An: Ok, I had some trouble with the spacing at the end of the chapter . . . it might have something to do with me copying it straight from an email . . . .

Though this starts with the Hylians, there actually a lot of the Gerudo in this too . . .'cause I like the Gerudo.

I'm not suppose to upload this untill I write more on my story on Fictionpress . . .I don't remember promising this, but it's what my friend said so . . . shh . . .Maybe she won't notice.

Chapter 11

In Which . . . the Hylians Remain Brilliant . . .

Now, whatever happened to the unfortunate man who had met with the Zora? He was sitting in a cell for causing a disturbance. He had insisted and insisted that he brought a letter to the Hylian King, and when the guards ignored him, for he was only a common man, he started a scene and was sentenced to a week in the dungeon. Still he wailed on about wars and Zora inside the cell so that the guards took the letter from him and said they would give it to the King just to make the poor man shut up. The unlucky man was given an extra week for the additional ruckus.

Now the guards didn't actually intend to give the letter to the King. They had all come to the conclusion that this man was not mentally stable. It wasn't till several days later, when the guards were on their break, and playing cards, when they even thought about the letter again.

One of the guards that was losing, and happened to have the letter in his pockets, was searching his pants for some extra money. He pulled the crumpled letter out, along with a few more rupees.

Another laughed. "You betting that paper, too?"

"Oh . . ." The guard said picking it up, trying to remember what it was. "Oh, it's that letter that crazy man wanted the king to read. You think it's worth anything?"

"Maybe a sixth of a rupee," answered another, taking the letter and eyeing it critically. "The guy couldn't even write, it's just a bunch of squiggles on it."

"Maybe you can pretend it's some foreign language."

"Wait a minute . . . Didn't that guy said the letter was from the Zora?"

"I can't remember. I wasn't listening."

"Let me see that." One of the guards took the letter to look at it more closely. "Guys, I think this is Zora writing."

The others looked at him. "Think that might be important . . .?"

"Your Majesty?"

The King sputtered a bit and tried to turn his somewhat massive body around in the tub to see the messenger more clearly.

"Excuse me! I'm taking my royal bath!"

"Yes, sire! I'm terrible sorry. Should I come back later?"

"No, no. You already woke me up. You might as well tell me." The royal scrubbers had stopped their scrubbing at the distraction of the messenger. "Keep working, what am I paying you for?!" The King said, waving his hands. The scrubbers continued.

"Well . . ." said the messenger reluctantly. "A letter has been found addressed to you. It is believed to be from the Zora."

"The Zora? What could they possibly want? Well give me the letter."

The messenger didn't particularly want to get any closer to the King in the tub, so he offered, "Your Majesty, the paper is sure to get wet. How about I read the letter to you?"

"Good idea."

The messenger opened the letter and took a deep breath. Of course this way, the messenger had to stay, and could become a target for any rage the King may have upon reading of the letter.

"To the King of the Hylians,

The Zora have become aware that the Hylians have found a very sacred relic, one that could change all of Hyrule in an instant. I am speaking, of course, of the Triforce. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how much power you hold now, and how dangerous power can be. The Zora feel uneasy with any one person having this power. Since when has the Triforce belonged to one race? We ask that you please get rid of the Triforce or give it to the Zora for safekeeping. We would keep it safe from harm, of course, and protect it well.

If you refuse to give the Triforce to us, we will understand, but we will not stand for you keeping it, so you must destroy it if that is the case. Get rid of it, or we will be forced to take action. Send a letter back and we will send a Zora to make sure that the work is done.

Thank you very much,

Queen Lyra of the Zora"

"WHAT?! WHO DO THOSE FISH PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE?!" The King was so upset that he thrashed around in the tub, spraying water everywhere, the 'royal scrubber' stepping back so not to get hurt. "YOU KNOW WHY THEY'RE DOING THIS!?"

The messenger, his eyes wide at the King's outburst, shook his head no.

"They want to take it from us! 'We will send a Zora over to oversee the process!' That's so they'll know exactly where it is, and take it!"

The messenger hesitated. "What should we do then, Your Highness?"

"Hmm . . . this is a dilemma . . ." The King pondered for a moment. "Well we will not submit to them by sending them a letter . . . but I will have a meeting with my advisers. Royal Scrubbers? I dismiss you! Send for my advisers, this meeting must take place at once!"

