Disclaimer: Not mine, any of them. Well, Dr. J. C is.

A/N: The same person, presumably (that's what it feels like, I may be wrong) keeps sending me anonymous threats of reporting me. One called me a 'retard'? I have family that is differently able, and 'retard' should not be used as an insult, because it's a genuine medical condition, one that people can't help! it's lame and insensitive.

I've deleted my 'attack' which by the guidelines at FF cannot be considered as one anyway, because you can't defame someone who is hidden and unnamed. But, I'd rather carry on writing without having to do this. This is boring and exhausting and I'm over it.

I have deleted those reviews and now will continue to do so in silence.

Sincerely,

Pasha.

I apologise to everyone else - that was a little ugly (on my part).

I hope the rest of you, new and old readers enjoy this chapter!

Some Nicer Stuff – to my new Follower 'MyAnatomy,' I love the handle! It gave me a good chuckle!

Onward

There is this feeling, and it's pretty indefinable. It seems to start at the pit of your stomach, in your toes, in the tips of your fingers, at the base of your skull… and it always spreads like a cold wild fire, changing everything inside you. It speeds everything up and slows everything down. People say its fear, but it's so much more than that. It's dread; it's a cold sweat that pre-tells an excruciating and irreplaceable loss. It forces its way into your consciousness and in that one moment everything turns on its head, and suddenly you can see, but you can't, and everything is white noise, screeching, halting, blank, endless… That's when you know it happened. Disaster crept up on you; you weren't looking 'cause you were the happy kid on the playground; the unsuspecting sap who thought this happened to other people, until… until it happened to you.

Callie Torres could smell apples. Not the usual kind, they were the green ones that made her think about youth and frozen yogurt. Her nose twitched, something was lightly brushing it, tickling it. She fought it really hard, but she couldn't anymore – the brush was both pleasant and annoying. It pulled something from the recesses of her memory till she groggily opened her eyes and… comically gasped her surprise.

Arizona's face was hovering over hers. Wisps of her long hair played on Callie's face, the street lights bounced off of them creating a mesmerising sheen – something Callie had tried so hard to forget when she'd laid alone in bed for the past month and a half.

Arizona's eyes were doing that thing. They were as dark as the night sky, and shone like there were liquid embers in them.

"What are you doing?" Her face was so close; Callie's breath caressed the skin of her cheek.

"I'm… I just, I had a thing… and then I couldn't… and yeah." Arizona was flustered. A while back she wouldn't have thought anything of it. She was looking at her wife, and if they were them she would have shamelessly kissed her wife. Hard. And things would have happened…

Callie rubbed at her eyes, awkwardly pushing herself up on one elbow, the movement forcing Arizona to lean back and sit up – "Yes, stop being a well of information! I'm drowning!"

Arizona gave her a sheepish smile, like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"This isn't a sex thing, right?!" Callie asked, panicked and doubtful, her heart kicked it up - all systems go, full speed ahead, then it ended up stuck and thudding in her throat.

'What was that look on Arizona's face?! Guilt? Disappointment? What?'

"No, no! I just…" she pointed to their once bedroom. Callie had insisted that she'd take the couch outside, concussion or no concussion. Arizona couldn't be expected to sleep on the couch with her leg and the fact that it'd give her a bum back the next morning. So, Callie took the couch, and now Arizona woke her up, sitting on the coffee table, looking at her all creep-tastic like.

"Uff!" Callie groaned as she pushed herself up, now on both elbows. She scooted up to sit on the couch with her back resting on the arm rest. 'God! She felt so… so old. She felt old in her achey-breaky bones!' She giggled a little at herself; to herself.

"What?" Arizona asked her, a slight and amused smirk on her face. She knew what. Callie had most likely thought of something. Then she'd thought it was funny, but it probably actually wasn't, because her wife was a cute, lame adorkable weirdo when you woke her before she got her seven hours of slumber.

"Nothing." Callie was giving her that look and it said 'moment's over, come clean, now!'

