Author's note: Hey guys! So, my amazing beta has gotten caught up in exams and revision and everything I do not miss about studying, so I'm going to go ahead and post this. If you see any mistakes, please, please point them out! I might post a revised version once her exams are over and she has some more time.

Reminder; this chapter has references to feeling suicidal. Please, please don't read if that's a trigger for you; I'll summarize this chapter at the start of the next one.

Thanks guys!

Chapter Eleven

It took a couple of days for Bianca and Leah to work out Kayla's program. Casey enlisted Kyle to help talk her through it, since he'd actually passed his HSC first time around, unlike any of his brothers. Kayla seemed to be mostly looking at it as another game, like playing cards; just a way to pass the time.

"That's probably better than being fed up with it already," Kyle pointed out as they walked home.

"I guess," Casey agreed. "It's just …"

"Hard to tell what she understands and what she's just going along with," Kyle agreed. "If she doesn't understand this now, she will in a while."

"Well, look, Year Six, that's easy enough. What happens when she gets higher up?"

"There is such a thing as home schooling, Casey, and they manage well enough. We'll deal with this. Stop making trouble before it happens."

Casey made a face at him, grimacing. "I hate schoolwork."

"Try not to tell Kayla that, if you can help it."

"Oh, no, really? I figured I'd sigh and moan and roll my eyes every time it comes up."

Between them, Casey and Kyle made sure one of them was there every day. Leah and Bianca had been careful to keep the lessons short to start with, to help Kayla get used to it, and she always gave the appearance of paying attention at least. They were fairly sure at least some of it was going over her head, but they could go back over it if necessary.

Eight days in she rebelled, pushing her maths flashcards across the table. "I don't want to do school."

"A lot of people don't want to do school," Casey agreed. "But you have to. Come on, it won't take long."

"I don't know these things. I thought school would teach me."

"It does teach you, but you have to work at it. It takes time."

"No it doesn't, I'm just stupid."

"Hey." He leaned forward across the table, trying without success to catch her eye. "You are not stupid. A lot of people have trouble with this."

"No! It's not the thing, it's me. I don't understand it. It doesn't make sense, nothing makes sense! I don't know the rules!"

She was shouting, completely out of character. Casey reached for her arm and she jerked away, knocking her chair over as she scrambled to her feet. Casey stayed exactly where he was, watching as she circled the couch to put it between them.

"Kayla," he said softly.

"I don't know the rules," she repeated; she sounded calmer, but she was holding herself very still. "I knew the rules before. They don't make sense up here. Too much - too many people, too many things, too many rules. I don't know them."

"OK," Casey said, keeping his voice down. "I'm sorry, we're giving you too much at a time. We can be more careful. No school today, all right? We'll take a break."

"It's not the school. It's everything. It's too - how do you live in a world this big, Casey?"

"Practise, and a lot of help. Everyone needs help, Kayla."

He stood, slowly, picking up her chair and then moving towards her. Kayla didn't retreat, but she tensed when he reached out to touch her and he dropped his hand. "Tell me what you need," he said softly.

Kayla closed her eyes for a moment. "I don't want to be back there," she said carefully. "I want the windows, and the light."

"Good, because I wouldn't let you go back there anyway." He risked touching her arm again, steering her to sit on the couch. "We can go slower," he said quietly. "Tell me what's wrong. Too many people?"

"I don't want to talk now."

"Kayla…"

"I don't want to talk now," she insisted.

Casey sighed, giving in. "All right. Later, though."

He found her MP3 player and let her listen to it, sitting next to her on the couch. Kayla was tense and withdrawn for a long time, but eventually she relaxed, leaning against him and drifting off.

Casey sent a quick text to Leah and Nate, and Leah arrived home a little later, coming in much more quietly than normal. "Hey," she murmured.

"You didn't have to come home."

"I was on the way. Besides…" She fished out her phone, scrolling through it. " 'Small problem today, quiet if you're coming in' is not a reassuring message. What happened?"

"Uh, remember how we all thought Kayla was adapting really well?"

Leah glanced down at her. "Blowout, huh."

"Yeah. I think we're introducing too much, too fast. She hasn't even adapted to being out here yet."

"She hasn't left the house yet," Leah pointed out. "Maybe give the school stuff a break for a bit and let her have some fun."

"Yeah." Casey glanced down as Kayla shifted. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

Kayla climbed off the couch without answering, heading back to her room. Casey grimaced, leaning back against the back of the couch.

"Well, that's a first," Leah said. "What happened, exactly?"

"She got upset because she doesn't know the rules up here. It's pretty different than it was down there."

"I'll bet, yeah."

"She thinks she's stupid because she doesn't understand. Too many people, too many new things."

"She's not stupid."

"What I said, but I don't think she was listening." He glanced towards the bedrooms. "D'you want me to hang around? I'm guessing, but I don't think she'll come out any time soon."

"No, go ahead, Casey. I'll call if we need you." Glancing at the table, she added, "I guess I should clear away the school stuff for now."

"Yeah, might be a good idea. I'll see you later."

He wandered towards the beach, not wanting to go home yet. He still wasn't supposed to go in the water without Brax or Heath, but he didn't really want to at the moment anyway; he felt oddly lethargic, drained from trying to deal with Kayla. Finding a slope in the sun, he settled down, watching the waves and letting them lull him into something close to a doze. He wasn't sure what time it was when a shout woke him up.

"Case?"

Casey lifted a hand, still watching the sea. Brax slogged up to him, studying him for a moment before sitting beside him.

