Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: Well here we are, the long awaited moment has finally come. I'm so glad people have enjoyed this part of the story until now, I really wanted to show how life in prison would be like for Lisbon, I wanted to create memorable characters that would impart their own wisdom and quirks onto things. I also wanted to show how much Lisbon has changed over these past two years. You'll see some of that in this chapter and others to come. But Jane's return it definitely going to shake things up a bit. How does he react to Lisbon in prison? What has happened that makes Lisbon so unhappy to see him? What will Jane say to her about everything that happened before he went away? And of course, how will he react to finding out he has a daughter out there?
Don't just sit there, get to reading hehehe
Chapter 11: Just Another Fool
Months passed in a blur of repetition. Things were happening outside of the walls of Dublin prison but the prison itself seemed to be in a king of Groundhogs Day time warp where each day was the same. It wasn't the case obviously, but the days, weeks and months did blend together. Evie's first birthday had come and gone, now her second birthday was just around the corner. Time and funds meant Lisbon hadn't seen her daughter in person for almost six months; she was watching all of the milestones through still pictures and over the phone. It was easy but in some ways she felt better when her brothers and daughter were not with her, it meant she could almost pretend she wasn't losing so much time.
She didn't receive visitors anymore. Not that she was forgotten, she still received mail regularly from Grace and Rigsby, a bit more sporadically from Cho and several times a week from her brothers. But their lives were continuing. Cho was working with the FBI, Grace and Rigsby were new parents to their own little girl and focused entirely on their company.
For the first time she understood the encompassing, fear inmates had when they finally were freed. She honestly didn't know what kind of world she was going to walk into. Nor did she know what she would be able to do with her freedom. Obviously she would finally be a true mother to Evelyn but other then that she had very few prospects, not many people wanted to hire a felon, especially not any law enforcement agency. Rigsby and Grace told her they would happily offer her a job, Tommy also suggested she become a bounty hunter like him. She wasn't sure how much she liked either option but she wasn't sure if she would even have much choice.
When she got out she would not only have to find a job, but a home, a life that involved her making real decisions again. She could do it, but it wasn't going to be easy adjusting to freedom again.
But this brought up another question over when would she finally leave this prison for good? She had a set date where she was up for parole and her counselor assured here there was no reason she wouldn't be granted. However, Eric was also insisting that the publicity from the book could get her out sooner. It was hard for Lisbon to actually believe that, but she had committed to doing everything she could to get out and be with Evie again.
At mailcall she received a big thick package from Erik and wasn't surprised to find the final bound manuscript of the book with a note from him.
This was sent to the printers this morning but I wanted you to have a copy. When this hit the shelves it's going to be huge.
~E
She'd read almost every word of the book several times since he'd been good to his word and made sure she'd gotten copies of every chapter. Still, Lisbon took the time to read through the book again. She was pleased to find he'd done a good job of balancing out what happened over the years as well as presented her point of view, for once she was finally getting a voice on everything that had happened. Maybe then everyone would understand why she'd done it.
The final few chapters were the most touching as he went into detail on her trial and meeting her. It was important to her that he'd actually quoted her word for word in some parts, so there wouldn't be any confusion on her intents. But he went a step further and interviewed the families of victims of Red John and the Blake Association to ask about what they thought of her conviction.
Not a single family member regretted the actions Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon took that day, in fact, many expressed admiration and the belief that they only did what was necessary. Not one believed Agent Lisbon deserved to be charged and convicted of a crime that brought down a serial killer and a corrupt law enforcement ring.
The scales of justice are blind but neither should they be deaf and dumb. Justice does not mean convicting people of taking action that no one else could to save lives. And their actions most certainly saved countless lives, we cannot know how many people were saved the day Red John died and the Blake Association was exposed. But we do know of one person who sacrificed their freedom to do so.
It was almost worth crying over.
Lisbon knew she was probably biased since she'd helped write the thing after all. So she gave the manuscript to Jinx to read, figuring her friend would at the very least speak her mind.
It took Jinx a couple of days to finish the book but Lisbon wasn't wrong about her friends lack of filter.
"Honestly," Jinx said, "think its fucked up."
Lisbon was surprised by that comment. "You think the book is that bad?"
