Chapter 11 : Trust
"How much?"
Judy's voice expressed surprise above all, but she couldn't repress a inch of incredulity which was manifesting itself in the form of a sneer, as nervous as it was uncontrollable. Okay, the apartment, or rather the studio, didn't look so bad. It had been renovated, was a little larger than the room she occupied in the Grand Pangolin Arms, had a kitchenette, a tiny bathroom with a toilet, but also a balcony-terrace, a real luxury, even though it would be difficult to fit more than two mammals on it (bunny format). Nevertheless, it was located at the limit of what she was willing to accept in terms of geographical distance from her workplace. It was beyond the limits of Savannah Central, and relying solely on public transportation would make it necessary for her to leave more than an hour and a half before work, because of sometimes unwelcome connections, especially at the very beginning of the day. And with the main police station's activity beginning early in the morning...
She didn't think she would be able to get up every day at four o'clock, in order to get to work in time. Therefore, Judy had hoped that this studio would make up for this inconvenience with an attractive rent. The announced amount was quite different from that wish, so much that she thought she had misunderstood. However, the estate officer who gave her a tour, a marmot wearing a cheap costume, which was making him look like a casual car salesmammal, confirmed to her without any embarrassment the price he had just announce.
"Yes. It's nine hundred and fifty dollars a month. Including charges. You will not find anything cheaper around."
"With all due respect, sir..." Judy resumed, worriedly glancing at Clawhauser, who was standing back, and who now was displaying a uneasy look. "...This studio is not even twenty square meters, and it is far from the downtown. I didn't expect such prices ... "
The marmot uttered a mocking sneer, which displeased the rabbit very much. The little sympathy that the mammal inspired to her vanished instantly.
"Miss Hopps…it's Zootopia, here. If you cannot afford a thousand dollars rent, in minimum, you only have two options left. Either in the Meadowlands, or in a community residence. It seems to me that a room is actually free in the Grand Pangolin apartments, if you are interested…"
"It's the one I left, precisely..." Judy grumbled in a dark voice. "Of course it's still free, you can trust me."
"Well, that's perfect!" the marmot replied in a knowing voice, as if this information solved all their problems. "In the worst case, you have a place to go."
"What's wrong with them, for practicing such high prices?" Judy shouted, punching her fist on the table. The sugar bowl close to her cup of tea jumped, the contents of which swung dangerously towards the edges.
Clawhauser was facing her, looking rather embarrassed. They both occupied a table in a tea-room which the cheetah knew well enough, at least enough for the owners of the premises, as well for each waiter, to know him by his first name and asking for news regarding his family. He had brought Judy here in the hope of relaxing her after the long afternoon of unsuccessful visits. Clawhauser believed in the antidepressant power of sweets...and he assumed that his friend needed some of them at the moment.
The day had started well. After his shift, Clawhauser had brought Judy back to Nick's place so that she could wash her clothes, change her dressings, and especially take her medication; then they went to the cheetah's house to plan their afternoon of looking for lodging. They spent two or three hours viewing properties advertisements that would suit the bunny, but most of them weren't indicating any rental prices. It was a common strategy in Zootopia, in order to avoid scaring away potential clientele and to generate more enthusiasm during a visit, which sometimes led someone to go beyond their budget and accept an unreasonable offer.
The real estate sector of the capital was an environment full of pirates, greedy for money, ready for anything in order to sell or rent at the most unworthy prices. Judy and Clawhauser had telephoned the agencies in question to plan some afternoon visits, putting their action plan in motion. Once that was done, the cheetah had invited Judy to eat in a diner near his apartment, where they offered mixed menus, suitable for both prey and predators. They had laughed and joked, and the good-natured atmosphere suggested a most pleasant day.
The cheetah was happy, for he had been able to make Judy forget Nick's situation, for a few moments at least. Nevertheless, as soon as an opportunity presented itself, the rabbit checked her cell phone in search of news, or suddenly became anxious about the fox's fate. Clawhauser had shown himself supportive, reassuring, and when that was no longer enough, he found the right words to change the subject, distracting her to make her smile a little.
Unfortunately, the relatively good atmosphere had deteriorated over the apartments visits they had planned. The cheetah had advised Judy to visit a few places she liked a lot, although it seemed obvious that they would be far above her budget. "Just to test the waters," he explained.
Well, the water was damn hot.
Even in her luxury standards, Judy persisted in being terribly reasonable. A serious and thrifty attitude inherited from a life full of restrictions, in which she had learned to content herself with only the minimum, and to cherish the few goods that belonged to her. Being a child in the midst of two hundred and seventy-four other siblings had had this effect on her. In fact, they didn't visit any amazing apartments. The most fantastic thing she had allowed herself to see was a tiny one-room apartment of thirty-three square meters, whose main advantage was to be only one block away from the police station. Even Clawhauser had been shocked by the totally abusive price that was demanded...yet Judy had announced her financial resources in all honesty, well before the visit began. This didn't prevent the real estate agent from giving her false hopes. Those mammals were like that…and they were doing it without the slightest scruple.