"What's up?"

"Just enjoying the view. I got afraid I wouldn't see it again, at one point."

"Yeah?"

He smiled faintly, still staring out. He hadn't meant to say that, but he was tired, and tired of trying to hold onto it. "Are you my therapist now?"

"Don't think I'd be much good at that, do you? But if you wanna talk, I can listen. I've heard that helps sometimes."

"Natalie tell you that?"

"Never told me anything else." They sat in silence for a moment before he added, "We don't have to, if you don't want to. But you know I'm here, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

There was silence for another moment before Brax said "So, thought you wouldn't see it again?"

"Are you going back to Ricky or Heath with this?" Casey demanded.

"No one, no one hears about this but you and me. Not unless you want to talk to someone. Does Kayla know?"

"No, she – she was asleep, when I thought I – when I was trying."

"Trying," Brax repeated evenly.

Casey rubbed at his face for a moment before lying back against the dune, one arm flung over his eyes. He wasn't sure he could say this if he could see Brax's reactions. "The drugs always kept her down longer than me," he said. "And there was nothing – it was just quiet, and empty, and I couldn't – you hadn't come yet. I know you were doing everything...this isn't about that."

Brax relaxed by force of will, nodding, and Casey continued, "We didn't have knives, or glasses, or anything, but there were CDs. And I smashed one, and I sat there for – ever, forever, looking at that edge. I even lined it up. I just didn't press deep enough, not in time."

Brax wasn't moving; Casey wasn't sure he was breathing. "What happened?"

"Kayla woke up, and she called for me. First time she'd done that; she mostly ignored me – and I couldn't be sure, if I did something, would he get me out before she saw. If I'd been there alone…and now I'm up here, it's like some stupid nightmare I can't get rid of. I keep – what if I'd done it, Brax? What if I'd been that weak? She'd still be stuck down there, and I – you and the others…"

"Not weak," Brax said firmly.

"Brax…"

"Case. Listen to me. You remember when Charlie died? Remember what I was doing?"

Casey drew in a breath, lowering his arm. "Fighting in the cages."

"Trying to be killed," Brax corrected him. "I was trying to get killed 'cos I missed her so much."

"But no one's died! I just – I couldn't even wait for you."

"You wanted out. I get that. I mean, if you'd done it, I'd've kicked your ass." Casey laughed tearfully and Brax continued, "You're telling me you felt weak, but I think that was one of the strongest things I've seen you do, bear up under that. You're still bearing up under it now. And you're out, now, and you have us."

Casey sat upright again, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Things were simple there. It's so much harder out here."

"Yeah. That's life, I'm afraid."

He laughed softly. "Are you working? Can we sit here for a bit?"

"Yeah. We can sit here for a bit."

Casey leaned against Brax, closing his eyes. He drifted for a while, listening to the waves nearby and Brax breathing steadily beneath his arm.

He didn't think he'd slept, but Brax was already hanging up by the time he registered the ringing noise. "Case, you awake?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you awake?" Brax repeated.

"Yeah. More or less." He pushed away from Brax, rubbing at his face. "What is it?"

"Kyle's short handed upstairs, he's already called in Ricky and they're still over run. You ok if I head up for a while? He can call Phoebe, but after the last time..."

"Yeah."

"Case. Are you awake?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm awake. Look, I'm getting up and everything." He stood, swaying slightly until he caught his balance. "Go on. I'll just go home."

"What, not going to pitch in?"

"You really want me serving customers right now?"

Brax grinned. "Nah, your mug'd put them off the food. Go on home, don't sit out in the sun any more. Get some rest, ok? I'll check on you later."

"Yeah."

Brax headed up the beach. Casey waited until he was out of sight; then he sank back down, cradling his head in both hands.

"Casey?"

Casey looked up, surprised at how much time had passed; the sun was much lower in the sky and he was sitting in the shade. He'd been completely unaware of it. "Josh, hey."

"You all right? You don't look too hot."

"Yeah, it's...I think I need to eat something."

"Want me to go grab something?" He gestured towards the Surf Club.

"Nah, no. I'm heading home." He started to stand, hesitated, and sat back down. "You don't happen to be heading that way?"

"I'm not doing anything else. Come on." Josh caught his hand, heaving him to his feet. "Man, you're a light weight. Don't you ever use those machines in the gym?"

"I've been known to." Once he was on his feet Casey carefully let go of Josh, starting towards home. Josh fell into step beside him, watching him sideways.

"I'm not going to fall over," Casey told him.

"Yeah, tell it to your face, mate. I didn't know you got that pale."

"I just need to eat."

"Uh huh. When was the last time you ate?"

"I dunno. Yesterday."

Josh grinned. "Your brothers let you get away with that?"

"My brothers don't run my life, Josh."

"They've been worried about you."

Casey paused for a moment, closing his eyes. "Yeah. I know."

"Nearly tore the town apart while you were gone. Accusing everyone who moved – Casey, you need help."

"I just need a second." Casey swallowed, hard. "I need to sit down."

"Yeah, let's…Casey, shit!" Josh grabbed him, turning an uncontrolled fall into a mostly controlled one, scrambling awkwardly to kneel beside him. "Where's your phone? Need to call…"

"They're working." Casey rolled to his side, sitting up with an obvious effort. "Call John, John Palmer, he should be home now."

"Casey, your brothers…"

"Call John," Casey said firmly.

Josh made a face, searching for Casey's phone and finding John's number in the contact list. "Mr Palmer? It's Josh Barrett. I need your help with Casey."