Hello! I'd say good day, but it's midnight. Here's another chapter, and the long awaited return of Gran! Are you all ready for a horribly awkward and tense scene? 'Cause that's what you're about to get.

I've been working on finding a good balance between dialogue and description/narration, so this chapter may seem uncharacteristically descriptive-y. The description isn't boring (I don't think. Read it, let me know). I hope it isn't.

Important-ish note: I am not sure how long this will be, but I do have an idea on how to wrap up the story, though there are several things I would like to do before I finish, so don't worry! There's still lots to come! (And maybe a little - or a lot - of future fluff!) I don't think I can give an estimate for how many more chapters. Maybe once I've gotten more written down.

Thanks to all of you for sticking around so long! Knowing that somebody's reading this makes it worthwhile!

Warning: the usual. (Profanity, a wee bit of sexual innuendos)

Disclaimer: I do not own OHSHC.

Chapter 11

A Restraining Order Does Wonders

It was like someone had flipped a switch (after groping the wall seductively for far too long in search of said switch). Koko suddenly found everything hilarious. Her life was a comedy and she had front row seats. Her aunts were all too silly and absurd with their extravagant outlandishness, and her Gran was a very irrational woman brimming with badassery, and her brother was a weirdo, and the host club was overwhelming to say the least, and now there was yet another crazy (and perverted) character who just so happened to waltz into her life via a dark closet.

And she started laughing.

And laughing like a mental patient who'd been pushed past the breaking point.

"Is she sane?" asked Kaoru.

"Hasn't been her whole life," stated a masculine voice (as masculine as Haruto can get).

The peculiar group jumped with surprise. They hadn't noticed the dark-skinned man approach; they'd all been too busy watching Koko have a sort of mental breakdown (she would try to assure everyone that she was saner than a saint, but she couldn't stop laughing).

"Who are you?" asked Hikaru.

"Coconut's amazing, totally awesome, and fabulous—" replied the man.

"Don't forget modest," wheezed Koko through her laughter.

"—And modest brother," he grinned.

"My darling nephew!" squealed Francesca, pinching his cheeks.

"Nephew? Say what?" asked Haruto as he stared, rather frightened, at the woman before him.

Koko instantly stopped laughing.

"You done fucked up now, Fancy," said Giovanna, voicing Koko's thoughts.

Haruto sighed. "What did you do now, Koko?"

"Why do you always assume it was me?" complained Koko.

"Because it usually is," replied Haruto.

"Yeah, well, you're how old and still living at home?" retorted Koko.

"At least I get more action than you do," countered Haruto.

"Why does everyone bring that up?" exclaimed Koko.

"I can fix that," interjected Kenta.

Koko pointed a finger at him. "I will castrate you if you make one more comment," she threatened.

"I'm into that," he shrugged.

"You need help, lad," said Giovanna.

"And Jesus," added Francesca.

"A restraining order does wonders," stated Kyoya.

"Oh, so now we've downgraded from lawsuits to restraining orders?" muttered Giovanna.

"How about the ol' one-two?" Haruto mimed punching a victim. Kenta eyed him warily.

"What's your name?" asked Honey as he bounded up to Koko's brother.

"Ah, what a cutie. Haruto's the name," replied Haruto, ruffling the blonde's hair.

"Um, I've got to head back home now, guys," announced Haruhi. The girl muttered something about dinner and grocery store sales after a curt goodbye.

Koko thought that Haruhi was a very straight-to-the-point, no-nonsense person. It was quite refreshing for once, actually.

The group chorused goodbyes, while Tamaki followed the brunette. He was jabbering on about "quality father-daughter time," and that "any daughter of his should not walk home alone." Either that boy was truly crazy, or he had it really bad for Haruhi and had absolutely no earthly idea how to express his true feelings. Koko figured it was a combination of both.

As they headed off, Haruto turned to Koko. "What did you do?" he repeated. "And who're they?" he asked, jerking a thumb in the Italian twins' direction.

Koko puffed out her cheeks, looking sheepishly at everyone.

"You didn't even tell your own brother, lovey?" asked Francesca with genuine curiosity.

Koko blew out air. "Maybe?" she answered. Haruto snorted.

"Okay, okay, fine. I'll tell you everything," she told him. "But, first, where's Gran?" she whispered.

"By the car with Harold," replied Haruto.

