"It's a lonely thing,
protecting a breakable heart."

—Atticus

A loud, shrill wail carried through the halls of Winterfell, gut wrenching enough to rouse its slumbering inhabitants. Ireyne woke with a start, her heart pounding and vision blurry from sleep. She momentarily cursed whoever had caused her sleep to break; she'd been having the most wonderful dream. After the events of last night in the Glass Gardens - and the courtyard - Ireyne had trudged her way up to her chambers, seeking some time alone. She'd lied down in her bed without changing into her nightclothes - Septa Greta would've been furious if she was back at the Red Keep right now. But she wasn't, so Ireyne figured it was okay to not change out into her nightgown like a proper lady. Honestly, she'd only aimed at lying down, rest a little. But her eyes soon drooped and sleep began clouding Ireyne's mind and bones. And the next thing she knew, Ireyne was being stirred awake by a shrill scream.

"Vaera?", Ireyne called out as she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. The room was still mostly dark, the sky outside was tinted with just the faintest of blue. It could not be more than an hour or so before sunrise. The fire in her chambers had dwindled down to a few burning embers that glittered menacingly in the darkness that the four stone walls provided her with. Ireyne vaguely heard soft footfalls heading towards her own chamber.

"My lady!" a voice sounded beyond the closed door. It was only moments before it burst open and her handmaiden rushed in, breathless and scared, holding a chamber-stick in one hand. It illuminated Vaera's face enough for Ireyne to know that the young girl brought no good news. Ireyne felt dread seeping through her bones; something terrible had happened, she could tell.

"What happened? Is everyone okay? Tyrion? Jaime? Myrcella, Tommen? Cersei?" Ireyne inquired.

"They're all alright my lady, it's Bran Stark." Vaera panted, her eyes still wide, "He was found near one of the tall towers. They say he fell from a height,"

Ireyne, she was scared to even admit it, was highly conscious of the wave of relief that surged through her even as she felt her heart sink further. Her family was okay; they were all fine. For one terrible moment, Ireyne had thought something had happened to her own family.

"And the boy? Is he...", Ireyne trailed off, not being able to finish her sentence. The notion of the little soul being snatched away was too cruel for her to say out loud.

"No! Not yet anyway... He's been taken to his chambers and having the maester tend to his wounds. He's lost a lot of blood already. They - they don't think he'll live long." Vaera explained the situation further. Ireyne nodded her head in acknowledgement; what could she say? The boy was young, so very young.

"How do you know all this? And when did this happen?"

"I heard it from one of Lady Stark's handmaidens. I was fetching warm water for your bath when I heard people scrambling about. I saw them carry Bran Stark inside and then heard Lady Stark screamed when she came to see her boy. I came here to tell you." Vaera panted lightly as she bustled around the chamber, reigniting the perishing fire.

So that was the noise that roused me from sleep, Ireyne mused, feeling lightheaded. She couldn't even begin to comprehend just how terrible Catelyn Stark must be feeling, how terrible it must be to see her son barely hanging on to the thread of life. Ireyne sincerely hoped she would never have to face such a day. She didn't think she could bear such circumstances.

Ireyne's mind wandered off to the rest of the Starks - what must they be going through? Putting herself in their shoes, Ireyne knew she would have been terribly upset at having a family member take such a fall. Just moments ago she had dreaded the safety of her own kin, and felt immense relief at their safety even if it meant someone else's life was on the line. It terrified her to no end.

And Jon - suddenly, Ireyne's mind turned towards Jon as it did most days now. He was very attached to his family, she knew as much, had seen as much. Gods, what must he be going through? And just the thought, the question, was enough to jolt Ireyne's senses into actions for she hurriedly jumped up from her bed and began pacing around her room.

"Vaera! Get my clothes out for the day? I'll just take a few minutes to wash up and then we'll go downstairs alright? And, before you say it, the bath can wait until later" Ireyne instructed her handmaiden. "Fuck, where is that blue dress? Vaera, find me something dark hued to wear today? I don't think I should wear anything bright..."

Vaera, choosing to ignore commenting upon Ireyne's cursing, simply responded with a short, "Yes my lady. I'll get to it."

Ireyne stood anxiously in front of Bran Stark's chamber door. The golden haired girl was oddly unnerved by the idea of knocking and going in. She had to go in and comfort the boy's parents, she knew as much, but it still seemed like a very daunting task. What did one even say to a mother whose son was, most likely, on the verge of dying? Do you console them? Do you offer condolences? What do you do?

