[We open with blurred vision and ringing ears, Conner fades and in and out of consciousness, He hears a distorted voice as a blurry big busted figure stands over him.]
Figure: [Coughs] "Conner! Conner!
[The figure clears up to reveal a badly bloodied Nurse Grande, She's sustained a nasty head wound with blood running down the side of her head, her uniform is shredded giving a nice look at her bra and the back of her underwear and she's covered in soot and blood.]
Nurse Grande: "Dios Mio your awake, Are you alright can you walk?"
[Conner sits up and works his way to his feet.]
Conner: [Coughs] "I-I think so [Coughs] Where's The Mole?"
[A low moan answers his question as he finds the mercenary in question still under the jail bench.]
Conner: [stumble over to check on Christophe] "Christophe!" [He knees down to check on him] "Christophe speak to me!"
Christophe: [Coughs] "Conner!" [He looks at him like a man dying] "Come closer."
[Conner leans in closer.]
Conner: "What is it my friend?"
Christophe: [Coughs] "Closer."
[Conner leans in closer]
Christophe: "Would you get your knee off of my leg?"
[Conner looks down to see his knee is dug into Christophe's leg.]
Conner: "Oh uh sorry about that." [He stands up and offers Christophe his hand] "Can you walk?"
Christophe: [Looks at his handshake in disgust] "I do not need you to hold my hand like we were faggot lovers!" [He gets up on his own.]
Conner: "Is anyone else still alive?"
[Detective Yates moans offscreen]
Yates: "Paradise." [Moans]
Nurse Grande: [Looks uncomfortable] "I sorta shielded him from the blast with my breasts."
[Cuts back to the explosion throwing Nurse Grande on top of Yates with her big buttocks shielding her from the blast.]
Dying Officer offscreen: "N-Nice!" [Death rattle]
Yates: "Nice" [He leans against the wall of the area when suddenly the ceiling collapses spilling the contents of the second floor all over the place including the weapons that were in the evidence room.]
Conner: "Alright this place isn't going to hold for much longer grab Detective Yates and a weapon and lets get out of here."
Yates: [Pained] "Nice!"
[Nurse Grande picks up the wounded Detective by his arms and drags him out of the building giving him a long look at the bottoms of her breasts including her bra. Yates looks at her like a deer in the headlights his mind unable to comprehend how to deal with these awesome rocking tits in front of him. Conner and Christophe goes over to the wreckage of the evidence room and scrounges up any weapons still intact. He picks up the clothes he stole along with his provisions and the M16 and the Shotgun only to find they both have gunlocks on them along with all the other guns he took from Jimbo's shop.]
Conner: "Aw Goddamn it! [He throws it to the ground.]
[Christophe spots his shovel on the floor broken in two and splinters all over the floor]
Christophe: [Look of shock] "Mon Ane Cosette [He grabs the two pieces.] "Non non non non non non ce ne peut pas arriver."
[No no no no no no this cannot be happening.]
[He tries to piece his beloved shovel back together but it's too splintered and broken.]
Christophe: [Begins tearing up] "Vous devez vous ressaisir, Votre tout ce que je ai dans ce monde de merde."
["You've go to pull yourself together Your all I've got in this piece of shit world.]
[He breaks down sobbing]
Christophe: "COSETTE!"
[His shovel is named after Cosette the street urchin girl from Victor Hugo's novel Les Miserables]
Conner: "Pull yourself together now is not the time to fall apart."
[Christophe glares at him then punches him in the face]
Christophe: "Shut up just shut your fucking beetch mouth Kurtz z'his is all your fault."
Conner: "My Fault! I didn't drop a fucking bomb on the police station."
Christophe: "Well you were z'e beetch z'hey were trying to kill."
Conner: "I'll get you another shovel later I promise."
Christophe: [Erupts] "You shut z'he fuck up right now Kurtz before I loose what little self control I have left. I've had Cosette since s'he was a head taller z'hen me, we were inseparable s'he was z'he only thing z'hat made living in z'his piece of shit world worthwhile and now she's gone thanks to you."
[He walks to the door]
Conner: "You could said no and gone back to sleep, Why didn't you?"
[Christophe just walks out the door with his shovel looking at him with disgust. Conner shrugs his shoulders and picks up a handgun off a dead officer before following Christophe out the door.]
