller tree before sitting at the very top of it. Then the Idiot Ball hit it, it lost its balance and fell down, smashing against several dozen branches. Okay.
"Meeeeeeeeeeeeew!" Translated: "This is some bullshit right here! I can fly! This was entirely plot convience!"
"Ah, how I love them," whispered Giovanni as he watched the Mew fall down. He sat on a rock and sobbed again. "Oh, boo hoo. Why isn't there anyone that can relate to my pain and suffering?"
Mew popped up beside him. "Mew," it said angrily.
"I know, right?" Giovanni sobbed hysterically with heaving shoulders. The Mew started to cry along with him. "We're so tragic and sad feelings! So will you remember our long established friendship and let me capture you already?"
Mew titled its head to show confusion. "Mew!" it said. Meaning, "Who are you again?"
Giovanni removed his wig. "It's me! Giovanni!"
And then Giovanni remembered how he had Mew as a best friend when he was a two year old but he was so nice that he let the Mew go free and it flew away and yeah sure. Where are you pulling this from? Oh, wait. The sentences are hard to read because everything is in one paragraph and it's several topics going on at once.
Giovanni watched the Mew fly away and didn't capture it after all. Mmmkay then. He took off his disguise. And then he went back home. So all this for nothing. All this just to do some more cross-dressing misogyny homophobia fetish. He went back to Rocket Gang HQ and saw Jessie.
"Hi, Jessie. I failed to capture the Mew so I guess now we're both going to be raped and tortured," said Giovanni, shrugging while looking embarrassed. "Sorry."
"You dickhole," said Jessie.
Granny Rocket pressed another button on her desk that caused some chains to magically shoot out and catch Giovanni by the legs. It retracted, dragging him to the wall.
"Damn it," said Giovanni, now chained to the wall with Jessie.
"Hey, I warned you what would happen and you failed anyway," said Granny Rocket.
"THE PLOT MADE ME!" Giovanni cried.
"Yeah, I know," said Granny Rocket excitedly. She skipped over to Jessie. "Now you can watch me torture your new girlfriend."
"Okay," said Giovanni, thankful that it wasn't him first.
Granny Rocket removed the electric razor from the BDSM plot grab bag that appears in every round robin fetish fic story this Suethor has ever written and then stolen from one of her other friends after they finished. "Time to shave the woman's head!"
"Noooo, not my hair! My appearance is my only worth!" screamed Jessie. "And this will take years to grow back!" She burst into tears, screaming as Granny Rocket shaved her head and made her the submissive to her elderly dom. "You fucking bitch! Ew! Why is my head written as being pure white? Am I really pale on my scalp or do I have dandruff or something?"
"I love hearing you scream and cry! I get off on it," admitted Granny Suethor. I mean Rocket. "I love to watch you all suffering as I torture and rape your favorite childhood characters and ships who are more popular than mine!"
"Yeah, we know," said everyone in the vicinity and the audience. "You keep reminding us every five fucking minutes."
"And spamming this fics by the dozens every day for the past few years," said Giovanni.
"I wish I could hold and comfort you, Jessie, and make out with your bald head, but these darn BDSM chains are trying me up," said Giovanni. "Mostly I wish I could comfort you with my penis. But I don't think this is an appropriate time. Yet."
"Now that you have no hair, your beauty is gone and you're completely worthless. No man will love you anymore," said Granny Rocket. "Especially not my hot sissy bitch grandson!"
"At least my face is still beautiful," said Jessie. "I could always buy a wig. It's not so bad."
"Now I'm going to gum you," said Granny Rocket.
"Granny, no! That's incest!" Giovanni screamed.
"The Suethor doesn't think so!" She stripped him to his undies and touched him all over and then did the slobbering beat down on his no-no bits and I want to throw up now. For exactly an hour. And then she dressed him again. But he was in fucking chains. How did you get his suit jacket off when...oh fucking forget it.
Giovanni's Persian was still alive. But only long enough to make a short cameo. It tried to attack Granny Rocket but she, a frail old insane creepy granny who couldn't go out and battle Pokémon anymore because she was too weak and she said Giovanni had to do it for her and that was the whole purpose of that filler from before suddenly was able to bash a full grown Persian's skull in with her cane as it tried to save its master.
