Sorry, that it took me so long, but my grannie died last week and well, I wasn't feeling so well and I didn't want to butcher the story with my negative feelings.

So, I hope you're not cross with me, hopefully the chapter will ease your pain of the long waiting. Enjoy and comment! Alaways love to hear what you have to say!

11. Confessions

"What do you think?".

Dastan looked over to Tamina who lay right next to him in their great bed but she didn't meet his eyes. She looked straight ahead, staring into nowhere, knitting her eyebrows. She looked thoughtful and concerned, but that wasn't something new. What was new, however, was her question. She had never – ever – asked him about his opinion before, and especially not when it came to the ruling of her city. Usually she hadn't cared about what he thought, she was the Queen of Alamut, she made the decisions and he had only ever come to know of her decisions after she'd already made them.

But now, now she was asking for his advise. Dastan swallowed hard, something had shifted between them. After Koshkan's attack and the reunion something had changed between them. He couldn't really name it, but he felt it, he could sense that something was there.

"Well?" she asked and he was torn out of his thoughts, her words had caught him off guard and he sought for an acceptable answer. He finally met her brown eyes which looked at him in a mixture of control and impatience. However, her voice hadn't sounded impatient, it had been calm, soft even and Dastan knew that she tried, she really tried to change. In the last days she had moved away from her usual rough, distant attitude towards him. She had tried to cover – no, to replace – the distrust that had always burnt in her eyes. She tried to change her opinion about him. She tried to open up to him and he knew how difficult that was for her. But she tried hard and every time she succeeded and opened up a little bit more his eyes softened.

"You know what I think of it.

An immediate attack might be the only way to finish him. We can't let him have the time to recover.".

"Don't you think this city wouldn't need some time to recover first?" she snapped back at him and he was silenced immediately. They locked eyes and he could see that she had wanted to say more, he could literally see the flame of her temper burning in her eyes, but she didn't give in. Surprised as he was he couldn't counter her and Tamina, sensing his speechlessness, continued, now with a calmer voice, more controlled.

"We can't attack Koshkan, Dastan, we can't." she said in a low voice, her brown eyes searching for his look, hoping that he would understand, hoping that he would give in, "We don't have enough men, Alamut has never been a fighting power, we are not in the position to fight him. At least not now and not like this."

Dastan knew that she tried hard to stay calm but he couldn't fight his temper as a soldier. He knew that Koshkan was a threat they mustn't underestimate, otherwise the consequences could be fatal. The thought of losing her – for good the next time – let his next words appear sharper as he had intended to.

"Well, when will be the most appropriate moment according to Her Royal Majesty? After he has attacked us again? What are you going to do, Tamina? If you're not going to attack him, what else do you plan to do? Talk him to death?".

She stared at him for a long moment, her eyes narrowing suspiciously, scanning his face as if she looked for something he wasn't even aware of, something that seemed to be written all over his face. He could literally feel how she moved away from him, the old, all to well known distrust flashing through her look.

"Why are you so eager to attack him, although you know we don't have the resources to do so?".

"Are you serious? You still don't trust me?" he exclaimed flabbergasted, though he couldn't really be surprised. Tamina was not quite so tactful when it came to social skills, she had never been good at differentiating between a serious advise and a suspicious plotting against her. Dastan stared at her in disbelief and he could see how the look in her eyes changed. She sensed that she misjudged him again. Disappointed and exhausted she sighed heavily and sat up, she let her head fall in her hands, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down again.

Sometimes she had the feeling that arguing was something they would never really get past.

After a few moments she lifted her head again, she could feel his look on her and turned her face towards him again. In her head she searched for the right words to apologise, but apologising was also one of those things she had never really been good at.

"I've got a thing about trusting other people.".

"Yes, I got that by now.".

Tamina sighed again, the impulse to snap back at him flashed through her mind but she ignored it.

