A/N

This is an important chapter for Edward and Bella, two important things happen. The next chapter will have a lot of explanation too.

I tried to listen to your likings about the dialogues in the paragraphes or separated, I hope this works for y'all.

Read for yourselves and let me know what you think! Thanks again!

Chapter 11: Friends

Edward

The washing-machine beeped and that was my cue to get the blanket out of it. Stupid Ben and Angela. I was happy for them and all, but really, on top of my couch? Ugh. It was three o'clock so Carlisle and Esme would be home in a few hours. I was doubting if I should call Bella, just to hang out. I mean, she did say we could be real friends now. And even though friends wasn't at all what I wanted, if it meant being closer to her, I was fucking down with it.

My phone buzzed. A text. Bella. My heart beat way too fast for my liking. Edward, slow the fuck down.

Can you come over today? I want to show you something. Xo.Xo. Xo. Oh God. She said xo. I felt like a cheerleader for reacting like this but I couldn't fucking help myself. After I calmed down I texted back:

What time do you need me? Xo.

That was cool right? It didn't take too long for her to respond.

You can come now if you want to.No xo. But she already said it once, so that must be why she didn't say it again, right? God, what I wouldn't do for just a kiss and a hug from her. I'm fucking insane. Pull yourself together, Edward.

I'll be right there.

I wrote a note for Carlisle and Esme, saying I was going to study at Jasper's place. They must be happy I'm socializing. Not really socializing, more like isolating myself to Bella, but whatever. Emmett didn't come home last night so I assumed he was at Bigtit's place, fucking his butt off. I didn't need to worry about him.

I got the keys from my Volvo and drove to Bella's house. The door was already open so I could walk in right away.
"In here!" I heard her yell from the living room. She was in her pajamas, but still fucking beautiful.
"Nice outfit," I said, teasing.
"Shut up, it was really late for me last night. Besides, friends see each other like this, right?" She replied, while giving me a glass and opening the fridge for me. "Make yourself at home."

I made myself an ice tea, like always and got comfortable on her couch. "What did you want to show me?" I asked, seeing her walk toward me. She got on her knees in front of the table, opening a drawer. She pulled out a big book.

"I… made this." She stumbled. "Over the past couple of weeks…" She looked at me, tears welling up in her eyes.
I sat down beside her, on my knees too. "What is it?" I asked, while tucking her hair behind her ear, so I could see her face.
She looked at me, her big brown eyes full of water.
"Okay…" she sighed, "I'm going to tell you. Please don't run away or be scared of me afterwards. I want to tell you because you're my friend."
I felt so fucking guilty for already knowing what she was going to say, but I wasn't going to let her know. I nodded.
"Do you promise?" She asked me, her face serious.
"I promise, Bella."
I let my hand make circles on her back. She seemed to relax a little while I did that, so I just kept going.

She opened the book. The first picture I saw was a young woman with a baby in her arms. Bella wrote underneath the picture: Me and mom, I was just born and crying like crazy. I smiled.
"You're a pretty baby, even crying."
She smiled a little. "This is my mom, Renee… She's upstairs right now…"
She began to cry. I grabbed her hand without even thinking about it and squeezed it a little. "She's sick, Edward…"
She let go of my hand and covered her face.

I wanted to fucking see her and she shouldn't be ashamed of this for fuck's sake. I grabbed both her hands of her face and held them in mine. We sat like that for fifteen minutes, then she was ready again to start talking.

"She's… been sick for two years now…"
I nodded, looking her in the eye the entire time.
"Breast cancer…"
I felt a cold air coming over me, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
"She's not… getting better anymore."
She started sobbing again. I pulled her against my chest, letting her cry it all out. Nothing else fucking mattered right now.

I stroke her hair and kept making patterns with my fingers on her back. She had her arms around my neck and her face nuzzled in the crook of my neck. I felt her breathing on my collarbones. God, I loved her. I wish I could tell her that right in this fucking moment. It will be okay, Bella, I'm here. I'm here and I love you.

Her crying eased a little and she started talking again, her face still that way in my neck. "She'll die soon… She's going to do euthanasia."
The tears came again. I had to swallow hard to not cry like a baby myself. I still didn't say a word and I guess she was comfortable that way. I didn't push her to do anything, she could let it all out now. After half an hour my knees started to hurt and I decided the couch was a better place. I lifted her without any effort and she didn't seem to mind, she clung to me like I was the most important thing in the world. I wished I was.

I placed myself on the couch, and let her lay on top of me, just like the other night. She moved a little before she was comfortable and was still then, keeping her eyes closed. I kept on trailing my fingertips up and down her back. I wanted to give her a kiss. Not even a real kiss, but a kiss that said 'don't worry.' I didn't know if that would cross the friends-line, but I decided to give it a try. My heart beating out of my chest, I placed a kiss on her hair. She squeezed me tighter. Fuck, thank God she didn't mind that. My heart slowed down again. My fingertips kept doing their work and after an hour or so she got up a little, just enough to look me in the eye.