Before her mind could unnerve her further, Ireyne raised a fist and rapped lightly on the door thrice. It was a few long moments before Ned Stark - his face equal parts tired and miserable - opened the door slowly. His eyes were sunken, dark shadows coloring underneath the grey eyes. His form was hunched, his posture so unlike the man that had kindly greeted Ireyne when she had arrived here. Ireyne felt her heart swell with sadness and pity.

"Lady Ireyne? Is everything alright?" Ned asked her in a hoarse voice that clearly spoke volumes regarding his grief.

"Lord Stark. I - everything isn't fine, is it? I just - I wanted to come in and see how you and Lady Stark were." Ireyne softly explained. "I was, I am, very sorry to hear of what happened."

Ned nodded his head politely before moving sideways to allow Ireyne inside.

Stepping inside the small, warm chambers, Ireyne noted it was a lot like the chamber Jon lived in. A small fireplace was constructed in one corner, opposite the wall that held a window. There was a small desk beside the window and a closet beside that. The bed was piled with grey and white furs, and underneath those, Ireyne could see the limp, sleeping form of Bran. Catelyn Stark, her hair disheveled and gown crumpled, sat beside him holding his hand and rocking back and forth. Her lips moved yet not a sound was heard; Ireyne figured she must be praying.

"Cat?" Ned spoke lowly, going around and placing a hand on her bony shoulder. "Lady Ireyne is here to see you."

Catelyn seemed to take a few moments to compose herself before she tore her eyes from Bran's still form and looked towards Ireyne with glossy eyes.

"Ireyne."

"Lady Stark. I - I just wanted to see how Bran was doing..." Ireyne muttered, feeling more awkward by each passing second.

"He is... He'll be fine. He has to be." Catelyn spoke in a broken voice.

"Catel-" Ned started before being cut off by Ireyne.

"Of course he will!" Ireyne spoke in the most confident and assuring tone she could muster. "He's a strong boy. He'll be absolutely fine before you know it. I'm sure of it."

Catelyn seemed to smile dolefully at the girl's words. Ireyne knew her faith was of little benefit to the suffering mother; no one knew whether Bran would live. No one could be sure.

"Thank you, Ireyne. I beg you to pray to the Gods for his life." Lady Stark responded before turning her attention back to her unconscious boy. Ireyne took it as a sign for her to leave as well.

Wandering the deserted stone hallways, Ireyne noticed how utterly silent Winterfell was - far too silent since she had set foot in the castle. The hallways were empty, devoid of any sign of life. The melted wax in the candelabras hung like tears themselves. The chilliness of the wind portrayed the anxiety that hung heavily throughout Winterfell. The castle itself seemed to be praying, it's breath halted, waiting, worrying for the life of its inhabitant.

And since the castle was devoid of any other activity to distract her mind, Ireyne was once again left with her own muddled thoughts and feelings. She was torn between going to see Jon and continuing to ignore him. Ever since Tyrion had spoken to her in the courtyard two days ago, ever since he'd warned her against 'falling in love with a bastard', Ireyne had resolutely avoided Jon. She needed time to figure her own self out. She needed space to think things through and organize her actions. Ireyne wasn't one to make rash, hasty decisions. Everything she did was calculated - weighed by its pros and cons - and this... change of heart, for lack of better term, would be no different.

And yet, Ireyne could still not find her path; she could not figure out what to do.

She supposed she was blind - metaphorically blind; emotionally blind; mentally blind... She had spent days wondering what was happening to her. And Tyrion's words were the only thing that had shown her light in the darkness she had found herself in. The sleeplessness, the lack of appetite, her moodiness, it all made sense. And evidently it made sense to her brother far before it did to her.

How could I have been so blind?, Ireyne thought despondently. Was this actually love? Was that it? Was that what she felt for him? Was that the reason her mind kept turning to him again and again and again and again and again...?

Of all the games that the fates could have played on her, this was the one they chose. This? It was as if the Gods were hellbent on seeing how many paradoxes they could mould in her life.

A bastard. A northern bastard. Ned Stark's northern bastard - that is who Ireyne had managed to fall for.

