VKCRACK: So, it's been a really long time since I posted… I've generally tried to have a limit for how long it took for me to post a chapter (well, kinda sorta). But uh… yeah, I failed this time. I'm sorry guys. Lots of chaotic drama llama stuff. It's mainly blown over and my creative juices (though sadly no Amp) are flowing at full speed once again! I have another chapter in progress and will probably be finishing it up sometime tomorrow. So expect another chapter very soon!

As for notes on this one: I was a little curious as to what happened to Ichijou's parents, since we don't know crap about 'em. So, I came up with this crack. I've no idea. Sorry for the stupidity at the end guys. So yeah, enjoy, review, and have fun, guys!

Disclaimer: I can only claim my effed up ideas… Um, I do not own Otomen, Shojou Beat, or Vampire Knight.

Chapter 10: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?!

It was a dull Sunday with nothing much to do but laze about and beg Kaname to do something to create some kind of uproar. But alas, the dork was too busy with his nose stuck in the latest volume of Otomen. So, that ultimately left everyone to sit around in the coomon room, sighing heavily every couple of seconds. So Mizerable!

"Kain-saaaaaammmaaaaa…" Aidou stared up at his darling cousin. Curious eyes watched the blonde hair, blue eyed camp as he clung to the silent one. Lately the cousins have been deepening and exploring the relationship they shared. It was obvious who wore the pants. A chill rand down their spine as Kain grinned a grin that would totally pwn the Cheshire cat's.

"Yes, my little sloth?" His semi tan hand began to tangle in Aidou's hair.

"Nothing… It was too quiet." Silence loomed around the room once more. What felt like hours, but was mere seconds, passed before someone dared to shatter the quiet atmosphere. This time it was Pocky Monster number two, Shiki.

"Hey, Ichijou, what're you doing Mother's day?" He cocked his head to the side a bit as he nibbled on the chocolaty treat.

"Well… I dunno where my Mommy is…" Ichijou looked at everyone with a hard gaze, secretly willing them to be daring and ask. He was just bursting with a story to tell. Rima rolled her eyes.

"Rima, don't you dare ask! You know that if you do, you'll regret it." Ruka bit her bottom lip as she crossed her arms out of the growing nervousness.

"What about for Father's day?" Rima questioned, ignoring Rika. If Ichijou was a balloon, he'd be on the edge of popping.

"Daddy's with Mommy…" His body began to shake in anticipation as he looked at the group before him with glittering and pleading eyes.

"Someone just ask him before he starts annoying us all! First person to ask canmight taste my blood," Kaname said dully as he flipped to the next page of his shojou.

"WHERE ARE THEY ICHIJOU?!" Ruka screamed, causing everyone to cover their ears until the terrible screeching stopped. Damn was she a living Banshee.

"Well, I will have to go way back…

"ICHIJOU'S STORY CORNER

"Ahem. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful vampire princess name Ichi. Ichi had long, beautiful blonde hair that shined like the sun and green eyes that sparkled like emeralds. Everyone wanted her because of how hawt she was. But her heart belonged to one man, and one man only. This man was named Jou. And man was Jou a looker! All the girls fantasized about him, but they could never get to him. He only had eyes for Ichi.

" But both were so pure of heart that neither dare confess their secret. About two years passed and both were unhappily married to strangers they didn't love. But then something happened! A magnificent masquerade was held for all to come. The lovely princess Ichi, dressed as an elegant humming bird, stood in the back as she watched her dreadful husband flirted with all the young servants. Her eyes glanced around until they met with a mysterious pair. Looking closer at the dragon esqued man, she couldn't help but sense something. Neither knew it was the other. They were drawn. Jou walked over to the woman and slung her over his shoulder.

"I shall take this woman and marry her! Shini, we're through!" He let out a boisterous laugh before leaping off. He ran out of the castle gates and jumped into his limo. "To the drive through chapel!"

"So, the driver drove the while they had some mad making out sessions. Soon, they arrived and minutes later they were married! They had the driver drive them to Lover's Point where they decided to have sex. That night, a little baby was conceived. They couldn't have been happier. They went to Ichi's father where they gained his blessings and acceptance, only after getting him drunk. Life was grand as they lived with the old Asato Ichiou. So, nine months later, Ichi popped out a healthy baby boy. He was so cute and sparkly and awesome that they named him Ichijou! Takuma was thrown in for fun. So, anyways! They lived as a happy family until little baby Ichijou turned six and was whisked away. Ichi and Jou now travel the world collecting what it is they love best!

"END OF STORY!"

Rima blinked a couple of times before daring o as the question. After all, the story couldn't get any stranger.

"So, uh, what is they love best?" She practically regretted the words as Ichijou grinned at her.

"Hamsters, of course! They have a hamster farm!" Ichijou let out a sigh. Silence once again filled the room as everyone tried to absorb the bizarre fairytale.

"So, um, where are they now?" Aidou timidly asked.

"They're living in a giant coconut in New Zealand!

"… Ichijou, you lost your speaking privileges. So, STFU N00B!" Kaname wiped a tear away as he closed his Shojou Beat.

ELSEWHERE

Ichi looked out of the nest and at the sky. She picked up a nut from the food pile and began nibbling.

"SQUEEEEEEAKYYY!" Jou crawled towards the love of his life. The two cuddled as the sun set. Life sure was grand as a guinea pig.

LESSON OF THE DAY: Shrimp is rather tasty, unless you're allergic. Then it's a trap!

VKCRACK: And that's the end of another chapter. I have an idea brewing for another chapter (probably chapter 12) and I need a little help. You see, it involves a fairytale. So, if/when you review, leave a little message on a fairytale you'd want to see the characters of Vampire Knight attempt to act out! See you all next time. Stay awesome, guys!