[Outside South Park is in Anarchy, Drones rain crude homemade bombs from the sky igniting buildings and vehicles, People flee for their lives running over the corpses of the people killed by the airstrikes. Conner runs away from the burning wrecked police and looks over just in time to see a drone chopper fire rockets into the Tower Of Peace.]
[Lu Kim rushes out to just in time to see the tower wobble and lean towards City Sushi then just as it's about to fall over it turns and falls on top of City Wok.]
Lu Kim: "Aw Goddamn Mongorians! You flattened my Shitty Wok!"
Conner: "That Korean dude sounds pissed."
Nurse Grande: [Calls out to Conner] "Conner! this way rapido!"
[Conner looks over to see Nurse Grande outside the church carrying Yates over her shoulder. Not wasting any time he rushes past the burning parking lot where several police cars have been reduced to husks of burnt out metal just as one of the cars gas tanks ignites sending Conner crashing to the ground as parts of the car fly over his head. Struggling to his feet Conner picks himself up and staggers to the church doors falling on his back inside.]
Nurse Grande: "Conner are you okay?" [She tries look at a cut on his head from when he hit the sidewalk but he pushes her hand away.]
Conner: "I'm fine it's just a scratch."
Nurse Grande: "Where's Christophe?"
Conner: "Jesus Christ how the fuck should I know?"
"Why the hell are you asking me?"
[Conner looks in the direction of the altar and points his gun there.]
Conner: "Who's there?"
Nurse Grande: [lowers his gun] "It's alright he is a friend to us." [She forms the sign of the cross.] "
[Jesus steps out from behind the altar]
Jesus: "Put down your weapon Conner I mean you no harm."
Conner: "Who are you?"
Jesus: "Yea believe in me and you shall find peace my son."
Conner: "No way your actually for real?"
Jesus: "Seriously? You've met your parents and brother after they'd already been killed and your having a hard time believing I'm for real?"
Conner: "Point taken so how can you help us?"
Jesus: "Just let me lay my hands upon you my son and all your wounds shall be healed."
Conner: "I...need...an...adult."
Jesus: [Heavenly powerful voice] "I am an adulllllt!" [He lays his hands upon Conner healing his wounds.]
Conner: "BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH! Huh?" [Jesus takes his hands off Conner who looks himself up and down to see his body is completely healed and his fatigue and shell shock are gone.]
Jesus: "Your wounds are healed my child."
Conner: "Hmm clothes are still on, nipples are dry, my asshole remains unprobed...Phew for a moment I thought I was gonna end up uhh...
Jesus: "End up what?"
Conner: "Never mind it's nothing just...just some bad experiences I've had."
Jesus: "I see...Conner listen to me these are trying times that are coming South Park faces complete destruction unless we act, but do not fear my child for as long as you believe I will stand by your side through thick and...[He is interrupted by his wrist communicator.] This is J Whiz.]
[Buddha appears on the screen at the Super Best Friends Headquarters with Krishna, Muhammad, Moses, Lao Tzu Joseph Smith, Seaman, swallow and even God, Satan and Damien.]
Buddha: "J Whiz Moses got us all tickets to see Bruno Mars live in Las Vegas."
Jesus: "Bruno Mars? Aw Hell yeah I'll be right here."
Conner: "Hey I thought you said you were going to help me?"
Jesus: "Hold on Buddha I'll be right back." [He turns back to Conner.] "My Son it seems I am needed elsewhere but fear not for I shall not leave you empty handed. [He walks over to the altar and presses a button.]
Choir: "Deus Ex Machinma!"
[The Confessionals slide open to reveal a large cache of automatic weapons.]
Nurse Grande: "My Lord why do you have such dangerous weapons in a house of God?"
Jesus: "Two words my child Jehovah's Witnesses."
Conner and Nurse Grande: "Oh."
Nurse Grande: "Never did like those people."
Conner: "Alright lets lock and load."
[Conner changes into the clothes he stole from Jimbo's shop, a green winter jacket and cargo pants, laces up his boots, straps on a leg holster for his handgun and magazines, slings up an M16 with a grenade launcher over his shoulder, tapes some spare magazines together, picks up some hand grenades and shells, and lastly takes a combat knife and sheath and puts it on.]
[A Pan up shot shows Conner dressed head to toe for battle. He looks out the window his eyes stoic and prepared.]
[Flyboy's Runway.]