Instead she jumped out of the bed, grabbing her cloak and pulled it over her night gown. She hated it when he played her own problems down like that. Why couldn't he understand how hard this was for her? Trusting someone else than her own person was like the most scariest she had ever come across in her whole life – and he stood there and expected her to just bite the bullet and to get over it. Tamina turned around to him, he had followed her and left the bed, however he hadn't seen any reason to put some more clothes on. Proud and self-confident he stood there in his linen trousers and nothing else. She felt the burning of her cheeks and had to force herself to just focus on his face in order not to give in.

"You do realise that this is not easy for me?".

"You expect me to say that this is easy for me?".

Tamina rolled her eyes over his answer and was about to turn away but he wasn't yet ready to let go of this matter and so his hand rushed forward and grabbed her wrist. He pulled her around to him again, not forcefully, he didn't need any force any more to bring her to do what he wanted. His hand placed itself under her chin and thus made her lift her head so he could look into her eyes.

"I am here to help you, Tamina, but I can't do that if you won't let me.

So what is this all about? This mistrust?".

She met stared back into his eyes, looking into those brown stones and he knew she was searching for any signs that would confirm her suspicion. But apparently she didn't found anything and she sighed heavily, her eyes darting away from him. She felt ashamed that she had doubted him again, but she wasn't quite ready to let him know that.

"The council suggested...I thought...that you might try to get on the throne and –" she said with a low, almost shy voice and stopped immediately when she saw how he raised his left eyebrow in his typical questioning manner. She knew herself that he didn't care about the throne, but she couldn't fight her distrust – she had unlearned to trust someone else but her. She hardly even dared to breathe, fearing how he would explode over her suspicion. However, surprisingly to her Dastan didn't get angry with her – he just looked at her and smiled, and it was a warm, honest smile.

"What am I going to do with you, Princess?" he said softly and the smile he still wore kept her from remembering him at her official title, "I am not after your throne, Tamina. I am a soldier. I don't have the slightest clue how to rule over people and I'm rather trying my luck with Koshkan and his whole bloody army all on my own before I would ever consider to play king, even if just for a day.

Apart from that I have way too much fun as your sidekick".

Dastan grinned over his own joke, imagining himself as the funniest man alive, but apparently his wife wasn't of the same opinion. Tamina stared at him, not even the faintest idea of a smile cornered her lips and she shook her head in disapproval over his words.

"Is everything just a bloody joke for you?".

"And do you always have to take everything so serious?" he said half-laughing, half pleading, begging her to show him at least a tiny smile, but his question worked not exactly as planned.

"Oh, forgive me for being careful! I don't have the pleasure of doing whatever I want! I don't have the opportunity to run off with a bloody sword and just chop someone's head off! I have a city to take care of, I have my people to think of and in case you haven't noticed the Dagger of Time isn't exactly the most uninteresting artefact in the world!".

Tamina said all that in one row without taking a breath just once and now she breathed heavily, her chest raising and falling in a fast pace while her eyes shot a warning glare back at him – she was only minutes away from exploding. Dastan turned away, cursing under his breath, his own temper threatening to get the better of him.

"Why do you always do that?" he suddenly spat out when he turned around again, finally losing his temper, but Tamina – used to constantly argue with him – didn't pay any attention to the angry look in his eyes. She started fighting again, her voice carrying the softness of venom.

"Doing what exactly?".

"Using your people, your bloody city, your bleeding knife as an excuse for doing nothing!

Because without them you would have to make a decision!" he yelled back at her but his outburst did not mange it to scare her off. He didn't have to look at her to know that her brown eyes hardened to golden stones, prepared to shot deadly looks back at him. When she resumed talking, her lips wore a false, proud smile that sought to deride him.

"Oh, and what decision might that be?".

"The decision, for example, to admit that you love me!".

