A/N: …. She found the crack again. Where do you keep getting this stuff?
Elmarine: Black's
Me: What?
Elmarine: Behind Black's Hardware store. There's a white guy selling it.
Peter Griffin: Ha! I told that joke first!
Me: And what are you doing here?
Peter Griffin: Oh, you haven't heard?
Me: Heard what?
Peter Griffin: A-well-a bird! Bird! Bird! B-bird's the word! A-well-a bird! Bird! Bird! The bird is the word….
Me: …Right… Thankfully, she only has enough to last her through half the chappy. Disclaimer!
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, A:TLA, Peter Griffin, Deadpool, Rorschach, or anything else recognizable. Okay? Okay.
"Mustang and Elmariiiiiine!
They make a great teeeeeeam!
Heeeeee's a pyromaniac!
Theeeeeeee Flame Alchemist!
Sheeeeeeeee's a psychopath!
Waaaaaaait! She stole my song!
Now I'm gonna suuuuuue!
Don't mess with me fooooooool!
IIIIII'll take eeeevery peeeny that you own!"
"Well, what do ya think?" Elmarine asked. She was perched on Roy's desk again and Deadpool was standing in front of them with his guitar.
The door slammed open. Into the room barged another masked man. He was sporting a trench coat full of bullet holes, half of a tie, and a soaked hat.
"Rorschach?" Deadpool questioned, surprised to see the other man.
Rorschach took out a gun and shot Deadpool. He grabbed he merc's arm and dragged him out of the room, muttering "How the hell did I end up babysitting this moron?"
Roy wasn't sure what was going on, but that didn't stop him from commenting.
"That is what I think of the song," he said. Elmarine frowned.
Boomshakalaka
"Suddenly, they heard something down the hall, in the dark. Oooh...It came into the torchlight. And they knew the blade of Wing - Fun was haunted! Aah-ah..."
"I think I liked 'the man with a sword for a hand' better."
"Water Tribe slumber parties must stink."
The GAang was sitting around a campfire in the woods. It was nighttime and they were telling—or attempting to tell—scary stories.
"I've got a good one!" said Ed, popping up.
"Is it about the Ham Demon?" Aang asked knowingly.
"IT'S REAL!" said Sokka.
"Why don't you guys believe us?" asked Ed.
"Because we know that you're messing with us," said Katara. The two older brothers looked at one another exasperatedly.
"I've got and actual true story," said Katara.
"Is this one of those 'a friend of my cousin knew some guy that this happened to' stories?" asked Sokka, always the skeptic.
"No," she replied, "It happened to Mom."
He was now convinced. She told the story of poor little Nini, and by the end everyone was holding themselves and each other. Toph scared them even more by saying that she could hear people screaming from under the mountain.
"You're probably just jumpy from the ghost stories," said Katara.
"It just stopped," said Toph.
"All right, now I'm getting scared," said Aang. They heard a voice from behind bid them hello. They all screamed.
The person turned out to be an innkeeper named Hama. She offered to let them stay at her inn.
"Yes, please."
Boomshakalaka
"Why do you keep inviting him over here?" asked Roy.
"Cuz I loves that dude," Elmarine replied.
"If you love him so much, why don't you marry him?" asked Roy, sitting on his desk next to her.
"Have you seen what's under that mask? It's a nightmare! A grotesque, unattractive nightmare!" She laughed. "I mean, I adore his personality, but damn."
She sighed and leaned back on her hands. Roy did the same.
"You hungry?" she asked.
"You hungry?" Roy repeated.
She leaned towards him, her brow furrowed.
"Are you mocking me?" she asked.
"Are you mocking me?" he said, copying her motions.
She quickly leaned back again, a look of shock on her face.
"You are!" she said.
Roy did the same and said "You are!"
She folded her arms and turned away from him.
"Well, quit it," she said.
"Well, quit it," Roy again copied her.
"Seriously!" she said, springing off the desk angrily.
"Seriously!" said Roy, copying her yet again.
Elmarine punched him in the stomach and he doubled over.
"I'm the only one who has a right to be annoying around here!" she said and added a muttered "Stupid human."
Roy was still doubled over in pain, but he was chuckling. She glowered and turned away from him.
"Come, Mr. Bigglesworth!" she called. The cat jumped down from the shelf where she'd been sitting and onto Elmarine's shoulders. Elmarine angrily snapped and disappeared.
Boomshakalaka
"This is a mysterious little town you have here," Sokka had said. This was true. It was indeed a mysterious little town, and in more ways than one.