The rabbit nevertheless took this first visit as a joke. Of course, she had suspected that such a good apartment would not be suitable. Clawhauser didn't dare to remind her of how low her criteria were, and began to fear the next visits to come. Judy's good-humor only decreased with every new visit. They were moving ever further from the city center, and found themselves in ever more cramped locations and lessened comfort, but the supposed rent reduction was not necessarily equivalent. Each new apartment appeared as an additional disappointment, and the disappointment was soon transformed into frustration, and ultimately into anger. An anger which had just been manifested by the savage pounding of the tea-room table, where they were finishing their trip, far less pleasant than they had expected.
"What should I do? Heck, what should I do?" Judy muttered, holding her head with both paws. The cheetah winced...after the anger came panic. He had to react.
"It was only the first day of visits, Judy! Real estate agencies are full of scammers freshly graduated from their cunning school! Maybe by doing it privately…"
"Every mammals align their prices with those of the agencies," Judy protested, reaching out her phone to him, which had a website where owners were offering their rental property. "Most of them are even more extreme concerning the rents they're asking."
She sighed despairingly, then lowered her head. "I'm good to go back to community housing..."
"Is…is it so terrible?" Clawhauser asked humbly, trying to de-dramatize the situation.
At the sight of the expression that Judy turned towards him, there was indeed a chance that it was as terrible as she had stated.
"An example," she explained in a dark tone. "Shared showers, with a really not reliable lock. On my third day there, I get caught naked by the old octagarian galago who rents the apartment above mine. No excuse, no embarrassment...I stood motionless there as he brushed his teeth, totally at ease, as if the situation was quite normal." She sighed an unfortunate sigh at the evocation of this memory, while Clawhauser had to bite his inner cheeks so as not to laugh, which was made even more difficult by what she added. "I promised myself that the first person who would see me naked, apart from my family, would be the one with whom I would share the rest of my life...it took no more than three days living in the Grand Pangolin to crush that dream."
With a trembling paw, Clawhauser grabbed his chocolate milkshake and planted the straw in his mouth, sucking up an enormous amount of ice, in order to freeze his brain. It was better to inflict on himself this pain rather than bursting out laughing before Judy on this moment. Not sure she would appreciate it if he yielded to his imperious urge. The cheetah obtained the desired effect, and pressed his paw against his sinuses, uttering a sore rattle. The grotesque situation had at least the merit of making Judy smile.
"Well...I guess I'm not going to have a choice, and I'll have to compel myself to go back to live there. After all, it wasn't so bad..."
"R…Really?"
The bunny looked him straight in the eyes for a few seconds, trying to compose a face full of certainty regarding the words she had uttered...but it quickly weakened, before shattering, revealing a desperate expression that she could no longer contain.
"No...no, Ben! It was atrocious. I was fine there the first day, because I was euphoric. But the walls are greasy, the bed is made of concrete, there is only one electrical outlet, the floor cracks, the neighbors are completely crazy and always argue by insulting each other about everything and anything, at any hour of the day or night. I am forced to use the same toilet as sixty-four other mammals, and it costs me two dollars a day to benefit from three minutes of hot water." Her large violet eyes suddenly became very wet, and Clawhauser feared that she might begin to cry.
"I don't want to go back there..." she concluded in a voice broken by emotion.
Clawhauser put a comforting paw on hers, smiling softly, trying to comfort her as best as he could. "Don't worry. You don't have to, there are always other solutions."
"Really? Which ones?"
"Well…cohabitation, for example. I live with my two brothers, we share the rent."
Judy gave him a questioning look. They had been to the cheetah's apartment that morning, but the bunny hadn't noticed the presence of another individual at home. No doubt his brothers were working. It was true that Clawhauser's apartment was quite spacious. He could not have afforded such a standard if he had to finance it with his only officer's salary. Despite his seniority, he probably didn't earn much more than her. The salary evolution tended to be relatively laughable in the police force, unless one was struggling fiercely to climb the ladder.
Seeing the curious look that Judy was giving to him, the cheetah felt compelled to develop. "Yes, they are in the police too. They work respectively in the Sahara Square station for one, and in the Rainforest District for the other!"
Learning more about Clawhauser had at least the merit of changing her ideas, and so Judy picked up this subject, so as to not think anymore about her future as a homeless bunny.
"One may believe it's a family thing, to be part of the police!" the rabbit declared in a cheerful voice.
"Yes. My father was a cop too. He's retired now."
"I guess that's what you always wanted to do."
"Not really," the cheetah confessed in a somewhat embarrassed voice. "But my father, my brothers...everyone pushed me into it. So I told myself that I would follow in their steps, so that they would be proud of me. Anyway, I didn't really have strong ambitions, and I didn't know what to do of my life, so..."
Judy's curious and slightly anxious expression forced the cheetah to counterbalance the somewhat fatalistic aspect of what he had just said. "But don't worry, eh! I love my job. I'm happy, there. More that what I would have thought when I was in the academy, and I will not change my job for anything else, now. But I didn't go into this career with as many convictions as some others."
He looked at her for a moment, hesitating to reveal more about himself. He trusted Judy, after all...although he had not known her for a very long time, he already considered her as a sincere friend, someone who sincerely cared about his well-being. The concern she had when he had told her that he had been transferred to the archives, a few months earlier, had been enough to prove it. Finally, he let out a small sigh, before pointing himself out with his two paws. "I haven't always been…like this, you know?"