His growled words echoed through the chamber and remained in the like a thin whisper between them. Tamina twitched back from his words, instantly silenced her look fell to the ground. She felt as though he had slapped her, his words had sent an electric shock through her body and it hadn't felt good the least. She struggled for breath, feeling the awkward silence between them as a burden to heavy to be carried alone. She could feel his eyes lingering on her as if he waited for her to say something, as if he waited for her to say the words. But she couldn't, she couldn't.

"I never said that I love you." she said with a low, almost shy voice, and she hardly dared to lift her head. However, she didn't have to look into his eyes to know how the disappointment was now written all over his face. He couldn't hide it from her, he had never been good at disguising his feelings. Apart from that he didn't care about covering his disappointment. He wanted her to see it, feel it. Tamina swallowed hard when she finally looked up to him, afraid what she would see in his eyes and the look that was directed at her stopped her heart dead for a beat or two. She could never have imagined such a look in a man's eyes; love and yearning, disappointment and rejection, all those feeling melted down into that one look.

"No, you didn't." he said at last and with those words he turned around and left the Queen of Alamut alone in the silence of her chambers, with nothing but his words to think of and the expression in his eyes that had burnt themselves right into her heart.

"So, what does your Majesty think? What is your decision?".

Tamina sighed upon the question of the councillor and met his look, her eyes fixed steadily on him.

She folded her hands and leant her chin on them, her look clouded by her thoughts that raced through her mind, and you could literally see how she weighed the pros and cons, her mind imagining all possible consequences of this one decision she had yet to make. Dastan took a deep breath while he watched her from his spot in the lines of the councillors. He had recently took up the habit to attend those councils, more or less with Tamina's explicit wish, and this had also been something that had changed after their reunion. Many things had changed.

The Queen of Alamut finally looked up, she appeared to have made a decision, but her look was unsure, wandering through the lines of men as if she feared they would question her authority again.

Dastan was well aware of the fear in her heart, since she had tried to explain to him how delicate the bond was between the her, the queen, and her councillors – as men they did not respect the woman she was, but only the authority her title gave her. Would she stray but only a little from her image of a strong, just but also strict ruler that bond would be shattered and the trust these old men had in her would fall apart. He took her advise to heart to not question her in front of the council again.

"I know what you ask of me, but I don't want to risk open war.

Koshkan is one insidious man, he won't fight fair – and an open battle would only play into his hands, he is planning something, like a snake, only waiting for us to make a mistake.

If we really want to defeat him we must beat him at his own game. We must be the snake in the desert, covered and protected by the sand – and when the proper moment comes there is only one last bit needed to strike him down.".

Murmurs filled the hall with the echo of disappointment and disapproval while Dastan looked around, it wasn't hard for him to sense that the councillors weren't quite content with their ruler's decision. After the surprise attack of Koshkan they had been increasingly willing to declare war to the warlord – quite a rapid change of mind, even in his opinion. His eyes went back to Tamina and he could see how the insecurity claimed her face, clouding her look while she swallowed hard. Her whole body language spoke of the doubts and insecurity in her heart. The councillors would sense it. It was a very dangerous situation. Dastan's fear came true – however not in the way he had expected – when one of the advisers stepped forward to address his queen.

"Perhaps, your Majesty, it would be more appropriate for the King Consort to make such a decision.".

Immediate silence claimed the hall and no one even dared to breathe as they looked up to their queen, trying to guess her reaction to this – almost – bold advise. Within the lines of the councillors Dastan believed to have misheard the last words, his jaw dropping almost down to his feet. No one was more shocked and surprised than him to hear such words from a councillor, an Alamutian councillor, who was – to say the least – not quite fond of him. However, he was not the only one and perhaps not the one who was most shocked about such words.

On her throne Tamina gasped in surprise, her eyes widening for a short moment as she startled over the words of the old man in front of her but then she recovered herself, remembering her place and her image. She was looking for the right words, obviously clinging to the belief that she had misheard the councillor or the like. But she was wrong.