"I wasn't talking about the book," Jinx told her, "I meant you and Blondie."
"Jane?"
"Yeah," Jinx explained. "What the hell is wrong with him?"
"You know about his family and how that hurt him."
"And that's an excuse for treating you and everyone else like shit?" Jinx asked. "I mean Lee maybe have fucked other bitches but he when he said he loved me he didn't take it back."
"Jane didn't—."
"Oh please, the man remembers what he ate for breakfast ten years ago," Jinx scoffed, "you really think he just happened to forget dropping the L-bomb?"
Lisbon didn't say anything for a while. The truth was she'd long suspected that herself, she just never admitted it. "There's more to it then that."
"I just think he's either a complete jack ass or a coward," Jinx said, "Maybe both. He strings you along, then pushes you away, brings you back…I mean when I was reading about that Lorelei bitch I just wanted to kick him in the balls…a lot."
She was very quiet, feeling embarrassed now that her relationship was being critiqued like this…and she really didn't have much of a defense. "But when it mattered he was there for me."
Jinx nodded her head. "Yeah, I just don't know if its because he loves ya or if he just didn't want to lose you."
"We slept together," Lisbon reminded her.
"He slept with that other bitch too."
"It's not the same thing," she pointed out, "he was using her to get to Red John. He didn't have the same reason with me."
Jinx was quiet for a bit before nodding. "You're right…he still treated you like shit though."
A small smile cracked her lips. "I can't really argue with that point…but I did punch him once and found ways to push him back."
"Well that's something," Jinx replied. "The guy did a good job with your case though. I mean he really showed how the bigwigs screwed you over just to make themselves feel better."
"That's one way to put it," Lisbon admitted. She sighed heavily. "You think anything will come of it?"
Jinx shrugged. "I don't see why those idiots said you were guilty in the first place so I'm really not a good judge."
"Neither am I," Lisbon admitted. "On a logical basis I see why I'm here, I broke the law, I should be punished…but on the other…" she gritted her teeth before finally admitting. "I'm fucking pissed! I didn't rob a bank or commit fraud, I gave a man my gun and my car so he could take out a serial killer and save lives. And because of that…I missed my daughter's birthday."
"They just slap a stamp on it and call it justice," Jinx agreed. That made Lisbon laugh, a bit of lighthearted truth that she needed. But Jinx got serious after a moment. "You'll get out though."
"You don't know that."
Jinx shrugged. "If there is a God, you'll get out. Someway."
Lisbon pondered her friend's words, she couldn't deny she hoped Jinx was right. She wanted out of there more than anything. But hope wasn't something she could hold on to these days.
She'd been burned before.
Three days later, Lisbon and Jinx were at her bunk and the former was trying to convince the latter to give a certain book a try. "I thought it was a weird choice too but my sister-in-law swore by it, and it's actually pretty interesting."
"A guy kills his wife and somehow he's the good guy?" Jinx said doubtfully, "A pretty messed up book."
"He didn't kill his wife," Lisbon explains, "He's trying to find out what happened to her and all of the evidence seems to point to him, then there's a big twist."
"What?"
"I'm not going to tell you, it would ruin the whole thing!"
"Then why tell me?" Jinx asked.
"So that you would be interested enough to read it."
Jinx shrugged. "I think I'll wait to see the movie, I hear you get to see Ben Affleck's dick which is more than enough to get me interested."
Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Good luck getting the warden to screen it on Saturday night."
"I could tell him it's an educational look at human nature…and anatomy."
They were laughing over the ridiculous idea of the warden falling for that load of bullshit when Nichols came up. "Lisbon," He barked and she expected to be reprimanded. "Come with me."
"For what?" Jinx asked but Lisbon knew better than to question what a guard wanted.
She dutifully got to her feet and was genuinely surprised when they cuffed her, now she was really confused. The only reason she would be cuffed was if she was leaving the prison, and there was no reason for that. Nichols led her down the cellblock to the gate where sure enough, she was led outside.
Cho was waiting for her right outside and to say she was surprised to see him was an understatement. "Cho?!" She asked happily, "What are you doing here?"
"Following my orders," Cho told her, but there was a real smile on his lips.