[The Remaining drones that weren't used for suicide attacks return to base led by Flyboy's A10.]
Zoom: "Oh that Guy is pissed that was a nice Japanese Restaurant."
Zip: "I think it was Mongolian dude."
Zoom: "Who gives a shit man!"
Zip: "I heard that."
Dash: "Mother Goose this is Dash all primary targets confirmed destroyed We are RTB to Goose Nest."
Zip: "Mother Goose this is Zip I authentic Dash's earlier statement."
Zoom: "This Zoom I also authentic statement all targets confirmed destroyed."
Flyboy: "Roger that Goslings all strike aircraft are cleared to return to base."
Zoom: "Local patrol drones will spot any roaches that survived."
[The Attack Drones land on the runway and are picked up by the deck crewmen while in the air the chopper drones begin picking off any targets that survived, Citizens are shot at with 9 inch nails, bottle rocket propelled lawn darts and shredded by quadrotor bombs loaded with flechettes. leaving bodies littering the streets.]
[Inside The Marsh Household Randy has gathered the family in the basement and is armed with a double barrel shotgun along with Kyle, Gerald, Ike, Cartman, Liane, The Stotch's and the Mccormick's.]
Sharon: [Looks out the tiny basement window.] "Jesus Christ Randy what the hell is happening out there?"
Randy: "It's going to alright Sharon the important thing to do is not to panic!" [He begins to get anxious] "The last thing- The last thing we want to do in this situation is panic [He begins to panic] "Panicking gets us nowhere we need to stay calm" [He begins pacing back and forth frantically pointing at the members of the family as he calls them out.] "Stan I need you to stay calm [He gets more panicky as he goes along] "Shelly I need you to stay calm!, Sharon I need you to stay calm!, Grandpa I need you to stay calm, [he points to the others] That goes the same for you all too. Gerald, Stuart, Stephan, Stephan's wife, Stuart's wife, and most importantly [He breaks into full on panic] THE CHILDREN! CHILDREN I KNOW IT'S SCARY OUT THERE THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE SOME OF US MAY DIE! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! BUT THE IMPORTANT THING TO DO IS STAY CALM!
Gerald: "Randy I know this all very scary right now but you need to calm down."
Randy: "GERALD STAY WITH ME SNAP OUT OF IT!" [He slaps Gerald]
Gerald: "Randy What the hell?"
Randy: "Your talking nonsense Gerald your delusional!" [He slaps him some more.]
Sharon: "Randy Marsh stop this right now!"
Randy: "No no Sharon not you too! NOT YOU TOO!" [He begins slapping her]
[The other adults tackle the hysteric Randy to the ground and restrain him, Stan just shuts his eyes and pinches his nose like he always does when embarrassed.]
Stan: [Embarrassed] "Can-can we just-just cut to something else anything else please?"
Randy: [Offscreen] "This is it where done for game over man game over!"
Butters: "Hey Stan boy your Dad's getting his butt whooped pretty hard. Hey look even my Dad is getting into it."
Stephan: [Offscreen] "Oh he's right Linda what's the point? the drones are rising up and they're getting rid of us all!" GETTING RID OF US ALL!"
Butters: "Oh now it looks like everyone's tackling my Dad now, He never was any good at wrestling why this one time at a bath house he had 4 guys on top of him and they were...
Stan: "OH MY GOD BUTTERS SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! THAT'S IT I can't stand this anymore and I've only been down here 10 minutes I'll take my chances with the drones outside." [He goes up the stairs]
Kyle: "Stan Wait!"
Stan: "What?"
Kyle: [Looks down to hear his dad fighting]
Gerald: [Slapping] "How do you like it huh? How the fuck do you like it huh Randy?"
Kyle: "I'll get Ike!" [he goes back down to get Ike]
Cartman: "Hey wait for me guys I don't left in a basement with my Mom and a bunch of dudes again!"
[Kenny walks up dressed as Mysterion with Karen]
Stan: "Oh Hey dude where the hell did you go?"
Mysterion: "I was just standing over there."
Karen: "My Guardian Angel was with me the whole time."
Stan: "You sure you want to take her with you?"
Mysterion: "I can't really leave her down here alone."
Stan: "Good point."
[Kyle walks up with Ike]
Butters: "Hey fellas where are you going?"
Stan: "As far away from here as possible."
