xi. this woman's work
Liability and love did not go well together, not at all. Isolation was impossible in the world they lived in, in their society that called upon their presence and needed their existence. Fang had always known how to make her own life—her own world—how to survive how she wanted. Admittedly, she was quite the spoiled, lovesick woman that could not live without her illness, the absence of which was her cure.
Through the frigid storm of pelleting rain three months later sprinted Fang and Lightning together along the coast close to the warrior's home, nearing an expansive rainforest filled with more prey for their early Tuesday evening. The speed and the thrill of having Light by her side and keeping up with her held all of Fang's worries at a distance. They both had their weapons in the hand furthest from each other, holding the freezing hand closest to them, and carrying conversation quite well despite their outrageous alacrity.
Fang shot her head back and laughed loudly against the rip-roaring winds that cut small, icy blades against every inch of her skin, "Lightning! I'm tellin' you, we should've started huntin' together ages ago! And don't give me that mess about this bein' illegal, neither!" She tightened her frozen grip on Light's gloved hand, grinning so hard it warmed her face in prickling pain, "You're finally off duty! I told you we're gonna have ourselves a great time tonight, and we're gonna do just that!"
Lightning smiled diffidently, eyes still on the wet sandy path ahead, and Fang took that as her stamp of approval to have her fun once they arrived in the forest. Their conversation wasn't quite one-sided—Fang knew her soldier rarely raised her voice unless she was on duty. She was speaking quite loudly over the rain, and she didn't expect any verbal replies. Light's bright, responsive expressions would suffice.
They passed a massive rocky cliff that overlooked the tempestuous sea, piercing the inky grey skies with a daunting presence. Fang smirked at it, and the waves crashing against the jagged base, just as she always did whenever she passed by. Lightning was looking up at the tip top of the precipice in awe.
"Think you could survive a fall like that?" shouted Fang in good-humor. She felt her face fall in confusion when Light actually nodded, squeezing their interlaced hands even tighter. "Oh!" Another laugh escaped her, "I get it—your Grav-con thing, right? Aren't you glad we all bought it for you? Comes in handy!"
Neither a nod nor shake of her head was given—Lightning only continued to smile meekly at the forest mere paces away. Fang understood easily enough and smirked faintly, shaking her head at the sycophancy, and of course appreciating it—Lightning hadn't been referring to her AMP device with her gesture.
They entered the rainforest and steadily came to a halt, surrounded by immense trees and various wildlife, from floral fauna to the most savory of aquatic monsters to hunt for sport and supper. The large branches and fading leaves helped to shield them from the rain, though a good portion of rainfall still managed to trickle down through the timber. Fang let go of Light's hand to stretch briefly and return the feeling to her frost-bitten legs between her sari. It was unusually cold to her, but winter was approaching quickly and she'd never experienced such weather on Cocoon before.
She'd been in this forest many times and had a blueprint of most of it in her head. With Light backing her up, she planned on exploring the rest of the area while hunting for dinner the old-fashioned way… She idly spun Kain's Lance about while she took a deep breath that tasted and smelled of leafy moisture and wet wood and grass, admiring the faint sounds of their prey in the distance. She also admired Lightning while she shook the sand from her sandals, observing her survey the immediate area with a sharp caution that wasn't befitting to her kind of hunting at all.
A smirk planted firmly on her face, Fang slowly sauntered over to Lightning who had her back to her, peeking vigilantly over the side of a tree with a careful hand on the trunk. She wore her same uniform, and in her hand was her Ultima Weapon—it was the same colors of the sky and shaped as markedly as the soaked hair about her shoulders and face.
The smooth edges of her bent waist wrapped firmly about Fang's cold, damp arms. Light ceased breathing for but a second, turning; blinking questioningly at the searing look in Fang's eyes. She asked blankly, "I thought we were hunting?" Fang was feeling exceptionally esoteric and batted her lashes, knowing Light thought her strange yet not minding at all. "…we're not here to hunt, are we?"
"Never said that," she proclaimed proudly. Lightning's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "We are here to hunt, sugar. There's a catch, might I add." Fang let go of her and began walking backwards casually. "You're gonna hunt me." The confused ire she saw in that fire was contagious. "Chase after me…"
"You really want me to hunt you? To chase you?" An indignant pair of boots began walking after her while she spun her gunblade. "Out here in this rain?" Fang tightened her grip on her lance, locking her hard, beckoning glance with Light's challenging one. "Even though it'll be completely dark soon?"
Fang's mouth was watering with excitement. The tip of her tongue curled about her already damp lips before she bit down sharply on her lower one, "That's right…" She spoke through her front teeth, rolling her lip between the upper and lower ivories. Wishing it was Lightning's teeth that was rolling something else. Damn her chivalry… "I want you…to chase me…no matter how dark the night gets."