"Whose orders? You haven't written me in months, I have no idea what you are doing in your life anymore."
"Training at Quantico keeps you busy."
"You're an FBI agent now?" Lisbon asked, she shouldn't be all that surprised but it was intriguing that Cho had gone to work for the federal government when the others on their team had switched to the private sector…or prison.
Cho nodded. "Abbott wants you in Austin, today."
"So are we flying con-air or commercial?" She asked, only half teasing. She'd heard nightmarish stories about some of the inmates flying on the prison transport plane but she had a feeling Cho would be a lot more compassionate then marshals.
Cho sat with her on the bus ride to the airport where she was put into leg shackles, she saw the way apology in his eyes and the pity but mercifully neither said a word. Cho had been there when she'd first been convicted and had defended her from the beginning, but he was a federal officer and she was an inmate, neither one wanted to break the rules and cause more harm then was already done.
The commercial flight was a little humiliating as many passengers stared at her, thankfully the FBI had purchased a seat at the front and she was given the window seat with Cho beside her and the empty aisle seat. She could feel the eyes watching her but didn't have to suffer seeing them.
Almost immediately Cho pulled out a book and began to read while Lisbon puttered in her seat, bored and anxious. "What does Abbott want with me? Nothing has changed, I still don't know where Jane is and I think two years in prison would have convinced him of that."
"He doesn't need you for that," Cho replied, not looking up from his book.
"Are you going to act the part of the jackass guard and keep me in the dark?" Lisbon asked, "or are you still my friend?"
Cho gave her a look but did close the book so he could meet her eyes. "Abbott found Jane, he wants him to join the FBI so he offered him a deal. Jane is on his way to Austin as we speak."
Lisbon gaped at him; she wasn't even breathing at this point which might be why she was so light headed. Jane was back. He was coming back! "And…and he isn't being arrested."
"Not if he takes the deal to work with the FBI."
"Then…then why am I going?"
"Jane had his own terms," Cho explained, "One of them was that you be there when he arrived."
He wanted her there. He still wanted to see her even after two years. She couldn't help but smile then, she even felt tears springing to her eyes at that knowledge. "Oh…oh so Jane wants me there," she repeated dumbly. Then another thought came to mind. "Does he know? Did Abbott tell him about me and…and Evie?"
Cho shook his head. "Not that I know of."
Lisbon nodded, filing that information away. "Okay. I have to tell him. About Evie, I mean I'm sure it'll be obvious that I've been in prison but he doesn't know about Evie and I think it should be me who tells him." Cho didn't say anything but she saw a bit of embarrassment in his eyes…and sadness. "What is it? What aren't you telling me?"
"I shouldn't say anything."
"If it is about Jane then I should know," Lisbon insisted, "I was his friend for ten years and he's the father of my child."
Cho still looked uncomfortable but she knew she was breaking him down. "Jane is fine," he assured her, "Its just…how they got him to come back."
"What do you mean?" She wasn't going to let up and he knew it, which was how she was going to force the truth out of him. She had spent most of her time with Jane on the dark side of the truth; she wasn't going to keep that record up.
"They had another agent go undercover on the island…it was a honey trap."
"A honey trap," Lisbon repeated, mulling those words over and over in her mind. She knew what they meant, she knew what that kind of investigation entailed. It just seemed unfathomable that it would be used against Jane.
"Yeah, Agent Fischer went undercover as a tourist, she befriended him."
"I know what a honey trap means, Cho," Lisbon snapped, "It usually involves more than just talking about the sites." She didn't mean to be so short with Cho and immediately she softened. "I need to know."
"Lisbon…"
"I've been in prison for two years because of what happened between Jane and me," Lisbon reminded him, "I deserve the full truth."
Cho nodded and she could tell this was actually painful for him to do. "They went out…on a date," She pursed her lips but didn't interrupt him as he admitted. "I know she spent the night at his apartment."
That hurt, like a punch. "They slept together?"
"I don't know. That wasn't a part of her orders."
Lisbon knew that the federal government wasn't going to order an agent to sleep with a mark…but it wasn't going to stop them either if it gave them an edge. She felt sick but there was something else, a hesitance in Cho's gaze. "What else? What aren't you telling me?"