The messenger left with the message immediately, afraid if he stayed to long, the King may stand up in his excitement.

The meeting started, with a clean and dressed King, the multiple frowning advisers, and Daphnes, who would really rather Zelda had gone in his place. "As you can see," The King said after he explained the problem. "This is not good."

"How strong are these Zora? Do you think they could possibly be a threat to us?" asked one of the advisers.

"Hmm . . . you're right. The Zora have never been very bright . . ."

Daphnes let out a breath. This whole fiasco was doomed to end badly.

"But," said another adviser. "The Zora do supply our water source . . ."

"That's true," agreed the King. "But," he added, brightening as an idea occurred to him, "we have the Triforce now! If we run out of water, we could simply wish for more!"

"That's a marvelous idea!" said the first adviser. "You hardly need us, Your Majesty, really"

Yep . . . This was already going badly. Maybe Daphnes should say something in the Zora's defense . . .

"But the Zora will get angry . . ." said another adviser. "They could try to attack."

"But . . . the Triforce again," answered the King. They all nodded their heads in agreement.

"Um . . . do you think . .. Maybe we should . . . think of the moral aspects to that?" asked Daphnes weakly.

"Son," said the King. "There isn't 'moral' in ruling a county. We must choose the lesser of two evils. Think of the horrors if the Zora tried to take over the country with the Triforce!"

"This is what we'll do . . ." said an adviser. "We will send them a returning letter. When they send a Zora, we'll pretend to get rid of the Triforce. That way, the actual use of the Triforce is at a minium."

"BRILLIANT" cried out the King.

Oh sweet Goddesses . . . thought Daphnes. It might be a good thing Zelda wasn't here.

"I'm hungry . . ."

"Yeah . . ."

"Life sucks!"

"Yeah . . ."

Yasha threw her scimitar on the floor. "I wanna kill something!"

"Yeah . . ." Niesha agreed.

"We should kill something!"

"Yeah . . ."

"But who. . . . Not Aria, because she's stronger then me . . . And so is Krea . . . And Nabooru . . ."

"Yeah . . ."

"But you . . ." Niesha gave Yasha a look.

"Yeah . . ." Yasha gave up.

"THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'M GOING INSANE!" Yasha and Niesha stared at Aria for a moment. "We can't live this way! Our race is starving to death, and the King won't do a damn about it!"

"I know!" said Yasha with excitement. "We can kill the King!"

"Yeah . . ." said Niesha. "Good luck with that." She patted her on the back.

"WE SHOULD KILL THE HYLIANS!" Zea cried out, jumping up and bracing her arms. It was like the day of unusual outbursts from normally rather quiet people.

"YEAH!" agreed Yasha. "Let's do it now!"

"You do realize that you're acting stupid, right?" Aria asked.

"I thought this was your idea."

"It was Zea's . . ."

"Oh . . . really . . .?" Yasha looked around tiredly.

"Though seriously," Niesha said. "The King's pissing me off. We need to punish those stupid Hylians."

"WE SHALL GO TO WAR!!" Yasha screamed.

"Should we be worry about Yasha's suddenly blood lust?" Niesha asked mildly.

Krea happened to be walking by, a frown on her face as if she had just finished arguing with someone.

"Krea! How do you think we can convince the King to go to war?"

"Like he'll listen to any of us," Krea said, without breaking her stride.

"But if he did . . ." pressed Niesha.

Krea stopped. "He still wouldn't do it. Men only think with two things."

"That being . . .?" asked Zea.

Krea gave a sigh of irritation. "Food . . ."

"Well we don't got that," said Niesha.

"And . . .you know . . ." Krea looked around to make sure no one else would overhear, then she whispered, "Sex."

Zea gasped, and Krea rolled her eyes.

"Where have you been!? He's the only male, he kind of has to if we want any babies!"

"What if . . . one of us tried to seduce him into going into war!" Kesha suddenly cried out, looking up from her book.

"Who are you?" asked Krea, looking at her in surprise.

"That's Kesha," Neisha said. "She's always been there."

"Hmm . . ." Krea said. She hardly remembered Kesha, who never said anything.

"I'm sorry," Kesha said. "I read a lot . . . That's a stupid idea."

