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Chapter Eleven
I wake in the morning and shut the alarm clock off, music blaring in my ear, but I don't mind it today. I hop out of bed, it's a Monday and I'm usually never that enthused to wake up, but today is different. It's the beginning of a new week, but also, as cheesy as it sounds, the first day of the rest of my life. I walk into the bathroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror, I look happy and healthy. Okay, I think that I am giddy. For the first time in five years I'm feeling something that I thought I had lost forever. Butterflies, they're fluttering in my stomach, searching my body, flying through my throat. It feels good actually, I feel alive. I take a step closer and look at my body, remembering that I am a woman, soft and sensuous and feminine. I don't remember the last time that I felt that I was sexy, until I spent time with John this week. I've known this man for only three weeks, but I feel like I could have known him forever. He makes me feel wanted and beautiful and free. I never thought that I would be with another man, kiss and hold someone other than Trent. And when I realized that that thought might become a reality, I never imagined that it would feel as good as it did yesterday with John. It worried me a little that I didn't think about Trent one time when I was kissing John last night. I didn't expect that I would be over my husband and wanting to be with someone else this quickly. I look in the mirror and shrug off my thoughts. There is nothing wrong with wanting to move on, especially when moving on includes John Carter.
I step into the shower, the hot water hitting my body, shocking my skin for a second. I settle underneath the faucet, scrubbing my body harshly, hoping to wash off the prints from the last nine years of Trent running his hands over my body. I want to start clean, leave the past behind, but take the good things with me, the things I learned from being in the marriage that I was, and of course, my precious son. I sit down on the step in the shower, letting the water hit my chest, rolling my neck back and stretching my body out, a vision of John in the shower with me running through my mind. I can't believe this man that has come along, more so, I can't believe how much I like him and crave to be around him. I love that I know he feels the same, too. I can feel it. And I think I knew it a while ago, I just didn't want to acknowledge it because I thought that I wasn't ready yet. But yesterday, I knew that I was ready. I spent the last five years in a depressing passionless marriage and its time to change that. Its time for some passion and intimacy and dare I say, love.
I walk into the hospital in the early after noon, still dressed semi nicely after meeting with my divorce lawyer to make my decision official. I walk into the lounge and over to my locker to grab my scrubs. Opening it, I reach for my stethoscope on the top shelf and pull something out that I forgot was shoved up there. It's a family photo, me, Trent and Jake on the swings in the backyard, Jake only about a year old. I bring it close to my face, staring at it for a minute, a feeling of guilt washing over me. I have just decided to split my family apart, to never put my child to sleep with his daddy at my side, to never cook a family dinner or take a family vacation again. I look away from the photo, trying to gain perspective with out looking directly into my past. I have to do this, there is no choice. When Jake gets older, he will understand. When he is a young man, married with children, he'll respect the decision that I made for myself. I can't stay in this marriage to save a family that isn't truly happy. I continue to look at the picture, feeling a little bit better as I hear the lounge door swing open. Lost in my own thoughts, I don't turn my head to see who it is. Suddenly I feel hands on my hips and I jump, spooked out of my reverie, for a second thinking that it could be Trent.
"Sorry" I turn quickly to see John with a confused expression on his face, his hands in the air like a suspect.
"No . . . I'm, nothing" I shake my head at him, trying to communicate that it wasn't his touch that scared me. "It wasn't you" He looks down, noticing the picture in my hand, his expression turning from worried to the world is ending. He looks back up at me, realizing that I was concentrating on the picture of myself and Trent.
"Abby, um . . . if you need some more time . . . I don't want this to happen if you're not ready" His expression is sad but he is so incredibly gentle and genuinely concerned for my feelings. For this, I want him more. I move closer to him, dropping the picture back into my locker, snaking my arms around his waist.
"No" I whisper into his chest and look up at him, a smile creeping onto my face. "I don't want to wait anymore" I look into his eyes, awaiting a response from him but he looks uneasy. I really hope that I haven't scared him away. He reaches his hand up to my face, sweeping my bangs away from my forehead and trailing his fingers down the side of my cheek before he speaks.
"Are you sure that you are done trying with him? Because I don't want you to decide to end your marriage because of me, and I don't want you to regret it later, and I certainly don't want to pressure you to make this decision before you're ready."
"I'm ready" I swallow hard and shake my head at him, hoping that he isn't going to decide that we are doing this too soon. I want him; I don't know how I will get through this with out him. Even if I only had his friendship, I still need him. He searches my eyes for a sign, something that is going to tell him that I mean it, that I am not impulsing on huge decision here that will affect the both of us and our children as well.
"John" I pull his hand into mine and his body closer towards me, my other hand making its way up his neck. "I'm sure. I filed my papers today."
He moves his hands to my hips, gently resting them there as he leans his body against the lockers. He starts to speak and then stops, probably changing his mind about what he was going to say. He opens his mouth again, hesitating a little, but this time his words make it out of his mouth.
"I'm not sure if I am supposed to be happy or sad about that"
I know what he's saying. As a friend he shouldn't be happy that my marriage has fallen apart, but as a guy that wants to date me I guess it should make him pretty happy that I'll be available. I smile at him, soothing his uneasiness. He is being so gentle and careful with me, what a sweetheart.
"You can be happy" I lift my body onto my tip toes, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him gently on the lips, quickly so we aren't caught by anyone.