"Mmm…" Lightning saw her tempts and raised her eyebrow, "and morning always comes…"
She was growing nearer…closer, and nearer still while she swiftly tucked her gunblade into her holster… Fang was losing so far—the illusion she had of Light keeping her hand on the handle of her weapon, of those nails gently scratching the surface there and never leaving it refused to leave her. Farron clearly saw the evidence of her actions, and she tilted her head to one side, raising her chin coolly at Fang's heightened inhalations, still advancing…
A twig snapped faintly underneath Fang's foot, resonating soundly enough that she would soon be pinned against the tree behind her at this rate. She scorned the moisture she felt beneath her hand that held her weapon, a moisture that was not rain—one that Lightning had constantly, constantly been able to make her feel there, and elsewhere; teasing her without any effort while she tried in vain to resist.
Resist she tried to do while she snapped her anxious expression to one of challenge, bolting away in an instant. Lightning's smug chuckling echoed evocatively in the forest, in her ears; kept her moving.
Again she felt the rain-drenched wind jetting through her hair, against her face and body. Again, she felt the hounding presence of the only one in her life that she could never see as a predator in any way. And again, she felt cold and barren and soaked to the bone. She didn't like the way the wet silk of her garments held her back, or how not-aerodynamic her weapon had become in her excited stupor.
Again and again and again her feet continued to almost slam against the dirt and grass she ran through while she pushed her legs, cursing the tired ache she felt everywhere. It was because Lightning was chasing her that she felt she might breathe her last strained breath at any moment. Chasing her with only the most loving of intentions, because she knew Fang enjoyed the delights of dashing. And yet there was no way—which meant she knew but was not saying anything—she could know of the whirlwind of insecurity that whipped and ripped her insides nearly every time they were together.
Lightning knew exactly what she was doing. Chasing but never going too fast or too far—on the pursuit but never catching her victim. Running after her no matter what Fang said or did or how much she put up a fight—going and going and going after her, always giving her time to get some distance first. The constant nearing and escaping was akin to electric, magnetic pulls closing in on one another, and in the end Fang was never allowed her release. Building, building, mounting and mounting—it seared her and reared her; made her fear what would happen to her psyche if she ever got what she wanted.
With the force of that rising tension inside of her, Fang bent down low and leaped and soared high into the air, catching a solid branch underneath the balls of her feet; keeping it moving through the mostly empty treetops. Her spear swiftly severed any offending branches in her way while she kept jumping from tree to tree in a straight line, looking as though she were flying in all her speed and concentration.
She glanced down for a split second and saw Light still chasing after her on the ground, fists clenched, looking up at her crossly while her boots continued to cross through the forest and around the ordinary monsters in her way. "That's not fair, Fang!" A grin quirked at the corners of her mouth at how loud Lightning's voice was—she almost sounded like a boy. "You know I can't jump THAT high!" A very attractive one, at that… "Not without any help!"
A taunting laugh all in good fun reverberated among the treetops and seeped down to Lightning, only incensing her further, "I'd still like to see you try! You've got plenty of help, right here!" Fang quickly stuck her tongue all the way out at her, curling it beckoningly before snapping her eyes back to the high road ahead. "And THIS too!"
She was about to slap her own ass or something of the sort until she heard a few breathy grunts from Lightning down below, signaling that she'd pulled some sort of stunt. Fang nearly forgot to slice several branches from her path when she turned and saw Light hopping from tree trunk to tree trunk, propelling herself higher, forward—deftly using one after another to keep her moving ahead and up to the treetops at the same time.
Fang didn't know what shocked her more—Light's sudden determination or how much she felt like she needed to slow down from feeling winded all of a sudden.
"Stop!" Reverse psychology, reverse psychology… "Fang, stop! You're going too far in!"
Soon Lightning shocked her with sharp bolts of static electricity from nearly catching her, from not faltering at her failed attempt at ending the game too soon. There had been no playfulness in that close call. The sharpness of those nails and fingertip grip was fresh in her mind, rousing her spirit and sprinting her legs harder still. Fang quickly looked about while she spiraled Kain's Lance just in front of her face to keep the branches and unremarkable monsters at bay. There was nowhere to go but forward or down.
"You'd better do more than that if you wanna make me stop now!" Oh how she wanted to stop, but she had no idea what would happen if she did. Had no idea what Light would do to her if she didn't. Lightning's sounds of indomitable physicality were of no help to her indecision. "C'mon babe, let's go!" The burning in her chest was indefatigable, indisputable; undeniable, "Show me what you've got!"
"Goddamnit!"
Sooner than she expected she was almost caught again, and a few strands of her hair paid dearly for it. Immune to the pain she was—awareness of Lightning's closeness had taken over. Faster her heart collapsed and collided all throughout her insides when she had to arch her back forward to keep free from the swishing snatches just behind her. She nearly lost her footing too many times for her liking.
When she saw a wide, circular opening just ahead, leaving her no more trees to run along, she nearly saw the past five months flash behind her eyes right when Lightning clamped her arm about her heaving waist, keeping them steadily in place on the thick branch with her free arm hugging the tree trunk as much as possible. Fang was so tired and thrown that she began seeing black spots everywhere while she looked up at the darkening sky. The rain had calmed down slightly, but only just.
"What…" Lightning was panting hard against her, holding her roughly from behind. "…was that…" Fang had to keep from squirming while she too caught her breath, "…about?" It was rather hard to explain, really… "You scared me, you know…why wouldn't you listen to me? Why?" Fang let out a soft sound of surprise when Light spun her around, keeping her steady and safe; looking at her with an oddly wild disbelief, "Is there something you need to tell me?"