She couldn't imagine what could be worse.
"He told her that he wouldn't go backwards, that meant moving on from everything from before." Cho admitted. "And before the date…he took his ring off."
Nothing could have caused her more pain, not a bullet to her shoulder or that cut with a razor blade. She had been on the floor bleeding before many times but never had she been cut into so many little pieces.
She had loved Jane for years, had waited for him, worked with him, dried his tears and held his hand so many times. She had fallen into bed with him, sacrificed her career and then her freedom for him…she'd borne him another child.
And yet he'd done more to move on for a complete stranger than he ever had for her.
Lisbon bent her head over her knees as she tried to breathe, there was a ringing in her ears that blocked out all other noise, she could feel the bile in her stomach churning. It wasn't until she felt the wetness on her hands that she realized she was crying, but she wasn't making a sound.
"Here," Cho said, gently tapping her shoulder, "drink this."
He pressed a bottle of water into her hands, it was hard to fumble with in her cuffs but she managed to bring it to her lips and take a few sips. The water did nothing more but force her to focus on something else other than the nightmare crashing down around her.
She took some deep breaths and managed to calm down enough to be able to focus her thoughts again. "I'm okay," she told Cho.
"No you're not."
He was right and there was no denying that. "I just can't believe this. After everything that happened I kept thinking that maybe…maybe it would work out somehow…that it would all be worth it. God I'm such an idiot."
"You're both idiots."
She looked up at him, a little surprised that he was so blunt. Then she laughed a little, a bit of gallows humor but it kept her from crying. "You're right."
Cho nodded, as close to affection as he could get. "You'll be okay."
She wasn't quite as sure but she turned to look out the window, the clouds were peaceful, white fluffy pieces of cotton candy. But she was wishing for grey, dreary, rain to fit the turbulent pain filling her. She'd lost so much these past two years, now she was learning how unappreciated and worthless it really was.
But why?
He had spent ten years toying with her emotions, pushing her in directions she didn't want to go, feeling loss and pain as he pushed her aside only to draw her back in and repeat the painful cycle all over again. And then when he finally got what he wanted…he cast her aside and she reaped the consequences of his sins.
No she wasn't seeing grey…she was seeing bright angry red.
Lisbon waited in the conference room; with every minute she just grew firmer in her resentment. For two years she'd been waiting for him, waiting for her life to get back, waiting for him to finally be ready for the life she had wanted. And here she was learning that none it mattered, none of the sacrifices and heartache had meant anything to him…or at least not enough.
She heard the door open but didn't move; again she waited until he spoke. "Hey."
Only then did she stand up and turn around to give him a good view of what her wardrobe consisted of. His face as he took in the sight of her was priceless, absolute shock and horror. "Why do you look so surprised, Jane?" She asked him, choosing a mocking tone, "You've seen prison clothes before."
But he still didn't speak, just took it all in some more. She took that same opportunity to look him over herself. "Nice beard, it goes good with your tan," she commented, "I haven't had any time to go to the beach lately myself."
"Lisbon," Jane said, his voice still soft with shock, "How…how did this happen?"
"Oh you know, the typical complication with the Jane scheme, things happen and I pay the price," Lisbon retorted sarcastically.
He was still too stunned to be hurt by her words and before anything more could be said, Abbott came in with a pile of papers. "Well, lets get started," he said as if it was all about business.
"Uh hold on," Jane said interrupting, "what the hell happened?"
Abbott looked at both of them. "I assume you are talking about Ms. Lisbon."
"Yeah, why is she a prisoner?"
The agent leaned back in his chair and gave Jane a calm look. "Two years ago, Ms. Lisbon here was charged and convicted with conspiracy to commit the murder of Thomas McAllister, she has been serving her sentence in the Women's Correctional Facility in Dublin since."
"That is ridiculous," Jane said, "Lisbon didn't conspire with anyone to commit murder."
"I watched her with my own eyes hand you her gun and her car keys so you could evade the authorities with the intention of killing Thomas McAllister."
It was funny how quickly Jane became angry. "So, this was all your plan."
Abbott actually seemed amused by Jane's accusations. "I had nothing to do with her being charged. In fact, I gave her many opportunities to have my help in having the charges dropped."