She gnawed on her lip, trying to sort out her priorities.

"Well," stated Kyoya. "I believe you have some family matters to sort out, so I'll take my leave."

There was a murmur of agreement from the other remaining hosts. Even Kenta had the brains to assent. After a round of goodbyes, Koko was left gawping at their retreating backs. 'Fraidy-cats,' she thought.

Now, only Francesca, Giovanna, Haruto, and Koko lingered. They didn't have much time to sort things out, since Gran would most likely come barging into the school out of impatience.

Haruto gave Koko a look, as if to say, 'out with it.'

"Well…" she shifted uneasily.

"Oh, for the love of that all men's attractive behinds, we're Ren's daughters," exclaimed Giovanna.

"Ren?" Haruto cocked his head. His eyes widened in realization. "Gran's daughters? How is that even possible?"

"I asked the same thing when I saw them for the first time," said Koko.

"How did you know about them?" asked Haruto, staring at Koko with disbelief.

Koko rubbed her neck. "I may or may not have snooped through dad's office and found a letter from them," she said.

Haruto stared some more at her, before smirking. "You've got some balls, going through dad's stuff," he said.

"I wanted to know why dad blew up at us at dinner, you know, when he was all 'authority-man' and stuff?" said Koko.

"Right, so that's why he was so uptight," nodded Haruto. "Wait, you've known for weeks?"

"Yup."

"And you never told me?"

"Right on."

"Your own brother?"

"Hit it right on the nail."

"Why not?"

"Because you keep a secret like you keep it in your pants," said Koko. "Which you don't," she added.

"Hey! That's like you Fancy!" exclaimed Giovanna.

"No, lovey, that would be you," sighed Francesca.

"I can keep secrets!" retorted Haruto.

"You told on yourself when you stole the chocolate cake mom made."

"That was ages ago."

"It was last month."

"Bah, same difference. Besides, you're the one who went through dad's stuff."

"Yeah, but I've managed to keep it a secret for weeks," countered Koko.

"That's why your hair is so big, it's full of secrets," said Haruto.

"I barely have any hair, weirdo."

"Not the point, sister dearest," replied Haruto. "How are you going to tell mom and dad?"

"Me?" asked Koko incredulously. "Nuh uh. Now that you know, you're stuck in this hole with me. What color do you want your coffin?"

"Fine. What are we going to do?" huffed Haruto.

"Beats me," shrugged Koko.

"That is the kind of attitude that got us into this mess," groaned Haruto. Koko nearly snorted, usually she was the one saying those sorts of things.

"Oh, dear" said Francesca, glancing at her wrist. "Look at the time, my does it just fly by!" she exclaimed with an airy titter. She wasn't even wearing a wristwatch.

Giovanna nodded in agreement. "I think we should get going," she mused.

"But Gran's out there—" said Koko.

Giovanna gave a flippant wave of her hand, her garish jewelry clinking. "She won't notice us, never acknowledged us for eighteen years, and won't if we walk by right under her supercilious nose!" said the brunette with a pitchy laugh.

Koko glanced at her brother to see his brow furrowing. She stopped herself from making an offhand comment about wrinkles and his age. Instead, she focused her attention on more important things than making fun of her brother. A very mature action, in her own opinion; her late great-aunt – may she rest in piece (and stay that way) – would be proud.

"Okay, I, uh, guess we should get going then," said Koko, gnawing on her lip again.

"Right-o," said Haruto most awkwardly.

The quartet made their way out of the cathedral-like school in an overbearing silence. The twins were suddenly, and quite uncharacteristically quiet. It was quite odd. Koko felt very aware of her surroundings, now that she wasn't surrounded by noise. Haruto was walking beside her, while the twins walked ahead in a stiff version of their flamboyant gait.

"Are they usually like this?" asked Haruto, his voice in a terse whisper.

"No," replied Koko. "They're usually really, really, um… loud?" she suggested, eyeing the twins.

With much enthusiasm, the Italians flung open the doors and swaggered out, renewing their walk in full force. They made much of a show of it, making sure to be noticeable despite the few individuals out and about. Koko and Haruto lingered several paces behind, not wanting to interfere with whatever was going on in those twins' minds.

