ANGELS MAY LAUGH, AND SO MAY YOU
D—
(Ties 3 blocks of C-4 Explosive, 4 Grenades, 12 Kegs of gunpowder, 85 sticks of Dynamite to Disclaimer, lights fuse and clears out. 35 seconds later, there's an explosion, and a large 45 foot wide crater of where Disclaimer used to be.)
Jeez, this thing is more like Nemesis from RE3; It just keeps reappearing!! Now uh, let's see… I don't own Gex the Gecko, Lara Croft, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro the Dragon, or Half-Life…or Mike and Pete's Fun HL Sounds.
CHAPTER ELEVEN: Nelo Angelo Type 2, and Nightmare's Appearance
Dante doesn't hear this huge Smashing noise, cause he was too busy on trying to see in Darkness. Upon walking into a suit of Armor, Dante believed it to be a Marionette, so he did the most heroic thing he could…
Find a corner and hide in it like Sherry Birkin. After a few minutes of crying and whimpering, and giving Alastor and Ifrit the reason to laugh at and mock him, he suddenly gets an idea.
"I'll use Teleport Scroll I magically found in my bag." He uses it and Teleports to…Lara's home.
As soon as he opens Lara's closet, he hears The Loading of a Shotgun.
"Ah, one of Bartoli's henchmen. Looking for the Dagger of X'ian?" Lara said.
"No…just a light-generating object." Dante said, looking through the barrels of the Shotgun.
"Hmm…for a man of Bartoli's men, you sure don't lie very well."
"Uhh, can I borrow some Flares?"
"No."
"How about a Flashlight?"
No…"
"Stop pointing it at me."
"No."
"You know it won't do much."
"Wouldn't hurt to try."
"Drop it, Lady."
"No."
"Please?"
"No…If you are who I think you are, and you're at the point I'm thinking of…don't you have Luminite?"
"No."
"There's one in the Dresser. Take it and Leave."
Dante opens the Dresser, takes the Luminite, and leaves Lara via Teleportation rift.
Dante walks into the main hall of the castle, and notices a red splotch on the stairway, (It's the Castlevania Guy) and pieces of statue lying around.
"I KNEW one of those would kill someone!" Dante said smiling. "Death is bad." He notices a nice insignia on the wall. It's a SWITCH! Dante messes with it, and…the first Plasma appears.
The Bag of Plasma falls to the ground, making odd electric noises soon after. Dante stares at the bag.
"What the hell is that…?" Dante said, still smiling.
"That is a Plasma Bag. It's mostly used for people who have suffered large amounts of blood loss." Alastor said.
Somewhere in the Underworld…
"BLOODY MARI! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! I said PLASMA, not PLASMA BAG!" Mundus screams at the Low-Class Marionette. The marionette turns around, revealing that he's cross-eyed.
"Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best!" It shouts.
"Who recruited him!?"
"I did sir!" A Fetish says, also cross-eyed. "He's my cousin."
"Who's he?!" Mundus said to his Marionette Officer, (from chapter 10. We'll call him Mo from now on.)
"He's an Asshole sir." Mo said.
"I know that, what's his name?"
"That is his name sir. Philip Asshole."
"…And his cousin..?"
"Malcolm Asshole."
"How many Assholes are there in here??"
All Marionettes, Fetishes, Nobodies, Sin/Death Scissors/Scythes, Frosts, and Plasmas stand up and say, "YO!"
"…Figures…." Mundus said, looking very annoyed.
(Isn't it amazing what kind of humor you can get from watching Mel Brooks films.)
"Bloody Mari, see that blue button in the middle there? Press it."
"Sir, there's two!!"
"Press right between them then, cross-eyed fool!"
"Yes sir!"
Back in the main hall….
"Dante, are you done looking at the bag of Blood now?" Alastor said, seeing as Dante stared at it for 5 minutes straight without blinking.
"It and I are having a staring contest." Dante said, eyes still wide open. Ifrit bets $200 on the bag.
"Oh, Lord what have I done to deserve this?!"
"Dumping me?"
"Exuuuuuuuuuse me, devil boy? Did I take you a Rundown Meat-house and kiss a girl who looks like a downtown hooker that's been hit in the face with a bat several times over really hard right in front of YOU???"
"Of course not. Cause then you'd be a lesbian."
KZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPP!!!!!!
Dante, charred, but still wide eyed, says "Ouuuuch…."