So Giovanni could shriek and weep uncontrollably.
Granny Rocket hit him in his balls. Sorry, I mean "his sensitive area." His no-no naughty spot. His masculine protuberance. Oh, wait, he's suddenly free of the chains. Okay then. He fell to his knees.
"Ha, now your Persian's dead," said Granny Rocket, stepping on its corpse. "I'm going to make it into a rug." She pulled out a dagger from her desk and forced Giovanni to watch as she fucking skinned his Persian. He vomited. So did the audience. "This is great, isn't it?"
"No," everyone screamed.
"You are the worst fucking writer in this fandom, you monster," Jessie yelled.
"At least it's not Poké-Girls," said Giovanni. "Although I kind of wish it was because then I wouldn't be affected."
"Screw the rug, I'm going to make this into a coat," said Granny Rocket.
"Hi Momma. What are you doing in here?" said Madame Boss, also appearing at just the right timing.
"Oh God, no, now there's both of them!" Jessie cried in anguish.
"I guess fatty here's hair is falling out because she's pregnant," said Madame Boss.
"Gasp," gasped Jessie. "Wait, how did you know I was pregnant when I didn't know?"
"Script," said Madame Boss, holding it up. "I noticed you were fatter than usual and holy shit, WHAT."
So the whole fucking way Madame Boss is indicated to assume Jessie is pregnant is that her stomach is a lot fatter. YOU KNOW THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE A BIT ALONG, RIGHT? THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY JESSIE WOULD HAVE STILL HAD NO FUCKING IDEA SHE WAS FUCKING PREGNANT AFTER BEING THAT FAR ALONG IN THE PROCESS. FUCK. THAT'S LIKE THE FUCKING SECOND TRIMESTER. YOU SHOULD LITERALLY BE ABLE TO FEEL THE BABY IF IT MOVES AT THAT POINT. GOD, LEARN SOME FUCKING BIOLOGY.
I know this parody is based on a really fucking godawful terrible story, but even I'm having trouble dealing with the sheer willful ignorance of it. It feels like a parody in itself. It's that bad. In every way possible. This is quite possibly one of the worst things I've read from this person, asmide from another epic pedo-rape fest full of children and bestiality and general nonsensical OOC crazy shit that had been dubbed "completely canon and the haters can suck it" once again. And yeah, that's on my To Do list in the future. God help me. God help us all.
"Oh no, I thought I was getting fat for real but I was preggers the whole time! That explains why I keep feeling weird and there's this sensation in my tummy like something is moving in there!" Jessie said.
"That's your uterus," said Giovanni.
"Who cares! Gio-kun, we're having a kawaii baby God Sue!"
And they smiled and stared at each other like they weren't FUCKING CHAINED TO THE RAPE DUNGEON WALL by their murderous grandmother. Pay attention.
"Ew! I'm not being a grandmother. Children are horrible expensive brats!" Madame Boss said. "We're going to have to kill you and the baby."
"Oh no!" Giovanni said with mild concern.
"I don't know why we didn't do this in the first place instead of keeping her here in my torture-rape dungeon for some odd months," said Granny Rocket. "I don't know how's she still alive anyhow. I haven't fed or given her water at all and yet somehow she and the baby are just fine."
"Damn plot convience," said Madame Boss. "It doesn't always work in the ways you want it to." She held out her hand. "Gimme your dagger, Momma."
"I should feed them to my ultimate Mary Sue God Pokémon that I have," said Granny Rocket cryptically.
"Ooh, what's that? Explain, please," said Giovanni.
"Remember when you had that shitty Mewtwo with the armor in the canon?" she asked Giovanni, who didn't remember any of that because it had been stripped away from the universe and reused in a way the Suethor preferred for herself. "Well, I stole that concept and applied it to my favorite Pokémon, the Mew, who's now a super all powerful Poké-Sue wearing armor. With fangs and claws and shit. Very deviantART OC."
"That sounds dumb as hell," said Jessie.
