Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. And ho-lee-crap I have not updated in a very merry long time and I apologize so much that a cow covers his ears with a dishwasher to get the annoying sound of "I'M SORRY" Out of his head. I'M SO FREAKIN SORRY!

Okay, so now we start step eleven and twelve. (Insist he wears a shirt that says "I Heart Bunnies!" Cry when he refuses.) For two whole weeks I had been living under the ground in a cave I dug out, making several plans. I picked the plan that would be most likely to work.

This plan is simple, yet brilliant. Marcus has been hiding by the rest of the guard ever since the last steps. He's getting really paranoid now- jumping at the slightest noises I would make while pacing in the cave. I'm going to have to watch my step or I'll be caught, and mind you I want to keep this cave secret.

Anyway, back to the plan. I've been snatching paper from Heidi's desk up front and writing numerous letters from the Cullen's. I wrote in the letter that the whole Cullen family will be meeting in front of the Volturi entrance. Marcus is way too paranoid to go outside so he stays in. I also wrote that every single Volturi guard must be there for important reasons. In precisely one hour they will all leave, and Marcus would be alone for my next steps to work.

I sighed and sat on the dry floor. If this plan didn't work then I would have to resort to plan B. Run around screaming as a distraction. But I don't see how that would really work, so scratch that. I don't have a plan B.

I picked up the "I heart Bunnies!" Shirt and twirled it around in my fingers. If Marcus was going to be a baby like this then I could never finish the rest of the steps. I heard the slight creaking of the dirt above as all the Volturi guard filed out. I waited until all the footsteps to fade before crawling out. I wiped dirt from my nose. The cave was useful, but you get tons of dirt on you. I probably look like a mud/dirt monster right now. But I can't afford to waste my time on appearances, I must find Marcus.

Every room I saw was empty. God damn Marcus. He could always make this easier by just showing himself- I'm getting sick and tired of dragging him out from somewhere. Jesus.

Finally, after a million doors, I found him. He was hunched over in some poorly dug hole in the ground. I sighed and chuckled. He will never have that ability to dig holes like I could. Turd. I grabbed him by the collar and forced him up.

He squealed and started struggling against my awesomeness grip. I took a moment to admire my muscles. How beautiful! Back to reality… I set him down. "Marcus, please! I only wanted to give you something!" I said loudly, even though he was right by my side.

He looked suspiciously at me. "What is it…?" Marcus asked carefully. I held up the shirt and grinned. "Isn't it PRETTY?" I squeaked. "…No…" He said, looking at it. "Marcus, won't you wear it for me?" I asked him, looking up with these cute anime eyes you only see on the internet. Oh the internet… "Defiantly not." Marcus said firmly, acting as though that ended the topic. It didn't.

My lip wobbled. "But…But…" I said innocently. Before he could do anything, I started wailing. "WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO WEAR THE PRETTY SHIRT?" I screamed, covering my face and wiping away the non-existent tears. "D-don't- Wait- You can't-" He stuttered, waving his arms around my sobbing face.

"FINE! I'll wear it, just STOP CRYING!" He bellowed, taking the shirt. I sobbed crying immediately, sniffling. Marcus examined it, his expression disgust. "This is five sizes smaller than what I usually wear!" He protested.

I whimpered and was about to sob again, but he took his shirt off and put the smaller one on. I heard vague comments of "Disgusting." And "Humiliating." From him, but he kept on walking with me. The rest of the Volturi guard started piling back in, looking disgruntled. They took one look at Marcus and started laughing.

I smirked. My plan had been successful! Marcus in a tight shirt was not a very happy sight. Most of the guard was gagging at the sight of him. Even Aro and Cauis were trying to hold back grins. I sighed and ran away to my secret underground cave. No doubt this was one of the best days of my existence.

Don't worry fellow readers of this Fanfiction! I'm going to be updating more today! Again, I apologize. :D Reviews make me a happy pappy person.