Ed couldn't escape the feeling that someone was watching him. Even when he was inside, it was still there. He asked the group about it, but just at that moment, Sokka managed to open the cupboard he'd found. Out fell a bunch of creepy puppets.
"Maybe that's what you're worried about," said Sokka, sliding down the wall with his sword pointed at the puppets.
Ed looked down the hallway, still worried. He saw a dark shape move in one of the rooms.
"Ed, are you coming?" Aang asked. Detective Sokka had already started upstairs.
"You go ahead," he replied. He'd decided to make a little investigation of his own.
Aang followed his friends and Ed walked into the dark room he'd seen the figure in. He cautiously walked over to the window to open the curtains. Light poured into the room and, sitting upon the bed, was a cat. Ed smiled at his own foolishness.
"Are you what's had me so worked up?"
He walked over to the bed and sat down. The cat rubbed up against him. He began to pet it.
"Of all the normal animals to be here, it had to be cats," he said, laughing to himself. The cat purred contentedly.
"What are you doing here anyway? Do you belong to Hama?"
The cat stretched. It jumped onto a shelf near the bed. From the shelf it jumped to the window ledge, and out the window it went. He looked after it for a while, then Aang cam into the room.
"You'll never believe what Hama just told us!"
Boomshakalaka
Elmarine had decided to go out to dinner on her own. There were two things about the restaurant she'd picked that she really enjoyed. 1: They had the best damn chicken wings you will ever find, and 2: Roy and Riza were going out on a date there that night. She decided she'd have a little fun with the couple.
When she saw the two walk in, she giggled evilly and went to the kitchen. There, she chloroformed one of the waiters, took his uniform, and brought a bottle of wine to their table. Neither Roy nor Riza even looked at her. Roy just motioned for her to pour the wine. She did so and "accidentally" knocked one of the glasses over. This caused Roy and Riza to look up at her.
"Whoops! Clumsy me!" she said, smiling hugely.
Roy's eyes widened, and then narrowed. He stood up, grabbed Elmarine by her ponytail, and dragged her out the door. On the way out, she stole a chicken wing off of somebody's plate.
Once they were outside, she said "What's up, Royo?" and took a bite out of her stolen chicken wing.
"Why are you determined to ruin my life?" he asked.
"Now, Royo, I don't want to ruin your life," she replied, "Just parts of it."
"Do you think that maybe, just maybe, for one night, you could leave me be? Please?"
She thought about it.
"Eh, what the hell," she decided, and disappeared in her usual way.
Roy walked back inside and the rest of his date was fun. But, by the next day, she was sitting on his desk again.
Boomshakalaka
Not only was Hama a waterbender, she was a Southern waterbender. She decided to take Katara under he wing and teach her some things. Katara was all for it.
While she was off doing that, the rest of the GAang was investigating the disappearances. They heard about someone called Old Man Ding, the only one to see the spirit and live. That night, they went to pay him a visit. As they walked, Ed still had the feeling of being watched. He glanced around and saw a dark shape on a rooftop. It was the same cat as before, cleaning its paw. He paused to look at it.
"Brother?" Aang asked. Ed turned to him.
"Is something wrong?"
Ed turned back to the roof, but the cat was gone.
"No. Nothing."
Boomshakalaka
"Why, it would seem that we are all alone," said Elmarine. Roy pushed her off of his desk. Instead of crashing to the floor, she floated in front of his desk and laughed.
The door opened and in walked Furey, Breda, Havoc, Fallman, and Hawkeye. They exchanged salutes and began to talk about military stuff. Elmarine crossed her arms and blew a stray strand of hair out of her face. Luckily, for her, it was a short meeting and they were all soon gone. Roy looked over to her.
"Awwww. Is someone not having fun?" he asked sarcastically. She glared at him, causing him to smirk. She took a deep breath.
"I'm starting to feel like a freakin' Shinigami,"(1) she said
"A what?"
"Shinigami."
"And that would be…?"
"God of death."
"How pleasant."
"Tell me about it."
"So are you one?"
"Hellz to the no! Do I look like some twisted version of a rotting corpse to you?"
Roy was silent.
"Yeah! I didn't think so!"
"Then what are you? A homunculus?"
"Oh, you did not just put me on the same level as those wannabes!"
"Then what are you?"
"Would you believe me if I said human?"
Roy crossed his arms and raised a sarcastic eyebrow.
"I'll take that as a 'no.'" She touched down and thought about it.