"And yet you still let it happen?"
"It is not the authority of the FBI to interfere with state investigations, even if we feel they are unwarranted." Abbott said sternly, "The state of California believed she broke the law and she was convicted of it. That was out of my hands."
"She needs to be released, now."
"That is not for me to authorize," Abbott continued. "Ms. Lisbon is here because you wished her to be, I am here to explain the conditions of your work with the FBI." He held up one stack of papers. Jane, these are the charges pending against you, homicide, obstruction of justice, aggravated assault, grand theft auto, etc. You're looking at twenty to life, but all of that can go away if you agree to serve as a consultant for the FBI for at least five years. You will be under my supervision, on federal parole, which may be revoked at any time at my discretion. You screw up, run away, do anything I don't like and you'll be in the jailhouse."
Abbott slid the paperwork across the table to Jane along with a pen. "Sign here and we have a deal."
"We have already agreed to some terms," Jane told him, that was news to Lisbon. "First, no parole, I'm a free man. Second, Lisbon is released with a clean record and has to work with me."
"Oh goody, prison or Jane, can't decide what is worse," Lisbon said sourly.
"Am I really that hard to work for?" Jane turned with a surprised tone in his voice.
"I don't know," Lisbon said holding up her cuffed wrists for him to see, "Why don't you ask me that again?"
"That's enough," Abbott said, "I'm telling you that this is the deal the FBI is willing to give you and that is the a napkin. Now you can take this deal or you can be taken into custody. It's your call."
Jane gave Abbott a good old-fashioned stare down before turning down his offer. Then another agent came in which Jane was really surprised to see. "Kim?!"
Oh so that was the bitch that they sent to seduce Jane. Lisbon thought, not even considering how crass prison had made her vocabulary. Jane's favorite FBI agent gave mock surprise and sadness over Jane's lack of cooperation as he was being led away.
Then it was just the three of them with Lisbon staring at them all alone. "Nice show," she remarked, "Thanks for the invitation although I can't help but wonder why I was given one in the first place."
"Jane wanted you here," Abbott reminded her.
"Jane wanted a lot of things," Lisbon said looking over the napkin still in front of her, "Including an unlimited supply of tea." She rolled her eyes at that one, "can't say that one surprises me." She met Abbott's eyes again, "You never intended to give him any of his conditions, so why this one? Especially when it involves pulling an inmate across the country for a five second chat?"
Abbott smiled, obviously impressed by her astuteness. "You always were a good agent."
"Yes I was," Lisbon agreed, "now why don't you stop insulting my intelligence and answer my question."
He leaned forward, still amused. "I was hopeful that your presence would remind Jane what he has to lose by turning down this deal."
"He doesn't have anything to lose."
"Of course he does."
"Like what?" Lisbon asked, "he doesn't care about where he goes or what he does, he can adapt anywhere. Prison is a game for him and he can play it until he gets bored with it. He knows you want him and you won't risk throwing him in with the guys at max, besides, he has more to gain by forcing you to bend to his will."
"He has a family," Abbott reminded her, "One he will want to see sooner than later."
Lisbon looked away and shook her head. "You mean my daughter? He doesn't know about her."
Now it was Abbott's turn to be surprised. "You didn't tell him?" She didn't speak, just stared him down just like Jane did. "I'm surprised, prison has changed a lot of things about you."
"Yeah it has," Lisbon agreed.
"Including how you feel about him." Again she didn't say anything but Abbott just continued, "he seems to still care about you, he sent you letters."
"Letters aren't enough," Lisbon explained, "I've learned actions mean more, symbolic gestures, not spending the night with other women," she glanced at Fischer who wasn't looking at her at all. "Letters are just words, and Jane is very good at making bullshit sound good."
Abbott closed the file. "Perhaps, or maybe your anger is clouding your judgment."
She shook her head and gave up convincing him otherwise. "When am I going back to Dublin?"
"We'll arrange transportation," Abbott explained, "Until then you'll stay in solitary."
"Sounds great," Lisbon said dryly and waited for the guards to come to take her away. It was something she was getting rather used to.
