Blooper Reel

Author's Note: Yeah…I have no idea. The idea just popped into my head and wouldn't leave, so I decided, what the heck? It's worth a good laugh or two. Please don't take the following bloopers too seriously. It's all just for fun.

In "Chapter One: Blackmail," as the lions are playing tag

Kopa chases after Vitani, calling playfully after her, "Come back here! I'll get you!"

Vitani, laughing, glances over her shoulder. Distracted as she is, she does not see the rock in her path, the rock that is supposed to make her simply stumble long enough for Kopa to catch up. Instead, she outright trips over it and falls. Kopa pounces right on cue…and soars right over her.

"Oh crap!" Kopa yelps as he begins to roll down the hill by himself, head over heel, letting out little cries of pain and shock all the way down. He finally ends up splayed at the bottom of the knoll, shaking his head dizzily while Vitani and Kiara look down at him, laughing. "Ow…" is the only word he can say.

"Cut!" yells the director. "Back to the top, Kopa. Let's try this again."

Same scene, take two

Vitani stumbles on the rock like she is supposed to, and Kopa pounces. They begin rolling down the hill, but Kopa's momentum is too great, and when they reach the bottom, Vitani stops rolling, landing on her back, while Kopa is launched several feet forward, his face landing in a patch of mud with a soft splat.

Vitani and Kiara start laughing as Kopa raises his head, now dripping with mud, and he spits out a large blob of it. The director is having a hard time keeping his voice level from trying not to laugh as he says, "Cut! Um…Kopa, get yourself cleaned up and we'll try again.

In "Chapter Two: Nightmare," as Kopa and Vitani talk on Pride Rock's ledge

Vitani nuzzles Kopa and says, "You don't have to if you don't want to. But it might help," (referring to Kopa saying he'd rather not talk about his nightmare).

Kopa laughs humorlessly and says, "What's there to talk about? I got attacked and was nearly killed by a psychotic lioness who was trying to avenge a cruel king that was…" He stops and looks puzzled for a moment. Then he grins sheepishly and says, "And I just forgot the rest of it."

Vitani laughs, and the director yells, "Cut!"

Same scene, take two

Vitani says, "You don't have to if you don't want to. But it might help."

Kopa laughs humorlessly and replies, "What's there to talk about? I got attacked and was nearly killed by a psychotic lioness who was trying to avenge a cruel king that was dead before I was even born…" He pauses to take a deep breath. "Man, that's a mouthful."

Vitani cracks up, and the director, shaking his head in mixed amusement and irritation, calls, "Cut! Kopa, can we stay serious long enough to complete the shot?"

Same scene, take three

Kopa laughs humorlessly and starts his spiel: "What's there to talk about? I got attacked and was nearly killed by a psychotic lioness who was trying to avenge a cruel king that was dead before I was even born because in her warped mind that would make everything even." He pauses for a moment, then smiles and says, "Yes! I got it this time!"

The director groans. "Great, Kopa. You got it. Now you've gotta do it again."

Kopa's face falls. "But I just got it right! Can't you just splice the film or something?"

The director shakes his head. Kopa lowers his head and moans. "Crap."

Same scene, take four

Kopa laughs humorlessly and says, "What's there to talk about? I…"

Vitani starts laughing. Kopa shakes his head and says, "I haven't even said anything yet, and she's already laughing! I'm doomed!"

In "Chapter Three: Rafiki's Vision," as Kopa is introducing Njama to Vitani

Kopa says, "Njama, this is Vitani, my love and future queen. Vitani, this is an old friend of mine, Njama. You might not remember her. She and her mother left the Pride Lands shortly after Zira banished Dad…"

Vitani and Njama start laughing, and Kopa looks at them, confused. "What?"

"Zira banished your Dad?" Vitani asks, still laughing. "So who's the red-maned lion at Pride Rock?"

"Did I say that?" Kopa asks bemusedly. Then he grins and starts laughing with the others. "Oops."

As Rafiki is explaining that he may know how to determine if Kopa will be the one to tear the pride apart

Rafiki turns back to Kopa and starts running his hand through the young lion's mane. "This is growing nicely, Prince Kopa," he says.

Kopa blinks, surprised and unsure of how to interpret that. "Uh…thank you, I guess…YEOW!"

Rafiki yanks out a handful of hairs, and Kopa shakes his head in pain. When he doesn't say his next line ("What on earth was that for?") Rafiki leans down and asks, "Kopa? Are you okay?"