"There's not really a word for what I am, but, basically, I'm at the tippy-top of the food chain, savvy?"
Roy looked down.
"I see. So if you want to control me, you can and will."
"Bingo!"
That was it. She'd finally confessed. Well, Roy wasn't about to let her control him, no matter what she was. He glared at her and went to walk out the door. His hand was almost on the knob when he stopped short, turned around, and walked back to Elmarine against his will.
"What the hell is this?" he asked.
"Surprised? Most people are the first time. They never seem to get how powerful I really am until I reach in and take over," she said.
Roy's eyes widened. He tried to move his arms, his legs, anything. His body wouldn't obey him. He was completely under her control. This, he hadn't expected. Manipulation, of course, but this… this he wasn't prepared for.
She grinned wickedly and let him go. He collapsed to the floor, feeling weak.
"Of course, I don't usually do that. It feels like cheating," she said. Roy glared up at her from the floor. His whole body was shaking.
"That weakness will be gone in a minute," she said. Soon enough, he was able to stand again.
"Yeah. You'll be fine," she said.
Roy didn't even look at her. He just marched out the door as fast as he could and slammed it behind him. She laughed, and Roy could hear it echoing all the way down the hall.
Boomshakalaka
From Old Man Ding, the GAang had found out where the missing villagers were. They ran to the mountain and there they found a prison.
"I didn't know that spirits made prisons like this, who brought you here?" Aang asked as Toph began to release people.
"It was no spirit," said a woman.
"It was a witch," said a man.
"A witch, what do you mean?" asked Sokka.
"She seems like a normal old woman, but she controls people like some dark puppet master," said the woman.
Upon hearing the words "puppet master," it all clicked for Sokka.
"Hama!" he said angrily. Now they were all worried about Katara. They left Toph to free the prisoners and went to find her.
"How are we going to know were they are?" Ed asked. As if answering his question, he heard a soft meow. He looked towards the sound, and saw the cat from before. It was turned towards the woods and looking back at the trio.
"I think it wants us to follow it," said Aang. The cat meowed again and began to walk into the woods. When they didn't follow, it paused and looked back at them. The boys looked at one another and silently agreed to follow.
The cat was swift and led them to their friend in good time.
"We know what you've been doing, Hama!" said Sokka.
"Give up, you're outnumbered," said Aang as they got into fighting stances.
"No. You've outnumbered yourselves," said Hama. She raised her arms and the boys felt a strange sensation come over them. Suddenly, they had no control over their bodies, and were thrown forward.
Ed was still able to move his automail. He grabbed onto a tree to keep himself from moving. Aang and Sokka weren't so lucky. They were unable to keep themselves from attacking Katara, so she froze them to trees.
"Don't hurt your friends, Katara…and don't let them hurt each other."
Aang and Sokka broke out of the ice and Ed's arm felt like it was going to be pulled out of its socket. He hung on to the tree, though, refusing to let himself hurt anyone. His eyes were closed with the effort.
He heard Katara yell "No!" and it stopped. He opened his eyes to see Hama on her knees and Toph coming with the prisoners.
"You're going to be locked away forever," said one, as they put Hama in shackles.
"My work is done," she said, "Congratulations, Katara. You're a bloodbender," She cackled as Katara cried.
Down from a tree, the cat jumped onto Katara's shoulders. It rubbed its face against hers, trying to comfort the girl.
Boomshakalaka
Elmarine sighed and leaned back on her hands.
"Si, mee Nunti. Fides suam lucrare,"(2) she said to herself with a Cheshire grin.
She heard pacing on the other side of the door. It was Roy, thinking and worrying. She knew that she probably shouldn't have let him see her level of power, but sometimes she just couldn't help but show off. Oh, well. It didn't matter too much. Things were going smooth enough, and this time, she knew it would work.
The Cheshire grin returned, and she disappeared.
A/N: Peter Griffin and Elmarine: Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow! Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow! Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow…
Me: *headdesk*
Winry: Since I'm nowhere in this chappy, the author said I can take apart her iPod if I do the questions, so here we go! *takes out script* What's with the cat that comes to the rescue? What is Elmarine trying to make work? Will Mustang be able to combat her power? Will Elmarine ever stop annoying her creator?
Elmarine: NEVER!
Me: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Winry: Stay tuned!
BTW: (1) Based off of Death Note Shinigami.
(2) Yes, my Messenger. Gain their trust.
Again, if any Latin scholars can find a flaw in that translation, please let me know.
And, yes, there are actually normal cats in the Avatar world.