"No, what's dumb as hell is that the Suethor stole the functional plot of Birth of Mewtwo, completely erased Mewtwo, and replaced it with the Mew and all this fetish shipping Mary Sue bullshit sprinkled around it, then claimed it as being the One True Canon," said Granny Rocket. "We had our scientists clone the Mew's eyelash that we found and make it into a cooler dark and edgy villain Sue version of Mew. Because Mewtwo is fucking ugly and stupid!"
Meanwhile, Madame Boss was taunting Jessie and her enfant terrible.
"I'm going to stupidly challenge you to a Pokémon battle, Grandma!" said Giovanni. "You have to let Jessie and my baby and me go if I win. We're going to go live happily with Miyamoto Mommy and fuck each other without condoms forever. Until we die of various STDs or not eating and whatever."
"I hate that bitch so much," said Madame Boss.
"Yeah, whatever. And if I win, your slut bitch and her Anti-Christ die."
"UUUUUUH," and that was an actual line from the original fic. Minus the emphasis caps. "I seem to be regretting this decision seconds after I've made it."
"You don't have any Pokémon to battle with, you dumbass. I killed your only Persian," said Granny Rocket, laughing.
"Well I used to have a lot in the canon," said Giovanni.
"Not anymore! Canon doesn't fucking exist!" Madame Boss yelled and doubled over with laughter.
"Don't worry. I'll let you borrow one of mine!" said Granny Rocket.
Giovanni frowned. "Is it rigged?"
Granny Boss stuck her tongue through her lips and snorted. "Who knows!"
"How's about if I die when I lose and you spare everyone else."
"Nope," said Granny Rocket. "You're not getting off that easy, sonny boy." She licked her lips. "But I probably will when I see you embarrass yourself and suffer! I'm gonna own that beautiful twink body of yours one way or another."
"Damn," Giovanni muttered.
"You're gonna be the Rocket Gang's sex slave forever if I win this battle," Granny Rocket threatened and you could tell she meant it.
"UUUUUUUUM, OKAY," said Giovanni, honest to God, in the original line of dialogue. What even is this fic. "Wait, I didn't say that! The plot forced me!"
"Nope, too late! No takebacks," said Granny Rocket. "I'll spare the girl's life for the while, hee hee!
Giovanni was freed from his chains. "I can't believe this is happening," he said. "Anyway, I want go rub against my property, I mean, my platonic girlfriend before I do this battle." And Jessie is still referred to as Giovanni's best friend the whole time. And he made out with her scalp repeatedly. Not her face. "Mmm, yep, that's dandruff."
"I have lips, you know," said Jessie.
"Those aren't the one's I want my mouth touching," Giovanni whispered into her ear.
"God, this is a worse fanfic than those last fourteen," Jessie sniffled.
"I hope you don't miscarriage so we all cry even more than usual," said Giovanni, laughing and winking. He slapped his tongue into her mouth.
"This is pretty gross, actually," said Jessie, wiping off a trail of spit from her lips. "Hope you don't die."
"Get a fucking move on," yelled Madame Boss.
Giovanni and Jessie were just friends. Just platonic friends who fuck and get pregnant. Platonically. Platonic BDSM incest friends. You know.
"Time to rip off Battle of the Badge yet again," said Granny Rocket. "But insert only the characters and fucked up shit we fantasize about being canon instead of the actual canon. And then call it original and also the REAL TRUE canon."
She cuddled her own Persian and made Giovanni start sobbing buckets again.
And somehow the walls in the gym were linked to the walls in the office and Jessie was chained to the dungeon walls again so Giovanni could see her.
"One Pokémon each. No time limit," said Granny Rocket. She slammed her fist down on a button and the doorway opened revealing the armored and controlled Mewtwo from the canon after all. But it was never named as such. Probably because the Suethor didn't give a fuck. "Here's your shitty Pokémon."
"Oh, cool," Giovanni said. "I might have a chance after all."
"It attacks on its own," said Granny Rocket.
"Aw, what?" Giovanni sighed. "But that's bullshit!"
Granny Rocket smiled. "I know."
"All right, so where's your annoyingly overpowered Mary God Sue Pokémon then?"