Cartman: "And you can't come because someone needs to stay here with the adults."
Butters: "Well why can't I can't come and one of you stays here with the adults?"
Cartman: "Butters shut up!"
Butters: [rubs his hand together] "Oh uh okay then I'll just stay here then."
[Stan undoes the latch and the boys walk out of the basement.]
Stan: "Sparky Here boy!" [Whistles]
[Stan's gay dog follows them out unnoticed by the adults]
[Church Entrance]
[Conner opens the door to the church slightly and peers out to see a quadrotor surveying the area looking around for signs of survivors.]
Conner: [Thinking] "Hook's got drones patrolling the streets for signs of survivors Looks like a flying suicide bomber! [He looks down his sights at the Dynamite strapped to the bottom.] Pop a cap in it... [He shoots the dynamite blowing it up] ...And get going before any of its friends show up!"
[Conner takes off down the street heading west toward Stark's Pond!]
[Flyboy's Runway]
Zoom: "I've got a recon drone down in Sector B2!"
Flyboy: [Walks over to him] "Check it out I'm gonna inform the Colonel."
Zoom: "Yes Sir!"
Flyboy: [Gets on the radio] "Sir We lost a recon drone in Sector B2!"
Colonel: "Look into it and hurry up we start step 4 in three minutes!"
Flyboy: "Probably a faulty detonator nothing serious"
Zip: "I've got a drone down in Sector A2"
Dash: "I've got two more down in Sector A3."
Zoom: "Four more down in Sector B3!"
[Colonel Hook's bus]
[Colonel hook listen's as report come in]
Zip: "Drone feed around the school just took another hit I'm down to just one...[Cuts to Conner who gets another drone in his sight and shoot's it down] Damn lost feed to the school!"
Flyboy: "A cop we missed? Some paranoid trigger happy hillbilly?"
Colonel Hook: "The hicks in this town couldn't hit the inside of the urinal at the bar let alone a drone. No this is something else, Flyboy increase your operating altitude to 1200 feet and keep your eyes peeled we're moving to step four!"
Flyboy: "Yes Sir!" [Turns to his pilots] Increase altitude to 1200 feet and keep your eyes peeled for our shooter we're moving to step four!"
Zip Dash and Zoom: "Yes Sir!"
[The Drones fly upwards and away much to the relief of Conner who's hiding next to the playground wall. Meanwhile on their street the boys look out the windows to see the drones pulling out.]
Stan: "Okay the coast looks clear."
Kyle: "Stan do you even know where we're going?"
Stan: "Uh sure dude I was thinking we could hide out at storage warehouse till this blows over."
[The Boy's run out of the house along with Karen and Sparky.]
Colonel Hook: [Turns to a private] "Private send the word!"
[The Private takes out a firework lights it up and sends it into the sky.]
Cartman: [Sees the firework] "What the hell's going on?"
[The Firework explodes]
Conner: "Oh boy"
[Grant and Kaitlyn's bus]
[A Sergeant sees the firework]
Sergeant: "ALRIGHT THAT'S THE SIGNAL EVERYBODY WE'RE MOVING OUT!"
[The Driver puts it gear and the convoy rolls down the street into South Park as an instrumental of the burning of the school plays. The Convoy splits 3 ways at the Sign with one group going left to the school the right to the neighborhood and the last one straight toward main street. Behind the wall Conner watches as a bus decorated in hockey colors stops and lets off a bunch of kids dressed in improvised battle armor led by the Lt in rollerball armor.
[We see each of the kids has a different kind of weapon with their armor, One of them dressed in orange and yellow has a flamethrower made from a jerry can and a pair of roof torchers another dressed in white and blue like a hockey player has got a tank of liquid nitrogen attached to a super soaker by a garden hose and is carrying several fire extinguishers taped together and loaded with dynamite along with a hockey stick with skate blades taped to it. The third one's in got a big taser stick made from a rake with stun guns taped to it along with electric wires and lights all over his armor, The fourth is dressed in red white and blue armor and has a rocket launcher made from several pipes taped together and loaded with bottle rockets and the Lt is carrying a fighting staff with two chainsaws taped to the ends along with a pair of wrist mounted saw blade launchers.
[The Camera zooms in on the Lt as we see his Borderlands style intro]
LT POWERS AND THE POWER COMPANY!
GAME ON!