Before she could think of a response, Fang whipped her head behind her, below her, and Light's eyesight followed suit. She heard footsteps. Human footsteps, as erratic as they were. Lightning didn't waste any time jumping down to the grass below with her, holding her, and they quickly made the landing together with their knees bent against the other compromisingly, comfortingly. Lingering was not on Light's mind while she had Fang stand with her, holding her firmly about the waist while they walked in the direction of the paused steps.
Admittedly Fang was still too thrown to realize everything that was going on. She was aware that she and Lightning were steadily approaching someone, but her internal confusion was giving way to allowing Light to keep all awareness of the situation.
She certainly snapped out of it when she felt Lightning draw her gunblade, immediately switching it to its gun mode and firing exactly four times in a row, hitting the tree not far from them each time.
The sound of someone shouting in fear, not pain, and collapsing to the mud joined Light's quickening footsteps while she let go of Fang's waist to go survey the damage. Fang kept back a little when she saw Light kneel down and turn the man's face in her direction—his skin was a pale, frozen blue, and he wore a tattered green and black uniform she thought she recognized.
"PSICOM…" Light muttered. The man gave no response—his eyes were open in shock but he was completely still, breathing normally. Fang stopped at her side, gripping her lance in her confusion while her eyes roamed his many cuts and open wounds. "They haven't been in Bodhum since the Purge last year. Nothing's been going on here that my division can't handle." Lightning didn't have any explanation or speculation about the frigidity of his skin.
Fang sighed, feeling completely caught off-guard by everything, "I've been in this forest loads of times. Ain't never seen no PSICOM soldiers in here…"
"You haven't been to every part of this forest, I take it." Lightning reached in her pouch and retrieved her Guardian Corps wireless. She looked up at Fang austerely. "My superior's been talking about fencing the entire place off, starting near that cliff. This is the second guy we've found like this in the past four months."
"What happened to the first one…?" Fang asked, rubbing the back of her damp head while Light began calling into headquarters.
"He ran and threw himself off that cliff before we could interrogate him. I made sure this one won't even be able to move for a while."
Fang nodded bleakly while Light turned back to her captive, speaking in a cool, professional tone, "First Lieutenant Lightning Farron. Good evening, Chief Warrant Officer—…yes, Zack, I know I'm off duty…this is important. I've found another PSICOM soldier, here in the rainforest near Valkurm county… Yes he's still alive, I need backup, immediately." She looked up inquisitively at Fang before continuing calmly, "Yeah…she's here with me. Looks like you'll finally get to meet her."
Fang stood with Lightning in a dark room with a large window in front of them, watching and listening to an officer harshly interrogate the man they found in the spacious, dark metallic room through the glass. There were several others in the room with them, and she knew she had only been allowed in thanks to Light's insistence and her own involvement in the matter. Light had her arms folded, scowling; observing the man devoid of his cracked helmet while the blonde female officer asked him questions ruthlessly.
She had no idea her insecurities would have aided in discovering this strange man. His skin hadn't warmed up at all, and he appeared deathly nervous and malnourished. His dark hair was long and matted and he looked so dirty, as though he were in dire pain. He looked so psychotic with his quirks and habitual spasms and jerks. The only words and phrases she could make out from his jittery confessions were: Purge; Sanctum left us for dead; Bioweapons; Freezing crystal dust; Lake Bresha…
She didn't feel she belonged there, but Lightning wanted her to stay. That had to count for something…
Soon enough the woman exited the room, and the man was in handcuffs being taken by two guards to a holding cell elsewhere in the building. The lights came on and conversation began to stir; a sickening feeling also stirred in Fang's stomach for reasons she couldn't grasp—a strong feeling of foreboding.
"Your guess is as good as mine, sir," Lightning was saying politely to another blonde in front of her who was not a sir by any means. And if she was, she was a strangely beautiful one at that. Her hair was also quite long and stylish for a man if she really was one. "It might be related to the crazy amounts of marine monsters that start attacking during thunderstorms. I remember seeing a lot of the same creatures on Lake Bresha, too."
"Hm? Oh yeah, your l'Cie business." The woman had a hand on her hip, looking down at Lightning nonchalantly. Her russet eyes were very clear-cut, very striking underneath her falls of blonde. Her voice was smooth and deep, that of one worthy of authority. "Hmph. It's almost hard to believe my best officer was involved in all that mess not too long ago. It says a lot that you're still alive and well."
"Sir, I…" Fang couldn't believe her eyes—Lightning was actually bowing her head, looking sheepish and a little unsure. "You're very kind, but…"
"But what?" Her tone snapped to one of superiority. Fang noted the deep silver hue of the two sharp luminous lines on both her shoulder plates over a sharp black trench coat. "You don't want me to praise you in front of your woman here?" She scoffed when Lightning didn't even raise her head, moving to stand in front of Fang; regarding her inquisitively. "You are her woman, aren't you?"