"Although I have NOTHING against them, DON'T…EVER…call me a lesbian."
"Yeah," Ifrit said to Dante. "Leave my girlfriend alone!"
The bag of Plasma suddenly turns into a Plasma.
Dante blinks.
"HE RUINED MY WINNING STREAK!!"
Dante downs meds for the hell of it, and scares away the Plasma with his new personality.
"Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff."
Dante makes his way to the Cathedral Type area. He smashes open the door, and leaps over the 50-foot gap.
Just ten feet away from the other side, Dante's meds stop. He notices he's going at…let's say… 175mph. This scares him, so Alastor and Ifrit put their ear guards on, and…
In Gex 3: Deep cover Gecko, while Gex is kicking Anime-ass in Anime Channel when
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHI'MGONNADIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Apparently, this shuts down everything, including Gex's Armor, immobilizing him for a while.
Half-Life (Mike and Pete's Fun Half-Life Sounds added on), Gordon Freeman encounters Barney, again.
"Hey, Hell are what the doing here down you?? Get—what the f…whose been messing with my lines again?"
And the Scream…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHI'MGONNADIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Gordon grabs his ears and starts shooting at Barney, who falls to the floor.
"Ack….Gahh, Uagh….the…window, I'm supposed to fall out the window…(cough) Damn the director…"
The scientist that was following Gordon, screams at him.
"Stop attacking! He's a fiend! Uhh, friend! Oh, fruck, I always mess that 'R' up."
Gordon immediately fires on the scientist, who runs away, screaming,
"Mind over matter, mind over matter! Oh f—k! is doesn't work!!"
(Note: These lines, including the censor, are all from a hilarious sound pak. I recommend that HL players go to http://www.planethalflife.com/studiosound/mike_and_pete/ and download the sound pak. Don't forget to thank Mike and Pete.)
In Crash Bandicoot: Wrath of Cortex (Is it just me, or can they not seem to find another villain?) As Cortex and Uka Uka gather the Masks Py-Ro, Wa-Wa Rok-ko, and…the other one which I forgot. Cue Scream.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHI'MGONNADIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
It seems that the vibrations acted as if Uka Uka was a magnet, as he from the air, into the ocean, never to be seen again. Hurrah.
Now, back to our story, which in drastic need of material.
Dante opens his eyes, and realizes that he has been teleported back into the Cathedral room.
"That was a unique turn in events." Ifrit said.
Dante was too interested in this chrome puddle to listen. He pokes it, thus sending out an alarm, and making Nightmare appear.
"Ah, Toilet's got clogged again?" Dante said.
Nightmare, seeming to be offended by this, smashes Dante into a wall. He must've hit Dante's funny bone, because Dante was laughing himself to death. After Dante's fit of laughter, he gets up, mashes the switches, making Nightmare show his core. Dante whips out a Shotgun, goes DT, and blasts Nightmare with all he has. Nightmare spreads through the floor, making a freaky screaming noise.
Dante picks up the Huge Red Orbs, and continues outside. He does Air Raid and flies on over to the Staff area. He shoves the staff into the staff holding thing. He notices the left one leads to a new part of the castle. So he leaps into it.
MISSION 17:
PARTED MOMENTO
Slash away at the Dragon and Enter the Court with the Quicksilver
Dante starts dashing around, firing off grenades at Marionettes, Fetishes, Windows, Suits of Armor, Pictures, Walls, rats, etc. Dante enters the last door and sees a small purple dragon a good distance away. We all know who this is.
"Who the hell are you??" Dante says questioningly.
"I'm Spyro the Dragon, Dumbass. EVERYONE knows who I am!" Spyro said looking annoyed.
"You're the dragon?"
"Yeah?"
"Then don't I have to attack you?"
"Now why the hell would you want to do that?"
"I need the quicksilver."
"Well, I might be able to help you with that."
Spyro flies over to the quicksilver, picks it up, and throws it to Dante, who misses it completely…well, it smashes into his head, knocking him out. Spyro topples off the platform laughing. Skye comes in and hits Spyro over the head with the Chibi. She promptly disappears. Spyro however looks around, unimpressed. Dante wakes up out of his incapacitated state
"…Who was that?" Spyro asked.
"That was Skye. She hits people who insult me, or laugh at me." Dante said picking up the quicksilver. "What is this thing made of?"
"Mercury…Rock…stuff. Who knows?"
