Chapter 11:Feelings
Erin was cold. She snuggled deeper into the blankets. Wait blankets? Erin's eyes snapped open and she jolted up. She was in her room at the beach house.
How'd she get here? Wasn't she on the beach. Hatori saved her than he- she touched her lips. She didn't dream that did she?
She felt cold. Her skin was burning up. No doubt she had a fever from being exposed to the cold water.
She sat up as Tohru walked in. "Oh Erin-Chan you're awake! How are you feeling! Hatori-san told me what happened!" She exclaimed feeling her forehead.
"I'm fine. Where is Hatori?" She asked looking out the window. The sun was rising. She must've slept through the night.
"I don't know. You feel really warm though." She said her voice worried.
"I'm fine." She said getting out of bed and walking out the room. She walked down the hall to the stairs to his room. She walked up and knocked on his door.
No answer. She frowned and went down to the kitchen where Shigure and Ayame were sitting with tea. Shigure was surprised. "Erin, how are you feeling? We heard what happened." He asked pouring her some tea.
She sat down and excepted the tea.
"I'm alright." She said quietly.
"Well if it makes you feel any better I was a terrible swimmer when I was a teenager. Well that is until Tori taught me." Ayame said while braiding his hair.
"So Erin, what happened last night?" Shigure asked. He had a feeling there was more to the story than Hatori had told him. Hatori had seemed flustered last night. And he's been more snippy with him then usual all morning.
Almost like he's hiding something.
"My ribbon blew off and I tried to catch it but fell in. Hatori pulled me out." She said sipping her tea.
"And after that?" Shigure said smiling. Erin's face turned a deep red. The fever not helping.
"Oh what's wrong Erin? Hatori didn't do anything improper did he?" Shigure snickered
"That's quite enough Shigure." Hatori's deep voice came from the entry way. Erin turned to see him dressed in his suit glaring at Shigure.
"Ah Tori, no need to make a fuss. Gure was just teasing." Aya said giggling.
Hatori walked towards Erin and felt her forehead. "Go to bed. You need to rest. Come." He deadpanned walking away.
Erin thanked Shigure and Ayame for the tea and followed Hatori upstairs.
He didn't say anything to her as they walked down the the hall.
When they walked into her room he sat her on the bed and opened up his medical bag. He pulled out his thermometer.
"101.2. That means lay down and don't get up." He said pulling out some fever reducer.
"Hatori?" Erin started and Hatori lightly frowned and looked away from her.
"I apologize for my behavior last night. I was out of line." He said flatly.
She grabbed his hand. "You dont have to apologize." She said growing dizzy. He laid her down. Erin yawned as her eyelids became heavy. Hatori stared at her for a moment.
"You don't have to apologize." She said quietly touching his cheek.
Hatori's heart melted. Last night he had a lot to think about. He almost lost her. He didn't want to hide his feelings anymore. He just.. he couldn't put her in danger like that. If Akito found out they were together.. well, it would be another Kana situation.
Hatori wouldn't be able to handle losing someone else. He was scared to let someone else in. All the junishi were. They were all terrible at falling in love and keeping that person safe.
He wanted to be with her. He wanted to keep seeing her smile and laugh. There was so much he wanted to show her. Was that selfish? Wanting to be with someone else? Isn't asking for that much more than he deserved?
He sighed. "I will apologize. My actions were out of line." He tried to say sternly.
Erin looked up at him from her pillow. She stared at him. Then she frowned slightly and nodded. She imagined the cold waves pulling her under. She would've died if Hatori didn't save her.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she started shaking as she closed her eyes.
"Don't cry" He said gently wiping a tear away. She grabbed his hand and held it. His hands were bigger than hers but they weren't course. They were always cold though. However, they felt good on her fevered skin.
"I don't want to be sick on vacation" she sighed. Trying to hide the real reason she was upset. Hatori let out a small laugh. "It's alright. It should be gone soon the medicine will help." He said.
So would kissing me again
She thought. But she didn't think saying it out loud would be appropriate.
"If you feel better tonight, there's somewhere I want to take you." He said looking at her.
"Where?" She asked huge smile on her face.
He laughed. "No need to get so excited. And I'm not going to tell you."
Erin pouted. "Well I feel better." She said sitting up.
"No Erin. Rest first." He said flatly, laying her back down.
She laid down as he went to get up. "Hatori?" She asked. He looked at her and kneeled beside the bed. "Why are you so nice to me?" She asked quietly, looking at him.