She supposed that if anyone - years after her death - ever wrote a book on her, a history about her life, they would call it 'A Paradigm of Predicaments'. That was it. Because that was what her life had become: a predicament that had a certain paradigm to it. Oh shut up, a lazy voice spoke in the back of her mind.

Ireyne knew the consequences of falling in love with a bastard, of anyone below her social status. She knew she would not, ever, be allowed to live here or anywhere really with Jon. She didn't even know if she wanted to live here, in Winterfell, with Jon. She was simply not meant to be with him; he was not meant to be with her. And yet, her heartstrings tugged at the very thought of Jon. The sight of his face in her mind's eye was enough to uplift the worst of her moods; his voice was like the sweetest melody to her ears; his pine fresh scent was better than all the roses Highgarden could ever cultivate.

Ireyne was so lost in her own thoughts that she barely registered where her footsteps were taking her; walking through the halls, she hardly noticed the few scattered souls that walked past her, or the one that crashed into her.

She bumped into something warm, hard, solid. Apologizing profusely, Ireyne looked at the person's face to find herself meeting Jon's eyes. His grey orbs widened in surprise for a moment before he regained composure. Ireyne noted the dark bags under his eyes and the forlorn expression he wore. Her heart fluttered at his sight however, even if he looked miserable and tired. And simultaneously her heart ached for him, seeing him like this.

Tyrion's words floated around her mind though, unceasing, unwavering in their mission to conflict her very being. Ireyne wasn't ready to see him yet, Jon. She needed time to think things through; Ireyne knew she had to run away from here now, lest she ended up saying something she would regret later on.

"Ireyne? I wasn't expecting to see you-" Jon began speaking in his husky voice when Ireyne interrupted him.

"I was out to see Lord Stark. I'm... uh.. I'm sorry about your brother. I can't imagine how you must be feeling." Ireyne spoke softly, albeit hurriedly.

"He'll make it. I know of it. He-"

"Of course he will! Have faith. Umm... I should go, Cersei wanted to see me. I'll see you later, Jon?" Ireyne asked him breathlessly, her mind swimming with dubious thoughts again. She saw Jon's face contort in confusion - and was that disappointment? - as he nodded solemnly. Ireyne smiled in relief as his head bobbed a little.

"Thank you. Be strong." Ireyne said to him. And for some godforsaken reason, at that very moment - in the chilly hallway with the half melted candles and scattered shadows of inanimate objects - her brain seemed to have completely gone haywire for Ireyne rose up on her toes and kissed Jon's cheek.

Kissed? Ireyne wasn't sure. Her cold lips sort of puckered up and came into contact with Jon's warm skin, staying there for a long moment. Had anyone strolled in and seen the scene in the hallway, they'd have seen Jon standing with his eyes wide open, and Ireyne standing on her toes as her lips remained pressed to Jon's right cheek. Still. Unmoving. Stationary.

Ireyne felt her head spin faster and faster and faster. Her cheeks inflamed at the dawning realization of what she had done, what she was doing. Slowly, as if it caused her physical pain to do so, Ireyne withdrew herself from Jon's skin, planting her feet firmly on the ground once more. She saw the dazed, shocked expression on his face but didn't acknowledge it; she was too caught up in her own shock and daze to think about anything else.

"I beg your leave now, Jon. I'll see you soon, hopefully." Ireyne said evenly, not taking her eyes off his stormy ones. The need to leave became so urgent that Ireyne almost ran from the hallway as she made her way back to her chambers to take that bath she'd needed since the early hours of today. And while a million and one thoughts ran through her head, the most prominent one that kept returning was the same: Gods, his skin felt so good.

"Have you ever been in love, Vaera?" Ireyne asked her handmaiden as she sat in the warm water, letting her skin soak up the comforting warmth.

"My lady?"

"Love. L-O-V-E? The heart's worst disease. Have you ever been in love?" Ireyne muttered as she let her handmaiden wash her hair. Vaera seemed to hesitate a minute, making some choked noises before replying finally.

"Yes, my lady. Once."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What's it like?"

"It's hard to explain..."

"Try, for me."