She sighed. There was no avoiding this. The talking! It had to happen and she had to be honest and open, and all that other annoying sentimental crap that Dr. Wissack told her she had to be. It was annoying, and it wasn't her, but then she looked at her wife's face – Callie looked curious, like she was puzzle solving or something and 'adorkable', and she knew she had to do it…'be honest, because you love this woman. And you fucked up, so fix it. Be honest!'

She brought her hands together, intertwining her fingers, it gave her something to do with them as she leaned forward and made sure to catch and keep Callie's gaze. "I had a nightmare…"

There was a short but heavy silence, and it lingered till the brunette spoke up – "the plane…"

Arizona quickly cut her off - gesturing in the negative, moving her head from side to side – "that's not it… I…"

Callie sat up straighter, all the sleep drained from her eyes. She just now realised it, but her head was swimming a little, and she felt incredibly hot; she threw the light sheet that draped her body and quickly swung her legs to the ground.

"What happened?" Arizona asked – scared, concerned. She saw the brunette trying to stand and hurriedly put her hands on Callie's knees and pushed back. "Don't", she shook her wife's knee a little trying to get her attention – "just tell me what it is! Please?"

Callie took in a deep breath, desperately trying to calm herself; she looked at Arizona and momentarily cupped a hand on her mouth. The dizzy and disorienting feeling passed as Arizona kept lightly moving her hands over her knees in small circles. Callie brought her hand back to the edge of the couch cushion, holding it firmly and anchoring herself. Her posture looked strained to Arizona, but she stopped herself from saying anything. She could hear her shrink talking to her in head 'give her time, it'll take time, but don't give her too much space. She doesn't sound like she appreciates too much space…'

"Can you just…" there it was again, a slight and pinching pain behind her eyes…"can you get me a glass of water please?" She breathed it out slow - like the air pressure around them had improved and she could finally draw a breath.

"Yeah…" – Arizona sounded hesitant; like she didn't want to leave Callie long enough to get her a freakingglass of water. Seeing the concern and uncertainty etched on the blonde's face made her heart melt a little, but she also felt a weird, painful little tug in her chest – 'why'd something always have to happen for Arizona to love her? Why couldn't they just… just be?! Why couldn't they just be in love?!"

She was pulled out of her 'why doesn't Arizona…' reverie (there were so many of them these days) when a glass of water was thrust in front of her face with a light and whispered – "here you go."

"Thanks" – she stopped to take a sip, the water going down her throat a little painfully. She looked up to find Arizona's intense gaze locked on her. The blonde was tracking her every move. She leaned forward, bending a little to keep the glass on the table on which Arizona was seated. That annoying feeling of being constantly observed like she was suddenly going to explode or drop dead finally got to her. Still leaning forward – "Arizona…" she sighed her annoyance into that one word.

"I know, I know…" Arizona backed off a little – "hey! I know, okay? I get it."

More silence followed as they awkwardly looked around the room, when Callie suddenly remembered – "will you tell me?"

The vulnerability with which the question was asked surprised the blonde.

"Tell you what, Calliope?" Arizona had wanted to say her name all the time. 'She wanted to laugh it out, sigh it, say it in cracking fervid whispers under rustling sheets, say it when she held her hand, when she'd get her attention to give her a cup of coffee. That's all she ever wanted to say ever again.'

Callie made that weird clicking sound that let the blonde know she was annoyed with her – "what the nightmare was about? I mean, if it wasn't the plane…" she took a breath to center herself …"then what was it?"

"Yes…" Arizona visibly paled. Callie scooted forward and was about to take the blonde's hands in her own, but she hesitated and fisted up the frumpy cloth at the knees of her wife's pyjamas.

Arizona looked down at the hand that touched her prosthetic. Callie couldn't tell what her wife was thinking, her face hidden from view, and she began to withdraw that hand.