"You're such a sweet person, Edward."
Fuck, I have to find a way to keep me from having all these butterflies in my stomach. It really wasn't fucking funny anymore. I nodded as a thank you and she smiled a little, her head down on my chest again.
"Do you want to stay over tonight?" she said, her voice muffled because of my shirt. "I know it's only five o'clock or something but I would… like it if you stayed."
She didn't look at me. "Of course." She squeezed my arm again. I'm guessing squeezing was her thing. I didn't mind, it was fucking cute.

An hour after that, she got up and said she needed to make us some dinner. I said I was fine and wasn't very hungry but she insisted. To compromise we decided to cook together. I never cooked before so this would be interesting.
"What are we going to make?" I asked, catching an apron she threw at me. I unfolded it. It was pink with white flowers. I looked at her, she was suppressing her laughter.
"I am not wearing this!" I yelled. She couldn't take it anymore, she laughed her ass off.
"I'm serious," I said, laughing along with her, "this is horrible!"
She grabbed the apron out of my hand and threw me a blue one, without any flower on it. "You're such a baby," she said, while poking my side. I shook my head, smiling.

"Have you ever cooked before?" she asked after she was done laughing.
"Not really…" I answered honestly.
"Let's start with something easy then. Do you like pancakes?"
I snorted. "Who doesn't like pancakes?"
She smiled, saying: "You'll be surprised, but some people don't like them."
"They should be hospitalized."
"I know!"

"Alright, you get the flour, I'll get the eggs. Do you want apple in your pancakes?" She asked me, while opening the fridge for the second time that day.
"Nah, I like them natural."
"Good," she said, "because we don't have any apples."
I rolled my eyes. "Where do you keep the flour?"
"Bottom drawer."

After we got the flour, eggs and milk in one bowl, the decision who was going to mix it was quickly made. "You should mix, it's not hard and it will make you feel like you did something important to make these pancakes," she insisted.

I simply obeyed. "Make sure you click on the fastest position on the mixer." Again I obeyed.

"Okay, now start."

I pushed one button and everything after that was a mess. I didn't get a good grip on the bowl and it fell off the dresser onto the floor, leaving a big sand colored mess. I was stunned, looking at the floor, so I forgot to put the mixer off which led to my apron and my face full of sand colored spots too. Bella pulled the mixer out of my hand really fast and the thing finally slowed down after one push on a button from her. We were both silent for one split second and then she started laughing again. Even harder than just now, with the apron. She was actually crying because of it.

I laughed with her, only because seeing her laugh made me laugh. Maybe if I looked in the mirror I would laugh harder, but this would do for now. I decided I couldn't be the only one being this nasty and sticky, so I had no other choice than to chase her and hug her so she would be dirty too. She knew what I was going to do when I walked toward her.

"Oh no, no, no!" she said, already running away from me. Of course I was faster and I grabbed her by her waist. She tried to get away but I was stronger. I turned her around so we were face to face and I hugged her tight. She didn't need to know this was more to me than just making her a sticky mess.

After a while she relaxed and stopped trying to get away from me, out of my hold. I relaxed too, but I didn't want to let go. Neither did she. We stood like that for a few minutes, arms around each other, my head resting on hers. I pulled away, to look her in the eye. I smiled a little at the sight of the mix of flour, eggs and milk in her hair.

"What?" she asked, oblivious.
"You have it in your hair," I answered, smiling. "And in your eyebrow."
I brought my hand up to her eyes and tried to wipe the stickiness from her eyebrow. She looked at me deeply and my hand automatically brought itself to the back of her neck. We were silent. I could hear her heart beating absurdly fast. Fuck, this was too much, even for me. I felt so much at the same time, I even felt tears creeping up behind my eyes. I fucking loved this girl. I really fucking did.

She laid her hands on my chest and brought her face closer to mine. I wondered what it would look like to the outside. Two people with aprons on, with weird shit in their hair and on their faces, about to kiss. I closed my eyes and moved a little forward. I heard her breath hitch and suddenly her hands were off my chest, my hands not touching her, she was a few feet away.

"I'm sorry, I… I'm going to take a shower, you can take one after me, okay? We'll order pizza or something when were clean."
I nodded, feeling the sting of rejection in my heart. She then took the apron off and took it with her upstairs. I took mine off too, and threw it in the corner of the kitchen. Fuck, I messed up! But she seemed to want it too, right? Why the fuck would she place her hands on my chest, look at me that way, push her to me and not want to kiss? Fuck!