Judy tilted her head to one side, not knowing exactly what he was implying. "What do you mean by 'like that?'"
"You know…" he replied in a somewhat embarrassed tone, not finding the courage to directly support her gaze. "Podgy...at the very least."
"Ben! Don't say that!"
"Oh, but I don't have a problem with it, Judy. So there's no reason to be ashamed...but you would have seen me, leaving the academy. I was rather dashing, to be honest. And full of pride. On my first day of assignment...I had only one task: walking in the streets, showing off and playing the tough guy. Haha! You see what I mean?"
The rabbit nodded to this male-ish attitude. She had been particularly proud as well when she graduated from the academy, but for a very different reason. After all, she was the first of her species to wear a police uniform. However, she had never anticipated with fervor and impatience the fact of showing off in the streets. It was not part of her temperament, but she understood quite well how Clawhauser felt on the morning of his first day on the job. The pride one was feeling when starting this work, of putting oneself at the service of others, of finally confronting the ground concretely, and not only through the academy's anticipatory filter.
"Anyway, like all the newcomers, I wasn't assigned to the craziest tasks. For you, it was parking...for me, it was reception."
Judy wasn't really persuaded that she had been assigned to parking duty on her first days just because she was a newcomer. Other rookies were entitled to much better, and had been assigned to a team from the beginning. Fangmeyer hadn't gone through parking duty, and yet he had started with her. Judy felt no jealousy, but couldn't run from the facts: Bogo had marginalized her because of her species, from the first day. In the same way, he must had seen what he considered as a 'weakness' from Clawhauser, and this had led the buffalo to entitle the cheetah to an unflattering position. No doubt he had perceived a lack of real motivation, since the cheetah hadn't chosen to do this job out of conviction, but because of a kind of 'family fate'. Judy couldn't be sure of it: she hadn't been there at that time.
"And so I found myself all proud and motivated at the ZPD reception desk. Someone else would have complained, I guess...but not me. I had no idea that this post was one of those no one wanted...and to be honest, I loved it. From the first moment, as soon as the first person approached me in search of information, help and support...I found myself useful in what I was doing. Posed, reassuring, friendly. Mammals came in crying, frightened or panicked, and I had this thing to relax, to comfort them, and sometimes even make them laugh. I figured that if I was not an excellent policemammal, at least I was perfect at this very specific post. I think the chief was satisfied with my work because he assigned me there every day thereafter...and after a fortnight he came to see me and congratulated me due to the excellent feedback from mammals and colleagues about me. I told him I loved this job, and that if he agreed, I would do it as a full-time profession...since most colleagues didn't like it, everyone would get something out of it. He wasn't very up for it at first...but he ended up accepting."
The cheetah did a short pause in his story to swallow one of the donuts he had ordered. Between two chews, he went on. "Of course, this is not the most active position...and over the years, I've gotten a bit chubby, but I must admit...I've always been gourmand, but it doesn't go along very well with an almost total absence of physical activity, haha!"
Judy smiled at him, now understanding how Benjamin Clawhauser had gotten to where he was, taking over the reception permanently, even though that position was usually assigned to a different officer every day. In any case, the cheetah was right on one point: he had a certain talent for reinforcing, reassuring, and changing people's ideas. His radiant presence, his relaxed conversation and his jovial good nature were enough to drive away most worries. Even now, Judy's housing problems seemed more distant now, less serious.
"And you never thought of trying to test the ground, just to see?" she finally asked.
"Yes, of course. But it bothers me a bit, if I have to be honest. First, because of my slight condition problem, but also because…well, in the end, I never really did that before. And the academy seems far away now."
"If you want, we could team up together when I get back on duty!" Judy stated merrily. "That would be great for me. And at least, you'd be sure to be with a teammate who would not put you under pressure, and give you time for you to get comfortable."
In response to the suggestion, Clawhauser offered her a warm smile. He was obviously touched by the offer, but nevertheless declined it fairly quickly. "It's really nice of you, Judy...but I'm not sure that's the best thing for me. I have my little habits now. My own rhythm. Besides, I think Fangmeyer would be disappointed if you chose another teammate. I have the impression he really relies on you."
The cheetah left his sentence in suspense, before resuming in a slightly more tendentious tone: "At least, until Nick becomes one of us, of course. We all know very well who you'll team with when he graduates."
At the evocation of the fox and their possible future collaboration, Judy could not repress a slight smile, as she blushed for a reason that was foreign to her. But this first impression was counterbalanced by the moodiness that had characterized her since the evening before, as soon as she was thinking of that uncertain future.
"Yes…" she answered, lowering her head, a bit saddened. "If his application for the ZPA isn't rejected because of his idiocy last night..."
"Don't be like that, Judy! Stay positive!"
"I try, but...I'm so worried for tonight. We will meet again, and of course, the subject will be discussed. I'm so angry, disappointed, frustrated and...but...but I can't..."
Seeing her hesitation, the cheetah finished for her, "You don't feel like blaming him?"