"Excuse me?" she asked with a small smile that sought to cover her shock over his demand. She looked at him as if she expected him to revoke his earlier words but as he spoke again she sensed that she was fighting an already lost game.

"The King Consort, your Majesty, is, as your highest adviser regarding military matters, more likely in the position to make such an important question. He is a well-trained soldier and since he'd succeeded in taking our city it seems that he is the best choice we have to defend our city. Maybe...".

"Are you questioning my authority as your ruler?" Tamina interrupted him with a face that expressed her disbelief of his words. Unbelievable, she had married Dastan hardly three months ago and she got a mutiny on her tail already. This whole situation was absurd, to say the least. The councillor didn't twitch back by the sharpness of her words – whether this was good or bad thing she could not say, yet.

"No, I am questioning your authority as a woman.".

"What is that supposed to mean, councillor?" she snorted completely taken aback as she looked at the councillor as if she had seen him for the first time in her life. Judging by her ears he was talking in riddles she could not decipher, but she sensed that he was up to something. But never, never she would have expected to hear his next words, and neither did Dastan expect this to come.

"Perhaps it would be best for your, your Majesty, and for our city, if you leave the military decisions to our King Consort...as long as your are in your momentary condition.".

His words silenced her completely, shock and fear spread all over her face while her hands gripped the throne's arms so hard her knuckles turned white. Her whole body language spoke of the tension that held her in his grip. She would not speak, she could not counter his words. Dastan who had watched the scenery between both figures was confused by Tamina's sudden change of mind. It usually took a little more to render her completely speechless.

"What condition?" he asked while he slowly stepped forward, his eyes searching for her look for a moment, but she refused to meet his eyes – and this scared him more than anything else that had ever happened between them. The councillor, hearing his question, turned around to him, a bright smile shining all over his face that bewildered him, but nothing shocked him more than his next revelation.

"Joyous news, my brothers, we are blessed with life, new life.

A new heir to the throne of Alamut will be born. Our beloved queen is with child.".

"Why haven't you told me?" he demanded after they had entered their chambers, locked up, hidden from all the ears and eyes of the palace, given this short moment of intimate space. Tamina, however, didn't look upon his question, and she didn't answer either. She simply walked over to the table, grabbing the edge of the wooden piece with her small hands, which yet could be surprisingly strong. He heard her sigh and he could literally see how she had closed her eyes in order to calm herself and after a few more minutes she finally spoke again.

"I don't know.".

Her answer had been short, her voice low and small, almost shy, as if she feared he would be angry with her because she had kept this secret from him. However, this was a ridiculous idea; firstly because he could never be angry with her, and secondly because Tamina in all her wonderful pride would never be afraid of him. Dastan waited for a few heartbeats, expecting that she would continue, but she remained silent and so he raised his words again. The fear got the better of him and he couldn't hold back the next words that forced themselves outside, to be said out loud and to pushed themselves between them.

"Did you not tell me, because you never intended to keep it?".

"What?" she screamed furiously while she turned around in one single swift motion, her usually soft brown eyes fixed on him in an almost deadly manner. Dastan swallowed hard, but still he continued. The urge to know why she had kept quiet was stronger now than the threatening force of one of her infamous glares she shot back at him. He did not twitch back from the anger in her eyes, he only continued looking at her, his eyes never leaving her figure. Tamina, who – and he was well aware of this – never like it to be stared at like that, turned away. Her anger had suddenly vanished, gone as fast as it had come, and she was quiet now, so unbelievably quiet. He didn't know whether the news were the reason for her sudden change of mood, or her recent efforts to change her ways towards him.

"You haven't answered my question.

Do you want to have this...this child?" he asked again, choosing his words more carefully now, preventing to upset or aggravate her again. Tamina grabbed the edge of the table in front of her again, her fingers gripping the wooden piece so hard her knuckles turned white.

"I don't know..." she whispered and for one moment her voice bore a sound of restraint weakness, she was weary of fighting and yet she couldn't let herself give in. All she wanted was a quiet moment for herself, her head hurt like hell and she felt dizzy. She needed to think, she needed to be alone.