Granny Rocket pressed another button. The spotlights went down on the doorway that opened up. Several canons shot out confetti and streamers. A bunch of dancers came out and cheered while they danced in time to some hyperactive J-Pop in the background. The doors opened and out came, THE ETERNALMEW! The huge gold armored deviantART edgy version of Mew. Like Mewtwo, but better. Because it's based on the Suethor's favorite, Mew. But it was better because it was much larger, with six inch long fangs and claws and yellow eyes, and it was evil.
"Oh, come the fuck on," Giovanni whined.
"Mewtwo versus EternalMew, match starts now!" Granny Rocket announced. "Prepare to have your ass kicked, sissy boy!"
"I hate everything about this fanfic," said Giovanni, wishing for death.
The EternalSue glowed with golden energy and deflected every single one of Mewboohoo's attacks. It floated there, not having to move or do much because it was so strong. It was invincible.
Giovanni gasped and stuttered. "B-bullshit! It's invincible!"
"Yeah, so?" said Granny Rocket, sitting in a lawn chair with a Long Island iced tea in one hand.
EternalMew snapped its claws, making Mewtwo collapse in a sobbing pile, which also caused Giovanni to scream in pain as well. Also Jessie. EternalMew let out a shrieking sob, tears jetting from its eye holes.
"Oh, God! What is happening?" Giovanni yelled, his body and mind being crushed by an overwhelming force. His ears were bleeding. "That noise!"
"Make it stop! It's horrible!" Jessie pleaded, covering her ears to shield them from the nightmarish wailing.
Granny Rocket laughed up a storm, kicking out her feet. "That's EternalMew's attack! The SCREAMING-SOBBING! It causes anyone who attacks it or criticize it's stupid existence to experience a nightmarish unrelenting suffering when it screams and shrieks like a baby and tantrums for all eternity! It's only attack is to literally make everyone around it suffer. Except the people on its side. That would be us."
"That's seriously bullshit," Jessie said.
"Shut up, baldy. No one cares about you here," Granny Rocket snapped at her.
"Why are we always psychically linked to the Suethor's hateful wrath," groaned Giovanni. "Mommy!"
"It's your fault Shittwo over there attacked it," said Madame Boss. "It responds to attacks. It only directs the attacks at its enemies. So don't attack it then."
"But then I'll lose the battle," whined Giovanni.
"That's the point," said Granny Rocket and Madame Boss together.
"I knew there was a catch," said Giovanni, covering his face with his hands.
"I hope you're wearing a G-string, Gio-chan!" Granny Rocket taunted, flapping her dentures around in her mouth.
Giovanni covered his mouth, trying to keep down the vomit.
Mewtwo got up shakily, and stumbled around.
"Mewtwo, don't attack the Mary Sue! You'll kill us all!" Giovanni yelled.
Mewtwo shrugged. It attacked on its own, remember? Doesn't need to listen to anyone. It got pissed and used Hyper Beam, hoping at the very least it died in battle rather than be subject to further torment.
The Hyper Beam didn't phase the all powerful Poké-Sue. It burst into shrieks again, causing everyone to suffer. The Mewtwo fell down, its containment armor broken. Its body became bloody.
"Owwwww, why was I created simply to suffer?" it asked with a voice full of deep grief now that it could speak again. It laid its head back down. "Please let me die."
"Kill 'em, EternalMew!" yelled Granny Rocket.
"Poor tragic Mewtwo that no one here cares about," said Giovanni. "Except me, because that is how my new fangirl alternative characterization has made me, so it fits." His bottom lip quivered. "At least I wasn't the one to slap this Mewtwo into that device and sue it to easily win battles and catch Pokémon for myself because I'd be evil and cruel if I did. But that wasn't me. It was my crazy evil Mommy and Grandmommy who did all that while I was a nice kind sissy boy who did not wrong and never wanted to be a bad person."
"Your girlfriend will die whether you win or lose this fight," said Madame Boss.
"Again, bullshit," said Jessie.
"Bye, baldy bitch brat!" said Madame Boss, grinning.
"Same," said Granny Rocket.
It looks like trouble for our heroes, doesn't it? We're going to need a good ass-pull to wrap this up.