Arizona, sensing her wife's discomfort and the beginnings of a hesitant withdrawal, quickly but gently put her hand on Callie's, squeezing it for comfort and keeping it in place.

Callie's heart sped up again as she looked up to catch Arizona's eyes. Her eyes were swimming with tears, and as she sniffled, they escaped and fell to meet at her chin.

When things were good between them, when they were happy, Callie had always imagined that one day they'd have a little blonde haired, blue eye terror who'd be brave most of the times, and defend other kids on the playground and such things. She'd ride her bike too fast, and she'd never sleep at bed time, she's loathe green vegetables… but when they'd get home from a bad day she'd smile at them, and ask them weird awkward questions and show them meaningless crayon squiggles and all the 'ugly' in the work would just disappear for a while. Because she would be theirs; hers and Arizona – just like Sophia. And on very, very rare occasions, when her little heart would ache over something, she'd come to her mothers, she'd cry and she'd sniffle – that's how her tears would fall and meet at her chin – like Arizona's were now, 'cause she'd have Arizona's chin.

The thought made Callie's chest feel hollow – 'that'd probably not happen anymore, even if they got back together. What if it'd always be on shaky ground? What if it was never like it was before, what if it was like that creepy weak looking shadow Voldermort they saw at the end of that Potter film?! She couldn't… they shouldn't bring another kid into that! God! The concussion was maybe getting to her, a little… maybe.'

Arizona taking in a shallow, shuddering breath through her mouth got her back to reality.

"It wasn't the crash… for the first time since it happened, I… I dreamt of something that wasn't the crash or…" Arizona stopped again, hesitating, but Callie got her meaning and finished her sentence for – "crash adjacent."

"Yes, it was… you." She finished lamely, hoping that was enough. Hoping Callie would get that and make no further enquires, but…no such luck.

"Me? Me what, Arizona? Come on! Okay!?" she looked at her incredulously – "you were creep-sleep-watching me, I don't even know for how long, and you wanted me to wake up…" she heard Arizona gasp; she was getting armed to protest and cut her off with impressive speed – "Oh! Don't even!"

"Don't even deny it! You want to talk, so stop skirting around it and talk! I swear sometimes you mumble like a vapid teenager! I don't get it…" somewhere in the middle, an earnest request for conversation had turned into an angry rant about the blonde's usual quiet and lack of communication.

'Yeesh! Put an end to that, Robbins! Right now!' – "I was watching you breathe." - It was a meek and near quiet admission, a confession that she wouldn't usually part with.

Callie didn't miss it; she heard it – it was the closest Arizona had come to saying 'I love you' to her in the longest time ever. 'That's what this was. That's what those words meant. They were hidden and disguised, but they were there, because Callie could hear them – quiet, but clear. That was an I love you.' - "What?" the word rushed out of Callie's chest, mingled with a weak and shallow breath and disappeared in the air.

Arizona spoke a little louder, 'Callie had to hear this' – "I was watching you breathe! With today and the ER…"

"It's just a scratch though…" the brunette chimed in. Unbeknownst to Callie, that was the wrong thing to say.

"Just a scratch?! It's not just a scratch! How do you know it's just a scratch?! You could have clots…" the sheer charge and ferocity with which she pointed the questions at Callie made her shrink back.

"Arizona, come on… don't…" she huffed – "You'll wake Sophia…" 'terrible, terrible defence. That was deplorable!', but then she had no clue where the blonde was going with this.

Arizona hazarded a look at their daughter's room. They both knew that the chances of waking Sophia were, "huh!" she scoffed – 'miniscule.' She gave Callie a pointed glare, but then it changed into this look of utter 'what was that? Concern? Fervour?' whatever it was, it only served to confuse the brunette even more.

Arizona recognised the look of extreme, extreme confusion on her wife's face – "you really don't know what I'm talking abou…"

She was cut off in the middle – "I am mildly concussed, and maybe a little hung-over … I don't know. But… just tell me okay, it's four in the AM Arizona!" she stage whisper-whined, 'yeah it warranted being said again'…"four in the AM!"