"Tamina...".

"I DON'T KNOW!" she yelled back at him while she turned around, now no longer searching to hold her anger back and it was only ever him who felt the sharp blade of her wrath, "Why should I always know the answer to all your questions?".

He didn't feel offended by her words, though, for he could see beneath her shield of anger and pride, she trembled, she must be terrified. She closed her eyes, trying to control the shivers that shook her body and she was hardly capable of covering this little weakness from him now.

"I haven't got time yet to think about it...", she sounded more concerned now, her voice low and hoarse, almost as if she wanted to cry. Dastan, acting on instinct, approached her without hesitation, offering her his help and she interpreted it as his attempt to already mollycoddle and patronise her.

"GET YOUR HANDS OF ME, DASTAN!" she yelled with a threatening, glaring look she shot warningly back at him and he took a few steps back, lifting his hands in a calming manner, although he was not actually afraid of her. In fact, he had to force himself to suppress his smile. Meanwhile he had become so used to her fighting spirit and quickly changing temper that it could almost always amuse him. The smile that he could hardly disguise, however, did not amuse her, it only increased her anger and so she continued her fit of rage.

"This is EXACTLY the reason why I did not want anyone to know!

Now the whole palace is convinced to know what is best for me! Suddenly, I'm not a monarch any more, no, there she is, nothing but a PREGNANT, LADEN COW!" she screamed and raged, in her outburst storming to their bed where she dramatically sank onto the edge of the bed. Dastan had to gather all his strengths in order not to laugh over her last words. He was very well aware of her hot temper and didn't intend to provoke her more than he'd already done. So, he wiped the small smile off his face and approached her with slow steps in order to revive her anger again. She didn't look when he placed his calloused hand on her shoulder, her eyes exclusively directed at her fingers which shook ever so lightly, hardly to recognise. But Dastan did see it and without hesitation he simply reached for her hands, under his touch her shivers faded as their fingers intertwined ever so naturally.

"I am not yet ready to be a mother." she suddenly said to his surprise, her voice low and shy, mirroring her whole body language, for she hadn't dared to look up when she said those words. The truth in her statement, her honesty, disarmed him and he couldn't but feel the painful sting of what could be. He had heard the councillor's words and it had changed something between them, it had changed everything, she was with child, and it was his child that blossomed inside her. He couldn't keep himself from seeing images in his mind's eye, images of things that could be and of things that, maybe, would be.

"Not now and not like this. Not when I know that you will leave me." she continued while she stood up and walked to the balcony, simply refusing to look at him as if one look into his eyes might shatter all her plans and decisions. Dastan frowned over her words, as he always did when she decided to speak in riddles again, and followed her to the balcony.

"I will never leave you, Ta –".

"Yes, you will." she interrupted him as she turned around swiftly, her face stern and melancholic as if she had never learned to smile, "Someday you will leave me. Someday you will never come back..."

Dastan, instead of trying to counter her words again, simply stared at her, trying to read the expression in her face and to understand the meaning of her words, and finally he realised that she was actually afraid. The fear he recognised in her eyes told him that the word leaving bore a darker meaning for, he could read it in her eyes, her fear that he could leave her one day because death would take him. She was concerned for him, she was afraid to lose him. Was that the reason why she had been so unwilling to declare war? That she simply didn't want him to fight...and possible die?

Dastan's eyes softened upon this realisation and softly, very carefully he took her face into his hands, her eyes finally meeting his warm glance and her armour of pride and strength slowly melted away. He slowly leant forward, his lips hovering over her slightly opened mouth, and she closed her eyes instantly while she expected his kiss in tender anticipation. However, he spoke once more, before he finally allowed their lips to meet – and she wasn't sure if it was the kiss or his words that caused the butterflies in her stomach.

"I love you, Tamina, I could never leave you.".