"You can say that again!" Aria said. "That is so not in Gerudo code!"

"Wait . . ." Krea said. "What if Nabooru did it . . . she's practically in the King's pants already!"

"Krea, she is not," said Niesha. "She said that–"

"Yeah, yeah," Krea waved her off. "Well whatever her relationship is with the King, it's way closer than any of us with him. Nabooru's the one that can convince him if anyone can."

The group of girls cornered Nabooru at the Archery Course. "Man," she said. "It's like you guys travel in packs."

"Nabooru . . . we all need to discuss something important."

Nabooru rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Do you think we should go to war?"

"Um . . . hell yeah! What? You guys have a plan on that?!"

Krea started talking. "One of us has to convince the King it's the right thing to do . . . . you know, like, seduce him into it. You catch what I'm saying?"

"I . . . think so . . . yeah, good luck with that. And here I thought you guys had a good plan. The King isn't going to give any of you a second glance."

"Why thank you, Nabooru," Krea said between her teeth. "You're right. We are about as worthless as a bunch of drunk Hylians. None of us could be able to do it."

"You got that right," Nabooru agreed.

"You , on the other hand . . ."

"What?!"

"I thought you could do anything, Nabooru."

"Doesn't mean that I'll do everything."

"See Niesha, I told you she'd chicken out."

"Fine, you just want me to get the King to declare war. That's easy! But I'm going to do it my way!"

Krea smiled smugly. "What's your way then?"

Nabooru hesitated. "I.. . . I don't know yet."

Krea raised an eyebrow.

"I'll think of something. I'll wing it. Be spontaneous."

"You know . . . if you plan to be spontaneous . . . you're not really spontaneous," Niesha pointed out.

"Whatever," Nabooru said.

It was the Day of Rebirth, a holiday that the Gerudo celebrated. It was said to be the day when the first king died, and seconds later, the new king was born, hence the name. Nabooru didn't much care for holidays. The Gerudo were often too serious to even do a good job of celebrating, and much of their holidays were like any other day.

But since it was a 'Holiday,' the King had to do a bunch of random needless stuff. Most of this stuff consisted of sitting on his throne and doing nothing, as other people gave him offerings. Ganondorf had told her that the whole process was very boring, and Nabooru for once did not feel jealousy towards him.

So this was where Ganondorf was . . . and that was where Nabooru went, her friends close behind her. Once she got to the doors of the throne room, however, her friends stopped.

"We'll wait here," said Krea.

"You guys are so pathetic," Nabooru said.

"We can't go in there! You can't go in there! You need permission to enter the throne room to see the King!" cried out Aria.

Music could be heard from the other side of the doors. Some performance must have been going on to 'entertain' the King. Nabooru stared at the other girls for a moment, before turning around and throwing the doors open.

The girls scrambled out of sight, so it wouldn't seem like they were a part of Nabooru's interruption.

The women who appeared to be dancing in the King's honor hesitated when they heard the sound of the massive doors hit the wall. Maybe they briefly thought whoever had burst into the room had something important to say. She could see Ganondorf lift his head from his hand and raise an eyebrow at her unexpected appearance.

Well this was important . . . well not entirely, but Nabooru hoped to lead it into something important. Demanding from the King that we should go to war was just not going to cut it.

She crossed the floor, only getting slightly in the way of the dancers. Once she was near the throne, however, the guards cut her off.

"What business do you have here, Nabooru?" asked one of the guards angrily.

Nabooru laughed. "Private business that I don't care to explain to you about." She ducked under the spears that were blocking her path and climbed up onto the arm of Ganondorf's thrown.

"Why you . . . ! I'll stick this spear through-"

"It's all right," Ganondorf said, holding up his hand. "Though Nabooru, I do ask for you to be a little more polite, or you might make someone angry."

The guard spun around back to facing the dancers, clearly angry.

Nabooru shrugged her shoulders. "Eh . . . I'll think about it."

Ganondorf turned his attention back to the dancers, not willing to argue with her today. "What brings you here today?"

"I thought you'd get bored, so I'm giving you the honor of my presence."

"I do tend to find these celebrations unpleasant . . . but this one's not so bad."

"If you find woman in flashy colors shaking their bodies around pleasant."

Ganondorf laughed softly, the low note hit Nabooru's favorite sound exactly. "Actually I find this absolutely mesmerizing."