Solitary was a line of cells that were four star hotel rooms compared to what she was used to in Dublin. She wasn't sure why they thought sticking Jane in one of these would get him to agree to their demands, the man had lived in a pallet on the attic, this was Jamaica compared to that.
She sat on the bed for a long time staring at the four walls and the toilet that was all to herself, it was going to be nice to be able to use the bathroom alone. But after an hour of looking at the walls she needed something else to do.
"Hey!" she called out, banging on the door for a moment before the guard lifted the metal flap. She smiled at him sweetly, "Do you guys have a library or anything here?"
"Not much," the guard admitted. "Why?"
"I know I'm not going to be here long but if I have to stare at the walls for much longer than I'm going to go crazy, saying 'redrum' over and over again and all of that nonsense." That got a chuckle out of the guard. "So I'm begging you if you can get me a book, any book, then I will be extremely grateful."
The guard smiled at her. "I'll see what I can find."
"Thank you!" She said excitedly, "and if I could ask, if you see anything by Jane Austen, then grab that right away."
He chuckled again and lowered the flap to do his good deed while she smiled over the fact that not all guards were dicks like Lewkowski was.
Lisbon was still smiling as she took a seat on her bed again, grateful that there was still some kindness in the world when recently she'd seen so little of it. "You know there are other works out there besides Jane Austen."
"Jesus!" Lisbon exclaimed, startled by a voice that came out of nowhere. "Who the hell was that?"
"Jesus apparently."
Lisbon groaned and started searching the room. "Where the hell are you coming from Jane?"
"Your mind, I've managed to communicate with you telepathically. Now you'll never get me out of your head."
"Bite me," Lisbon responded, letting him know exactly what she thought of him getting inside her head.
Jane laughed which sounded very echoic in the room. "Look on the right wall, there's a vent."
She did a quick search and found the vent right by the bed, hidden a little by the mattress. She pulled the bed away with a squeak to lie down and look inside, on the other side of the small tunnel was Jane's face. "Hello!" Jane said cheerfully.
"This is another one of your tricks isn't it? You somehow convinced the guard to get the room right next to mine."
"I assure you I had no idea where you were until I heard you asking for Jane Austen. Granted, I'm not unhappy with the situation."
"Then you're the only one."
"Lisbon, I'm hurt," Jane said in the tone that made her unsure if he was lying or not.
"Is that even possible?" Lisbon asked sarcastically. The silence that followed showed her words were very wrong indeed. She sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, that was out of line."
"You have every right to be angry," Jane said gently. "But I want you to know, I need you to know that I'm so very sorry for what happened to you. I would never have let that happen if I'd known."
"You're sorry," Lisbon repeated, "well that makes the past two years so much better."
"It's the truth."
"You know what, Jane? I'm so goddamned tired of you apologizing. You have so much to be sorry for but you don't change, you just keep finding new ways to hurt me. An apology means nothing until you find a way to stop needing to make one."
"You know holding a grudge is not good for your health."
"Yeah? Neither is a punch in the nose."
"How do you plan to do that exactly?" Jane asked, he sounded rather amused by the idea of her attempting such a feat.
But Lisbon just found it frustrating. "So help me God if I see you outside this cell."
"You won't hurt me." He said confidently.
"Like hell I won't."
"Nah, I think deep down you are glad I am back. Just admit it and you will feel better."
"Go to hell, Jane!"
"Where is that exactly now?" It was déjà vu all over again.
"The place I am going to send you if you don't shut up!"
"Come on, the guard is not coming back with your book any time soon," Jane pointed out. "So why not make most of the time we have left together and talk."
She searched for a reason, even the most pathetic one. "Because I don't like you."
"Now we both know that is not true."
"You are an arrogant prick."
He chuckled. "Language now. Prison sure has had a bad influence on your vocabulary."
Lisbon thought about a retort for a long moment before saying. "You're a mentalist so tell me what I am thinking now?"
Jane pretended to do just that. "Well, that is just rude and I never thought I would see the day you said that."
"I didn't say anything."
"In your mind you did."
"You can't read minds."
"I can read yours perfectly, even now."
"And?" Lisbon asked, her tone mocking his so called power.