She was quite the Amazon; Fang actually had to look up a little to keep their gaze, "Why, yes, I am…—"
"Lieutenant Farron!" Lightning bolted to attention. What Fang wouldn't give for someone to take a picture of this moment… "Where are your manners, officer? Introduce us. I'm being nice for a change by letting her in here, and this is how you repay me?"
Fang smiled at the woman, sir, whatever she was while they resumed eye contact. She liked her already; Lightning was actually trying not to stumble over her words, "Sir, this is my girlfriend, Fang… Fang, this is my superior officer, Lieutenant General Chanel Delacour. She basically runs everything around here."
Neither woman offered their hand. She was unsure if she had to offer hers first or not, but the General soon folded her arms anyway, surveying her with a small sneer. Fang placed a hand on her own hip, still smiling. It was interesting how this woman in her coat over a fitting white shirt, white jeans and white work boots made her think of the complete opposite of Snow. Judging from the metal shaped over her knuckles, she had every right to assume she also specialized in hand-to-hand combat.
After a short while of observations, of Fang's curiosity being piqued by the General, and of Lightning trying not to show how anxious she was, she spoke again; calmly this time, "You can call me Chanel. Or sir, or General, Lieutenant General—whatever you're comfortable with." Lightning seemed surprised when her superior offered Fang a diminutive smile. "Do you have a last name, Fang?"
Fang grinned when Chanel offered her hand, "Oerba Yun, sir." They firmly shook hands, nodding.
"Oerba, huh? The village on Gran Pulse?"
"The one and only!" After hearing so many people refer to her home as only Pulse for so long, she found herself automatically liking anyone who used its proper name. "Might I ask whereabouts you're from?"
"Palumpolum." She shook the hair from her eyes, again moving to put her hand on her waist. "You'll have to excuse my coldness, Fang. I've lived here for twenty-six years now and I've been in the Corps for just as long. I'm a city girl at heart; I don't think I'll ever get used to the quaintness of this town."
"Makes sense, no worries." She motioned with her head to the still-stunned Light next to her, "I deal with this one everyday as it is, so I don't judge." Fang shifted her other hand to her other hip, smiling charismatically, "You certainly don't look your age, either. You look a lot younger."
Chanel smirked for a very brief moment. "You're too kind." Fang began to worry about the state of Lightning's lungs—she hadn't breathed properly for some time now. "On a more professional note, I have to ask that you keep all the information you heard and saw to yourself." Fang gave an assuring nod, and the General seemed pleased. "Thank you for your cooperation. It was a pleasure meeting you."
"The pleasure's all mine, Lieutenant General."
They exchanged polite nods before Chanel coolly redirected her attention to Lightning, shaking her head, "Honestly, you didn't even say a word on your own. Work on your social skills. You have a beautiful girlfriend—I suggest you act like it."
Light winced in apology and bowed her head once more. The General's eye twitched. "Enough of that, Farron. You're not on duty." She began strutting away at a brisk, military pace, "Come to my office. There are some matters you and I need to discuss in private."
Fang was smirking while she faced Lightning properly. She looked like she'd had one of the biggest scares of her life. "That wasn'tso bad, babe. She's really nice, in the same way you can be."
"Everyone calls her a hardass," Lightning mumbled, ashamed of her gossiping but still continuing anyway, "she never smiles. She never smirks or acts polite to anyone unless they're her superior. And even then her only superior is the General of the Guardian Corps, but he's retiring in a few years."
"You used to be the same way," Fang shrugged indifferently. "Who knows, maybe somethin' happened to her. I gotta admit, though—I never thought I'd meet someone you're scared of, that's for sure."
"Whatever." Incorrigible… Fang only sighed. "I have to go talk to her…it shouldn't take long. But I was thinking…afterwards, do you want to—"
"Hey Fang!" The officer on phone duty she'd met earlier—Zack Fair—accosted her with a broad grin. Fang gave Light a wink before facing him and nodding, "I've got tons of people who wanna meet you! No one believes me when I tell them you're the Lieutenant's girlfriend!" He stopped, blue-green eyes regarding Lightning uncertainly. "You okay, Lieutenant? You look pissed!"
"I think she'll be just fine," Fang answered easily for her. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Light's, lingering long enough to relax her but not too long. When she pulled away, Light's face was adequately flushed. Fang faced the dark-haired man once again, still returning his grin, "Light's got some business to take care of anyway. I'll go with you; I'd sure love to meet everyone."
The next Sunday evening brought the usual crowd sans Hope together for another loud, late dinner at the dining table at Serah and Snow's. The dinners had gotten progressively louder and longer and filled with more laughter—Val had charmed everyone easily enough over time, always entertaining most of the group with tales of his family's antics and his own personal anecdotes.
No one ever appeared to notice that Fang and Lightning always kept to themselves at one far end of the table, talking quietly with one another due to their less than taken regard of Vanille's boyfriend. Sometimes Fang humored herself in thinking that maybe Lebreau noticed, but it never went any further than that—the bartender was just as captivated as everyone else, apparently.
"I need to go back home soon," Lightning muttered to her, both of them rolling their eyes discreetly at one another; the rest of the table had erupted in gregarious laughter yet again. "Preferably now. I have some things I need to do."