The bunny nodded softly. How was it possible to hold a grudge against Nick Wilde? She had been thinking all night of the imperial manner in which she would make him pay for the way he had behaved, of how she would remain impassive, preparing a destructive speech capable of making him regret having committed such a mistake. But as soon as she had laid her eyes on him that morning, all her anger had vanished, and she had felt nothing else than a strange mixture of sadness and concern.
"Yet, I can't forgive him so easily...if we are brought together, we will need to fully trust each other. By what means can we do so, if every time we find ourselves in a complicated situation, he starts acting solo without consulting me, without taking into account my opinion?"
"Oh, that? You'll find a way to cope, that's for sure. Given the time you spend together, it shouldn't be a problem. Moreover, I think he's understood his mistake, after his little misfortune yesterday, and the infernal day he must be living today…"
Judy nodded. Clawhauser's remarks were reassuring, instead of being verifiable. The rabbit hoped once again that everything was going fine for Nick, that he had succeeded in explaining his behavior, and that he had sufficiently attracted Bogo's sympathy so that the latter didn't reject his application for the academy. Worse yet, there was still the possibility that the fox would be blamed in one way or another for having disrupted an ongoing investigation. Everything was possible, especially the worst, and they would have to deal with it sooner or later.
Why did things need to be so complicated? Judy groaned mentally. Nick had apologized that very morning...but what was he referring to? Did he apologize because he regretted what he had done? Or because he had failed in his attempt? Depending of what he meant, her state of mind was totally different. Finally, remained the possibility that Nick Wilde would not be able to get rid of his past existence, and that he didn't want to leave it behind. Judy found that she had been unfair to put him before such a choice, but in the end she had not imposed anything. She had only proposed. and it was Nick who had completed the application.
Well...it was her who had finally given it to Bogo, without consulting him before, but he hadn't really complained about it. What did he really want? What did he imagine for his future? For their future? It was probably premature to think about it, but Judy couldn't help herself. She had become fully aware of it a few days ago, and the most recent events had only confirmed her certitude. She was no longer afraid to admit to herself that, yes, she was in love with Nicholas Wilde. And that only made the situation all the more nerve-wracking.
However, this feeling gave rise to an absence of rationality which somewhat worried her. She no longer knew whether she measured the situation with neutrality, or was blinded by the filter of her feelings. She was unable to get rid of them, of course, but she thought herself pragmatic enough to be able to take things into consideration. This wasn't really the case, here, since she was feeling completely lost at the moment. The problem was no longer just if Nick could team up with her, but if Nick wanted to team up with her. In every sense of the word...professionally...and intimately. And above all, would the conjugation of both of them be possible only beyond being reasonable?
This incessant questioning became unbearable for Judy, who couldn't help questioning Clawhauser on this subject. "Tell me, Ben...what is Bogo's policy towards colleagues who have a…let say…extra-professional relationship?"
The cheetah looked at her incredulously, before finally displaying a broad smile. He pressed his paws against his cheeks and before he even had time to utter his first strident shriek, Judy knew that she had put her paw in it, and that it would be impossible for her to undo the coming awkwardness. She wanted to slap herself for being so obvious in her questioning. Clawhauser was not stupid, and he had obviously understood the reason that had urged her to ask that. His reaction was the proof of it.
"Ooooooh! Judy! I knew it! I knew it!"
"Hush! Stop!" Judy protested, casting worried looks all around her, as if some spy was listening to their conversation, just so they could then go and tell everything to Bogo. "There's nothing between Nick and me, I've told you before. I was just asking..."
"Not working!"
The rabbit was forced to admit it, her little game wasn't convincing anyone...not even herself. She couldn't step back, now.
"So, how long have you two been dating?" Clawhauser asked eagerly, leaning towards her while supporting his round head with his paw. His insisting eyes seemed to indicate that he wanted to discover the whole story in the smallest details.
"We're not dating, Ben. We're not a couple. But, it's clearly not impossible for it to happen. Without a doubt. Perhaps. I guess...well...anyway, that's why I'm asking you."
"Oh I see," he replied while giving her a wink, which Judy didn't really know how to interpret. "Well, there have been previous cases, as you can guess. With a job as demanding as ours, we have little opportunity to meet people with whom we have affinities outside our workplace. I think Bogo is aware of this, and that's why he's pretty okay with this kind of stuff..."
"Really?" Judy asked incredulously. "It surprises me, coming from him."
"The chief expects us to be efficient in our work, before all. Even if two colleagues are engaged in an intimate relationship, he will not interfere as long as it doesn't affect their performance on the job."
The bunny nodded, still surprised that Bogo was so tolerant on this very specific aspect. At the academy, they had been warned on numerous occasions against this type of issue, telling them that in case of a growing relationship between two colleagues, there was a good chance that they would be transferred to different posts to avoid any moral wrong. Of course, the management of this kind of case was depending to the regulations imposed by the head of the police station over his subordinates. Apparently, the buffalo was more open-minded on certain areas than she would have expected. Anyway, even if that were to happen, if Judy would be able to remain professional in all circumstances...Bogo wouldn't have to worries about it.
"…Soooooo. You and Nick…?" Clawhauser asked while looking at her with insistence.