His voice was softer now. "You're torn between two emotions, gratitude that I am back and fierce anger that you suffered while I seemingly didn't."
"Seemingly?" Lisbon repeated, "I'm sure you were suffering so much lying on the beach while pretty island girls begged to bring you a some fruity drink with an umbrella."
"Where exactly did you think I was? Margaritaville?" She didn't respond to that and Jane didn't wait for her to anyways. "There is more than one way to suffer, Lisbon. I suffered by missing you."
But she did know this wasn't an accident. Abbott was still trying to get her to talk sense into Jane…or at the very least tell him about his daughter. The idea of telling him about Evie hadn't even crossed her mind in the conference room. Now…now she didn't know what she would do. It galled her that Jane had been so devil may care while she was in prison. It killed her that he'd spent the night with another woman. It was destroying her that he still hadn't even mentioned what had happened between them.
Maybe if he did…
"How?" Lisbon asked.
"Excuse me?"
"How did you miss me?" She explained. "What exactly did you wish would happen if you saw me again? What exactly did you miss?"
Jane didn't speak for a moment before saying very carefully. "I missed my friend, I missed talking to you, you have a presence that makes my life brighter."
Rather than be flattered by his statement as she might have been once before, she pointed out the flaw in it. "Is that it?"
He was obviously surprised by that. "You think I should have said more?"
"Maybe," Lisbon replied, "maybe you should have missed me as more than a friend, especially after what happened between us."
"After what happened?"
Lisbon gaped at the vent for a long while, too stunned by his response to even think. It just kept repeating through her mind, just like another time.
"Did you mean what you said?"
"What did I say? I was a little hyped up."
Only this was worse, there was no excuse, no matter how poor, that could be believed. No one forgot having sex, not unless they were drunk…and he'd been stone sober that night.
"You know what?" Lisbon growled out and then slapped the vent in frustration. "Fuck you! You're such an asshole! You can be honest with complete strangers but lie and hurt the only people in this world who care about you. And what do I get? Two damn years in prison and a goddamn excuse. Fuck you, Jane. I'm done."
She stood up quickly and shoved the bed against the vent even as he tapped on the vent. "Lisbon? Lisbon, let me explain."
But she wasn't giving him the chance. She grabbed the pillow and moved to the chair on the far side of the room. She covered her ears with the pillow so she couldn't hear him anymore then let herself feel the hurt all over again. He wanted to pretend that their night together never happened. Either he regretted it or…or it hadn't meant a thing to him. She didn't know it was possible to feel such pain.
She wasn't about to let him know that they were bound together by their daughter…not now.
Lisbon cried into her knees, she wasn't sure if he could hear her or not but she didn't care.
She doubted he did.
Lisbon only spent one night in solitary before she was taken away back to Dublin. Jane was sorry to see her go, not the least of which is because she never did give him a chance to actually talk about what had happened to her…and between them. She had stayed far away from the vent, covering her ears when he spoke or ignoring him completely. He understood that, he was the asshole that got her sent to prison after all.
Of course he was going to fix all of that.
As for the FBI's offer, well they could shove it until they gave him what he wanted. It was laughable that they thought locking him up in isolation would change his mind. This cell was luxurious compared to some of the dives he'd lived in before; he could play this game as long as he wanted. He didn't have anything to lose.
Three days after Lisbon's departure Jane received a visit from Agent Abbott. "Is it visiting hours?"
Abbott didn't look too amused by his quip, not that Jane cared. "I just wanted to see if you'd changed your mind now that you've had some time to think things over."
"I have on one thing," Jane admitted, "I think I'd like to specify the kind of tea I demand, I'm not a fan of black teas."
The FBI agent really didn't like that reply. "You really should take this deal, Jane. It's in your best interest."
"I'm not going to be the FBI's leashed pet," Jane replied. "I want my freedom and I want it on my own terms."
Abbott sighed. "I had hoped you would be more receptive to the deal when you realized what was at stake."
"I do know," Jane said, "And its in my best interest to get what I want. My freedom and Lisbon's." He smirked. "Or did you think sticking us in side by side cells would have her convince me to make the deal? That's ludicrous really, it's better for her in the long run too."