"What things?" The words came out automatically out of curiosity, not prying. Yet the way Light looked down and away made Fang place a gentle hand under her soldier's chin. She gave her a faint smile that reached all the way to her eyes, "What's the matter? You've been real quiet ever since the other day. Somethin' you're not tellin' me?"
"Hey Sis!" Snow had an arm around his giggling wife's shoulders, grinning widely at Lightning from the other end of the table, "That true? Val says you're going off on a mission tomorrow without him!"
Everyone's smiling faces mutilated Fang's insides while she moved her hand away from Light, barely hearing her speak up affirmatively, "Uh…yeah, I… I am." Why was she the last to know? Was this what Lightning had been so clammed up about? "I'll be in Lake Bresha with a big group of other elites, doing recon, and a few other things…it should take care of the monster problems the city has during thunderstorms." The guilt in her tone that only Fang could hear made her question her next words, "I shouldn't be gone for too long…"
"That's good to hear!" Serah smiled, giggling a little when Snow held her closer. Fang nearly wanted to vomit. "I know you'll do a great job. Come home soon, and safe, okay?"
"I will." Lightning stood politely and pushed in her chair, leaving Fang sitting there feeling at a complete loss. "I'm going home. The train station isn't too far away from my house, so I'll walk there on my own." She should have known; she should have known… "I'll see you all when I get back."
Everyone at the table stood genially to walk Light to the door and see her off with kind words, yet Fang could not move. She remembered the apprehension she'd felt at the Guardian Corps headquarters, and it arrested her, kept her rooted to the chair. Not one person noticed her and stayed behind.
No one—except for Vanille.
The girl had stood up initially to turn the lights off while following behind Val, and she did so, only before noticing her sister still sitting dejectedly at the table in the dark. Fang was giving a hard thousand mile stare at the chair at the other end of the table, unable to find the will to tell Vanille to leave her alone.
All she could think about was if Lightning had ever planned on telling her anything, or if she'd planned on leaving without even saying goodbye to anyone, not even her. She also had a bubbling feeling that Light would be gone for longer than she'd told everyone else.
"Aren't you going to say something?" Vanille asked quietly. Fang pretended not to have heard her. "I know you hear me! Just admit it—you feel silly because Lightning didn't even tell you she was leaving!"
"So what if I do?" snapped Fang, immediately losing what little patience she'd had. Vanille looked sheepish, but that didn't change her tone in the slightest, "Don't provoke me, Vanille. I don't want to hear a word you have to say about her, you got that?"
"Why are you always so mean to me? I've never done anything to you!" And there she went with her sob story… Fang really wasn't in the mood to hear it. "How could you be so—"
"Can it, Vanille—"
"No! I'm tired of staying quiet!" Fang was honestly quite content for things to go back to the way they'd been for the past few months. "For nearly our whole lives, it's only been us! We promised we'd be together forever! And then…then once she comes along and sweeps you off your feet, it's like you don't even care about anything else anymore! You only care about her now!"
"It's real funny that you have such a problem with my love life," replied Fang tartly, "'cause if I remember right, you were the one goin' around, showin' that first letter she wrote me to the others like she wrote it for you. You were happy for me then, what's wrong now?"
"Ever since the wedding you've been acting stuck-up, that's what! You're never home and you never spend any time with me anymore! And when's last time we've gone fishing together—"
"Look here: you've got your charmin' little boyfriend who's nothin' but a peon, and I've got my girlfriend who's one of the highest ranking officers in her regiment. We have different lives now, so deal with it."
Vanille glowered and walked over to her slowly, almost mockingly. Fang leered at her. "If she's so important to you,then why are you letting her go without saying goodbye?"
"She's leavin' tomorrow, Vanille, not right this moment!"
"That's not what Val told me," she said in a tattle-tale tone. If Fang heard his name come up like this in their arguments one more time… "His dad is in the Guardian Corps too. Her train leaves at midnight! There's a very dangerous bioweapon infestation down there…she might not make it back alive!"
Fang automatically felt herself sinking in her chair; her insides had turned to venomous stone.. She breathed piteously to herself, "Why didn't she tell me…?" Vanille didn't look smug at all while she stood next to her, but her presence alone wasn't helping at all. "Why…?"
"Maybe she just doesn't like goodbyes," offered Vanille.
Fang shook her hollow head, scowling, "I'm her girlfriend, Vanille! I'm her woman and she's mine! She'd better say goodbye to me if she knows what's worth!"
Vanille tried again, softer this time, "Maybe…she thinks something doesn't feel right anymore, and this is her way of break—"
"You got one more time, Goddamnit!" Fang stood and shoved her chair back, looking down at Vanille edgily, standing directly in front of her. She was unfazed by the fear in her eyes, "Say somethin' else about Lightning, I dare you! Say one more thing and I swear I'll—"
"You'll what, Fang?" Vanille was close to tears in her fearful fury now, only angering Fang further. "I understand if you're upset that she didn't give you any heads up, but she's the one you need to take this out on, and not m-me!" Fang backed away remorsefully, shaking her head—she knew that already, but she hated that Vanille had to point it out. "Either way she wants you to keep away from her! You know how she is, even I do! If you love her, then you'll do as she asks!"
