A/N: I hope you don't actually need to be told how much I appreciate every response to this story. The last chapter I wrote (which you haven't yet seen), took me four days to get through. I lost most of my buffer in terms of banked chapters so I can post daily, as well as a chunk of personal momentum. Definitely in that space where I feel like what gets on the page is not a good as it was in my head. I know not every chapter seems worth talking about, but all of you who have taken the time to say something really help me get going again.

xxxxx

Jayne breathed easier once he was out of the shafts an' could scoop River up in both arms. Her head rolled limply against his chest. She was pale, but he couldn't decide if she was any paler than usual. He shrugged.

He was sure glad not to pass anybody, especially anybody called captain, on his short trip to the infirmary. He could see the doc through the glass, cleanin' like he always seemed to be doin'. Man had some kinda complex maybe.

"Doc," he called out, "had us an...incident," he finished, when the man turned.

Simon lunged for the doorway. "Bring her in here," he snapped. "What happened?"

Jayne ignored the smaller man, moving past to the passenger dorm.

"Jayne!"

"She don't like it in there," he called back, makin' sure his voice conveyed that the doc was stupid not to know it. He laid the girl on the bed, pulled the hair off her face, and had just stepped back when her brother barreled in.

"What happened?" he demanded, taking her pulse.

Jayne shrugged, even though Simon had his back to him. "Some kinda fit. Seemed like normal crazy, you know, with the babblin' don't make no sense, but then more...seizure like."

"She went into convulsions?"

"Well let me consult my vast medical trainin' on that. An' I'm s'posed to remind you. No drugs."

Simon turned to glare at him, then shot out a bunch of questions Jayne tried to answer as honestly as he could. An' also tried not to purposely rile the man anymore, which he thought was real decent of him.

"All right, fine. Thank you for bringing her to me. I need to examine her now," the doc told him, clearly dismissing the help.

Jayne made to leave, but hovered outside the door. Had to make sure the doc didn't get all needle happy. Besides that, this was gonna happen again, so he should pay attention to what comes after. Didn't seem like much. Checkin' vitals and hair strokin'. When Doc'd stuffed all his gadgets in his little bag an' shut it, Jayne figured it was safe to get out of there. He sped down the hall to the lounge, jumped over the low table, and dropped onto the couch. He'd barely cracked his magazine when he heard boots on the stairs.

Kaylee shot him a smile and a little wave, and he nodded back at her. She poked her head in the infirmary.

"Try River's room."

She blushed. "Um, thanks."

From where he was sitting, he could see the doc hover outside River's door before taking Kaylee by the arm and coming back toward the infirmary. Kaylee was all kindsa concerned while the doc explained what was goin' on in low voice.

"Aw, I'm sorry, Simon," she told him when he ducked into the infirmary to put his bag away. She followed him in and rubbed at his arm.

He took a step back and tripped over the rolling tray, wincing when it rattled.

Smooth.

"Did you, uh, want me for something?"

Hell yeah she wants you for somethin'. If nothing else, the doc provided comic relief out in the Black.

Kaylee shook her head. "I was gonna ask you to help me with my nav- well, I got this part I gotta regulate. Takes two people to do it, and I figured you probly had the best hands, you bein' a surgeon an' all."

See, Doc? Now that's smooth. Jayne was amused enough he wasn't gonna throw in a crude remark about parts o' Kaylee wanted regulatin'.

"Sorry. I really should stay here, in case she wakes up."

"Well yeah, of course. Sure you do."

An' now this was the part where the awkward was gonna get less funny and just damn uncomfortable.

"That mean I'm off the hook?" Jayne cut into it.

Simon leaned out the door to look at Jayne, like he'd never even noticed he was there. "What?"

"Didn't know her takin' a nap meant I was off the job. Don't know what I'm hangin' around here for." He made to get up, then settled back. "Course if you wanna help Kaylee, I s'pose I can hang around."

"Well, I...why?"

Jayne scowled, menacin'-like. "What'dya mean, why? Woman needs your fancy, Core-i-fied little fingers to make sure the ship don't explode or whatever. I got my priorities, and not gettin' blowed up is one of 'em."