Well, I got to go be the star of my fourth game. Bye."
"Bye, dragon."
Spyro flies off to the Artisan World.
Dante however continues his adventure by entering the Throne Room, via Quicksilver. There he meets Nelo Angelo one last time.
"What, you wanna keep fighting?" Dante said. "Look, we all know how it'll end. I'm gonna kick your ass to next Wednesday."
Nelo, however transforms to an even bigger Nelo Angelo, and has a cool looking hairstyle.
Cue the fight scene.
Dante goes DT, and continues to attack Nelo, who deflects 3 of the 9 hits, and delivers 4 his of his own. Dante however, got Stinger Lvl2, and just dropped Nelo's Life 25%…and again…and again. Nelo, teleports away, charges and…releases 120 crystals onto Dante, who is now down to 56% Life. Dante equips Ifrit…
Ryu, Dante, Ken pics go across screen. Ryu and Ken hop into the throne Room.
"HADUKEN!!!" All three shout, releasing three large beams of fire, defeating Nelo Angelo, and allowing them to hop off screen. Nelo, takes a long time to die, then becomes an energy pillar…then powder.
Dante notices, a gem falling from the sky. It's the same as Dante's gem. He then realizes…
He just murdered his brother.
This soon leaves his mind as he enjoys the twinkling light reflecting off the gem.
"Now when did we get these?"
BEGIN FLASHBACK…
Kid Dante: I want chocolate!
Kid Vergil: No, I want chocolate!
Kid Dante: Get bent! (Smack!) Ow!!! Ma, Vergil hit me!
Ma: Well, hit him back…
Kid Vergil: (Smack!) Ow!!!
Ma: Okay, settle down you two, you can both have chocolate. If you don't share you go back in the cages.
Kid Dante/Vergil: (scared) Okay!!
…END FLASHBACK
Dante sighs. "Ah, so many memories."
He then notices that the complete gem (his and Vergil's combined) is interacting with Force Edge.
In the Underworld…
"TRISH…VERGIL HAS FAILED. YOU MUST NOT FAIL ME." Mundus says from his big throne.
Trish, walks off, flipping Mundus off , when at a decent distance.
ALMOST DONE YOU FUULS!!!!!!
D—
(Ties 3 blocks of C-4 Explosive, 4 Grenades, 12 Kegs of gunpowder, 85 sticks of Dynamite to Disclaimer, lights fuse and clears out. 35 seconds later, there's an explosion, and a large 45 foot wide crater of where Disclaimer used to be.)
Jeez, this thing is more like Nemesis from RE3; It just keeps reappearing!! Now uh, let's see… I don't own Gex the Gecko, Lara Croft, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro the Dragon, or Half-Life…or Mike and Pete's Fun HL Sounds.
CHAPTER ELEVEN: Nelo Angelo Type 2, and Nightmare's Appearance
Dante doesn't hear this huge Smashing noise, cause he was too busy on trying to see in Darkness. Upon walking into a suit of Armor, Dante believed it to be a Marionette, so he did the most heroic thing he could…
Find a corner and hide in it like Sherry Birkin. After a few minutes of crying and whimpering, and giving Alastor and Ifrit the reason to laugh at and mock him, he suddenly gets an idea.
"I'll use Teleport Scroll I magically found in my bag." He uses it and Teleports to…Lara's home.
As soon as he opens Lara's closet, he hears The Loading of a Shotgun.
"Ah, one of Bartoli's henchmen. Looking for the Dagger of X'ian?" Lara said.
"No…just a light-generating object." Dante said, looking through the barrels of the Shotgun.
"Hmm…for a man of Bartoli's men, you sure don't lie very well."
"Uhh, can I borrow some Flares?"
"No."
"How about a Flashlight?"
No…"
"Stop pointing it at me."
"No."
"You know it won't do much."
"Wouldn't hurt to try."
"Drop it, Lady."
"No."
"Please?"
"No…If you are who I think you are, and you're at the point I'm thinking of…don't you have Luminite?"
"No."
"There's one in the Dresser. Take it and Leave."
Dante opens the Dresser, takes the Luminite, and leaves Lara via Teleportation rift.
Dante walks into the main hall of the castle, and notices a red splotch on the stairway, (It's the Castlevania Guy) and pieces of statue lying around.
