Chapter 11

"Damn it." Nathan flung open the door. "Kristin, please," he called to her back, only she made no attempt to stop. She promptly walked down the hall to her own room, slamming the door behind her.

He ran to follow her and knocked loudly. "Kristin, please, open up. Let's talk about this."

"Just go away, please!"

Nathan could hear the tears in her voice. That was the last thing he wanted, to make her upset. He made one attempt in trying to get her to listen to him. "Kristin, I'm sorry. Don't do this."

"I…I'm sorry too," she replied, her voice thick. "But I think we both need some time away from each other. Perhaps tomorrow will be different."

Nathan let out a sigh; this isn't what he wanted, but he had little choice. "All…all right. Sleep well now." As he walked away, he could hear her soft sobs, and it broke his heart. How was he going to fix this?

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Ben barged into the gym, glad to see that Katie was alone. "What was that all about?"

Katie turned off the treadmill and looked at him. "What are you talking about?" she asked, dabbing at her neck with a towel.

"At dinner," Ben replied. "Is it my imagination, or did we have a moment? It's just I can't remember the last time you spoke to me without throwing some sort of insult at me."

"A bit of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?"

Ben held up his hands. "I just give it back because…"

"It's what we've always done?" Katie offered.

"Yeah, I guess. So why were you being so nice to me?" His eyes then grew wide. "I'm not dying, am I?"

Katie laughed. "Not that I know of. I just decided to turn over a new leaf. Talking about old times the other day got me thinking about how we used to be."

"Whoa, Katie, I don't think I want to get back together."

"And I wasn't offering," she told him. "Look, even though you're a smart aleck, immature, a trouble maker, and you get on my nerves-"

Ben placed a hand on her shoulder. "I certainly hope there's a but coming."

"There is," she said with a light laugh. "But when the going gets tough, you've always been there for me. The teddy bears reminded me of that. Even though we had a lot of bad times, we had a lot of good times too."

Ben smiled. "Yeah, we did. Uh, listen, about the Christmas party coming up…did you want to go with me…you know, just as friends?"

"Who says I don't already have a date?"

Ben's smile faded. "I see."

"Tell you what, I'll save you a dance," she said, giving him a wink.

"Deal," he said, his smile returning.

Katie moved her hands to straighten his collar. She then pulled it tight enough to make it uncomfortable. "But I swear, if you pull any sort of prank on me, I'll make you pay for it, got it?"

"How…how did you know?" he choked out.

She released him then. "Oh, please, Ben, you forget I know you better than anyone. I don't know what you're planning, but I know you're planning something." She eyed him carefully. "Aren't you?"

"Um…I plead the fifth…"

"That's what I thought. Like I said, you better keep me out of it."

"All right, all right. I promise." He sighed. "Well, I guess I won't keep you anymore. I just wanted to know what was going on. I can't say I'm disappointed, though."

"Me either," she said. "See you later."

"Later." Ben then turned to leave when Katie called back to him.

"Don't forget we'll always have teddy bears."

He laughed. "You bet."

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Back in his room, Nathan stared at the hologram image of Carol. "What am I going to do now?"

"…Merry Christmas, darling. We're apart, that's true. But I can dream and in my dreams, I'm Christmas-ing with you…"

"How ironic," he muttered, letting out a sigh. "It's just…I never expected to meet anyone else after you, but she came along… And I thought I was ready except the holiday creeping up on me threw a wrench in that. All I can think about is you…and how afraid I am of losing her the same way."

Carol simply smiled back at him.

"And I know I should be telling her this, but it's a little difficult when she won't talk to me; I guess I can't blame her, though. I don't think either of us will get much sleep tonight because of it." He glanced at his watch. It had only been about an hour since Kristin had left. "You don't think I should try again, do you?"

Of course, Carol didn't answer, but Nathan couldn't help but wonder what she'd say if she were. After some mental debate, he walked over to his bunk, picking up his PAL unit on the bedside table. She'd have to answer that; she didn't have a choice. He pressed the proper button and waited.

"Westphalen."

Although she sounded calmer, Nathan could hear the emotion in her voice. "Please, don't hang up."

"Nathan, why can't you just let it be for the night? Haven't you done enough already?"

"Because I don't think I can possibly sleep with the way things are, and neither can you. Considering we both need to work early in the morning, I thought I'd save us both a lot of trouble. Can we talk, please?"

"We tried that already, remember?"

"When you fall off a horse, you're supposed to get back on," he pointed out.

She sighed. "I'd rather you didn't see me right now."

"I understand, but what are we doing now?"

"What?"

"We're talking…civilly. There's no reason we can't talk this way."

"I don't-"

"Please? I'm not saying we need to talk everything out, but I…I couldn't go to sleep without making sure you were all right."

She hesitated. "I…I'll live."

"I don't think I believe you. If we're going to talk, we need to be honest. Let's try this again. Are you all right?"

"I…don't know."

"Why not?" he pressed.

"Because my emotions are all over the place. I don't even know if I'm thinking straight. I just wish…"

"You wish what?"

"You're not making this very easy."

"I'm not?"

"I don't think this is going to work."

"Why not? We're not yelling; I think that's an improvement."

"Look, I'm not angry with you, so you can put your mind at ease. Get some sleep. Like you said, we both need to get up early in the morning, and I-"

"Close your eyes."

"What?"

"Close your eyes," he said again.

"Nathan, why can't you just listen to me?"

"That's exactly what I'm going to do, but I need you to do what I say…please?"

Another sigh escaped her. "All right."

"Are they closed?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now I want you to tell me what you feel. What's in your heart? What do you want?"

"I don't think we have that kind of time."

"You're avoiding the question again, and I think you know full well what I'm referring to. What is it you want from me?"

A few minutes passed. "I…"

"Yes?" he encouraged.

"Well, I wish you'd be more intimate with me…and I'm not talking physically intimate. I wish…I wish I knew what you were thinking most of the time. What's in your heart? What is it you want from me? And why do you keep going around in circles? It…it's extremely exhausting, and…it hurts. I've never liked these sorts of games."

"Kristin, I…I am truly sorry for hurting you. And you're right; I've been playing games. Not intentionally. It just…happened. As to what's in my heart…well, I care about you deeply."

"You have a funny way of showing it sometimes."

"I know, and again, I'm sorry. I…I'd like to take our relationship to the next level, but I need a little more time."

"I'm not going anywhere," she assured him.

"So you're all right with that?"

"As long as we communicate. I can't keep doing this."

"I know, and I'd rather not do this either. Maybe we can talk a bit more tomorrow, face to face?"

"I'd like that…as long as there's no arguing."

"I think we can arrange that," Nathan promised. "Get some sleep."

"You, too," she replied. "Goodnight."