As they walked the expanse of the front grounds, Koko was gauging the possible consequences of her actions, like a child caught having stolen a cookie from the cookie jar. She was just realizing now (stupidly after having done it), how bad things could turn out. Then again, another part of her mind reassured her, Gran might not recognize her daughters after eighteen years.

Yet, placing all her money on that was stupid, like all her other choices. Swimming so far out was stupid, stupid, stupid. Running out into the street in a freaking rainstorm was stupid. Getting a tattoo was stupid. Well, not that stupid, but still reckless and a little stupid. Walking into a glass door, pepper spraying her own face, going through her father's things! All stupid! Stupid! Inviting her aunts over all the way from Italy was stupid. She was utterly stupid. Impulsive, is what she was.

"I know you're stupid, but why not add crazy into the mix while we're at it?" suggested Haruto.

Koko hadn't realized she'd been muttering aloud. She stuck out her tongue at Haruto, despite her inner-mind berating.

Before she could lapse into another round of internal telling-off, they were nearly upon Gran and poor old Harold, except, he didn't look poor at all. In the sense of clothing, he looked dreadfully poor, in a shabby cardigan that looked like it was older than the man wearing it accompanied with a clashing plaid tie. But, the way he was looking at Gran made it seem like he'd stuck gold a hundred times over. It was cheesy, but, in Koko's self-realization of her stupidly impulsive nature, she was not her oblivious self. If someone had asked her right then why an author said the curtains were blue, she would have probably gone off on some metaphorical speech that would make literature teachers weep like their firstborn had been sacrificed to a volcano god.

"You've always had a way with words, but when you're muttering about sacrifices and volcano gods, I'm starting to fear for my life," whispered Haruto.

"Don't bother, you'd be dead before you could," retorted Koko. No point in denying her craziness. It ran in the family, didn't it? Hereditary, genetic, whatever.

"Good lord!" exclaimed Gran. "What took you two so long? Did someone die?"

"Ah, only a suitable reason for taking longer than five minutes in the eyes of such a formidable woman," commented Haruto.

"Suck up," hissed Koko.

"Flattery will get you nowhere," said Gran, peering up at them through skewed spectacles. They were sitting on a bench under a cherry blossom tree, no longer in bloom.

Giovanna cleared her throat in a manner of complete subtlety. The twins had since lessened their quick pace, and now stood idle by the Honda siblings. Giovanna stood arrogantly while her sister had taken on a more languid, seemingly bored position, but her eyes flitted back and forth in an anxious manner.

Gran glanced over at the pair, scrutinizing them, as if preparing to give them a lecture on manners and "respecting your elders." Koko had suffered under that daunting gaze far too many times. Harold, of course, hadn't, though he did something quite peculiar, and, in Koko's opinion, very, very brave. Old Harold patted Gran's hand and mumbled something in a wheezy voice that was far too quiet for Koko to hear.

For once, Koko resisted the impulse to do something, well, impulsive. Every fiber of her being protested, but for once, she resisted the urge to do whatever she felt was best – not what she thought was best.

After a terribly lengthy, agonizing silence, Gran pursed her lips (a seemingly hereditary mannerism), and spoke in a slow tone. "It… has been a while," she mused. It was almost as if she was greeting an old acquaintance.

Francesca spoke before her twin could utter a (offensive) word. "Hasn't it, though?" said Francesca.

"Yes," said Giovanna snappishly. "Eighteen years tends to be a while."

Koko felt like she was watching one of her brother's terrible soap operas.

"Feels like it has been centuries," murmured Gran.

"Judging by those wrinkles, it probably has," remarked Haruto.

"What color would you like your coffin, my dearest grandson?" asked Gran with a glare.

"Funny, Koko asked me the same thing," said Haruto.

"I think he'll take it in pink," offered Koko.

"Ghastly! I'd prefer a periwinkle blue or a hot rod red," replied Haruto.

"For the love of—!" started Giovanna.

Francesca shut her sister up with a wave of her hand. "To be sure, you're Ren Honda?" asked the dark-haired girl.

"Of course," answered Gran. Harold's hand still rested on her weathered, arthritis-stricken hand.

"So?" asked Giovanna forcefully.

"So what, my dear? Be specific, dear, I'm not a silly mind reader," said Gran.

"Do you know who we are?" asked Francesca.

Gran scoffed as if the answer was blatant. "Of course I do, I'm not stupid—" Koko almost cringed at the word. "—I am your mother, after all."