How are you, Ewok:

I found this random person's profile and found this list of things to ponder. I would like to answer them, myself… SO I WILL!

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Three things: vampires, zombies, and other undead.

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Most psychics have too strong of moral values to use their gifts in order to only help themselves… or they're fakes… RIGHT, SAMMY?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Plastic bottle.

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Well, I'll answer your question by asking this… How would a doctor practice for what they do? And, why do surgeons "perform"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
They make you BROKE-ER.

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
It's simply too heavy and/or expensive to make planes out of that metal.

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Yes, idjit.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Depends. Is it to end the voices or trying to stop A voice?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
No, just snot…

So what's the speed of dark?
… The top speed of the 1967 Chevy Impala that Dean owns…

How come abbreviated is such a long word?
IRONY!

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
No. That's just happens.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
No. Because my theory is if I don't get stuck by it… I don't CARE!

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
What about a Play Station®?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Who said it was a fool?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Or have nice teas, yes.

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
No, pictures should be on taxi cabs and sidewalk curbs.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
Yes, yes we are supposed to.
EX:
Dear Mr. Mass-Murderer:
You are a very, very, very, very, very mean man… How could you kill those poor girls? How do you sleep at night? Aren't you ashamed?
Sincerely,
Anonymous
(DON'T PLACE A RETURN ADDRESS NOR NAME!)

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
… Not that much, actually.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Why be vague when you're actually helping people.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
No. They don't care about human rules.

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
Do YOU wanna test it?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
BUBBLEWRAP! *pop-pop-pop-poppity-pop*

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
CYA… Cover Your Arse.

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Yes. You should ask my dear friend DOCTOR Hannibal Lecter.

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
You caught them, Scotty! Why, do you think, I avoid that CORPERATION?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
I dunno. I can I slap him/her?

Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
They're born in the cans? Just joking!

Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Companionship whilst talking about the "good ol' days".

Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
:X … Enough, said.

Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?
The "Ph" confuses some people.

Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?
To be cruel.