Chapter 11

This is your story

"So how exactly will this work?" Cloud was waiting with Tifa near a row of chairs on one side of the room. Jeeves was busy fiddling with the machine.

"You will be seated here, and the helmet lowered onto your head. I will activate the interface and leave the room. Ms. Lockhart will be seated behind you and another helmet lowered onto her head so that she might join in viewing your memories."

"Will Cloud be able to read my memories also?" Tifa was still a little uncomfortable with this idea and wanted to make sure she wouldn't get hurt in the process.

"No Ms. Lockhart, the device is strictly one way. It was designed for military use and it wouldn't help if the prisoner was able to get intelligence from his captors."

"There is no pain or side effects?"

"No Master Strife. This machine is a civilian model and is meant entirely for entertainment purposes. I shall place a red cut off button in both of your hands you may press at any time to disengage the device and return to reality."

"Thank you Jeeves."

Jeeves nodded and motioned for Cloud to sit in the chair near him. Tifa also walked over and took the seat behind Cloud placing the helmet on her head. Jeeves placed the helmet on Cloud's head and strapped it on. Placing a remote in his hand with a red button he walked over to Tifa and made sure she was set up correctly, placing another remote in her hand.

Cloud felt like a little kid waiting at the doctor's office for a shot. He wasn't sure what to expect when this machine started up. He heard Jeeves move away from Tifa and walk over to a booth at the far end of the room. He was then able to hear Jeeves voice through the headset he had on.

"I'm going to start the program now Master Strife and then leave to give you two some privacy. Don't worry you won't feel any pain when it starts up. Remember to visit a memory you need only concentrate on it for a few seconds, then everything will flow smoothly."

"Thanks Jeeves."

Soon both Cloud's and Tifa's vision blurred and they both lost touch with reality. Cloud looked around and saw nothing but darkness; however he heard Tifa's voice.

"Cloud?"

"I'm here Tifa."

There was a short silence between them before Tifa decided to break it, "Are you ready to start?"

Cloud thought for a second, "I'm not sure where to begin."

"Just think back as far as you can remember."

Cloud mentally nodded and began to think. Then colors swirled and they were inside Cloud's house in Nibelheim. Cloud was able to see Tifa standing off to another side of the room and he walked towards her. She acknowledged his presence, but quickly pointed to Cloud's mother kneeling near the fireplace grasping something in her hands crying.

"What's going on Cloud?"

"I'm not sure; this memory is a little foggy."

Both were surprised when the door behind them flew open. A young Cloud Strife walked into the home. Cloud was going to move to avoid him but the young boy walked right through Cloud as if he was a ghost. He looked confused as to how to comfort his mother as he approached her slowly. When the young Cloud placed a hand on his mother's shoulder she spun around and grasped her son in a tight embrace.

"Momma?"

Cloud's mother tried to stop crying and eventually succeeded hearing the worry in her son's voice.

"Its alright baby, momma was just being sad for a little while."

"Why were you sad momma?"

Cloud now remembered what event this memory was about. He looked at his mother who mentally debated whether or not to tell her son the true reason for her grief. Then after contemplating carried him over to the kitchen table and sat him down on a seat.

"You remember daddy was going to Wutai to fight in the war?"

"Yea, he said he'd being me back a present if I was a good boy."

Tears threatened to surface back up to Cloud's mothers eyes at her son's excitement.

"Cloud, hunny", Clouds mother walked over to Cloud and hugged him once again, "Daddy isn't coming home."

The young Cloud was confused, "Why momma?"

"Daddy got hurt really bad, he's in heaven now."

It was clear the little Cloud didn't exactly understand his mother's words, but he did understand that his mother needed him to be strong. Cloud watched from a distance looking at his mother's face. Tears threatened his eyes as he could tell his mother was fighting to hold hers back talking to his younger self.

Tifa watched on as the little Cloud stepped off the seat and wrapped his small arms around his mother's neck.

"He still loves us right momma?"

"Of course sweetie."

"Then everything's ok."

Cloud's mother looked a little taken back at her young son's words. Looking at his face a small smile spread across her face, "Yes, yes it is Cloud."

Things faded and now it was just Cloud and Tifa in a white room.

Tifa walked up to Cloud and wrapped her arms around him, "I saw you holding back."

Cloud couldn't meet her eyes, "It's just seeing her again after so long. It seemed so real."

"I know, I miss my mom and dad too."

Cloud stiffened, "I don't even really remember my father. He left two years before that, I never saw him."

"Would you like to try and remember him?"

Cloud looked up at her, "I'm not sure."