Nabooru watched the girls move around gracefully and slowly, bending into and out of positions so smoothly they looked like they were made of water.

"So you're saying . . . you like that kind of stuff?"

Ganondorf only grinned, his eyes still on the dancers. "I have a question for you, Nabooru. Are you planning on becoming a combat artist like your mother?"

"Hell no! Well . . . maybe . . . I don't know. I haven't decided yet."

"I've noticed you've done your share of many other skills."'

"Yeah . . . I like to do a lot of things."

"But I've never seen you try dancing before."

"What?!"

"I was just wondering why . . . You're built for it. Is it that you can't dance?"

"WHA . . .?!" Nabooru's face turned bright red. "I CAN DANCE BETTER THEN YOU CAN, YOU RETARDED ANIMAL!" She slapped him over and over again on the shoulder.

Ganondorf chucked. "I bet you're right."

"Hey!" The guard spun around when she heard the sound of slapping. Ganondor held up a hand again, and the guard once again turned back around.

"Hitting me when there is no one around is one thing, but maybe you shouldn't do it when we are in public."

"Well, you obviously don't get smacked enough!"

"I was smacked plenty when I was little. I'm supposed to be out of that stage."

"Maybe you're not."

"Maybe you're not."

"I liked to see you try, buster."

"Yeah . . . You might be right about that."

"You'd have to beg to even just be in my amazing presence . . . and I might agree to see you."

"So . . . asking you to dance before me is probably not a good idea . . ."

"HELL NO!" She started hitting him again and he grinned.

"So, how did it go?" asked Niesha.

"The King is a dirty bastard!" Nabooru cried out angrily.

"You can't say that about the King!" cried out Aria.

"So you did sleep with him . . ." Krea mused.

"No!" cried out Nabooru. "I was in the stupid throne room with a bunch of people! How could that even be possible?!"

Krea shrugged. "It's still possible."

"Then what happened?" Niesha asked.

"He was going on about dancing . . . And blady blah 'it's mesmerizing . . . Why don't you do it, you can't dance'? I'll dance my foot up his ass!"

"He asked you to dance for him?" asked Aria.

"Yeah, but only to get me angry."

"What do you mean?"

"Have you ever seen me dance?"

"No . . ."

"Exactly! Which means he has never seen me dance either, and that means he thinks I can't!"

"You can?"

"And since he thinks I can't, he wants to embarrass me by making me try! That's his dirty bastardy plan!"

"Well . . . maybe he wants you to dance because he thinks you're pretty . . ." suggested Zea.

Nabooru stared at her for a good five minutes. "ARE YOU RETARDED?!"

"Oh! I have a new plan!" Niesha said. "Nabooru will dance for the King, he'll fall in love with her, and then when his mind is all fogged up with how much he loves Nabooru, she can convince him to go to war!"

Nabooru fought back the urge to strangle Niesha. She had to remember that she liked Niesha . . . though right now, she couldn't remember why . . . .

"Out of all the Gerudo, why would the King break the rules by 'falling in love?'"

Nabooru almost allowed herself to feel relieved before Niesha said, "He's the King. He can practicably do whatever he wants."

"And besides, we don't need him 'in love.' We just need him dumb enough to not be thinking straight."

Nabooru was almost about to panic. "Can't we just get him drunk or something?!"

Krea looked at Nabooru. "Good idea, Nabooru! Seduce the King, get him drunk, seduce him some more. The right combination is bound to work!"

Nabooru stood there dumbly for a second.

"It's perfect!" Krea cried out. "Thanks for volunteering!" She patted Nabooru on the back.

"Ganondorf!" Man . . . that came out much louder than she'd meant it to. He was only a few feet away from her, mending the leather of a bridle. She had filled her water sack with saki, though she really didn't know what she was going to do with it. She had no plan whatsoever, and was very unprepared when she found Ganondof outside the barn.

He looked up. "What?"

"Shut up! I'm trying to think!"

Ganondorf stared at her blankly, waiting for her to finish thinking.

"Here," she said, thrusting the water sack in his face.

"What's this?"

"It's a drink! I thought you might be thirsty!"

"You got me a drink?"

"Yes!"

Ganondorf took the sack, but hesitated. "Why . . .?"

"Why what?!"