Abbott stared at him for a minute, puzzled a bit. Then he shook his head and laughed a little. "You really did piss her off, I didn't think she had it in her to be so resentful. I was wrong."
Now it was Jane's turn to be confused. "She has a right to be angry."
"Oh she most certainly does," Abbott agreed. "She didn't deserve to be put in prison for your crimes, but that seems to be a pattern when it comes to you two. She's the one who suffers the most while you get away with too much…usually you try to mitigate the damage but you weren't around this time."
"I plan on changing that."
Abbott met Jane's eyes. "She's getting out in less than a year, most of her sentence is over. I'd say it's a little late to be trying to fix things for her; the best thing for your circumstances would be to get out as soon as possible. You've already missed a lot."
"And leave Lisbon in prison?" Jane asked, "No."
"You really have no idea? Did you even ask her how she got convicted?"
"What are you talking about?" he asked, Jane had stopped liking this game when it became clear that Abbott held a better hand then he had originally assumed.
But Abbott seemed to be enjoying this a bit. "You must have realized the evidence against her was fairly weak, no one cares that a serial killer was murdered, especially when she wasn't the one who actually did it. It would have had to be proven she had a personal reason for helping you," Abbott explained, "a personal relationship with you."
Now Jane smirked. "You keep trying to put a romantic spin on our relationship. It makes a sweet story but you don't really have much to go on."
"That's not true," Abbott replied.
Jane narrowed his eyes and frowned. "You're trying to trick me."
"No, I know for a fact you had some kind of personal relationship with her," Abbott explained. "I had my own suspicions before, especially when her lawyer announced she was pregnant during her trial."
Jane felt his stomach twist at that revelation, it must have shown on his face because Abbott looked pleased then. "It became a certainty when another inmate testified that she'd confessed that the child was yours. I'm afraid for her sake it was much easier for the prosecution to make their case after that."
He didn't speak; there was no reason to. He wasn't going to deny it when there was no reason to anymore. Besides, he was too stunned to even think of any sort of reply.
"She had a daughter a few months after she was convicted," Abbott replied, "her brother has custody until Lisbon's release. I'm still surprised she never told you herself since I was under the impression she was actively hoping for your return so you could be a family…something must have changed her mind."
Abbott met Jane's eyes again. "I could arrange for you to be in Chicago tomorrow, you could see your daughter and would never have to spend another day apart from her. But you would have to accept the deal first."
Oh he had no idea how tempting that was.
Jane knew Abbott was playing him and he was doing a damn good job. After Charlotte's death he would be never want to lose the chance at being in his daughter's life, not when he never dreamed he would be a father again.
But Abbott had only solidified his own convictions now.
"I'm not going to be a prisoner for the FBI," Jane replied, "and I'm not going to let Lisbon be one either."
"And what about your daughter?"
Jane shrugged. "She's safe with her family, why would I be concerned?"
Abbott frowned, clearly disappointed it didn't work. "I'll let you think about it for a while long, see how much time with your daughter you want to miss."
He did leave Jane alone again, silence filling the void of where he'd been. Jane had kept up a façade of casual indifference even if it was far from the truth. He was feeling a lot of things at the moment.
Jane put his head in his hand and let himself feel. Tears welled in his eyes and spilled into his hands. He wasn't sure if they were from joy or from pain. He was feeling a mixture of both.
He would fix this. He had to.
A/N: I know what you are thinking. Jane is a complete idiot...and you are absolutely right. I follow the idea that Jane is a coward when it comes to his feelings for Lisbon, he'd rather things remain the same in a place he's comfortable then risk his heart and actually be honest to her about how he feels. I think season 6 of the show really showed that, how he wasn't able to actually tell her the truth until she was literally on the plane to leave. And it wasn't like she didn't give him plenty of opportunities to speak up before.
But obviously JAne is not happy one bit that Lisbon is in prison and he is going to do absolutely everything he can to get her released. And yeah, he definitely has a couple of apologies to make...but that's all for another chapter.
The next chapter has Lisbon back in Dublin and seething with anger which is not a good thing to be in prison. She'll get some much needed advice from some old friends outside and inside prison gates. She has to decide if there is a way that Jane does succeed...does she actually want to be anywhere near him again?