So, this is something I wrote in English class to let out some anger and I decided to post it here. Hope you don't mind ranting....
Hey, who hates having stuff they write read and criticized by, like, your entire freaking English class???
Fang: Saint does!
Me:.....Thanks, Fang. So, I'm in Mehegan's class right now, and he has a paragraph of my essay up on the projector and he has the entire class picking it apart! They're changing it!!
Fang: They don't know it's yours.
Me: Still! I don't like my essay being picked apart! It's one thing for the teacher to do it, it's his job and I knew he would when I wrote it, but to hear the stupid class criticize it the way they do, and, the worst, listen to them change it, I'm going nuts! They're changing my writing!!
Fang: A mortal sin, in Saint's book.
Me: I am a Saint, after all.
Fang: In your own mind.
Me: Whatever. I'm just pissed off right now, so I'm ranting in my notebook rather than watching them rip my poor essay to bits. Heck, I don't even know if I'll post my rant anywhere.
Fang: You could add it to the Poetry Corner. That's basically your rant central.
Me: True....They're changing my list!!
Fang: What?
Me: You know where I listed the main character's traits?
Fang: Where you called him a sexist pig?
Me: Yes! They're changing it!
Fang: And they stuck a semi-colon in there.
Me: And they're taking out my rhetorical questions! Gah! These people know nothing about dramatic writing!
Fang: -rolls eyes- Here we go....
Me: I was supposed to be in Advanced Placement English this year, people, if it wasn't for scheduling conflicts! I know how to write! Some of you can barely spell. Oh, oh, and screw you Adam! Oh, take out my question and add your own sentence! How about I take out your spleen and replace it with my butcher knife? Huh? Huh?
Fang: Violent...
Me: Well, he's killing my writing! He's cutting me out of my paragraph! THIS IS PISSING ME OFF!!!
Fang: Calm down....
Me: I AM #!%##$^$# CALM!!!!!
Fang: -hides under desk- Ok....
Me: Hey, at least I'm letting all my anger out in a notebook. I could be letting it out on the class.
Fang: Good point.
Me: Or you.
Fang: Very good point.
Me: You realize I'm going to have to listen to them read my paragraph after they've cut me out of it.
Fang: Yeah....
Me: I might scream....
Fang: Please don't....
Me: Someday, when I'm a famous writer, I shall laugh in all their faces.
Fang: You could hit them with the herring, or-
Me: DID YOU HEAR THAT???!!!!!
Fang: What?
Me: Adam just said my writing sounded like I was drunk at a bar! That little %%^&$$%!!!!!
Fang: Ok....
Me: Him and his stupid Alaska-sized ego....
Fang: I know, I know....
Me: and now Mehegan's doing his 'we must use formal writing' rant. I hate formal writing.
Fang: Well, it's ok, Saint, they've moved on to someone else's paragraph. It's over.
Me: It is NOT over! Drunk at a bar.....
Fang: Saint, let it go....
Me: Well, I guess he would know! He's the one who goes to parties and, as he put it, 'burned sage to charge the positive ions in the atmosphere'.
Fang: He smokes pot?
Me: Yes! He's admitted it! Of course, stupid Adom thinks he's so perfect! #^^*!!! I hope his appendix is ripped out by a wild nargle!
Fang: Ok, Saint.....
Me: Drunk at a bar.....How does the phrase, 'To put it simply...' make me sound like I'm drunk at a bar? He's so rude!
Fang; He doesn't know it's yours....
Me: He knows the person who wrote it is in the room! What is so wrong with constructive criticism?
Fang: Maybe you should go back to writing that story about Cor. Get your mind off this.
Me: I will.....Right after I write a cute little story about Adam....
Once upon a time, Adam was driving his car down a country road in New England. He was listening to his Classical Music CD, which he listened to so people would think he was smarter than them. Everything he did was so people would think he was the smartest. He dressed overly-nicely and used big words.
To put it simply, he was a big, fat, pain in the ass.
As Adam was driving along, he looked on the side of the road and saw, of all things, a penguin.
"A penguin? In New England?" He thought. "How strange....Hey! If I had a pet penguin, I'd be cooler than everyone else at school! No one has a pet penguin!"
He pulled over and got out of his perfect, little car. "Here penguin, here boy." He called, sexistly assuming the penguin was male.
Suddenly, something hit him on the back of the head and he was out cold.
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Later, he awoke to find himself in the middle of the woods. He sat up, looking around. He laid eyes on a strange group of people; A girl, a boy with wings, a very small man, and the penguin. One of them had a familiar face.
"Hey, Saint!" Adam said. "What are you doing? Is this a joke? Ewww....I have mud on my new shoes! Hey, why are you in a cloak? I demand to know! Ahhh! My shirt is wrinkled!"
"Hey, anybody reminded of that Katy Perry song, Ur So Gay?" asked the small man.
As the others laughed, Saint stepped forward. "Adam, you have been brought out here to be punished."
"Punished?!" Adam asked, surprised. Adam didn't get punished often. "Punished for what?"
Saint rolled her eyes. "For being a complete tool." She grinned evilly. "Now you shall be beaten..."
"With a herring?" Fang asked.
Saint shook her head. "Oh, no. I shall use something much more dangerous than that..."
"What?" Pooky asked.
"Adam's own ego."
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So, Saint beat Adam with his own oversized ego until not only had Adam learned his lesson, but his ego had been worn down to an acceptable size.
And no one ever had to hear Adam insult them or say 'Speaking from personal experience...' again.
THE END