Judy hesitated for a moment to deny everything again, and to hide herself behind virtuous lies, in order to preserve her image. But she thought it would be unfair to Clawhauser, who had been so kind and generous with her, sacrificing his day-off to serve as a guide and driver in the adventurous apartments tour, which had been as annoying for him that it had been disappointing for her. He had done this to support her morally, on such a difficult day. And he had not failed for a moment. If she had to confess the truth, it would be better to do it before a trustworthy friend.
"Sincerely, Ben...nothing official. But...I...I am…" she hesitated, feeling herself blushing to the point she thought she was suffocating, all the while Clawhauser stared at her, his mouth half open, waiting for the great revelation.
"I'm in love with him..." she finally confessed in a breath, feeling stunned for finally having been able to exteriorize her feelings, giving them a concrete value. It was for her a second revelation, even stronger than her initial awareness. Saying the words made the thing even more incredible, more intense. The sensation was exhilarating, albeit a little dizzying, too.
"Ooooooooh! Juuuudyyyyy!" Clawhauser shouted, now overwhelmed with joy. "I'm so happy for you! Love is such a wonderful thing!"
"It's also a real pain in the neck, trust me..."
"Oh, I believe you, sweetheart." He chuckled in a friendly way. "But don't worry, in terms of discretion: your secret is well kept. And it's reciprocal, isn't it?" He shook his head, as if this question was futile. "Tss, I'm silly! He was ready to shake the whole city to bring you justice. Of course, it is."
"That's..." Judy hesitated, surprised at Clawhauser's perspective. "It's not really what I call 'justice', Ben…and that's the heart of the problem in all this, you're well aware of it, right?"
"Oh! Because you think he did it just to get revenge, maybe?"
"Well...it looked like a personal vendetta, right?" the bunny asked in an uncertain tone.
"I think he did what he thought was right to protect you. Because he was afraid of losing you, or he didn't want to see you suffering anymore, quite simply. I do not defend him, don't worry. What he did was idiotic, thoughtless, and dangerous, we agree, but don't misunderstand his motives. In my opinion, it was love which had led his actions. It's so romantic..."
Before such a point of view, Judy remained completely puzzled. Clawhauser couldn't do anything about it, of course. But for her, who had already some troubles holding a grudge against Nick, it seemed now impossible for her to face him in the incoming hours.
She will be compelled to do so anyway because after spending an extra hour talking about this and that, gossiping on their colleagues, the latest hits of the popstars Gazelle, and the relatively disastrous general political situation of Zootopia, Clawhauser brought her back to 1955 Cypress Grove Lane. They arrived at about nine o'clock, and Judy suddenly felt very anxious. Why was she reacting this way? It was Nick...she had always been able to speak to him openly, frankly, without any trouble between them. There was hardly any uneasiness, even at the time when they couldn't bear each other.
"Will you be fine?" Clawhauser asked, with a note of concern in his voice. Apparently, Judy's nervousness was obvious, but she forced herself to shake her head.
"Yes...Yes, don't worry!"
The cheetah gave her a charming smile before letting her leave his car. As she was about to climb the stairs, he called out to her one last time, lowering the passenger window to tell her one more thing.
"By the way, Judy! Since you're not going back to Bunnyburrow, I'm counting on you for tomorrow night Afterwork at Mc'Laren! Everyone will be happy to see you."
Judy nodded. She saw no reason to decline her friend's offer, especially since she was eager to re-establish contact with colleagues she had not seen in a long time. After all, she would be part of the team again. It would be good to remember them under pleasant circumstances.
"All right, Ben. I'll be there!"
"We generally meet there at about eight o'clock. We're eating, drinking…we're listening to music and we laugh a lot. In short, a nice evening. You can bring Nick, of course! I'd love to see him, if he wants to."
Judy was more hesitant about this idea. Firstly, she didn't know if he would like to follow her into a cop bar. Secondly, it would depend very much on the outcome of their next conversation. Thirdly, if she took him with her, everyone would get some ideas about their relationship. But this last reason was certainly the one she considered the least important.
"I will tell him," she answered. "But I cannot guarantee that he will be part of it."
"At least I would have tried!" Clawhauser replied, giving her a last wink, before starting his car, and taking the road.
Judy made a last wave of her paw as he turned to the next crossroads and disappeared out of her field of vision. The rabbit then turned to the apartment block, took a deep breath, and walked to the entrance hall.
The evening before, when she had decided to go to the police station to let Bogo know of her worries about Nick's actions, and her fears about the danger he was certainly facing, she was faced with a material problem: Nick had left with his keys, and she couldn't willingly leave his apartment unlocked in their absence, given the somewhat debatable nature of the neighborhood. If his place was burgled, on top of the everything else, she would be responsible. So she had spent ten good minutes rummaging in the apartment, hoping to find another key set. She finally found a second set, which was suspended from a hook behind the bedroom's door. It was still on her possession even now, which allowed her to go to Nick's apartment without the need to ring for him to open.
In fact, she was totally unaware whether the fox had already come back, or not, and apprehended the fact that he might be absent, a sign that he would have been kept at the precinct for longer than necessary. That would be a very bad sign.
