Disclaimer: Don't own.

Memoirs of a Genius

Jenova, having nothing better to do, was at rest. Her normally ten-mile-per-minute-mind was shut off in what humans would call 'sleep', for once. The previous night had been very tiring… who knew the humans could come up with such substances?

The only things to get intoxicated on in her home planetwere things like hunting. She liked her planet for its simplicity, but didn't care much for the stupid, instinctual beings that were its' inhabitants. She'd always been the smartest, and had been worshipped as an Oracle… that is, until another semi-intellectual alien got fed up and dumped her on to the next rock that had strayed from the asteroid belt.

Now, she thought bitterly, I have gone from revered, to floating in formaldehyde. Great.

But she had to admit that she was lucky to have found a species that could at least understand her… humans certainly were an improvement from drooling idiots whose only interest was killing and eating Splorgs. And mating. Though, as she came to understand, mating was something the species here were obsessed with too.

One thing she was yet to understand, though, was why no one had blue skin here, why no one could randomly turn into a different form, or why nobody else constantly got their gender mixed up. The Ancients had called her a 'him', the humans called her a 'her', and Hojo just called her whatever he felt like (which was usually something not suitable for young ears). But Sephiroth- that cute little thing! - he called her 'mama'.

She could hear voices now.

"Hojo, what- oh, god no."

"Don't worry, it will all be over soon… Hehehe."

Jenova just waved it aside and tried to continue her sleep. She wouldn't bother to 'wake up' for their sake. She heard some heavy breathing.

"Hojo!"

"Hehehehehe."

"No!"

She was getting annoyed now. What was a girl to do to get some beauty sleep?

"Hehehehehe…"

"Hojo…"

She could feel the chemicals around her get slightly hotter in temperature.

"SWALLOW IT!"

Her mind's eyes widened at that.

"NO, it tastes weird!"

"JUST DO IT!"

Jenova couldn't take it anymore.

"What in the name of my lovely skin are you doing?"

She didn't want to open her eyes if she could help it.

"Nothing," Hojo said innocently.

She was curious now. Fully awakening, she sighed in relief. Hojo was just trying to force a spoon of some substance or another-it looked like mako, but she could be wrong- down Vincent's throat.

"What did you think?"

"Nothing, go on…"

Jenova looked at her silvery hair through her mind's eye.

Those substances are playing havoc with my split ends…

Day XI

I am regretting my choice to tell Sephiroth about the therapeutic technique of acupuncture. I almost lost an eye because of a toothpick and a toddler. I wonder what a Freudian would have to say about that.

When I made it back to the labs this afternoon, Vincent was staring at the wall. He was really, really, dirty by now, what with not changing that suit in… whatever, ages. I do not know what drove me to do what I did next.

"Valentine, get up. We're going shopping."

Hey, I like aesthetic quality, alright? Luckily, Jenova appeared to be sleeping… something I only know because she hasn't said anything since last night. A miracle. And if she was awake, she'd be laughing her arse (for lack of better term) off.

Vincent didn't say anything, but obediently followed me down to the village. This silence disturbed me. I wanted to make him suffer, not to make him so submissive… no double entendre intended, perverts.

The villagers were by now wary of me. So to see a really tall, wasted-looking man with a claw following a confused-looking me didn't bother them in the least. I think.

Not knowing where to go- last time I went shopping was ages ago, with Lucrecia and my new Shinra credit-card- I just walked into the closest boutique.

"May I help you?" the quintessential anorexic woman at the register asked me, her forced smile brightening when she saw Vincent.

Amazing. Women are attracted to him even as a monster. I should investigate that.

"No," I said quickly. "Just…" what was the word? "Browsing," yes, that's it!

"Ah, alright then!"

Shop employees are annoying. What is there to be so happy about?

Vincent looked at me funny.

"If you dare ask me a question, which is all you've been doing for the past week, then I promise you that it'll be your other arm."

Vincent shrugged and walked to the rack that contained the most black garments.

I waited as Vincent chose some things, and went off to change.

When he came out, any conviction I had that the man was sane went down the drain. He emerged wearing a black top, tight black leather trousers (hehe), ridiculous pointed boots… and to top it all off, a long, red cape.

"Why are you dressed like a vampire from a trashy horror novel?"

"I like it."

"…Fine."

We went to the register to pay.

"My treat," I said, ignoring the clerk as she tried to slip Vincent her phone number. She stopped when I took out my wallet.

"Oh," she gasped. "Like, OMIGOD!"

"What is it, woman?" I asked, handing over the money… which was 100 gil. The small amount was not surprising, actually. What is surprising is Vincent's cheap taste in clothes.

"Like, am I on TV? HI MOM!"

"Why would you be on television?"

"You mean," she said, looking crestfallen, "This isn't Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?"

I took my receipt and ran out of the shop, dragging Vincent after me.

"Call me, baby!" I heard the clerk say.

Back at the labs, Vincent was practicing his model strut… well, at least that was what it looked like. Actually, I am pretty sure he was pacing. Whatever.

"Why so quiet, Valentine?"

"…"

"Hm?"

"…Can sins ever be forgiven?"

I groaned. I wanted broken, not angsting-philosophical-pseudo-religious-psycho.

"I wouldn't know, Valentine."

"…uh, Hojo, I feel weird…"

Probably just another impulse of hi- GOOD DA-CHAO, WHAT IS THAT?

OoOoOoOoOo

Well. I am now officially a genius, in case it wasn't clear enough before.

So, Vincent started breathing heavily and growing in size, his skin turning purple. I knew that something bad would happen unless I subdued him, so after some chasing I managed to jab him with a tranquiliser. He turned back to normal, and I tried to force-feed him a solution I'd prepared just for this situation- I like to be prepared. The solution would prevent him from transforming, for now.

I was met with some resistance, and Jenova woke up in the process, but it was worth it.

You know why?

I, Professor Victor Hojo, am a genius.

…No, Jenova, the monsters were my idea, not yours. Don't ruin my moment of glory.

MY idea. Mine I tell you!

This is the genius, over and out. Even super-beings get tired… and thankfully, Sephiroth caused no mini-natural disasters today.

Hehehehe.

A/N: So, who did I catch out with the beginning part:laughs evilly: And as for the 'can sins be forgiven' line, NOW you know why Vincent smirked when Cloud asked him that at the Forgotten Capital… Please review!