"I KNEW one of those would kill someone!" Dante said smiling. "Death is bad." He notices a nice insignia on the wall. It's a SWITCH! Dante messes with it, and…the first Plasma appears.
The Bag of Plasma falls to the ground, making odd electric noises soon after. Dante stares at the bag.
"What the hell is that…?" Dante said, still smiling.
"That is a Plasma Bag. It's mostly used for people who have suffered large amounts of blood loss." Alastor said.
Somewhere in the Underworld…
"BLOODY MARI! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! I said PLASMA, not PLASMA BAG!" Mundus screams at the Low-Class Marionette. The marionette turns around, revealing that he's cross-eyed.
"Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best!" It shouts.
"Who recruited him!?"
"I did sir!" A Fetish says, also cross-eyed. "He's my cousin."
"Who's he?!" Mundus said to his Marionette Officer, (from chapter 10. We'll call him Mo from now on.)
"He's an Asshole sir." Mo said.
"I know that, what's his name?"
"That is his name sir. Philip Asshole."
"…And his cousin..?"
"Malcolm Asshole."
"How many Assholes are there in here??"
All Marionettes, Fetishes, Nobodies, Sin/Death Scissors/Scythes, Frosts, and Plasmas stand up and say, "YO!"
"…Figures…." Mundus said, looking very annoyed.
(Isn't it amazing what kind of humor you can get from watching Mel Brooks films.)
"Bloody Mari, see that blue button in the middle there? Press it."
"Sir, there's two!!"
"Press right between them then, cross-eyed fool!"
"Yes sir!"
Back in the main hall….
"Dante, are you done looking at the bag of Blood now?" Alastor said, seeing as Dante stared at it for 5 minutes straight without blinking.
"It and I are having a staring contest." Dante said, eyes still wide open. Ifrit bets $200 on the bag.
"Oh, Lord what have I done to deserve this?!"
"Dumping me?"
"Exuuuuuuuuuse me, devil boy? Did I take you a Rundown Meat-house and kiss a girl who looks like a downtown hooker that's been hit in the face with a bat several times over really hard right in front of YOU???"
"Of course not. Cause then you'd be a lesbian."
KZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAPP!!!!!!
Dante, charred, but still wide eyed, says "Ouuuuch…."
"Although I have NOTHING against them, DON'T…EVER…call me a lesbian."
"Yeah," Ifrit said to Dante. "Leave my girlfriend alone!"
The bag of Plasma suddenly turns into a Plasma.
Dante blinks.
"HE RUINED MY WINNING STREAK!!"
Dante downs meds for the hell of it, and scares away the Plasma with his new personality.
"Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff. Mustusestaff."
Dante makes his way to the Cathedral Type area. He smashes open the door, and leaps over the 50-foot gap.
Just ten feet away from the other side, Dante's meds stop. He notices he's going at…let's say… 175mph. This scares him, so Alastor and Ifrit put their ear guards on, and…
In Gex 3: Deep cover Gecko, while Gex is kicking Anime-ass in Anime Channel when
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHI'MGONNADIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Apparently, this shuts down everything, including Gex's Armor, immobilizing him for a while.
Half-Life (Mike and Pete's Fun Half-Life Sounds added on), Gordon Freeman encounters Barney, again.
"Hey, Hell are what the doing here down you?? Get—what the f…whose been messing with my lines again?"
And the Scream…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHI'MGONNADIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Gordon grabs his ears and starts shooting at Barney, who falls to the floor.
"Ack….Gahh, Uagh….the…window, I'm supposed to fall out the window…(cough) Damn the director…"
The scientist that was following Gordon, screams at him.
"Stop attacking! He's a fiend! Uhh, friend! Oh, fruck, I always mess that 'R' up."
Gordon immediately fires on the scientist, who runs away, screaming,
"Mind over matter, mind over matter! Oh f—k! is doesn't work!!"
(Note: These lines, including the censor, are all from a hilarious sound pak. I recommend that HL players go to http://www.planethalflife.com/studiosound/mike_and_pete/ and download the sound pak. Don't forget to thank Mike and Pete.)
In Crash Bandicoot: Wrath of Cortex (Is it just me, or can they not seem to find another villain?) As Cortex and Uka Uka gather the Masks Py-Ro, Wa-Wa Rok-ko, and…the other one which I forgot. Cue Scream.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHI'MGONNADIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
It seems that the vibrations acted as if Uka Uka was a magnet, as he from the air, into the ocean, never to be seen again. Hurrah.