Lt Powers: "Alright Colonel wants this school secured for an outpost any adults come near you are free to engage at your discretion."
Gladiators: "YES SIR!"
[Lt Powers revs up his chainsaw staff and begins cutting thru the chains padlocked to the door.]
Flamethrower: "Oh Man I can't wait to torch the library this is gonna be so Tits!"
Lt Powers: "Nobody's torching anything until the Colonel gives the all clear to."
Flamethrower: "Come on already what's taking so long."
[Lt Powers ignores him continuing to saw thru the chains until he breaks thru them and stands back while the ice soldier sets up his IED made from the fire extinguishers against the door.]
Conner: [Whispers] "This is not good."
[The Soldiers get clear of the IED.]
Ice Soldier: "Clear!"
[The IED explodes blowing the front doors to the school off their hinges.]
Firework soldier: "Yeahahaha Woo!" [He fires his rocket launcher into the air setting off several fireworks]
Ice soldier: "Boom Baby!"
Lt Powers: "Alright move out let's move out."
[The soldiers move into the school leaving just Lt Powers out there along with a handful of patrols.]
Lt Powers: "Watch this area like a hawk whoever's been shooting down our drones can't be too far from here." [He looks around one last time to make sure it's all clear then heads inside.]
Conner: [Peers out from behind the wall.] "Five man patrol armed with improvised weapons plus one on the bus turret. I need to create a distraction so get by. [He spots the bus's gas tank and hatches an idea.]
Conner: "I need to distract those guards for a moment so I can get into position."
He picks up a rock and chucks it into the first floor side window of the school.
Guard: "What was that?"
Guard#2: "It came from over there!"
[The Guards run over to the school wall and climb over it to find the window broken.]
Guard: "What the hell is going on here?"
Conner: "Right behind you."
[The Guards turn around only for Conner to stun one of them with a butt strike to head from his rifle and a follow up strike to the other's kidney. Conner unleashes a beat down on the second guard with his fists finishing it by bashing his head into the window pulling off his helmet and finally punching his lights out with a right hook. He turns around and sees the first guard getting back up. He kicks the guard in the head knocking him against the wall smashes his face into the ground. pulls off his helmet and finishes him with a butt strike to the back of his head.]
Conner: *pants and looks at the helmet in his hand.* "Size 5 huh? should fit me just fine." *He begins taking the armor off one of the guards. We then cut to both of the guards thrown into a dumpster with their armor taken off and their hands in each others underwear. Conner peers around the corner just a patrol is coming out the back door.
Conner: *Thinking* Backup came faster than I thought, Stay calm and work the disguise. *He climbs over the wall and casually walks over to the school bus.*
LBA Soldier on turret: "Hey what was it?"
Conner: "Nothing just some rats by the dumpster."
LBA Soldier on turret: "Are you sure? where's Jacobs?"
Conner: "Taking a piss, he'll be back in a moment."
LBA Soldier on turret: "Well he better hurry up I got a feeling things are gonna get explosive any minute."
Conner: *Rolls a grenade under the bus.* "I better go get Jacobs be right back." *Takes off behind the wall as the grenade explodes against the gas tank sending the bus flipping onto it's front axle and sending the soldier flying off the turret and onto the ground cold.*
*Inside the school Lt Powers hears the explosion and rushes to the window to see his bus in flames.*
Lt Powers: "What the fuck!" *He grabs the ice soldiers collar.* I thought you said the area was secure.
Ice Soldier: "I-I thought it was Sir!"
Lt Powers: "Sound the alert I've got to call the Colonel!" *He takes out his radio and presses talk.* "Sir we have situation at the school."
*Lt Powers explains the situation to Colonel Hook as the scene cuts to Hook's bus.*
Colonel Hook: "Well don't just sit there with your hand on your nuts. Get out there and find him"
Lt Powers on the radio: "Y-Yes Sir Right Away Sir."
*Colonel Hook presses talk on the radio band to send a broadcast.*
Colonel Hook: "Attention all soldiers of the Lost Boys Army..."
*Hook's message is broadcast to all the buses operating in South Park.*
"We have an unidentified hostile near South Park Elementary, Tango has already taken down several of our observation drones and a troop bus. Tango is believed to disguised as one of Lt Powers troops."
"Remain vigilant and report any suspicious behavior! Hook out."
[Cut to Commercial.]