Fang barely felt her backside gently come into contact with an empty spot on the cold wall. She leaned heavily against it, with all the weight of her words pressing on her heart, "I never told her I do. Not once. She hasn't told me, neither." She looked down and closed her heavy eyes, feeling idiotic. "She's liked me for way longer than I liked her…so I always assumed she did, that she'd tell me when she's ready." Another realization had her throat and eyes stinging, "We haven't even…even…"
Vanille's eyes widened, "All this time, and you two haven't—"
"NO we haven't!" Her fist slammed against the wall, and she used it to push herself to stand correctly, even though her legs had turned into flaming vapors, "All this time she's been takin' me out to dinner, out to the movies, out to different shows! She's been buyin' me things, keepin' me happy, always makin' sure I'm taken care of! The only time I care about sex is when I have those fuckin' dreams, or if she's bein' sexy without realizin' it and my mind starts wanderin' like the depraved sod I am!"
"Fang, wait—"
"I ain't finished yet, Vanille!" Fang barked back, advancing towards her meek form purposefully, "Lightning may be the biggest bitch you know besides me, but we work together! Me and her are a team! A different kind than me and you are—or were—I don't even know anymore! And she…she's…"
"…she's got you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she? You can't think about anything else other than her. This is the first time anyone's ever made you feel this way…isn't it?" She didn't even have to justify that with an answer. Vanille looked up at her in quiet shock, "Fang…oh my goodness… I'm so sorry…"
Fang looked away, feeling a little panicked all of a sudden; feeling a strong bout of restlessness overtake her, "Vanille, I…" She looked to the round clock on the wall—it read ten-thirty. The stinging returned to her eyes in full force, "I'm sorry too…I am…but need to go to her, I need to…—"
Her head snapped up, finally noticing everyone else standing in the archway in front of her in amazement. She looked down at Vanille, then back to the others, feeling her dread mounting more and more for every second she wasted standing there helplessly. The look of astonishment Serah in particular made her feel like complete shit for holding everything in, for not telling Lightning everything when she had the chance. Seeing her elder sister there in that face did it for her.
Quickly, Fang pushed through Vanille and their crowd of onlookers and out to her car, damning her emotions for showing themselves as little as they did.
Minutes later Fang had parked her car behind Lightning's, and was standing at her front door awkwardly in the chilly wind. She had on her keychain a spare key to Light's home that she had acquired through not-so-legitimate means, to use in emergencies such as this one. She never imagined that this would be the kind of circumstance under which she would first be using it… Sighing, she rubbed her ringing forehead with one hand while the other unlocked the door. She never had any idea what to expect with Lightning, but every part of her wished that her girlfriend really wanted to be followed that night.
Immediately upon entering Light's modest, bright home, Fang's ears picked up on the loud alternative music playing somewhere in the house. After locking the door and placing her keys in her pouch, she began treading in the direction of the music. Her eyebrows quirked up at the bitter lyrics of the woman who was singing—something along the lines of The truth is hiding in your eyes, and it's hanging on your tongue, just boiling in my blood. But you think that I can't see, what kind of man that you are, if you're a man at all. Well I will figure this one out, on my own…
The closer she got to the room, the less she was able to fill her lungs properly. She could faintly hear those same breathy sounds only Lightning was capable of making, and they grew louder to her veteran ears with every step she took. Down one undecorated hall was the source of the music and the sounds, and Fang peeked through the open doorway of Light's moonlit workout room.
Lightning's back was to her, her shoulders and arms were bare, and she had wrapped her chest and back in clean bandages for some reason. Fang's heart began moving up and down in her chest in time with Lightning's rapid pull-ups while she held a bar connected to her ceiling. Her shorts were black and spandex and her legs and feet were also bare; her entire rigidly fluid body looked as though it were glistening with sweat despite her running ceiling fan and open window.
Fang could only watch in captivation, entrancement. Pure strength was what Lightning exuded—truly.
Longer and longer she continued to stand there, not quite through the doorway; keeping her arms folded and a knee bent while she leaned on the wall and continued to watch. Lightning never stopped or even slowed down. Similar songs kept playing one after another, mostly of a different band with another female lead with a beautifully haunting voice. Fang kept the songs in mind, assuming that they were of Light's favorite band, but she couldn't deny that they were only adding to her feelings of foreboding.
But when the lead began singing: Beg my broken heart to beat. Save my life, change my mind, Fang finally felt the need to put her foot down. She stepped in the room that smelled of sweat and groaned quietly to herself—she knew she had it bad if she didn't mind the smell at all, and even liked it to an extent, "Lightning!" she yelled over the music. No light to lead the way. Remember that alone is where I belong. Fang growled even louder this time, "Lightning Farron don't act like you can't hear me!"
Still nothing. Fang stomped over to the boom box on the floor not too far away and irately unplugged it. Lightning was still at it. Enough was enough, and Fang was right behind her in an instant, grabbing her around her thighs and ankles to keep her still.
