Ok, Ironically this came to me when I was re-watching Thriller Bark, and I thought "We all enjoyed seeing Zoro going uncharacteristically emo, and I know we all love when he gets embarrassed because it's is just so stinking cute….so why not do a crack fic with him acting loopy?"
So here is the crazy fic I dreamed up.
Summary: Zoro gets hit with something that basically makes him loopy, and Sanji and Nami are the ones who deal with it.
Disclaimer: I am not Oda, nor can I pretend to be, for I am Italian, while he is Japanese, not to mention the gender difference. Thus I cannot be him.
Nami was fighting hard not to let her knees buckle from the sheer amount of mirth afflicting her frame, so badly she wanted to just sink to the ground and enjoy an epic gut busting laughing fit, but unfortunately she could not do so for fear of dropping her precious bundle.
Really the adventure had started the way things normally do, with her screaming at the crew demanding they take care of the ship and not destroy it, and then she commanded Sanji and Zoro to follow her so that she could go in search of the island's treasure hidden deep within a honeycomb of mines beneath a hulking mountain range. It was there that things took a turn for the strange, and oddly, hilarious.
Zoro had been walking along the path, grumbling about how he had better things to do than to escort a sea witch through an abandoned mine, when he had paused. Sanji and Nami turned to look at the swordsman when the complaining chatter they had grown used to ceased, only to find the green haired man poking at a strange looking purple flower.
"What is that?" Nami murmured.
"Don't know," Zoro answered "but Robin said something about plants being the reason for why this mine is abandoned, and I-"
Suddenly the flower bunched up, the bottom bulging, before expelling a shimmering blue spray that hit Zoro full in the face. The cook and Navigator winced, both of them dreading what the affects of said plant might be, while the swordsman shook his head violently from side to side.
"Whoa," he said blinking his eyes as he tried desperately to clear his suddenly spinning vision "that…that's just…"
As quickly as it had occurred, the man's eye rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed onto the ground "ZORO!" Nami shrieked running to his side.
"Oi, moss head," Sanji cried, following Nami to kneel beside the man and gently slap his cheek a couple times "hey, stop making Nami-swan worry, and wake up already."
"Urgh," came the incoherent moan before one unfocused green eye slowly lolled open "Hey guys," the man slurred with a dopey grin.
"H-Hi?" Nami answered slowly, exchanging a worried glance with Sanji "How are you feeling?"
"Uh…" the emerald gaze looked between them before gazing unsteadily into the distance while a large loopy grin stretched his face "I feel awesome…like…really good."
This statement was followed by a maniacal high giggle that made Nami and Sanji pale in horror, which led them to now. Walking down the long mine, Nami had decided that getting the treasure was still a good idea since the plant's affects seem to only make the swordsman uncharacteristically giddy, and now they were making their way deeper into the mine, carrying the green haired man between them.
"We are the pirates, who don't do anything," Zoro sang raucously before pausing with a confused pout "that isn't right," he muttered "we do lots of stuff."
Nami snorted, as the man puzzled through it, but it didn't take long as the man grinned to himself "I am the pirate who don't do anything," the swordsman amended earning a chuckle from the two carrying him "I just stay at home and lie around, and if you ask me to do anything, I'll just tell you, I don't do anything."
"Hey Nami," Sanji laughed "I wish we had some way to record this,"
"No kidding," Nami giggled.
"Hey, Hey Nami," Zoro slurred his green eye glowing excitedly "guess what?"
"What?" Nami smirked.
Zoro looked at her, his mouth hanging open before his gaze went blank "I can't remember," he sighed "I think I got lost again…in my head…"
The last part was whispered with a tone akin to horror and Nami lost it, having to pause as her entire frame shook with uncontainable mirth. Zoro looked at her, his goofy grin coming back to his face.
"You're really pretty," his deep voice said simply "like really pretty."
The laughter melted away as the Navigator looked at the swordsman in shock, her eyes bouncing between the green haired man and Sanji helplessly, and the cook merely shrugged as the swordsman continued in his stumbling words.
"I pretend that I don't look," Zoro nodded sagely his face serious as he whispered loudly "but I do…" suddenly the man paused pursing his lips in thoughtful silence before finishing "though probably not as much as Sanji."
That returned the smile back to the red head's face as she and the cook shared another look loaded with the personal amusement they were getting from this.
"Did you know I like to sing?" Zoro asked, changing the topic "I like to sing, I don't though 'cuz it isn't tough," he emphasized the word with a playful scowl before adopting the doped up look that had become familiar since the flower incident "but I like to sing."
"What else do you like to do?" Nami asked sending a wink at Sanji.
"Ping pong," Zoro answered in a sing song voice before giggling at his own answer.
"Ping Pong?" Sanji answered one eyebrow rising incredulously "Really?"
"Yeah!" The swordsman replied enthusiastically "Because…it's like holding a sword…but you're hitting a… a ball. And you can't smash it, you have to be controlled…otherwise the ball breaks."
Zoro finished his answer with a sorrowful pout, once again rendering the Navigator unable to breathe from the laughter stealing her oxygen "Th-that's too b-bad," she giggled.
"Well yeah," Zoro whined "because you can't play without the ball…Hey!" he brightened suddenly turning a dopey grin to Nami "think I could become a ping pong champion with three paddles?"
"Sure you can," Nami chuckled as she shook her head "anything is possible."
"Yep," Zoro nodded, "I wanna do that…after I beat Mihawk…Hey, why do they call him Hawkeye?"