"Well good, because I am" He strokes my arms up and down smiling brightly at me. I think he's happy with the way that our conversation went. "Do you want to bring Jake over at around seven thirty tonight?" I nod my head yes as he leans in to give me one last kiss before he lets me go, stepping towards the door.
"Hey, John" He turns around and looks at me, He is so handsome. "Um, I haven't talked to Jake yet, about Trent and I . . . so if the kids ask where were going to night, would you mind if we told them that we were going to a work meeting or something?" I'm a little nervous about his answer; I don't see why he wouldn't understand that though.
"Of course not" Perfect.
I arrive at John's house after much prepping for the evening. I decided last night that my first date in nine years was going to be perfect. I took a two hour shower, shaved, waxed, blow dried and beautified; and I must admit, I look hot tonight. He opens the door looking quite hot himself and it is taking a lot for me not to pull him to me and kiss him hello. We silently communicate a hello to each other, Jake looking at John and then at me, pointing his finger up and down our bodies.
"What are you all dressed up for?" I look at John and back at Jake. I think he is going to let me handle this one.
"We're going to something for the hospital tonight"
"Like a party?"
"Yea, a little like that" I pull him into a hug and kiss the top of his head.
"Hey Jake, Lexi is in the playroom with Sarah" John ruffles Jakes hair and then he runs past him up the stairs.
"Buy kiddo, love you" I yell out to him, him yelling back a quick "love you" over his shoulder. I bend my head and make sure he is out of our view, John turning around also to be sure before he pulls me to him, kissing me passionately. He lets me go, his arm still around my waist.
"You look beautiful" He whispers into my ear.
"Not so bad yourself" I kiss him again, grabbing his hand, pulling him towards his car. "Let's go"
A half hour later we are seated at a table on the deck of a beautiful restaurant over looking the lake, our fingers slightly touching each other over the table cloth. For someone that hasn't lived in Chicago very long, John sure knew where to find a great romantic restaurant. I bet he asked Susan, how cute is he?! We finish looking at the menus and put them down, looking at each other smiling, happy that we are here together, alone, finally.
"What did you want to tell me last night?" He looks confused for a second and then it looks like he remembers. He smiles almost embarrassed and plays with his wine glass.
"Um, it's nothing really. . . I just wanted to tell you something, not because I want you to know . . . or because I think that it's important for you to know . . . but I just didn't want you to think that I was hiding it." I'm worried for a second, not being able to figure out what he could possibly want to tell me. He covers my hand with his, trying to reassure me.
"What is it?" I ask gently, but very curiously.
"My family runs a charity foundation; um . . . We donate and raise money for a number of learning enrichment programs and architectural developments around the US. It was my grandparents' money, really. . . Um my grandmother used to run the foundation and she left it to me when she died."
I cut him off, it seems like he needs to be saved here. "John, are you trying to tell me that you're loaded?" I say it with a smile, laughing a little at how embarrassed he is by all of this. He smiles at me quickly, laughing at himself also.
"Yes, I'm loaded"
"Well, that's not a bad thing." He looks at me for a minute, like he wants to discuss this further and I am quite interested so I nod my head at him to go on.
"My grandparents never wanted me to be a doctor. They just wanted to me run the foundation and I was never very interested in doing that. Sometimes I think my grandmother left me all her money and responsibility just to spite me. . . I guess I just never really agreed with the causes that they gave their money too. They were building symphony halls when I thought it was more important to help sick people who couldn't afford medical care."
"Well, the foundations yours now, so maybe you can do that." He raises his eyes to the sky for a minute and looks back at me, thinking about what I said.
"Your right, I can"
We smile at each other, sipping or wine, enjoying the beautiful view. The night is warm with a light breeze running over the water. Our food comes and I can't help that I am not that hungry. I'm a little nervous and a little anxious. I like John so much that the butterflies in my stomach won't seem to stop fluttering so I can eat without barfing. We sip some wine and talk a little, playing with each others feet under the table. It seems like we have to have contact with each other at all times, I love that. I haven't felt like I wanted to be close with someone in years. I haven't wanted or lusted after anyone. This feels different, and a little scary, but so right.
We drive back up to his house after two hours of talking and getting to know each other over diner. He parks the car and we turn to each other, sad that our alone time is over. He moves his hand over to my knee, rubbing up and down my leg and then pulling the center console up so he could get closer. He moves his hand up to my cheek and pulls me to him, kissing me softly as I move my hand up to his shoulder. We continue to kiss each other for while, without any intentions of stopping, our make out session becoming more and more intense by the minute. He pulls away for a second, looking over at the back seat and I know what he's thinking. We both laugh out loud, our hands still all over each other. He turns back to me and kisses me again, ignoring our teenage temptations, but once again we find ourselves not wanting to settle for kissing only. I pull my lips away from his, a light bulb turning on in my head as he moves his lips to my neck.
"We could go to my house" He lifts his head and smiles in a way I have never seen him smile before. Okay, I guess he likes my idea, a lot.
"Brilliant!" He says, turning on the engine and driving away fast.
AN: I stopped here because I wanted the next part to be Carters point of view. I just thought that it would be better that way.
Review Responses
Meligurljo/Eve1980: Thanks for finally reviewing; I'm glad you like it!
Jenn: Maybe that will come along quite a few chapters down the road
Abbyfan: Thanks! I try to keep Abby as positive as believable.
Danie: Wow! Thank you so much!
Carbyfan: Well here is half the date; I hope you will like the rest. Let me know what you think.
Er-carby-luva: I love your reviews, they are always so cute! I'm glad you like it, this story makes me giddy too!