Lightning sounded breathless, "Fang!" Yes, that was her name… "Wh-what are you doing here? How did you get inside?"
She wasted no time in pulling Lightning away from that bar despite her protesting, making her let go of the thing and fall over Fang's shoulders like a child. She left the room and made her way further down the hall to the bedroom. Lightning was indeed as sweaty and unhygienic as she claimed to be, but in all honesty, Fang still didn't care no matter how much she complained about it. Part of her was treasuring the moment—another was furious with Light over everything. The latter part of her was adamant about making itself known and crystal clear.
Lightning's bedroom was spacious, lit by the moonlight shining in through her moderately-sized windows—decorated with only the bare essential pieces of black and white furniture. Her idea of décor was displaying her prized gunblades about her walls, among framed certificates and awards. Fang could never forget the stubborn smell of polish, fine metals, and all of Lightning's figurative work she brought home with her about the room. All of it clung to the walls, the pearly white carpet; her tongue, even…
"Seriously Fang, did you break down my door or something to get in here?" Lightning was nervous and guilty and ranting—she wouldn't shut up. The truth made Fang hurry faster to the large bed covered in a silky silver duvet. "I have to get it fixed if you did, but I can't do that while—"
"While you're gone, yeah—I know," Fang finished acidly. Lightning's breath caught in her throat. "Don't get predictable, Claire—I don't even need to see your face to know you've got shame all over it! You can't sweat that away no matter how hard you try, trust me!"
In a powerful, swooping motion Fang slammed Lightning's limp body on the bed, finding that it didn't even begin to alleviate her searing anxiety. Light sat there stunned for a moment, as if she really didn't see this coming. "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't do nothin' to your door! I have a key."
"What the hell do you mean you have a key?" There, her typical coldness made a comeback. "I never gave you one!"
"Let's just say I know you better than you think I do." Fang folded her arms while Lightning had her arms propped behind her, having the audacity to scowl up at her. She snorted, "Whenever shit starts happenin', you always think it's best to charge in headfirst without givin' any notice. You're bloody triflin', Lightning—I can't believe you thought you could slip off for who the fuck knows how long without sayin' nothin' to me, of all people!"
Lightning said nothing; she only fixed her face and regarded Fang quietly. Fang decided just to go on, "At first we started off real cool. Takin' me places I ain't never been, but now you're gettin' comfortable. In the past week you ain't been doin' those things you did no more. And you had the nerve to think I wouldn't notice somethin' was up? I had to find out from Vanille what's goin' on?"
"What…did she tell you…?—"
"Enough for her to have that bitchy superiority she did after you left me sittin' there, lookin' like a fool! This ain't no ordinary mission and even you might not make it back in one piece!" Fang leaned down and crawled over Lightning, following her despite the soldier's efforts to crawl away. Her guilt was sickening—made her own stomach and heart clench painfully. "Your train leaves in an hour, yet you tried to play it off like this was no big deal! As if I was supposed to let you go, justlike that…"
Her longings and regrets soon brought her to a stop, and she fell despairingly into Light's arms while she sat up against the pillows and the headboard. Lightning held her tight despite her legs tangled uncomfortably beneath Fang's dead weight. Her breathing was forcedly calm; her heartbeats were jagged and haunting. She was still sweating, and yet because of what the next hour brought…to Fang, Lightning smelled heavenly. Any more of this and she felt she might lose it.
"I hate goodbyes, Fang. It's hard to kiss you goodbye before I leave for work. I hate being away from you, but…" Lightning paused when Fang's hold on her tightened. She inhaled deeply and continued on just as calmly, "I was ordered not to give you or anyone else any details about the mission. Val wasn't supposed to tell Vanille anything either—I'll have to report him for that."
Fang wanted to remind her she didn't give a damn about any orders, but she couldn't speak. "I'm sure you guessed that I planned on leaving without saying anything to you. I thought it was for the best. I figured if you were mad at me, then maybe you wouldn't miss me as much—"
"Who the hell thinks like that? You might dieout there, Lightning! Damnit I can't standyou right now…"
Lightning gave no response. Fang couldn't breathe through her clipped throat—the proximity and imminent distance was mauling her with two different rusty bars at the same time. Everything she felt, all of Light's unspoken love was closing in on her, forcing her to play her hand, and she didn't want to win. When Light's hand moved her face up, when Lightning kissed her—deeply—she honestly lost all semblances of who she was while she responded gently, weakly.
There was something about being in her arms in her bed so late at night that made her want to beg for something. Not ask, not demand, not state—she felt too thick and too torn and too emotional to keep in line with her usual self tonight. Lightning was taking all of Fang's strength for all she knew, conducting it right from her abating lips and burning face and her eyes wide shut in disbelief. It wasn't fair that she always knew exactly which nerves to pull to make her fall to pieces in her arms like this.
And Lightning did it again and again while she gently pulled away, tenderly pushed her away; calmly left her alone there to walk into her bathroom linked to her room.
Fang was once again sitting within herself while she listened to Light draw a bath. Everything she wanted was still going about her normal business, seemingly oblivious to how much she needed her right now. She removed her sandals and sat cross-legged upon the bed, keeping her head in her hands, listening to the bath get fuller and fuller and thinking non-stop about the body that would be in the bath, presumably without her.