Kopa looks up, tears brimming in his eyes. "That really hurt!" he says. "Jeez, couldn't you at least pretend to pull my hairs out instead of really doing it!"

Simba is the first to crack up, and when Kopa glares at him, he says, "Sorry, son. But…your expression is priceless!"

This results in everyone else bursting out in laughter, and even Kopa manages a small smile as the pain in his head subsides. "Cut!" the director calls. "Okay, Kopa, next time we'll use pretend fur. Sound good?"

"Sounds great," Kopa replies.

In "Chapter Four: Njama," as Njama is preparing to confess her love for Kopa

Njama faces Kopa and says, "Kopa, I…well, I…I don't know how to say this…"

Kopa just gazes at her, patiently waiting for her to find the right words…

…and jumps and looks around when the sound of a high-speed jet pierces the silence.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" the director says angrily. "Cut! Maybe this time we won't be interrupted."

In "Chapter Five: Rumors," as Kopa and Vitani are arguing

Vitani's blue eyes flash dangerously. "I understand that you like hanging out with your friend," she places a distasteful emphasis on the word, "but every time I want to be alone with you, she pops out from behind a rock! It's almost as though she's trying to make sure we're never by ourselves."

"Vitani, that's not fair," Kopa says. "She does give us time to ourselves. And she doesn't just pop out from behind rocks! She…she…"

He cracks up. "I'm sorry," he says. "But the 'popping out from behind rocks' bit is hard to imagine without laughing."

Vitani shakes her head exasperatedly but smiles as she says, "Glad to know you take our relationship seriously."

As Njama starts to plant the rumor about Vitani

"I don't think Vitani is as innocent as you think," Njama says, looking a little uncomfortable.

Kopa stares at her. Njama stares at him. There is silence for several moments. Then Njama starts laughing. Kopa grins and says, "That was my line, wasn't it?"

Njama nods, still giggling. "What was I supposed to say?" Kopa asks.

"'What do you mean?'" the director recites, shaking his head. "From the top, let's try it again."

In "Chapter Six: A Pride Divided," as Kopa and Njama talk on the summit of Pride Rock

Kopa sighs and looks at Njama. "All right. I'm upset because I learned the lioness I love has been keeping at least one secret from me, and there's no telling how many more incidents there are that I don't know about. Everyone in the pride is at each other's throats all the time, and…and…and I've forgotten what I was supposed to say next."

Njama starts to laugh, and the director yells, "Cut!"

Same scene, take two

Kopa says, "All right. I'm upset because I learned the lioness I love has been keeping at least one secret from me, and…crap! I lost it again!"

Same scene, take three

Kopa says, "All right. I'm upset because I learned the lioness I love has been keeping at least one secret from me, and there's no telling how many more incidents there are that I don't know about. Everyone in the pride is…"

He is suddenly interrupted by a crash of thunder from very close by. The accompanying lightning strikes a tree nearby, leaving a thin trail of smoke spiraling toward the sky. Kopa and Njama yelp in fright and stare at the split tree for a moment. Then Kopa says, "Okay. I'm officially freaked out."

Njama nods in agreement. Even the director is too shocked to yell "Cut."

Same scene, take four

Kopa says, "All right. I'm upset because I learned the lioness I love has been…"

It suddenly starts to rain. Hard. "Oh man, you've gotta be kidding me!" Kopa yells, and he and Njama take off for the shelter of the den.

In "Chapter Eight: The Plot," as Zira begins to explain her diabolical scheme

"What is this all about, Zira?" Simba demands. "Why have you taken my daughter captive?" He glances over at the young lioness beside her. "And what does Njama have to do with this?"

"Ah, that's quite a story," says Zira with a small laugh. "And a long one, too. Let's see…I suppose it started when you wrongly banished me from…"

"You tried to kill my son!" Simba roars.

"And you murdered Scar!" Zira spits back. "Simba, you should know I hate being interrupted. I would recommend you keep quiet. Otherwise, you risk compromising your daughter's safety."

As if to emphasize this point, the lioness holding Kiara lifts a paw, claws extended.

"Okay, all right!" Simba says hurriedly, fear momentarily replacing the anger in his eyes.

"I thought you'd see it my way," Zira croons. Then she flashes a big grin and adds, "Oh I love being the bad guy! MWA-HA-HA-HA!"