"Cloud if seeing your father again would help pull you out of this, maybe you should."

Cloud nodded and looking at his face Tifa could tell he was straining to recall a memory. Looking around her the white room started to fade away and the familiar setting of Nibelheim's entrance came into view. The scene was somewhat distorted, evidence that Cloud couldn't quite remember everything.

Then Cloud and his mother came into view. Cloud was clearly younger than in the first memory. A shadowy figure was kneeling next to the boy.

"Cloud your almost there, try your best to remember what he looked like."

Tifa watched as Cloud strained to remember. Turning her attention to the shadow that was Cloud's father she saw it gain some definition. The familiar purple 1st class SOLIDER uniform covered the man. He had long blonde hair that was straight not spiky like Clouds, he was built, but not overly muscular. As Cloud finished remembering his father Tifa was able to make out his father's face. He had a friendly smile as he rubbed his son's head. He then stood up and gave his wife a kiss and whispered something in her ear that she nodded her head too. After another kiss he hugged her tightly and Tifa was surprised when she heard his voice telling Cloud, "Watch after your mother."

The man then turned to them and started walking out of the town. When he got close to Cloud everything froze. Cloud stood up and walked over to his father studying him. When he came face to face with him he stood still as he studied his father's face.

"I remember now. I remember how my father would take me for walks outside the town at night and show off his fighting ability. I remember him taking me for hikes up in the mountains" Cloud sat down at the memories overwhelmed him. Tifa watched as the entire area around them was filled with scenes of different memories. She saw Cloud's father fighting fiends outside of the town, she saw his father smiling proud at Cloud's birthday party as he blew out the candles on his cake, she saw his father showing Cloud how to fish, she saw Cloud's father going off to work every morning, and later returning at night before supper time, and then she saw Cloud asleep on his father's lap a story book covering the boy as his father had drifted off as well in the comfy chair.

Tifa smiled, these memories were something she never expected out of Cloud Strife, but then again everyone was a child at some point.

"I had blocked out all these memories. Why?"

Tifa put her arms around Cloud, "Maybe you missed him."

Cloud strained again remembering a distant memory. His first memory of his mother telling him his father passed away started to play again from where it had left off. Cloud's mother told Cloud to wait in the house while she went to go tell the people of the town the bad news. When the door closed Cloud ran to his bed, and cried. Tifa had never seen Cloud cry before. She had distant memories of the little boy before her mother had died, but all she remembered was a quiet and shy little boy who never really talked to anyone.

"I don't want to remember this anymore."

The images faded away and the white room appeared again.

"He's your father Cloud."

"He was my father."

"He died in a war."

"…I know."

Tifa gently rocked Cloud back and forth in her arms, "I remember bits and pieces of the war. It was really bad. Zangan used to tell me some of his war stories when I was younger. He said Wutai was the bloodiest battlefield of them all."

Cloud looked up, "Wutai is where my mom said my father was going."

Tifa kept rocking Cloud in her arms, "Zangan told me it's the first loss ShinRa suffered. There was a huge battle, but the Wutaian army summoned its guardian Leviathan and it decimated the ShinRa troops."

Cloud sighed, "I almost wish I could see my father's memories."

Tifa smiled, "Well, now that you've gotten a chance to see your father again, how about some memories from when you left Nibelheim?"

Cloud stiffened, "Those aren't fun memories."

Tifa turned to face him, "Cloud were here to face all your memories, good or bad."

Cloud nodded and closed his eyes. The area around them swirled and when it balanced out a dismal and dark landscape appeared before them. Tifa shivered as the sting of the cold air hit her. A thunderclap overhead frightened her as lightning streaked across the sky quickly lighting the area and then replaced by darkness just as fast.

Cloud stood and looked around, "This is my journey to Midgar."

In the distance a foggy wall seemed to be approaching them. In a few seconds the wall of rain fell upon them. Cloud and Tifa were unaffected, unable to even feel the rain; however the coldness was still apparent to them. They watched as Cloud's former self dredged through the soaking rain. His eyes were filled with determination as he continued towards the lights of Midgar.

Cloud and Tifa followed the young man. What Cloud remembered taking weeks to accomplish they were at Midgar in a few minutes. However the faster pace of the trip didn't make the harshness any less. Tifa got close to Cloud and saw how dirty his face was. His breathing was labored, Cloud remembered as soon as he enlisted he was rushed to the infirmary with ammonia.

The memories flashed by Tifa and Cloud. Him walking to the enlistment office, him nearly passing out while signing his name, then the doctors quickly rushing him out on a stretcher during his medical evaluation when they found out he had ammonia.