"Did you do something to it?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, put sand in it, pee in it or something equally disgusting?"

"Why would I do that! I'm trying to be nice! It's just water! I'd thought you'd be thirsty, and here I am, being nice, and you have to say-"

"Ok, Ok . . ." Ganondorf looked at her for another second before he took a swig. "This isn't water," He said.

"Yes it is."

"No it's not. It tastes like saki."

"It's not saki!"

"I think it is."

"It's not! What do you know?! You're dehydrated and disoriented! You don't know!"

Ganondorf gave Nabooru a long look.

"What?!"

"That's what I was thinking."

"Well stop thinking, and keep drinking!"

". . . Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"No!"

There was another awkward silence.

". . .Thank you . . .?"

"Forget it!"

"I'll try."

Realizing, she wasn't getting anywhere, she decided to cut to the chase. "What the hell?!" she cried.

"If I knew, I'd tell you," Ganondorf said.

"Why the hell won't you declare war with the Hylians!"

"So that's what this about . . ."

Nabooru swallowed thickly and let her face turn back to the right color. She was glad that it was out in the open now. "Why?" she asked again.

"Because all of you would die in war."

"WHAT!? THAT'S NOT TRUE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FAITH IN ME!" And as an after thought she added, "IN ANY OF US!"

"Nabooru, you've never been in war. You don't know what it's like."

"Neither have you!"

Ganondorf gave her a long look.

"So see? We can totally take those Hylians on. We'd blow them away!"

"There aren't enough of us,"

"We can fight better than they can. We've all been training. How much do you think the Hylians have trained?"

"You'll die."

"Well, if I do, it's the right thing to do! We'll win eventually!"

"No, we won't"

"Yes, we would!"

"Nabooru!" Ganondorf snapped, making Nabooru freeze. Ganondorf picked up his sword. Nabooru was glad it was just a scimitar, instead of the humongous sword that she saw him with the other night. "I want you to fight me."

"Really?" asked Nabooru, excitement evident in her voice.

"You think you're ready for war? This isn't going to be even close to it."

"Whatever," Nabooru said. "I'll beat your ass just like last time."

Ganondorf simply walked a little way, so that they'd have more room. Then he looked at her, showing her that he was ready.

Nabooru had two scimitars with her, and she was about to put one down, when he said, "Keep it."

"Wha-?!"

"You'd have both of them in a battle."

"But that gives me the advantage."

"I'm a wimpy Hylian, remember?"

Nabooru narrowed her eyes at him, but eventually agreed. After a moment, Nabooru swung both swords at Ganondorf, who blocked them with his sword. He flung them away, causing Nabooru to violently spin around, making her dizzy. He thrust his sword at her, and Nabooru barely dodged it.

So Ganondorf wanted to play rough, huh? She whipped her sword at him, then the other. He needed to get his sword free from her first before he could block the second. Nabooru didn't stop. She repeatedly swung at him and he had to move twice as fast to deflect each blow. Nabooru slowly started to make him back up. His eyes were concentrated on what he was doing, his eyebrows drawn together. Nabooru thought his face looked handsome . . . it made her want to slice it off. She put a little more force into a strike, and Ganondorf eyes widen a fraction as he barely caught that one.

That's right, Ganandorf . . . You're gonna loose . . . .

Nabooru ducked under a swing from Ganondorf, and with her hands pushing herself up from the ground she gave him a kick. Ganondof backed away to avoid it, letting out a breath. He had a feeling he knew where she had been aiming at. She twirled around him, trying to get behind him, but Ganondorf made sure not to let her. He had fallen for that before, and wouldn't do it again.

Eventually, they started clashing swords again, and Nabooru suddenly felt one of her swords slip from her grip as Ganondorf flipped it up. While it was still in the air, he knocked it away with his sword, and it crashed to the ground far away.

Oh crap . . .

Ganondorf attacked her and she deflected it with her one sword, but the force of him made it feel like her arm would rip off and she let out a cry of pain. She was able to deflect one more, before she lost that one too. Before she could make a run for her fallen sword, Ganondorf grabbed her around her middle with one arm, and slammed her into the side of the barn, pinning her there.

"Oof!"

"I win," he growled into her ear, making shivers go down her back.

"YOU DIRTY CHEATER!" she cried, kicking and clutching at his arm. "LET ME GO!"