Everyone cracks up and starts laughing. "Ha, ha. Very funny," says the director, half-irritated, half-amused.

In "Chapter Nine: Rematch," as Nuka and his pride join the fray

Nuka runs ahead of his family, focused completely on Zira. He doesn't reply when Vitani calls his name, nor does he slow down. He continues to bound toward his mother, who looks at him with a mixture of shock and fury.

Then his forepaw hits a stone, and he trips spectacularly, landing with a heavy thud at Zira's feet. "Oof!" he says upon impact. Then he looks up and, grinning, adds, "Well that didn't exactly go according to plan."

Everyone laughs and the director, after making sure Nuka is okay, tells them to try again.

As Kopa and Zira face off

Zira stands up and grins malevolently. "Oh, how wonderful," she croons. "I will finally get the chance to do what I've dreamed of doing for years. I will finally destroy the cub that has been a thorn in my side since it was born, the entire reason for my exile, the source of all my troubles. This time, Prince, there is no one to save you. As you said, it's just you and me."

"You're not going to win this time," Kopa growls. But instead of continuing, he cracks up.

"Really?" Zira asks exasperatedly, looking over at the director. "The climax of the movie, the pivotal moment, the big fight scene, the time when he finally defeats the big baddie, and he starts laughing?" Looking back at Kopa, she asks, "Are you okay, or do you need to see the vet?"

At this, everyone else starts to laugh, and the director says, "She has a point, Kopa. You're trying to kill her, remember? Let's stay serious, this isn't a comedy!"

As Kopa and Zira are fighting

Zira howls and swings a paw wildly. Her claws strike Kopa in the shoulder…really strike it rather than her intended theatrical attack. Kopa lets out a genuine roar of pain as real blood mingles with the fake blood pouring from the make-up wounds.

"Oh my goodness, Kopa, I'm sorry," Zira says hurriedly as Simba, Nala, Sarabi, and Vitani jump forward to see if Kopa is okay. "Are you all right? Are you seriously hurt?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Kopa says quickly. "It's just a scratch, that's all. It's not deep. Don't worry about it."

"Oh, well, in that case…" Zira says, and she swings again. Her paw misses, but narrowly.

"Whoa!" Kopa yelps. "What the…?"

"Just staying in character," Zira replies with a sweet smile.

As medics tend to Kopa, the director calls out, "Okay, okay, guys. If everything's all right, then let's try that again. And Zira, please watch your aim. We don't have a stand-by for Kopa."

"Glad to know I mean that much to you," Kopa says with an eye-roll.

The director chuckles and says, "Okay, try it again."

As Kopa and Njama fall over the edge of the cliff, and Kopa clings desperately to the rocky wall as Njama falls onto the green screen a few feet below her.

Kopa's claws slip, and his hind legs scrabble vainly at the canyon wall for something solid. "Help!" he yells, slipping another inch.

"Kopa!" Vitani calls as she leans over, offering her paw to help. Unfortunately, Kopa has lost his grip and fallen onto the green screen beside Njama, who giggles and says, "Thanks for dropping in."

"Okay," says the director. "Let's get Kopa back up there and try it again."

In "Chapter Ten: Reconciled," as Kopa and Vitani sit atop the knoll, watching the sunset

Kopa nuzzles Vitani and says, "I'm glad that whole thing is behind us."

"Me too," Vitani sighs. "Now I don't have to worry about anything. I can just spend all my time with you."

Kopa opens his mouth to reply, but at that moment, his stomach growls loudly. They both start laughing, and Vitani says, "Sounds like someone missed dinner."

"Yeah, I was busy fighting Zira and missed the lunch bell," Kopa replies.

"Oh come on, guys, we were so close to finishing!" the director says exasperatedly, which only makes the two lions laugh harder.

Author's Note: That's all I've got. I know these are incredibly random, and like I said earlier, they shouldn't be taken seriously. They were just for fun, and I hope you enjoyed them. I should hopefully have a sneak peek of the sequel "The Lion King II: Kopa's Pride" up here soon.

By the way, I'd like some feedback. I'm planning to write a humanized version of The Lion King, but I'm having trouble coming up with a title. I've considered "The Lion King – The Human Version," which sounds incredibly mundane, and "King of the Pride Lands," which is pretty long. Any ideas? I'd appreciate some help with the title.