All of her earlier rage transformed into yearning, into different kinds of desires of all shapes and sizes that all led back to Lightning. Lightning, who was done filling her bath, and was now getting in with a water-smooth summon that Fang was powerless to fight. Despite her earlier plans, Light wasn't so cruel that she'd abandon her. The abandonment would only happen if she left without something for the road. Something Fang already knew Light would decline taking, but she had to at least try and see what she could get out of it. Or off of it.
She was up and in the bathroom faster than she could remember to blink and breathe once.
A soft hounding was present about her footsteps while she walked through the candlelit room and over to Lightning. She could smell strawberry incense burning softly, feel another heated chocolate aroma surround her just as strongly, hugging her curves that dared move closer to the one she wanted.
Light's sizable ivory bath was along the wall in front of her, and she sat there in profile, giving her an oblique, passive scowl. Her bare feet stopped along the tile floor, mere paces away from her penchant. Was Lightning sitting in a warm bubble-free bath or was she sitting on a throne? The way her arms were along the basins at either side of her, the way her back was so straight; the way she commanded authority made her question what her eyes were viewing. It was disarming, unnerving—all the confidence Fang had had dissipated in the damp, aromatic air.
"Do you have faith in me?" Lightning used one hand to brush away the falls of her hair that were steadily moistening along her forehead. Fang nodded mechanically. "Alright then. Glad that's settled."
She didn't understand, but saw no point in asking for clarification. "How long will you be gone for…?"
"Like I said, not too long. Vanille exaggerated—this mission won't be that big of a deal, not with the group I'm part of. They're sending us because they know we'll get the job done soon, before the hurricanes and bigger thunderstorms start happening. This will be the first winter we've really experienced, now that there aren't any fal'Cie controlling the weather anymore."
"Right…"
Lightning sighed, "Nothing longer than a week or two. I know I should've just told you, but I kept getting cold feet. I didn't want you to worry…" She wasn't worried—she felt like a right idiot, and was concocting very colorful ways to make Vanille pay for getting her so worked up over nothing… "You know Vanille likes attention. Blame her boyfriend for inflating her head."
"How'd you know I was thinkin' about her?"
"You always frown a certain way whenever she's on your mind. I know you."
Fang finally hovered closer to her, sitting down next to her with her legs at one side and her feet pointed behind her. She kept an arm propped along the white towel she was sitting on, watching her other hand trace indistinct patterns along her thigh. "I've gotten so dramatic these past months," she admitted sardonically. "Moody and emotional… I yell at anyone at the drop of a hat if I think they've wronged me. My sister and her boyfriend are even plottin' against me now, I've changed so much… The hell's happenin' to me…?"
"I don't think anyone ever changes." Lightning reached out and placed a hand over Fang's sullen face, "You never stop growing into yourself. I know you're used to being relaxed and peaceful most of the time, but things are different now. You'll always be the same person to me, Fang. No matter what."
"You know…" Fang leaned in to the touch more, finding that she was struggling to keep her eyes open, "there's somethin' I've been wantin' to tell you for months now… Somethin' I was always too proud to say to you… but hearin' you talk to me like that, it puts me at ease…helps me think straight."
Lightning took a moment to respond, pillowing her anticipation with her tone, "I'm listening."
She willed her eyes to stay open despite the lull; she resolved to keep their regard despite the dull fervent ache she felt everywhere. She was really admitting to this, "I can't tell you how hard I've fallen for you, Light…whatever you're doin' to me is your second job, so keep at it…don't you dare stop. You keep throwin' me for one loop after another, and I.. well, it… the thought of—"
Fang shook her head, feeling absolutely stupid. She lowered her gaze a little, and Light's followed compassionately. Such a small gesture made her spill nearly everything, "I can't lose you. You've got me trapped in a good way and I don't wanna go anywhere if it's not with you. My life turned upside-down the day you wrote me that first letter…and ever since then, I've…" Grown obsessed with you? Turned into a lunatic? Often forgotten my name? "…I've realized that I really can't do shit right without you by my side…"
She shut her eyes automatically when Light stood up. The watery movements of her legs out the water had her mind racing. The quieter ones of her actually walking behind her, kneeling down and holding her purposefully—and wetly—from behind made her nose and forehead bead with an embarrassed sweat. Lightning likely sensed her turmoil and only breathed calmly in her ear for a long moment, giving her time to calm down, but the hour was growing thin. She would have to leave soon…
Eventually Lightning settled on a few last words after kissing her temple; they were as purposeful as her touch, and the memory of it all would stay nestled in Fang's mind very clearly for a long time to come:
"You know…I'm exactly the same way about you. I'm not perfect…and yet you always make me think otherwise whenever I catch you looking at me shyly. I really…love being with you, Fang… And I know you can take care of yourself just fine, but…" Light used a warm hand to ease their gazes together, and she was smiling—smiling so beautifully, "Zack also said to me…that being with your girl is good…but keeping danger far away from her is better. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I promise I'll be back, soon."