Hatori thought for a moment. The answer was obvious. He had feelings for her. However, he didn't know if he could admit them.
It was amazing how fast she managed to capture his heart. She came in and so quickly melted the frozen exteriors he had built up. He'd only known her for a few short months. But in that time, she came in with her smiles and pure innocence and completely changed everything he thought he knew.
Kana was his spring. Nothing would change that. But Erin was different.
He gave her hand a squeeze and smiled slightly at her.
"Because you're my summer." He said kissing her forehead.
Erin's face turned scarlet red. "S-summer?" She stuttered the fever making her mind foggy and jumbled.
Hatori smiled "just get some rest. I'll check up on you in a bit." He whispered and left the room.
He sighed. His cheeks were warm too from kissing her.
He walked to the porch and lit a cigarette. It was true he didn't deserve someone to love him. And he didn't deserve a second chance. Especially from a girl 8 years younger than him. However he was still falling for her. Maybe he could make this work. Maybe he could be happy again. Maybe Akito would never find out.
It would've been better if we had never met.
Hatori frowned. Kana's words haunted him. What if Erin got hurt like Kana? It would be his fault. Would he ever be able to forgive himself?
He took a drag of his cigarette and stared towards the ocean.
There was only one thing he was sure of. It was impossible for him to be away from her.
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"So are you gonna tell me where we're going?" Erin asked from the passenger seat of Hatori's fancy car.
"You'll see." He said plainly.
He didn't say much else. However Erin noticed he was dressing more casual. He was wearing shorts and a loosely buttoned white shirt. Erin's chest fluttered looking at him and her face turned red.
She looked away hoping he didn't notice. She was still so confused by his feelings towards her. He kissed her. That had to mean something right?
She tried to distract herself by thinking of something else. But that was hard when Hatori was the most distracting person she ever met.
A few moments later they pulled into a parking lot. As they got out Erin looked around. They were at a marina. It was a small but very nice dock. It was full of very nice boats.
Erin turned to look at him. "We're going on a boat?" She asked her jaw hitting the floor. Hatori nodded.
"You've never been I'm guessing?" He asked leading her down the dock.
"What do you think?" She mumbled slightly. He pretended not to hear her
"We're planning to go sail boating sometime while we're down here. But that's a little slow for me honestly." He said leading her to a small but nice speedboat.
He pulled the boat closer and hopped on. He extended his hand to help her on.
Erin glanced nervously at the gap between the dock and the boat, and the way the waves made it rock up and down. She gulped.
"Are you scared?" He asked.
Erin gave a nervous laugh. "You're the one who took the girl who almost drowned yesterday on a trip to go boating. So what do you think?" She said looking at the water.
Hatori looked at her for a moment. "Well of course my father always said fear is the best motivator." He deadpanned.
Erin's face pailed. It was the first time Hatori mentioned one of his parents. What kind of people are they like?
Erin imagined an older and scarier version of Hatori. Would she have to meet him one day? The thought terrified her.
Finally she grabbed his hand and jumped on. The boat was rocky but alright once she got her footing.
"Here put this on." Hatori said handing her a life vest. She buckled it up and sat in the front of the boat. She glanced over the edge of the boat to look at the water.
"You sure this is safe?" She asked as Hatori put the keys into the boat.
"Wait are you driving?!" She exclaimed. Hatori gave a small laugh. "It's not going to drive itself." He said as the boat slowly pulled out of the marina.
Erin noted how Hatori seemed to be coming out of his shell. He was usually so serious and stern. But he seemed to be smiling around her more. Erin liked that. She hoped she could learn more about him.
"So where are we headed?" Erin asked feeling the breeze on her cheeks.
"There's a good place to watch the sunset." He said as they entered the opened water. Suddenly the boat sped up and they raced across the water.
Erin gasped feeling the wind whoosh past her ears. She grasped on tight to the boat and it tore and bounced through the water.
Erin laughed and looked back at Hatori. He smiled at her. This was the most amazing thing. Erin felt like she was flying. The water sprayed up and misted her face. She laughed.
There were other boats out on the water too. When they went over the wakes the boat jumped a bit and Erin laughed and held her hands up.
Finally after a bit Hatori parked the boat facing the sunset.
"So is this what the Sohma family does for fun?" Erin asked braiding her long hair back.