While the memories were flashing by Tifa had to get a few things off her chest, "Cloud why did you leave?"

Cloud thought for awhile, "I wanted to prove myself. None of the villagers thought much of me, especially your father."

Tifa knew what Cloud said was true; her father had always despised Cloud ever since her birthday when she ran off into the mountains.

Cloud continued, "I guess most of all though I wanted to get stronger, I wanted to be able to protect you Tifa."

Tifa smiled, "You always protected me Cloud."

"That's not true you almost died on that mountain Tifa."

Tifa cupped Clouds face with her hand, "Cloud you protected me even then. Yes I fell, but you took the blame for the whole incident. You protected my reputation when you took all the blame for what happened to me. Even though I wish you hadn't since it was all my fault, you did protect me Cloud."

Cloud's eyes shone at the realization, "Thank you Tifa."

Tifa smiled, "Now let's see what other memories there are from your past shall we?"

Cloud smiled and thought for a second. Soon a training range came into view. A large man stood in front of a crowd of recruits. His booming voice demanded attention.

"Ok everyone listen up. This is a basic firing range. Here you will get acquainted with the basic weaponry of the ShinRa army. You will get two clips of ammunition for each weapon to practice with, and then you WILL qualify with each weapon, hooah."

"Hooah!", everyone yelled back.

"Ok now you first go over to the pistol firing station", the Sergeant pointed to Cloud.

"Yes, sir."

Oddly the drill sergeant seemed angry; he walked down to Cloud and stared at him in the face yelling, "Sir! You will not call me sir! I am not your boss! I am a working man, a man put here to train your worthless hide into something useful for the ShinRa army! When you respond to me you will say yes drill sergeant, not yes sir hooah!?"

"Yes drill sergeant!"

"Now get your butt over to the pistol firing range."

"Yes drill sergeant!"

Tifa laughed, Cloud was a little embarrassed at that memory.

"They were pretty tough weren't they?"

"That was nothing compared to the training in SOLIDIER."

Tifa was confused, "but Cloud I thought you didn't make it."

"I failed during one of the exercises, but I made it pretty far. It's where I met Zack."

The images swirled around in response to Cloud remembering his old friend. It was late at night. The ground was wet and damp. Squinting Tifa was able to make out the outline of Cloud's body, the other one near him she suspected was Zack. The two silently crept through the ground, no words were used as the two communicated with small hand motions that you would have easily missed if you weren't looking for them.

"Is this some of the training they put you through for SOLIDIER?"

Cloud nodded still watching the scene in front of them, "This is the third day straight of this exercise. We're placed on one end of a huge forest and told to make it to the other side without getting caught."

"Three days!?"

"Yea, it wasn't the easiest thing."

"How did you not get caught?"

"We only moved at night. We'd dig a borough when the sun started to come up and sleep there."

Tifa had to play Cloud's response over again before fully comprehending it, "You slept underground."

Cloud once again nodded, "This was the worst part though."

Tifa watched as Cloud motioned Zack to break off as they came up on a guard house. Just as Zack left Cloud inched forward and stepped on a branch. The cracking noise filled the air and alerted the guards. Paintballs flew as Tifa watched Cloud groan in pain falling to the ground, Zack safely made it past the guardhouse.

"That's when I failed the SOLIDIER program and became a grunt. Zack made it out the next day."

The memory faded. Tifa walked over to him.

"What's wrong Cloud?"

Without even speaking a new memory appeared. Cloud was in the barracks sulking. His head down in his hands. Without warning his hand flew out and punched the metal wall so hard it made a dent.

"I was so stupid!"

Another punch in the same spot bowed the dent out further.

"I failed."

Another punch threatened to break through the wall.

"She'll never want to see me now!"

A pin hole of light shone through the area Cloud was punching.

"I broke my promise; I'll never be able to protect her now", this time Cloud spoke just above a whisper. However after a brief second his fist flew twice as fast as before and punched completely through the wall.

Tifa turned as the sound of a door opening came from across the room.

"Yeesh Spike, take it easy will ya, the wall didn't do anything to you."

Cloud was silent as Zack sat beside him.

"This have anything to do with that knock out from back home you were telling me about?"

Cloud's head dropped, Zack smiled knowing he had hit the nail on the head.

"Come on man, SOLIDIER or not you're still going to be a top ranking NCO in the regulars. Hell you're already a Sergeant Major. Hit officer school next year and you'll be 1st Lieutenant in no time."

Zack's speech didn't do much to brighten Cloud's mood, "Come on man, look I know I made it and you didn't but there's no hard feelings right?"