Zoro's head wobbled as he turned his question to Sanji, looking at him with an unstable gaze. The cook snorted, but tried to answer as seriously as he could manage "Well," he began "maybe because his eyesight is so good,"
"Yeah," Zoro answered with a simple nod "It is good," then he shook his head "but that's not what I mean!"
"What do you mean then?" Sanji asked.
"What I mean," Zoro said emphasizing each word before plunging into elaborating his question "his name is HawkEYE, when he has two…eyes, I mean. He has two…so his name should be HawkEYES…because he has two…I only got one, but he gots two. You see my point?"
"Uh-huh," Sanji grunted smiling ever so slightly "so if I may ask, how did you lose your eye?"
Zoro sighed, pausing in such a way that Nami and Sanji expected a horribly traumatizing and tragic story on how he lost his eye before answering them "A monkey stole it,"
The two looked at him in shock before cracking up in uncontrollable guffaws "A m-m-monkey?" Nami cackled.
"Ok," I'm calling that answer being influenced by the flower, because there is no way a monkey could steal your eye," the cook laughed.
"I'm telling the truth," Zoro whispered, leaning close to Sanji.
"Suuu-re," the blond replied with a sarcastic grin.
"Hey, it wasn't a normal monkey," Zoro slurred his bottom lip poking out in a pout "he was a really big monkey, with a sword…Monkeys shouldn't have swords."
Nami smiled "Thus why we don't give Luffy one,"
"That's a good point," Zoro nodded happily "you're smart Nami."
Nami rolled her eyes knowing that she would never get even half of the compliments she was getting from the swordsman if he were in his right mind "That's what friends are for," she chuckled lightly.
"You're my friend?" The green haired man asked, his one eye wide with shock "Like for real's?"
Nami felt confusion cloud her features as she looked on the man "Of course," she replied "why wouldn't you think so?"
"Because you always yell at me, and hit me," Zoro replied innocently with no hint of malice before turning to Sanji "and you make fun of my hair, calling me moss head."
The two felt their hearts clench as they reconsidered past words and actions, but Zoro kept talking, oblivious to the inner turmoil he was causing "I tried dying my hair black once," he rambled "but I'm allergic to hair dye…and let me tell you…hair dye allergies are not pretty."
"Well, just because we yell or tease doesn't mean we aren't your friends," Nami said softly giving the green haired man a comforting smile.
"Really?" Zoro asked turning his face to Sanji "Are you my friend?"
Sanji blinked, turning to Nami only to find her glaring at him, silently promising him death should he deny it, and merely stammered his answer "O-of course we are, I m-mean, even brothers fight, right?"
Zoro's face split into a wide grin "Yeah," he said in a happy slur "we're bro's, brothers, brothers from different mothers."
Sanji snorted as another flutter of laughter shook his frame "Yeah," he chuckled "something like that."
"I'm gonna sing," Zoro sighed before leaning heavily on the cook "You got a friend in me, you got a friend in me, when the road looks rough ahead, and you're miles and miles from a nice warm bed, just remember what you're old pal said, you got a friend in me,"
Nami grinned, while Sanji rolled his eyes, tolerating the loud singing in understanding that it was influenced by the flower's spray.
Zoro turned to Nami, a dopey grin on his face as he continued singing "Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am, bigger and stronger too," the swordsman snorted giving the Navigator a mischievous grin "Maybe…" before squeezing the two of them in a hug "but none of them will ever love you, the way I do, it's me and you boy,"
Nami finally sighed, no longer wanting to fight against the insanity, and instead decided to have a little fun with their currently loopy swordsman "And as the years go by," she sang along with Zoro "our friendship will never die,"
Sanji, encouraged by a wink from Nami, shrugged his shoulders and joined in "You're gonna see it's our destiny, you've got a friend in me, yeah you've got a friend in me."
Zoro's delighted cackled reverberated down the mine shaft "That was fun, encore!"
…..
Hours later, Zoro woke on the couch in the galley of the ship, a pounding headache hammering his brain, and brought two meaty hands to scrub his face "Ohhh," he moaned squinting against the sunlight as he struggled to sit up "my head, what happened?"
Sanji walked over, smirking as he handed a soothing lavender tea down to the man "what do you remember last?"
"Uh…" Zoro paused his hand never leaving his aching cranium "a…flower? And then everything else is kind of a blur."
"Yeah, the flower knocked you flat on your butt, and you were pretty out of it for a while," The cook chuckled as he considered his next words "not to worry though, Nami-swan was able to get her treasure."
"Great," Zoro muttered sipping the tea, and wincing at the throbbing in his head "so glad the sea witch got her treasure…" suddenly he paused and gave the cook a sharp glance "did you two carry me all the way back here?"
"Yep," Sanji chirped as he began to stir the stew cooking on the stove.
Zoro groaned "I can only imagine what the witch will charge for that,"
"Don't worry," Sanji smirked "she isn't going to charge. Nami-swan is so sweet and understanding about the whole situation, when I asked her after we arrived about what she would charge you she said not to worry about it."
"Seriously?"
Sanji could hear the shocked disbelief in Zoro's tone as he answered with a badly concealed grin "Yeah, I believe her exact words were 'You've got a friend in me,'"
Zoro felt a rope of dread coil in his stomach as the words struck an alarm bell shrieking in his brain. Sanji merely snickered over the stew, because what actually happened was that Nami had told the cook that Zoro had repaid her in the sheer amount of blackmail they had collected. Now they just had to find a way to use it, and hopefully the marimo will get his memory back so they can have the opportunity.
So what you think?
The winner of the One Shot Awards will be announced NEXT CHAPTER, but please review and tell me what you think. I've never tried anything like this before, and I hope it was as funny as I want it to be.