Stef
Suddenly it all hit me. I'm going on a date with a girl, what are people going too think of me. What if i run into someone i know? If i get outed i'll lose my family and a lot of my friends probably. My dad surely would never talk to me again. I mean thats obvious after Tess.
Flashback
I sat trying to figure out what's going on. I have never been so mad at him. All we were doing was cuddling and now he's throwing a hissy fit saying i can't see her again. Me and Tess have been friends for years now and if he really thinks i'm going to listen to him and not see her again he's dead wrong. I can't lose her.
"Where are we going?" i asked and yet again he didn't answer.
"Dad!" i shouted.
"Church" he said finally and i didn't know what to do. Church? He can't be serious, right.
"You gotta be fucking kidding me" i yelled not caring that i was swearing at him. He deserves it right now.
"Don't swear, you need to talk to someone" he said.
"Oh for goodness sakes, all we were doing was cuddling" i shouted.
"Yeah and thats how it starts" he shouted back.
The minister told me to sit down and i tried to keep the tears out of my eyes.I have never been so embarrassed.
"So you're dad told me he caught you and your friend cuddling" he said and i swallowed the anger and embarrassment.
"We just feel asleep is all" i defended myself.
"Listen you're a teenager these thoughts are natural but you have to stop them. Being gay is a sin" he started and i wondered if he noticed how little sense that sentence makes. If it's natural why would it be a sin?
I just sat there arms folded across my chest trying best to not cry.
"Tonight go home and pray for God's forgiveness" he said. Yeah like thats happening.
Present
She looked over at me and could tell something was wrong.
"You know what, lets ditch." she said shocking me. We haven't even got our table yet and now she's talking about leaving.
"Ditch?" i asked.
"Yeah lets go back to your place and i will cook you a nice meal instead, i'm craving a nice home cooked meal" she said touching my arm so no one can see and she guided me too the door.
"Seriously?" i asked and she nodded.
"Yeah lets go" she said heading towards her car.
We got back to my place and she started to look through my cabinets and looked frustrated.
"Do you own food?" she asked looking through my fridge too see what she could make.
"Not really, why did you decide to come back here?" i asked and she turned towards me.
"Well you obviously didn't want to eat out" she said casually and then continued to attempt to find food.
"What do you mean?" i asked. I didn't make a comment that would imply that, did i?
"You don't feel comfortable going out yet, it's ok" she said.
"It is?" i said awkwardly and she nodded.
"Yes you still need sometime. It's ok, so do i. Well take this slow from here" she said. We had sex last night and she's saying we will take this slow?
"What were you thinking when we got too the restaurant, you looked really upset" she asked giving up.
"Ok i guess all you have is mac and cheese and chicken, how do you live on this?" she asked.
"Not hard" i said and she started to make kraft mac and cheese and grill up some chicken.
"Listen about that earlier question if you don't feel comfortable telling me yet, it's ok. Tell me when you're ready" she said smiling at me.
I sighed, "My dad sent me too see a youth minister when he caught me and my friend Tess cuddling when i was sixteen"
She turned around too me sympathy in her eyes.
"I'm sorry that has to suck" she said putting her hand on mine.
"Yeah it did, just really embarrassing. You know?" i said.
"Let me guess the minister proceeded to tell you that being gay is a sin" she said and i nodded.
"Yeah my dad would never talk to me again if he knew" i said and she sighed putting her arm around me.
"Oh sweetie i'm sorry." she said gently massaging my shoulders.
"I'm always here if you want to talk." she added.
"What if they figure out?" i asked.
"I'm here no matter what happens. Maybe they will surprise you. Sometimes it just takes some time for them to accept it, like you needed time to accept it" she said.
Lena
I feel so bad for her. Being sent to a youth minister after being caught cuddling with another girl. That has to be embarrassing. No wonder shes just realizing now. I hope her family is more understanding now. I would hate for her to lose her family over this.
I have never felt like this with anyone before. I didn't feel like this with Alisha and at one point I thought she was the one. Alisha. As much as I hate to think of her the bad past serves no purpose if I don't learn from it, right. History will repeat itself, which is the last thing I need. No matter how I feel about Stef I need to keep a safe distance. If anything that experience taught me is that no one can be trusted.
Stef
She left and I leaned against the door. What am I going to do? My family will never accept me after this. My dad's going to preach being gay is against God to me yet again. My mom was never as judgemental but I still don't think she's going to be happy about it.
I called David needing to talk to a friend who can relate. His family was homophobic, they weren't religious, and originally disowned him for it. However a year later his parents called him up for no reason asking that they talk about it. His parents aren't exactly thrilled but they have came around a lot. He would know what this is like.
"Hey Hon wats up?" He said he calls everyone Hon. Not everyone appreciates it.
"I slept with Lena" I said and I heard him gasp.
"You did what?... Man you move fast. ….If you still try to claim your straight I will kill you" he said and I just listening to him as it dawned on him.
"Damn girl I didn't think you would actually do it" he said and I rolled.
"Ok if I wanted a few minutes of reaction I would have called Mike" I said and he laughed.
"You just told me you made love with another woman and you expect me to be all 'cool hey it happens what you doing today'."
"Ok fine I just need your advice." I said.
"With what, Hon" he said.
"What If I lose my family" I said trying to keep myself from breaking down.
"Well first of all I would wait a bit before leaving the closet, get comfortable with it first yourself." He said and I wasn't planning on announcing this anytime soon. What if Lena wants me to? She won't right, she seems to understand I need time but how much time will she give me.
"I wasn't planning on it but what if she wants me to. I can't lose my family" I said.
"This sounds like something you need to talk to her about. When it happens, if it happens, we are here for you. Either way you have to accept it fully and love yourself or they won't" he said.
Lena
I know I care about her a lot, maybe even love her, but do I really know her. What if she ends up just like Alisha? Am I really ready to be put in that vulnerable position? I want nothing more than to just let it all go and just take a chance but I'm scared to. Am I ever going to be ready for a relationship?
Ok so let me know what you think. I'm starting to rewrite my story Scar, so i might be adding that. However it won't be soon, i'm going to wait until i have enough chapters written that i know i have a solid foundation to make sure it will survive until the end. If that works successfully than i will do Love or Hate.
Also i have a few ideas for stories that i don't know if i'm going to publish. I have a crazy story started where i switched up how they met and made it completely opposite of what happened on the series but i don't know if people will like it. Anyways let me know if you think i should publish it.