Nevertheless, her fears were softened as she approached the apartment's door, her eyes once again wandering over the strange plate associated with the bell, proclaiming 'Wilde&Son Company - Central Office'. It was an even better sign when she heard the tenuous noise of the television coming from inside. She had switched off everything before leaving last night. As a result, someone had come back and had turned on the TV. This someone could be no one else but Nick.
Judy breathed a last sigh, collected all her might, straightened up as best as she could, made the most collected face she could muster, and unlocked the door before entering into the apartment.
Her expression completely faded away when she found Nick slumped on the couch, still dressed, and deeply asleep in front of the television, of which the high volume didn't seem to disturb his sleep. By seeing him so calm, so serene...and present, quite simply... it made Judy feel appeased. At least he had come back, even if his night and day at the precinct had obviously worn him out. His muzzle was slightly open, and he was uttering mild snores, barely audible, as his chops were baring themselves fitfully, revealing the tips of his fangs. When Judy saw them, she felt a chill down her spine. And she felt like slapping herself, realizing that it wasn't from fear, but from arousal.
She really had a serious problem.
She shook her head and walked to the kitchen for a drink of water. She needed to refocus on the essentials and put her ideas back in place. A place setting had been set up on the table, and on the plate was a little note which had been scribbled by Nick's paw. Judy grabbed it and gave it a look.
"Carrots, if I ever sleep before you come back - which is very likely - I cooked you an oriental fry. It's in the microwave, ready to be reheated. I think you'll be able to use this so complex a mechanism without my help. It seems to me that you are used to frozen food."
Judy couldn't repress a chuckle after reading the paper. Even in writing, Nick was still Nick. It looked like he wasn't particularly alarmed by the situation, and therefore, there was probably nothing particularly worrying about the events of the day. The bunny nevertheless hoped that her friend would not try to hide the truth from her, or delay the moment of their inevitable confrontation.
She found the dish he had cooked, which was still lukewarm, a sign that he hadn't prepared it a long time ago. She warmed it, and ate without appetite, appreciating nevertheless the preparation quality, with its subtle and spicy aromas, and its incredible flavor. Nick really did have a talent for cooking.
Once she had finished, she washed the dishes, finding the fox's plate and dirty cutlery at the bottom of the sink. She shook her head while sighing...there was still some training to do, here.
When she had finished, she allowed herself to take a shower. She changed the dressing on her leg, reminding herself that she had to go to Zootopia Central's day clinic the next morning for her treatment on her chest wound. She hoped that her visits would end thereafter, but she couldn't help but make ironic thoughts: Things always come in threes. Personally, she'd just love to get rid of it all as she was quite tired of seeing the inside workings of hospitals.
She put on her pajamas to make herself more comfortable, and decided to go to bed. She had only slept a few hours last night. The bed in the precinct's rest room wasn't really comfortable, and she had trouble sleeping because of her worries regarding the situation. She hoped to sleep well tonight, although everything was not yet put in order, and she regretted having to postpone for later the clarification she thought necessary. But she didn't want to wake Nick up. He had a rough ride as well, and he deserved to get a good rest.
Judy went to the living-room to switch off the television. Once it was done, she turned around, not without letting her eyes wander over the fox's body. There was something profoundly attractive in the abandonment suggested by his position. He seemed to have been hit by sleep, as if he had collapsed instantly without even realizing it. This predator, a mammal that usually embodied an image of strength, power, and even danger to her rabbit instincts, now looked so soft and defenseless. Judy felt attracted by this apparent fragility, and couldn't help getting closer, as her nose twitched nervously, snatching the air as if she was entering into hostile territory and trying to locate a potential danger. Her instincts were on alert, in spite of herself, while her fascinated gaze was lost once more in the contemplation of the fox's fangs.
Her heart beat violently as she still drew closer. An ancestral voice, imperious and unconscious, told her to keep her distance. Oddly, her instinctive reactions didn't make a big difference between preservation and the search for intimacy. She found it perfectly ironic...her former ancestors would have sought by all means to avoid finding themselves in the situation of which she only wanted to rush into.
Yes...she wanted to find herself between the fox's paws, to feel his claws against her skin, under her fur. She wanted to feel his burning breath on her throat, and his fangs gently closing themselves on her neck. Nick would never hurt her, she knew that, but she perfectly remembered the sensation she'd felt when he had simulated his attack on her under the vengeful eyes of Bellwether a few days ago. When he had closed his jaws around her throat, she thought she was losing it. In the heat of the action, she hadn't noticed what she had felt, but it was clear to her now that it was nothing less than desire...
She took a few more steps forward and leaned over him. At this distance, she perceived without difficulty her own scent on him, that of the marking she had practiced in a trance, without even realizing what she had done. In her current distress, she couldn't help but breathe in with delight the fragrance of their combined smells. Soon lost in them, she felt ecstatic. He was her fox. She had proclaimed him hers. And there was in this truth something irresistible, a strange sensation of power, which made her feel like she was in her place at this precise moment, and that she could overcome anything.