Vaera was quiet a long moment in which she managed to rinse Ireyne's golden hair free of any soap. Eventually, her handmaiden spoke up again in a low voice:

"I loved a man once, he worked in the kitchens at the Red Keep. You didn't know about him; I didn't want anyone to know. It was my own secret. Being with him was - I can't describe it fully. It was like floating on clouds; flying without wings. He made me happy, very happy; just the sight of him would make my heart sing. When I was with him, the rest of the world ceased to exist. No one and nothing mattered except us. They were the best moments of my life, ones where I could barely breathe but I'd never felt more alive either. Its complicated, I suppose, being in love, experiencing what it is that they write ballads about... I didn't have very long with him though. He was forced to join the Lannister army when yo- when Lord Tywin needed more men. He left and I never saw him again."

Ireyne remained quiet, silently absorbing Vaera's words. Was that what love felt like? Was that it? She heard Vaera walk around and stand before her silently before her face broke out into a wide smirk as she answered Ireyne: "Has someone finally figured out they are in love with a Northerner?"

The question surprised Ireyne, who spluttered a bit before hastily replying: "I am not in love with Jon Snow. I was just-"

"- I didn't say Jon Snow's name, my lady."

Ireyne glowered at Vaera; had everyone figured this out except herself? Was she that oblivious? Was all this that obvious? In the back of her mind, a voice told her to calmly deny the situation, to pass it on, to let go and move on; none of it would matter eventually. But for once, Ireyne didn't want to seek the easy way out. She wanted to learn the truth. The full truth about her emotions. She just had to clear her doubts, had to acknowledge her feelings rightly.

"Is this love then? Is that what I feel for him?" Ireyne quietly spoke. It felt oddly nice to finally confess her deepest thoughts to someone, so she continued talking, ignoring Vaera's wide eyes and gaping expression. "I feel as though he's consumed my entire being. I can't live or breathe for longer than a few minutes without thinking of him. Everything feels so... miserable without him. But when I see him, everything in the world is fine, happy, right. Gods, I just- I don't know what to do."

"If you know you love him, why don't you just tell him."

"Tell him what?" Ireyne knew they wouldn't work out well. "I have to go back to King's Landing. And I doubt he's going to ever come South. We're meant to be doomed. Do I tell him that?"

"Ireyne," Vaera began, her usage of Ireyne's name did not go unnoticed by the youngest Lannister. She was aware that Vaera was now speaking as a friend, not a handmaiden. "You're right. You are going to go back South and you are going to get married to some oaf for the benefit of your family. But here and now, you love a man who loves you back."

"You can't know that." Ireyne interrupted suddenly. She knew she was in love with Jon; that didn't guarantee that he would feel the same way. And even if he had been staring at her every now and then, even if he seemed ready to kiss her that night in the Glass Gardens, it wasn't proof that he loved her. Right?

"So you think he longingly stares at you from across the hall, on the verge of drooling, because he hates you? You're mad if you can't already tell how much he likes you." Vaera snapped. Before Ireyne could utter a single word, Vaera relentlessly plundered on, "Stop being stupid about it. You can't be together forever, I know. But you can be together for a brief time.

Ireyne, love someone. Know what it's like to be in love. Know what it's like to be loved. Enjoy those few moments of magical bliss before you have to face your real life. You'll never marry someone who loves you back, I'll bet my life on it."

Ireyne stayed quiet, absorbing Vaera's words. Would a small fraction of time be enough with him? Or would she crave a forever once she tasted life with Jon? Was any of it worth the risk? Was it even fair to Jon?

"It's not fair though. To him, Jon. To me." Ireyne wondered out loud.

"What?"

"It's not fair," she repeated herself. "I can't play with his emotions only to say goodbye at the end. I can't lose myself to these... these imbecilic emotions."

"Ireyne-"

"No. He's nice. And I can't do this to him because I know I'll end up somewhere unwanted. I can't be that selfish. He has his whole life ahead. He'll... he can fall in love with whomever he wishes; love her and get her love in return for an eternity, if Gods will. He can marry that girl and settle down with her. He can't have that with me. And I can't break his heart because of my selfishness."

—(End Notes)—

Sorry for a rather filler-like, smaller chapter. Its finals week and I'm struggling to finish all my assignments and shit. I promise you, the next chapter is much longer - and a lot more satisfying 'cause stuff happens ;)

As always, I'd still love to hear your reviews on this chapter. Thank you to whoever reviewed the last chapters, I wanted to reply here but I'm super busy so I couldn't manage answering them yet. But I want you to know that your comments put a smile on my face always! I hope you liked this chapter too and will be kind enough to comment on it too.

Until next chapter, cheers!