Chapter 9: Sleep (or lack of it)

My world was dark. I could hear mocking voices in the distance and I could do nothing but sit and listen. I always wished that I could speak, that I could yell at the voices and stand up for myself. Unfortunately I was voiceless and trapped in this shroud of negativity.

"Please save me"

No good freak

You can't do anything

Can you even learn or are you to stupid?

You can't join us

Go away

Freak

Freak

Girly boy

Fag

Loser

Idiot

Are you so stupid that you can't speak?

Can you do anything by yourself or do you need help with everything?

Scary

Freak

Monster

"Shut up!" I wanted to cry out but my mouth was sewn shut. I dug at the barbed wire that held my mouth shut and tore my fingertips as the sharp material sliced my pale skin. Blood fell like the sky's tears over my being. It stained my lips deep crimson and my hands a horrid mix of brunt brown and vibrant ruby.

Why couldn't I do anything against these shackles that held me back? My wrists were bound and my mouth sealed shut. My hands fall over my eyes and blood streaks down my fair skin.

Why

Why

Why

Why was I punished so?

Could I someday be free of the suffering?

Would I someday lose the voices that tell me to leave this life?

Would I one day be happy?

Would I no longer fear my dreams for they would be pleasant and heartwarming?

Is it possible for a freak to find a sense of belonging?

To find happiness and love?

To find confidence and self-love?

Was any of this possible?

Could I escape this dream and enter reality?

What are dreams really?

Our deepest desires and wishes?

If so then why do all my dreams bring me fear and pain?

"Tyki-kun! Wake up!" Ms. Ochiwara pounded on my flat's door. "Riko invited us to watch Seirin's practice match against Kaijo! Wake up wake up!"

Grumbling under my breath I threw my blankets off me and onto the cold wooden floor. I ran a hand through my tangled pink locks and rubbed the gunk out of my eyes. After I crawled out of my futon I walked to the front entrance, ignoring the burning sensation the wood gave my bare feet and opened the door. Seeing Ms. Ochiwara standing outside, I waved my hand signaling for her to come inside and take a seat.

I still hadn't dressed or showered yet so I went back into my room and gathered up clothes before entering the bathroom to become clean and presentable.

Ms. Ochiwara and I walked towards the Kaijo gym when she saw a group of people wearing Seirin Jerseys.

"Riko!" Ochiwara shouted happily, taking my wrist in her hand as she began to run over to the group.

"Auntie!" Riko smiled as she waved at her aunt and me, "I'm so glad you decided to come!"

"Of course I'd want to come!"

"I was talking more to Oboro-kun." Riko looked at me happily, "I'm really glad that you came. I know you're not fond of basketball so thank you for coming even when you didn't have to."

"You make it sound like it's a huge deal that I'm here" I typed, scratching the back of my head. "I'm not a big deal and I can't even cheer so I don't understand why you're freaking out."

Before Riko could respond Kagami intereupted with a grumble, "Can you stop this stupid conversation? We need to get the gym already." I looked over at the towering red head and saw large bags under his eyes.

"Kagami-kun, your eyes seem even worse than usual…" Kuroko informed his teammate bluntly

"Shut up" Kagami growled weakly, "I was too fired up so I couldn't sleep."

'Huh.' I silently mused, 'We both didn't sleep well but you couldn't sleep due to excitement.'

"Ne ne Oboro-kun" Riko directed her attention over to me again, "Why do you always wear those huge sunglasses? I've seen you wear them right up until you get to Seirin's main entertance."

"You haven't noticed?" I asked tilting my head to the side in confusion

"Notice what?" Riko questioned

"… My eyes…"

"You mean that they're two colors?"

I nodded my head in reply

"Why would we care about that?" Riko giggled softly into her hand like my question was extremely funny, "I mean have you seen Kagami-kun and Kuroko-kun? Their eyes are pretty unnatural too. I mean blood red and cotton candy blue aren't normal just like your eyes, so we can't really go and judge you because your eyes are different when we don't do it to them either."

"I don't understand…"

"If we don't make fun of Kuroko-kun and Kagami-kun because of their hair and eye color, we have no right to make fun of you for the same reasons."

"Ahhh…"

"What? Did you used to get made fun of because of your hair and eyes?"

"Something like that" I showed Riko the phone while keeping my eyes towards the ground.

I'm sure Riko was going to speak again when a familiar voice cut through the air, "Hi!" Kise smiled as he waved towards the group, "I'll be counting on you guys today!"

"Kise!" almost everyone shouted. Only Ms. Ochiwara and I remained silent but mainly because I'm mute and Ms. Ochiwara was having a heart attack

"I-i-it's K-K-K-Kise-kun!" Ms. Ochiwara gasped as she clutched at her chest.

"Since this place is so big I came to greet you" Kise explained. He was about to go on when something caught his eye. He fell silent and began walking towards the back of our group. "Tykicchi!" Kise shouted, standing right in front of me.

I looked up as my name was called and felt my breath hitch as my sunglasses were taken off against my will. "Kise!" I mouthed, my hand reaching up to snatch the glasses, but the blonde raised his hand above his head and out of my reach. "Kise please give me my sunglasses back!" I signed with slightly shaking hands. I had had a horrible night's sleep and you could tell just by looking at my face.

"Tykicchi…" Kise muttered staring intensely at my face, "Did you sleep alright last night"

My eyes widened a fraction and I could feel everyone's stares dig into my being. "W-what do you mean?" I asked "I slept perfectly fine"

Kaijo's star frowned but didn't immediately reply. Turning away he folded my glasses and hung it from the neck of his tanktop. "Either way I'm holding onto these." He glanced at me over his shoulder and made eye contact with me, "I told you before that your eyes are nice and that you shouldn't hide them. So I'm going to keep you fom hiding behind these huge shades"

'Kise…' I frowned softly but followed after Kise as he led everyone to the Gym. I kept my eyes planted on the ground until I felt a pat on my head. Raising my gaze I met eyes with similar a blue of my own eye. Kuroko patted my head once more and nodded his head at me. I'm not exactly sure what that meant but somewhere deep inside of me feels like he was silently agreeing with Kise's words.

I could be wrong. But I'd like to think that its true- Kise's words that is- that my eyes are nice instead of freakish and that these people surrounding me feel the same way.

Could that happen?

Was it possible?

Was this just another dream?

If it was…

I'd like this one to last a little longer.