What was wrong with that, after all? Could she deny that she needed him at this moment? She decided to not think about it any longer, and softly slipped herself against his chest, raising his arm by the push of her forehead, to then let it fall over her. She didn't try to preserve his sleep, since she no longer took these secondary elements into account, but Nick thankfully didn't wake up. It was for the best, she thought, as she coiled up against him, bringing her legs back to his chest while curling herself around his arm. She was no more than a small grey ball, encircled by a larger mass of red fur, which almost entirely covered her.
She closed her eyes, enjoying as best as she could the warmth of this contact and the delectable smell of her friend. Less than a minute later, she was deeply asleep.
The warmth of the morning sunshine, filtering through the living room's window, the shutters of which he had forgotten to close the night before, pulled Nick out of his deep sleep. Immediately, he became aware of the small warm mass that was resting against his chest, and looked down in that direction. He slightly opened his eyes, surprised to find Judy asleep against him. She had moved during the night, adjusting her position, and was now turning her back to the fox, encircling his arm with both paws, clinging herself to him fervently.
Nick had expected a lot of things about his homecoming with Judy. He had imagined that she would wake him up, if he had ever fallen asleep before her return, and would shout at him with no restraint. He had also assumed that she would eventually let him sleep and go to bed, and that she would ignore him until he was compelled to broach the subject by himself. But he would never have thought she would do what she had obviously done. Indeed, rubbing shoulders with Judy, it was like navigating from surprise to surprise. Not that it displeased him, quite the contrary, but he didn't know how to react…
She had slept with him. The thought of it seemed as much grotesque as it was seductive. The last time Nick had slept with someone, he was five years old, and it was with his brother, who was suffering from terrible nightmares at the time. He had never been close enough to someone, thereafter to take the risk of exposing himself so openly to this mammal, to the point of sharing a moment in which he was instinctively feeling vulnerable. But strangely, waking up at Judy's side, while being aware that she had found the way of his arms despite the situation, and took the initiative to find refuge there to fall asleep beside him, was somewhat exhilarating.
Since he desired to let her sleep as long as she wished, the fox forced himself to remain motionless, but nonetheless slightly adjusted his position to accentuate his comfort, while preserving that of his friend. He embraced her from the back, sliding his muzzle between her ears, and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep again. He was feeling able to do so, for a odd reason. Far from alarming him, Judy's presence comforted him. He didn't want to think about the implications of what they were doing for the moment…after everything he had gone through in the last few days, he considered he had the right to enjoy a bit of what life had the kindness to offer to him.
He would have been surprised, if he had been aware of it, of the ease and rapidity with which he went back to sleep.
He opened his eyes two hours later, as his sense of smell pulled him out from his torpor and recognized a familiar odor, that he enjoyed smelling so early. Hot coffee, and pancakes…but also a small burned smell, which made him straighten up faster than he had wished. Immediately, he looked towards the kitchen, where Judy, standing on a stool, was anxiously trying to fix her cooking. When she saw that Nick was awake, she gave him a pleading look.
"Nick…help! I wanted to please you with the 'breakfast surprise', but I think we're heading to disaster."
The fox chuckled before giving her assistance. He managed to save in extremis the blueberry pancakes she had prepared, avoiding them to turn from overcooked to burned. Even so, the smell still remained pretty decent. It looked like Judy knew the recipe like the back of her paw…but she just wasn't gifted with the timing involved with cooking yet.
Nick took over the preparation, leaving Judy to set the table and serve the orange juice. Eventually, they sat down in front of each other. Apart from a few quick remarks about their small culinary adventure, they hardly spoke, and an embarrassed silence fell between them.
"Well..." Nick finally said, eager to clear the air. He didn't like uncomfortable silences such as this one. "I think you have something to tell me, right, Carrots?"
Judy hesitated for a moment, nervously playing with her fork by manipulating the still smoking pancake that occupied the center of her plate.
"Yes..." she mumbled before taking a deep breath. She finally raised her head. "I trust you, Nick."
Obviously, the fox had expected any kind of first sentence, but certainly not that. He had rather considered reproaches, doubts, cries, anger...but not this reasonable tone, slightly contrite, and presented in the form of a reassuring statement. Judy perceived his trouble, and realized that she had approached things in the right way. Thus she made sure she had the fox's attention, and that she wouldn't be interrupted, although she didn't exactly know how she was going to tackle the next before the words would spout out of her mouth, in spite of herself.
"I trust you with all my soul. Believe me. It's not only because I...I feel these things for you...but because you proved to me by your support, your loyalty and your friendship that I could entirely rely on you, that you would never betray me, and that you won't hurt me either. That I could always count on you, in case of an emergency, or even if I don't even ask anything. Simply because it's you...and me. This is what I believe, anyway."
Nick nodded, eager to confirm the veracity of all she had said, but Judy didn't give him time to enter into the conversation, and continued.
"So...it kinda hurts me to know that this trust doesn't work the other way around."
"What are you talking about, Carrots? You know that..."
"Oh yes, I know, Nick. I know you think you trust me, but what you did the other night makes me believe the opposite. You knew what I wanted, because I had clearly explained it to you. I wanted to draw a line about what had happened, to not give importance to this hateful attack, because that would have only aggravate the existing conflicts. You knew I didn't want you to take the slightest risk in this affair. You knew all that, and because since I trust you, I told it to you, in all honesty."