"Well, then, I guess..." He looked down the hall. "You'll listen for her? You won't fall asleep or wander off or anything?"

"Said so, didn't I? Git, before you damage my calm."

Kaylee tugged Simon's sleeve. "Thank you, Jayne." She sent him her shiniest beaming smile.

"Whatever," he grunted, stickin' his face in his magazine and pretendin' he didn't see it. Maybe he should be more helpful 'bout things between Kaylee an' the doc. Maybe Doc'd be less twitchy if he got him some trim regular. Least the doc was more respectable 'n what she she'd picked up before.

Kaylee scampered up the steps with the doc in tow, an' Jayne moved silently down to River's room. Her scent grabbed him right off. He tried openin' his senses to find another focus, but there were faint traces of bitter drugs and old sick. Wasn't anythin' anyone but him could pick up. He gave up and let the River smell drown it out as he settled on the floor by her bed, stretching his legs away from him an' crackin' his magazine.

xxxxx

"She has returned from the pit." She tried to lift her head, but it was very heavy. She rolled to her side.

Jayne shifted to lean up against her nightstand. She looked down at him. His back had been turned to her. That seemed strange.

Bodyguard of the girl, not the crew. Was that right?

"Who returned?"

She rolled her eyes. Even her eyes felt heavy and stiff in their sockets. "I did."

"That one o' them...metaphors?"

"Uncertain." Her eyes wanted to close again, so she let them, sinking down into the heaviness. "He had a sister. An older sister who had boys in her room. 'Keep the door open.' They talked, he spied, alert for anything that needed to be interrupted. Jenna. Daughter of the Cobb mother."

"Gettin' tired o' tellin' you to stay outta my head." He grumbled, but the words were diluted. A vague sense of loss for the sibling. Resentment for the things that were stolen. Family. Childhood.

"Innocent bystander. Memory spills out at her. When she is in your head, you will know."

"Also, I can kill you with my brain." His memory of her taunt rolling out. Understanding what she was, making the threat real. Was the shot of fear in the memory or in the now?

"Gonna tell me what you saw?" he asked. Easy. Interest, concern. Expectation contained, denied. Wouldn't pressure or demand.

She tried find the scene again. She knew the feelings, but the context was fading, like a bad dream. She remembered the pit, the coldness, the drum. It was still beating, beyond her hearing, but still there. Beating in time with the pulse in his temple.

"Don't gotta. Sleep some more 'f ya want." Not disinterest. Respect of privacy. Reminder of distance.

"There was a family meeting about where she would go to school. All family were present at the table, glossy captures and catalogs. True past event. True but...altered. Academy training on display for all to see." She told him about the courses haltingly, struggling for words to make the pictures real for him, about the unexpected reactions of her family.

Jayne let her struggle. He didn't try to find words for her. Didn't ask questions that led down confusing pathways to nowhere. He listened. He waited. When she was finished, he said, "So they took a real memory and put in another version of it. Why ya think they'd do that?"

"A real memory because it has automatic validity for the subconscious," she said slowly, still thinking it through. "Wanted her to believe the family approved the training. Morality is a product of upbringing. Often shaped by established familial policies. If her subconscious believes the altered morality, the subject will function without questioning."

"Sounds likely."

Jayne didn't process the answer. He had already known it. Uneducated, but more intelligent than he wanted people to know. She bit her tongue, not letting the observation spill out loud.

"It was bad, huh?" His voice was cautious. Resolute, but guilty.

"Real and not real. Paradox. Incongruence caused...bad," she finally agreed. She was still exhausted, feeling like she'd pushed every muscle in her body to its limit and she had nothing left. "Is it always like that?"

"Changes. Depends on what it is, how you feel about it. Some might be easier. Some'll be harder." He shrugged. "No tellin' how many are in there, either. Wanna quit?"

"Illogical. Wouldn't serve the purpose."

Jayne smiled. He was looking at his boot, but approval swept out at her. A warm cloak being spread over her that both made her happy and eased her back into sleep.