"Of course not."

"Good so let's go celebrate."

The sound of the door opening caught both of their attention. Then both were in awe at the sight of the famous silver haired General. Although Tifa knew it was just a memory she was frightened a little.

"First Class Zack Fair?"

"Yes sir!"

Both Cloud and Zack stood at attention.

"At ease both of you", Sephiroth spotted the hole Cloud had made, "Who damaged the barracks?"

"I did sir!"

Sephiroth was surprised, "You must be Sergeant Major Strife, didn't you just fail the trails? What weapon did you use to make that hole?"

"My fist sir!"

Sephiroth smiled, "Well Major I believe you just earned your spot on a roster for a very special assignment along with 1st class Fair here. Read over these documents and be ready to move out in the morning."

"Sir, yes sir!"

Sephiroth left a folder with Zack and left the barracks.

"I wonder what it could be?"

"Well Spikey aren't we all excited."

"Just open it will you?"

"Yeesh fine", opening the folder Zack quickly scanned over the contents, Cloud noticed he frowned a few seconds into the reading.

"So?"

"It's a search and destroy mission seems a small village is having trouble with some monsters."

"What village?"

Zack looked up from the folder at Cloud, "Nibelheim."

The memory faded to black. Cloud looked up at Tifa.

"The next day I returned to Nibelheim and was ashamed of myself. I kept my helmet on so you wouldn't see me."

Tifa hugged Cloud from behind, "But you kept your promise."

Almost responding to Tifa's words the images swirled again showing the scene between Tifa and Sephiroth in the mako reactor. Cloud cringed watching Tifa get sliced. He then quickly came to her aid.

"Cloud you kept your promise to me and you killed Sephiroth how could you be ashamed of yourself?"

The images changed to the scene of Aerith's death.

"Cloud that wasn't your fault, Aerith knew what she was getting into when she went off on her own."

More images filled the room of Tifa nearly killing herself from her alcohol addiction.

"Cloud that's my fault not yours and you're here now helping me."

Tifa felt Cloud relax in her arms as he finally seemed content that he was keeping the promise he had made to her so long ago.

"Cloud what did you do the past year you were gone?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

The images swirled again showing the out skirts of Midgar. Cloud was riding his motorcycle driving as quickly as he could towards the outskirts. Tifa remembered this day every night in her dreams. However somehow she was able to feel what Cloud was feeling at this time. She felt regret, sadness, anxiety, a wanting of turning back, but somewhere there was this overwhelming feeling to go where he was going, to get away from Midgar from everyone.

Then it hit her, Cloud was chasing his salvation. Not knowing where he would find it he kept driving. He didn't think he was worthy of a relationship with Tifa, although he wanted it desperately he knew in his mind he wasn't good enough for her. Tifa felt a rush as if the machine went into overdrive. She saw Cloud suffering, starving, but yet still running, trying desperately to fill the void in his soul that threatened to take him. He fought it, he fought to live, and he fought the urge to end his life hoping to find the one thing that would make him feel whole, the one thing that would erase his feelings of failure.

Tifa hugged him closer.

"Cloud?"

"Yes?"

"Do you feel empty around me?"

Cloud's eyes widened in response to her question, it was true he felt more whole than ever since he came back and kissed Tifa.

"Cloud you've got to accept my alcoholism was my own doing. It was my moments of weakness. Yes, it was started with you leaving me, but I refused to fix myself up because turning to alcohol was easier. Stop blaming yourself for my actions."

Cloud turned and kissed her. The images around them faded away to darkness. Soon Cloud regained his senses are realized he was lying in the chair in the room Jeeve's had led them into. He carefully removed the device from his head and walked over to Tifa and helped her up.

"I guess we should take a break before we put you through this."

Tifa stumbled a little as she got out of the chair, "Yea that's a good idea, kinda weird experience. It was different than when we fell into the life stream."

Cloud nodded, "It was like you were actually there, both of us. I could feel you, hear you, talk to you, everything."

Tifa looked at the device, "Guess ShinRa came up with a nifty new little toy."

Cloud frowned, "I'm not sure I like the idea of what they could do with it."

Ok so I'm sure you all thought I dropped off the face of the earth, hell I haven't even logged onto in the past month! Well forgive me, but I refuse to stop writing, even after a long break. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it. Sorry for the errors in the writing, but its been so long since I've worked on this story I've lost my beta, please come back ;)! She did work on the last chapter and I forgot to credit her for it, and thus I can't remember who she is :(.

As such if your reading this please e-mail me!

R&R it motivates me to write faster!