Nick pitifully lowered his head as he suddenly realized what she meant. In the end, he would have preferred for her to openly yell at him, to condemn him, or even to slap him. It would certainly have been easier to bear with, rather than this calm, emotional, and horribly thoughtful explanation.
"But you...you didn't trust me, Nick..." Judy said in a more trembling voice. "You thought I was scared, that I was trying to withdraw into ignorance because I didn't want to confront the truth in front… In fact, you thought that these monsters had managed to affect me to the point that I wanted to lay low, to be forgotten. You didn't listen to what I had told you, otherwise you would have understood the reason that urged me to do so. And you decided to interpret my reaction in the way that arranged you, to justify what you meant to do, to justify a vengeance I didn't want. Nick, I hope you realize that you implicitly made me an accomplice of the crime you had decided to commit!"
She shook her head, repressing with great difficulty the tears that were forming at the edge of her eyes. They were more due to the stress that was leaving her along with her words, rather than the sadness of the moment they were sharing now. Yet, Nick's deeply affected expression was hurting her…because it was what she was telling him that was putting him in such a state. She felt terribly guilty for continuing her speech, but things had to be said, so that everything would be fine for the future. At least...that was what she hoped.
"I imagined the worst case scenario. I was scared for you...so scared. I had no idea what you were meaning to do, only the certainty that you would go to the end of things. You left me here, alone, without even giving me a last look, without giving me the opportunity to make you understand why all this was a bad idea. You didn't want to hear me, because you knew I was right! But in the end, you only listened to yourself! Damn…damn stubborn fox!"
She lowered her head, leaving a few lines of tears running down her face, then falling on her pancake, which she knew she wouldn't eat anyway. She took a last breath to pronounce her last sentence, before letting herself go.
"If only you had trusted me, none of this would have happened..."
Judy didn't care to appear as an emotional bunny now. She had said what she had to say, and felt horribly wrong for it. She didn't want to hurt Nick, but he had to understand what she had felt, what she was still feeling now, otherwise things wouldn't go any further between them...whether on a professional or a private level.
She was feeling too shameful now to turn her face towards him. She stared into her dish, her paws supporting her head, her ears down on her back, and her little body shaking with spasms and sobs.
She didn't see him coming next to her. She only realized his proximity when he put his arms around her, pressing her close to him without a word. She sank her face into his neck, flooding his red fur with tears, while her paws clung to his shoulders.
They stayed like this for a little while, until she found the strength to calm down. Nick was handing out soft caresses along her ears, hoping to relax her a little. Saying that he was feeling bad, guilty, or revolted with himself, would have been a euphemism. One could say a lot of things concerning Nicholas Wilde, but not that he was an emotional type of mammal. Yet, at that moment, he felt like a thorny ball was forming in his throat, as his eyes started burning, stinging, trying to shed tears he was containing with difficulty.
He needed a titanic effort to moderate the inflection of his voice, and to hide the uncontrolled tremor of his vocal cords.
"You know I'm sorry, Carrots. I wish I could tell you something else, but I don't know what..."
Judy shook her head. She had stopped crying, but she hadn't yet the will to pull herself back from Nick's embrace. So, she stammered into his neck, her voice stifled by the fox's fur.
"I don't expect you to tell me anything, Nick. It was I who had to talk to you, to tell you what I was feeling. The only thing you can do is to trust me in the days to come..."
"Carrots...I...I promise you that..."
"No, Nick," she protested a bit more severely. "I don't want you to promise me anything. Just do it."
The fox nodded. He didn't need to try to convince her, or even to persuade himself. He had just undergone a hard lesson, and he was not ready to forget it. After two decades of feeling above the laws and mammals, thinking that he had understood everything about life, and how the system was working...he had just realized that he didn't know anything, and that he still had everything to learn.
Nick stepped back, compelling Judy to get out of their embrace, so that he could look at her. The bunny's fur was all messy, and her tears had traced dark, damp furrows along her cheeks, giving her a miserable appearance that also looked absolutely adorable. Now standing in front of him, she tried to keep a serious look, but quickly gave up and let out a nervous chuckle.
"I feel like you're still angry at me, Carrots, and deservedly."
"No, Nick, you know well I'm not..."
"Tatata!" He interrupted, while shaking his head. "Let's make a bet."
"A bet? Now?" Judy asked, looking uncertain, fearing that the fox would turn the situation to his advantage.
"Yes. Here is what I suggest. We spend the day together, and you let me take care of everything. And if tonight, you are still angry at me, well...what could we bet on?"
"A massage?" Judy said in a slightly tendentious voice, with a strange gleam in her eyes. Nick felt a shiver down his spine, but nevertheless agreed.
"Okay...but I don't need to remind you where it led us last time..."
"Who knows where this will lead us this time?" she replied while sliding her paws behind his neck, which only accentuated the frantic beating of his heart.
"You're not going to pretend to be still angry at me, just to make me lose the bet, right?"
"Come on, Nick...I thought you trusted me?"
The fox could only acquiesce. This bunny got him. His fate was sealed.