Bella

I ran upstairs to my room and got out of my clothes as soon as possible. I needed to clear my head and taking a shower was the best way to do so. I threw all the dirty clothes in the laundry basket and hopped into the shower, letting the warm water calm me. I washed my hair and brushed it to take the stickiness out of it. That took almost ten minutes. After fifteen minutes I was done doing what I had to do and I had to think about the unavoidable.

Okay, so, I told Edward what was going on with my mom. He had been really sweet about it, as always and we were just the way we always were when I was feeling down.

Edward soothing Bella. Bella cuddling up to Edward. Everything seemed so simple.

Maybe I provoked him. I knew I did. For God's sake, I placed my hands on his chest en pushed myself closer to him, I wanted to kiss him. I knew he wanted to kiss me too but I got scared. We keep on expanding our boundaries. From simply saying hi to helping at math to comforting me to distant friends to friends to friends with benefits to lovers?

No, we had to be sure we could be friends first, I didn't want to keep using him just because I needed love.

But I wasn't using him, I wanted this.

And I never wanted to kiss someone before. God, I was confused. Maybe I should ask him to leave now. But I didn't want to. I wanted him to stay here, with me. What the heck was going on with me? The warm water coming out of the shower suddenly felt cold to me. I decided we should just see what would happen tonight. I was going to apologize to him though, that was for sure.

I quickly got dressed into another pajamas and hurried downstairs. While Edward would be showering I'd give my mom her medication. I saw Edward sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, hands folded on his stomach, looking like he did some serious thinking. I let a fake cough out. He opened his eyes immediately.

"You can shower. It's right upstairs, first door to the right. You can lock it if you want. I also have some clean clothes for you if you'd like. I already laid them down for you in the bathroom. They're old ones from Charlie that my mom has lying around."
Edward nodded and walked towards the door, he didn't look at me. I wasn't going to bear this all night, so I grabbed his arm.
"Edward, look, I'm sorry."
He smiled a halfhearted smile, saying: "Don't be." Then he walked up the stairs.
I let out a sigh. This was going to be a long night.

I got the medication for mom and heard streaming water coming from the bathroom, while I was making my way to my mom's bedroom. I peeked around the door and saw my mom sleeping, like she did most of the time. She was really almost like an empty shell.

"Mom? Hey, you need to take your medication again, you can sleep afterwards."
She opened her eyes, laying her hand on top of mine. It reminded me of how Edward took my hands earlier today. I wish we could still do that now, without all the weirdness.
"Bella, honey, how… is the scrapbook?" she asked me, with all her strength she had in her in that moment.
"I'm still working on it, I'll show you my progress when you're not as tired as you are now, okay?" I replied, getting the sweat off of her forehead.
"Promise me," she said, smiling a little.
"I promise." She took her last pill and went off to dreamland in no time.

I went downstairs and got my favorite blanket, settled down on the couch and turned on the tv. After ten minutes of watching a typical romantic comedy I heard no water streaming anymore and I got a little nervous. He would be downstairs in a few minutes and I didn't want it to be weird and awkward like it had been half an hour ago. What could we talk about? Ah, music! What else? Angela and Ben. Think, Bella, think.

I didn't have any more time to think.

Edward stepped into my living room, still drying his hair with his towel. I couldn't help but thinking he looked… sexy. I would have to never mind the fact that he was wearing my dad's clothes though. That made him less sexy in an instant. Maybe that was better.
"What?" he said, standing still in the middle of the room.
"No… nothing," I said, shaking my head, "you can throw your towel in the laundry room."
"Alright," he said, shrugging and walking away.

I got off the couch and decided maybe hot chocolate would lighten up everything. Suddenly Edward stood beside me, I didn't even hear him coming in again.
"I'm making hot chocolate, do you want whip cream on top of it?"
"Sure," he said.
Dang it, Bella, you finally got him to open up and now he's closing in again. Don't let it happen.
I made the hot chocolate with a chagrinned face and brought it to Edward.
"Here you go," I said, not looking at him.
"Thanks."
We were silent for almost ten minutes then. And it wasn't a nice silence like we used to have, it was as awkward as can be.

I couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay, Edward, listen to me," I turned toward him, so he would have to look me in the eye, "I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I don't know what had gotten into me and you don't owe me anything. If you want to leave right now, you can, you have all the right to. I will never make you want to kiss me again."
Finally, he looked at me. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but he didn't.
"Talk to me," I said, taking his hand, just like he took mine this afternoon.
He looked at our hands, first not working with me, then he relaxed and stroke my hand with his thumb.
"I'm sorry too," he looked at me, very serious.
"You don't have to be, I'm the one who provoked you."
He shook his head.
"Let's just pretend that part of the day didn't happen, okay? We'll just be Edward and Bella, like we were before all of that happened," I said, hoping he would agree with me, even though I wasn't sure if I wanted to forget. He nodded.
"Okay."