"Because in war, no one ever cheats," Ganondorf said sarcastically.

On the other side of the wall, happened to be the stall of . . . no other then the Beast from Hell, who was not happy at the commotion. He screamed and kicked the wall, sending a jolt of pain to Nabooru's back.

Ganondorf sighed, but he did not let go of Nabooru, who, still kicking the wall, making Shadow even more nervous. "Shh . . . be still . . ." He murmured into the wall. Nabooru couldn't tell if he was talking to the horse or to her. He had his body pinning her to the wall, his heart still pounding quickly from the fight, and his skin was sweaty and slippery. She needed to get away. "It's alright . . . be still." Nabooru felt her self relax and her body go limp. His breath tickled her ear. She was nervous and wanted to leave, but she was too tired from the fight, and Ganondorf's voice was so deep and soothing. "That's right . . . calm down." The horse began to quiet. She felt herself to slip, and as her feet touched the ground, he held her tighter to his side. Her knees probably would have buckled if he had let go anyway.

He suddenly released her, and she fell back against the wall.

"And that's why we're not ready for war. You lost. And you're the best I got." He turned and walked away, heading for the inside of the barn.

Nabooru slid to the ground, breathing hard.

THAT JERK! She was going to kill him some day. That's right . . . she didn't care if the crime was her death, she was going to kill him!

She threw sand on herself and brushed it off, trying to get his sweat off her skin.

Stupid Ganondorf.

She got up, and heard him on the other side of the wall, talking to his horse. Before she left, she stood a little bit longer to hear his voice.

"So how did it go?" asked Niesha.

"Horrible!" Nabooru cried.

"Why are you all sweaty and dirty?" asked Yasha.

"B-because." Nabooru didn't want everyone to know she got her ass kicked.

Aria's eyes got wide as she stared at Nabooru. "Oh my Goddesses! You didn't!"

"I didn't what?"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SEDUCED THE KING! WHAT IF YOU GET PREGNANT?!"

"WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Nabooru screamed back at her.

"I'll say," said Krea. "Why are you breathing so hard, Nabooru?"

"Shut up, he said no anyway."

"So you did it with him, and he still said no?" asked Yasha.

"WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Nabooru cried out again. "Din! I'm going to kill you all!"

"You're just going to have to keep doing it until he caves," Krea said.

"WHAT?!"

"WHAT IF SHE GETS PREGNANT?!"

"Birth control," Yasha said.

"THE GERUDO DON'T HAVE ANY BIRTH CONTROL!" The Gerudo didn't believe in birth control. If you were going to do it, you might as well get a kid out of it. There population was small, and only had a few opportunities to reproduce. If you had the chance, take it. The Gerudo were also actually a practical people. They didn't just throw it around, like they were rumored to do. The Hylians had come to that conclusion when they saw the "suggestive" clothes that the Gerudo tended to wear. They didn't seem to realize just how hot the desert was. . . . And just because they had one man in their whole population. . . .
Most Gerudo could control themselves.

"Would you guys just be quiet?!" shouted Nabooru.

"You're right," said Krea. "If the King didn't say yes, it must mean she wasn't good enough." Krea didn't have a chance to blink before Nabooru's sword swung at her. She was hit with the flat side of the weapon and thrown to the ground. She sat up and touched a hand to her nose, scowling when it came away bloody.

"DOES ANY ONE ELSE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?!" Nabooru demanded, brandishing her weapons.
They all shook their heads.

"Ow! Dammit!" Krea moaned, glaring at Nabooru. Nabooru looked down at her.

"If you want me to break something else, keep talking."

Krea shut her mouth and Nabooru stomped away.

Nabooru was pissed.

Really pissed.

She couldn't remember a time when she had been this pissed before.

Stupid Ganondorf . . . Stupid friends . . . stupid desert.

She was so angry. . . . She had a strange, reckless urge to break the rules for no reason.

That'd show Ganondorf.

A young Hylian lined up his sword so that it was level with his blue eye. He nudged the apple a little. "If I can get this exactly in the middle, then I should be able to slice between the bones of a vertebra . . . right? That would make the swipe smoother."

"I think you're kind of sick, Aaron," answered his friend, who looked a little like he'd be sick.