"We never do anything half assed! We break-up the first time – be wawy wawy quiet – I thot I saw a doctor dude – looney tunes – gunman! We break up again…"

"Uh! Unilateral…" Callie sing-songed.

Arizona went on, sparing her a glare – "we break-up again, it's all continental drift! You sleep with Mark and get pregnant, and then you almost die and she almost dies." She pointed to Sophia's room. "My kid! My wife!"

She stopped and took a shuddering breath, trying to compose herself, covering her face with her hands.

Callie couldn't take it anymore. She knew this was important, that this was her wife breaking the right way, so that the mend would be right too. But, this – the gut wrenching silent sobs that her wife was trying to stifle; she could see her lose her breath, and she couldn't not touch her. 'Yes, a part of her hated Arizona right now, the woman gave her everything and then when the crap hit the fan, she took it all away and left this huge-ass empty void inside her… But, Arizona was… she was lost, and she…they were trying to find their way back. So she couldn't not touch her.'

She got off the couch and sat between the blonde's legs. She noted how her back ached but chose to ignore her old creaking bones. Hesitating some – she put both her hands on the blonde's waist…"Arizona…" she's said it like it was the only word she'd known, like it was the only word she'd ever needed to know.

She staggered back a little, surprised as a familiar pair of lips slowly but forcefully assaulted hers.

As much as Callie wanted this, wanted her… it felt…wrong. She gently pushed her wife away resting a hand in the middle of her wife's chest; both of them were taking laboured breaths.

"Arizona…" she whispered so low she wasn't sure she'd be heard – "don't."

Arizona slowly opened her eyes and brought a hand up to her lips, the other resting on Callie's shoulder; she looked dazed for a second, but quickly recovered as her brain caught up with her body. She looked almost afraid.

Callie put her other hand on the blonde's cheek. 'Maybe…sometimes… sometimes they were them, it'd happen someday. This will all still be there, the fact that it happened, that it changed everything, that it was a hurt that they felt in their bones… both of them. But, maybe it won't matter so much, as much it did right now.'

She made sure Arizona was looking at her, hearing her before she spoke – "someday, okay? Someday. We'll… we'll be together again, and we'll…" she blushed, but she soldiered on – "we'll kiss like that. And we'll be slow and we'll be fast, and we'll be everything." Arizona gave a wide and wet smile, even now, in the dark Callie could see a light blush creeping up her pale and exposed neck – "We'll be everything together. But, not like this, okay? Please?" Callie was pleading with her now.

Arizona lurched forwards, encircling Callie's shoulders with her arms as she broke down in loud and heart breaking cries. She kept repeating "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" like a mantra and Callie held her till it passed. The brunette squeezed her harder – "you better now?"

"Yeah…" Arizona sighed, drained.

They broke apart again, but this time they held hands, both unwilling to lose tactile contact with one another.

"Arizona?"

"Yeah?" she looked up, a little taken aback by that - 'was that a smirk on Callie's face?'

"So?" – Callie sounded almost glib and dangerously pleased with herself – "I was right? Right?"

The blonde felt more and more confused. She must have been missing something.

"Right about what, Callie?" she asked suspiciously.

"This was a sex thing!"

"Ugh!" the blonde pushed her – "shut up!"

"Say it! Say it! You want me!" Callie sing-songed in a trill annoying tone – what she 'thought' was a girly tone.

"I do." Arizona answered seriously, and with such sincerity that it brought the light joking atmosphere Callie had established to an end. The air between them changed again.

"Why did you do it then? Cheat?" Callie asked. There was something venomous in that last word, and it was about to poison the air between them.

They were in the thick of it now...

A/N 2.0: It isn't exactly the talk I promised, but we're getting there. There'll be a few more chapters and then I'll wrap it up with an epilogue shaped bow!

Longest Chapter Yet!

Cool? Cool!

Sorry again to the rest of you who have been so kind and encouraging.