"Definetly not. This was my dads boat. Boating was the only hobby he really had. He taught me to drive it. But I haven't taken it out since the summer after I graduated." Hatori deadpanned.
He thought of his last summer. The last time Shigure, Ayame, and himself were at this summer home. The last summer before his father passed, before he had to take on the sole role of the Sohma clan doctor. And of course memory suppressor.
Erin imagined what Hatori's parents would be like. They couldn't have been warm and inviting. Maybe they were more like her aunt and uncle.
"So does your dad go boating often still?" She asked walking up next to him, gazing over the water.
"No he passed very shortly after I finished highschool. They're both gone" He said flatly.
Erin's heart dropped to her stomach. "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to ask" She stuttered.
"It's quite alright. To some it might be sad but I wasn't very close to either of my parents. They were pretty strict." He said eyes distant.
Erin paused and looked at him. They both lost their parents.
"I'm sure you were much closer to your parents." He said looking at her with a small smile.
"Oh! Yeah! They were nice. I don't have many memories with them though. I was 6 when they passed." Erin said. She closed her eyes pulling the distant memories up of her parents.
"Mommy! Daddy! Come find me! Come find me!" Erin said running down the hallway.
"Alright pumpkin. I'm gonna find you!" Her father said. His brown eyes shining bright.
Erin smiled slightly. She could still see her Dad's brown eyes and hear his laugh. She could also see her Mom's red curls bouncing around as they danced together.
"They died in a car accident on New Year's Eve. Drunk driver. My only remaining relative I could live with was my mom's brother. But he married my aunt who was Japanese so they lived in Japan. So I never met them since we lived in the states. It wasn't until after my parents died I met them." Erin reflected.
"Let's just say moving to a new country after losing your parents when your 6 is really hard." Erin frowned tucking a stray hair behind her ear.
Erin tried to push away the memories of the terrible things they did to her, but her breathing was getting shaky.
"Erin." Hatori's stern voice pulled her from her thoughts. She shook them from her head.
"Here's a question for you doctor."Erin said looking at him. He raised a brow at her.
"Last night. You kissed me. You can't just expect me to play that off." Erin said trying to sound determined but her voice grew quieter as she talked.
Hatori broke his eye contact with her and mulled over an answer. "I apologize. That was inappropriate of me." He said flatly.
"So there was no feelings behind that? And you just took me to a very romantic spot to what? Hang out?" Erin asked gaining confidence.
Hatori swallowed losing his composure. He didn't know what to say.
"It's very complicated for me to...express my feelings. I was never brought up in an environment where my feelings mattered. And with the curse sometimes I don't even know if my feelings are my own." He sighed leaning up against the boat.
He craved a cigarette but he didn't bring any.
"Erin, all I can say is I don't want you to get hurt. The curse." He paused looking away. "I don't deserve a second chance. And you should find someone your own age who can make you happy. A normal person. You deserve that." He said sternly.
Erin looked at him. For these few moments Erin felt like she was seeing the real Hatori for the first time. The Hatori that is hurting and cares so much more about others than himself.
He was human. He was vulnerable. He was hiding behind his stoic exterior to protect himself.
He was so dumb to keep all his emotions hidden like that. He was dumb to try to be strong for everyone.
And he was so deserving of love.
"What if I don't want someone else. What if I want you." Erin said quietly walking towards him.
Hatori's violet eyes widened in surprise and Erin could see his cheeks turning a slight pink.
He paused for a moment looking down at her. Then he looked to the disappearing sun.
"Then you can have me." He said with a gentle smile.
He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. Reveling in the way her soft lips felt against his.
When they pulled apart Erin had the cutest smile on her face.
Hatori knew deep in his heart he was putting her in danger. Just like when he fell for Kana. But this time would be different. He'll keep her safe from the dark world of the Sohma clan.
He just had to make sure no one finds out about them. And maybe, just maybe Hatori could know what it's like to be happy.
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Okay there it is!! The 11th chapter! Woohoo we have reached a critical point! They're finally together. (Sigh) I hope it didn't happen too fast.
I'm terrified I'm rushing things. But hopefully it's good lol.
My biggest fear is Hatori not feeling genuine or feeling out of character. But they never show his soft side in the manga and they never show the way he really is with someone he loves. So when you write him like that it sometimes feels ooc. But oh well maybe I worry too much hahaha.
Anyway, so I hope everyone is enjoying and thank you for reading!!