"Right . . ." Aaron said, not listening, still trying to position the apple just right. "There. Now, don't move." He stood back and looked at his very unhappy friend who had an apple balanced delicately on his head. Aaron grinned at him. "Good thing you're short. You're the perfect size with that apple on your head." He turned around.

"WAIT! Don't do it yet!"

Aaron turned back to him. "Why? And stop moving." He pushed the apple back into place with the tip of his sword.

"The waitresses don't come out for their lunch break until at least two more minutes."

Aaron gave him an odd look. "Ian, were not doing this to show off. We're doing this to help me."

"And that will help you! Its not going to help me any. You're the one that's doing the sword thing. I'm just the apple guy."

Aaron rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on . . . Its just a couple more seconds." Just then the bar door opened. "Oh, is that the -- AHHH!" Aaron suddenly cut the apple in half off of Ian's head. He did it so fast, that Ian's reaction was actually late. Aaron went after the pieces.

"I think they missed it, Aaron."

"We have to measure the pieces to make sure they're perfectly symmetrical!" He gasped. "We need a ruler!"

"Aaron, chill," said Ian as he wiggled his eyebrows at the waitresses that walked by. They gave him a disgusted look before walking away. "Damn . . . hey Aaron?"

Aaron was busy measuring the apples halves with his thump. "Ah man . . . I think I'm off by a millimeter . . . how thick is the cartilage in between the bones?"

Ian took Aaron's head and made him look over at the woman eating lunch. "You see that girl? The busty redheaded one?"

"Yes . . . I mean no! No, Ian!"

"I know, I know! That's not what I meant! I mean for me." He let go of Aaron's head, moving to stand in front of him. "Eh? Eh?" He held up his arm as if it was around a woman's shoulders. "Can you see it?"

"I don't know . . ." Aaron said, looking back and forth from Ian to the woman. "She's taller then you . . ." Ian frowned, and moved his arm to the imaginary woman's waist.

"Happy now?"

"Ah . . ."

"Hey, I bet I'm at least heavier," Ian pointed out.

"And that means . . . ?"

"She's the one."

"Whatever. Good luck with that." Aaron turned as if he was going to leave. He had to find a ruler, after all.

"Wait!" Ian grabbed Aaron's sleeve. "That's why you've got to talk to her for me!"

"What?! Why do I have to do it?"

"Aaron, come one. You're prettier than I am."

"I am not."

Ian started laughing. Aaron stood there, his expression blank.

Aaron was rather attractive, tall with long-ish blond hair that fell into his face in a nice way. Ian had dark hair, a slight beer gut, and a mustache that he refused to get rid of. The woman were watching them and whispering to each other, giggling slightly. To tell the truth, Aaron would rather be the apple instead of going over there. "Don't worry, I'll go with you. First we need a conversation starter. I know! Ask if they want some apple," he said as he took one of the halves from Aaron.
Aaron took it back. "I need to measure that," he said.

"You know, you're really weird." They walked over to the girls.

"Hey," said Ian, stroking his black mustache while Aaron said, "Good afternoon," awkwardly.

"Hi," said each of the girls. "You guys work for the army?"

"We're actually knights," Ian said.

One of the girls put a hand over her heart. "Really?"

"Well . . . we don't get knighted till next week," Aaron added unhelpfully.

"Shut up, Aaron."

"So your name is Aaron?" asked the red-haired one.

"Yes, ma'am. And this is Ian." He tried to take her attention away from him.

"Would you girls like some apple?" asked Ian, and of course Aaron was the one with the apple, so the attention was back to him.

He offered the girl one half of the apple, and instead of taking it with her hands, she just bit into it.

"Well," Aaron said holding up the bitten apples that was now running juice on his fingers, the girls smiling at him. "That's . . .That's just lovely."

"Yes, very lovely," Ian agreed inspecting the bite marks.

"Of course my experiment is now ruined,"

"What was your experiment on?" asked the girl.

Aaron threw the apple half up in the air and caught it before patting Ian on the back. "Ian can tell you all about it." Ian went on about the "symbol of the apple" and what it had to do with love, while Aaron looked around disinterestedly. His eyebrows shot up as he saw a commotion near the gates of Hyrule Field.

"The Zora are here!" Someone cried out excitedly. Aaron's eyebrows drew together. That couldn't be good.