Now, back to our story, which in drastic need of material.
Dante opens his eyes, and realizes that he has been teleported back into the Cathedral room.
"That was a unique turn in events." Ifrit said.
Dante was too interested in this chrome puddle to listen. He pokes it, thus sending out an alarm, and making Nightmare appear.
"Ah, Toilet's got clogged again?" Dante said.
Nightmare, seeming to be offended by this, smashes Dante into a wall. He must've hit Dante's funny bone, because Dante was laughing himself to death. After Dante's fit of laughter, he gets up, mashes the switches, making Nightmare show his core. Dante whips out a Shotgun, goes DT, and blasts Nightmare with all he has. Nightmare spreads through the floor, making a freaky screaming noise.
Dante picks up the Huge Red Orbs, and continues outside. He does Air Raid and flies on over to the Staff area. He shoves the staff into the staff holding thing. He notices the left one leads to a new part of the castle. So he leaps into it.
MISSION 17:
PARTED MOMENTO
Slash away at the Dragon and Enter the Court with the Quicksilver
Dante starts dashing around, firing off grenades at Marionettes, Fetishes, Windows, Suits of Armor, Pictures, Walls, rats, etc. Dante enters the last door and sees a small purple dragon a good distance away. We all know who this is.
"Who the hell are you??" Dante says questioningly.
"I'm Spyro the Dragon, Dumbass. EVERYONE knows who I am!" Spyro said looking annoyed.
"You're the dragon?"
"Yeah?"
"Then don't I have to attack you?"
"Now why the hell would you want to do that?"
"I need the quicksilver."
"Well, I might be able to help you with that."
Spyro flies over to the quicksilver, picks it up, and throws it to Dante, who misses it completely…well, it smashes into his head, knocking him out. Spyro topples off the platform laughing. Skye comes in and hits Spyro over the head with the Chibi. She promptly disappears. Spyro however looks around, unimpressed. Dante wakes up out of his incapacitated state
"…Who was that?" Spyro asked.
"That was Skye. She hits people who insult me, or laugh at me." Dante said picking up the quicksilver. "What is this thing made of?"
"Mercury…Rock…stuff. Who knows?"
Well, I got to go be the star of my fourth game. Bye."
"Bye, dragon."
Spyro flies off to the Artisan World.
Dante however continues his adventure by entering the Throne Room, via Quicksilver. There he meets Nelo Angelo one last time.
"What, you wanna keep fighting?" Dante said. "Look, we all know how it'll end. I'm gonna kick your ass to next Wednesday."
Nelo, however transforms to an even bigger Nelo Angelo, and has a cool looking hairstyle.
Cue the fight scene.
Dante goes DT, and continues to attack Nelo, who deflects 3 of the 9 hits, and delivers 4 his of his own. Dante however, got Stinger Lvl2, and just dropped Nelo's Life 25%…and again…and again. Nelo, teleports away, charges and…releases 120 crystals onto Dante, who is now down to 56% Life. Dante equips Ifrit…
Ryu, Dante, Ken pics go across screen. Ryu and Ken hop into the throne Room.
"HADUKEN!!!" All three shout, releasing three large beams of fire, defeating Nelo Angelo, and allowing them to hop off screen. Nelo, takes a long time to die, then becomes an energy pillar…then powder.
Dante notices, a gem falling from the sky. It's the same as Dante's gem. He then realizes…
He just murdered his brother.
This soon leaves his mind as he enjoys the twinkling light reflecting off the gem.
"Now when did we get these?"
BEGIN FLASHBACK…
Kid Dante: I want chocolate!
Kid Vergil: No, I want chocolate!
Kid Dante: Get bent! (Smack!) Ow!!! Ma, Vergil hit me!
Ma: Well, hit him back…
Kid Vergil: (Smack!) Ow!!!
Ma: Okay, settle down you two, you can both have chocolate. If you don't share you go back in the cages.
Kid Dante/Vergil: (scared) Okay!!
…END FLASHBACK
Dante sighs. "Ah, so many memories."
He then notices that the complete gem (his and Vergil's combined) is interacting with Force Edge.
In the Underworld…
"TRISH…VERGIL HAS FAILED. YOU MUST NOT FAIL ME." Mundus says from his big throne.
Trish, walks off, flipping Mundus off , when at a decent distance.
ALMOST DONE YOU FUULS!!!!!!