We were silent again and the awkwardness floated away as the minutes passed by.
"Do you still want to order a pizza?" he suddenly asked.
"I'm kind of hungry and I don't think making pancakes is a very good idea." I smiled at the memory of him, all sticky and dirty.
"That really was your fault, you shouldn't have let me mixed that!" he said, playfully poking my side.
"I know," I said, with the biggest grin on my face. "What kind of pizza do you want?" "Anything with mozzarella is good," he replied.

I got to the phone and ordered two pizzas. They would arrive in twenty minutes. When I got off the phone and walked back into the living room, Edward was laying on the couch. I looked at the clock. It was half past eight. I got on the couch too, and we automatically took our routine position. Me laying on top of him, my head on his chest, his fingers trailing along my back. I could lay like this forever.

"Thanks for telling me… about your mom, I mean," he suddenly said, looking worried, playing with my hair.
I nodded, sniffing to take his scent in from his shirt. It already had his scent in it, no sign of my father. To not let myself think about it too much, I answered: "You have the right to know. We're friends."

Friends who cuddle quite a lot, I thought.

He didn't respond right away. After a couple of minutes he asked something again.
"How long has she left?"
I felt a tear escaping my eye, I tried to wipe it away, but Edward already did that for me.
"Thanks," I said, smiling a little, "She's going to let go whenever I'm ready, I have to give her the okay-sign."

"Are you ready?" he asked me, it was a logical question.

"I'm getting there, thanks to your father." He was silent again. I talked.
"The scrapbook is one of the things I'm doing to accept that she's going to be gone. I don't want to forget her, not anything, so I'm putting all these pictures in and writing down everything she remembers from those pictures."

"That's a wonderful idea, Bella," he said. He kissed my hair, I couldn't help but squeeze him again. He made me squeeze him when he did something to me that made me feel… weird. It happened unconsciously.
"If I can help you with anything, just let me know. I'll be there." Another squeeze.
"Thank you."

I closed my eyes and almost fell asleep until the doorbell rang. Edward seemed to be a little sleepy too.
"I'll get it," I said. I got up and walked towards the door, ten dollars in my hand. I opened the door. Hey, I recognized that face.
"Hey, Ben!" He didn't look at me. Now he did.
"Oh hey, Bella, how are you?"
"Doing good, I didn't know you worked at Domino pizzas. How much do you get from me?" He smiled. "Eight dollars and fifty cents."
He gave me back one dollar fifty and said he needed to take off again, other costumers were waiting. I got back into the house and saw Edward sitting straight on the couch.

"That was Ben!" I said, putting the pizzas on the table.
"Huh, that's cool," he said, opening one pizza box. I got us a knife, we didn't need anything other than that. You're supposed to eat pizza with your hands.
"You still have to tell me what you found yesterday night when you returned home."
"Seriously, you don't want to know," he laughed.
"That bad, huh?"
"Just pretty disgusting," he nodded in agreement.
"Never mind then."

We ate our pizza in silence and watched a sitcom that none of us really followed. I couldn't eat a whole pizza so Edward ate two slices from mine too. He was about to explode right now.
"Ugh, I can't see any pizza in the next two years," he said, laying down on the couch again.
Automatically I climbed on top of him.
"Ow, not the stomach," he said, while I leaned down on it.
"Sorry," I giggled. I tried to avoid his belly while laying on top of him but that wasn't comfortable, so I put myself slowly on top of his stomach again. He didn't seem to mind now. "You know," he said, while his fingertips made me shiver, "you smell good."
I looked at him.
"No, I don't mean it in like a weird way, or something. You just smell good."
Now I laughed at him.
"I'm serious! Not many girls do these days. But you smell like good old vanilla."
"Old?" I said, joking.
"Never mind," he rolled his eyes, "you're not believing me anyway."
I buried my face in the crook of his neck again. "You smell good too." I heard him swallow. "What?" I asked.
"No, nothing, I just needed to… swallow." He was making up an excuse, anyone could see that. Whatever. I laid my head down again and took in his scent. Lovely.

After two hours I woke up, from the noise coming from the tv.
"Dang," I said, climbing off Edward, who was also asleep. I turned the tv off and tried to climb on top of him again, but he woke up.
"I'm sorry, the tv woke me up so I shut it off," I said, sitting in between his legs.
He nodded, laid on his side now and opened his arms as an invitation for me. I accepted and we were laying in a new position now. Both on our sides, looking at our each other, our legs intertwined. I sighed, this felt good too.

We looked at each other for a few more minutes, but both of us were too tired to keep our eyes open. After I closed mine, it was a matter of seconds before I fell asleep in Edwards hold.

Comments are better than Edward chasing you down all dirty and sticky.