Blanco: Chapter 11 – What Would You Say?


What would you say if I meet you today,
and unexpectedly greet you?
What would you say if I whisper in your ear
and then kiss you on your cheek?

What would your heart say then?


'7:23', the clock showed as Yamamoto glanced at it upon waking up. The lights were on and his amazement at the strange illumination never seemed to stop no matter how many times he noticed it. Because the base was underground, there were no windows. That part was easy enough to figure out. But the way the Vongola technicians decided to deal with the lack of the natural sunlight was odd. The lighting system was in fact programmed to replicate the effects of the sun and imitate it indoors, set by the different times of the day.

The results were almost the same as those that could be seen outside, but still without the changes in the sun's positions. Every morning there would be a soft light that indicates the beginning of the day. Then, by noon, it would grow stronger and brighter yet even then, thankfully, the temperature would not rise at all. Some time before the afternoon, the lights would start to dim like it was sunset. But, unlike the real sun, the lights inside would stay that way until later that evening and would not diminish until each room's residents would turn them off manually. Of course, should anyone wish to turn the lights on and off by themselves during any hour of the day, it was possible.

As different as the system was set to be, it was still very convenient and useful and the rain guardian was thankful for it's existence. In the Millefiore base, the only lights that illuminated their original cell were the sunlight during the day and the moonlight late at night. They would have to wake up early every morning either because the sunlight was too strong and disturbed their sleep or because it had been raining and all the water had gotten inside through the window. In any way they could not have an ideal morning though.

What was even worse for the swordsman though, was that once they had been moved to the second cell, everything had gotten much worse that it already was, in terms of weather. Or less of it more likely, because with no window at all, there was no way to know how things were going outside. There was only artificial light, but that one, as opposed to the one in the Vongola base, stayed the same for the entire three weeks they were locked there. It goes without saying that the Japanese boy prefers the current system over the lack of one.

He could now wake up much later than before and, thus, sleep more effectively almost without any disturbances. Moreover, with the spare time that had been gained, he could engage in his recently discovered favorite morning activity. If you could really call watching Gokudera while the boy was sleeping an activity.

Yamamoto could still remember the first time he noticed he had been doing that. Even while in the cell, he always seemed to wake up before Gokudera, be it a matter of minutes or seconds. The Japanese guardian would just stare at the sleeping teen and sort of freaked out as he thought of the creepiness of his actions. But waking up morning after morning at the same position made him change his opinion rather quickly about the matter to the completely opposite direction.

Now he could just watch Gokudera and listen to his breathing, not feeling strange, but calm. The rain guardian would justify himself by saying that leaving the bed was not an option. Both because of the firm hands that wouldn't let him go and also because he simply didn't wish to. For those reasons he couldn't leave the bed and therefore, had to keep himself from getting bored. From then on, it was quite obvious. Gokudera was the most interesting thing in the room after all.

Being interesting aside, he also loved the way the Italian's arms felt when they were wrapped tightly around him. With them being all warm and protective, it made him feel unimaginably safe, like nothing could ever get close enough to hurt him. His breathing would unintentionally match itself to the soft rhythm of the storm guardian's breathing that passed through his slightly open lips. The silver haired boy's peaceful, steady and repetitive heartbeat would add to the serene feeling the swordsman was experiencing and give him another reason to keep himself rooted to the bed.

As he reveled in the pleasant environment that he was surrounded in, Yamamoto was unexpectedly reminded of the night before. How for the entire previous evening Gokudera seemed depressed, isolated and passive. The unusual behavior made the rain guardian a bit unnerved, especially since this was the storm guardian who was showing it.

The clock's alarm went off with weak beeping sounds that would have eventually gotten stronger and much more annoying had Gokudera's hand not darted that exact minute to put an early end to it. The storm guardian who just woke up took in the sight of the startled swordsman beside him and thought it was his fault for moving so fast first thing in the morning.

"Sorry." he apologized sheepishly as he put his head back on the shared pillow, still tired.

"For what?" Yamamoto asked in confusion, looking at the other with a puzzled look on his face. He was just surprised that so much time had passed, was it really half past eight already? Had all this time really passed by without him noticing?

"For waking you up so suddenly." the Italian reasoned. "Should have just let the alarm keep on beeping until you woke up instead of giving you the time to wake up by yourself."

'Oh, so that's what it was.' the rain guardian thought as understanding dawned on him. "Don't worry it wasn't you." he said quietly and explained so he could put the other at ease over the unneeded concern. "I was already awake, but the alarm took me by surprise."

"I see." the quiet respond and slight blush indicating Gokudera was embarrassed by getting all worried over nothing, feeling weird about the fact that he just jumped to the conclusion. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Hayato." came the almost cheerful reply. It seemed like all the encouraging conversations they had were finally catching up with all the memories of the negative events. Yamamoto definitely seemed a lot healthier now than since this whole ordeal started as well. The silver haired boy could bet without a doubt that he did, too, but the other guardian just had so much more to deal with than he had at the time.

The storm guardian, now fully awake, looked around the room as memories of the day before began haunting him the longer he watched the now out of bed rain guardian. As the other went to the infirmary's private bathroom, Gokudera stayed in bed, lying on his side and looking at the closed door his friend just passed through.

Thoughts of the new feelings he discovered he had towards the other boy came to his mind and settled there, much like the previous evening's worries. The worries that left him indifferent to his surroundings, apathetic to all people who were near him.

His worries were all about the consequences which would result from his actions towards the newly discovered feelings. They were kind of divided into two groups. One about what would happen should he go through with his feelings and try to do something about them. The other about what would happen should he just choose to ignore those feelings. Both had their own advantages and disadvantages though, and the dilemma could not be solved as easily as just simply deciding. Gokudera really felt like he had to take his time thinking of all the possible results, the risks against the benefits. The bottom line was, this decision could be a crucial one, and should not be taken lightly.

If he chose to act upon his feelings, then first of all, he might get a lover. Key word is 'might', because even if he does make his move, what's to say the other guardian would feel the same way? After being rejected his entire life, Gokudera didn't want to even begin to think about Yamamoto rejecting him too. Then, even if everything goes well, how could the rest of the family possibly accept the relationship? Could he really handle the situation should the Tenth disapprove of his actions? He couldn't. The Tenth was important to him, he had his duty as a right hand to always be by his boss' side, and this might be another difficulty. Could the rain guardian understand the situation between the right hand and the boss? Could he understand the Tenth's importance from the storm guardian's point of view?

All those reasons and explanations were passing through Gokudera's head one after the other. Some justified, some based on a whim, but all relevant to the issue. And yet, it seemed like after every reason to not act upon his feelings, appeared a reason to at least try and not push them aside, ignore them. The ultimate result of not acting to gain something you wanted during some time was the well known 'what-if syndrome'. He would disregard his feelings and possible opportunities and everything would be fun and normal for a while. It might take a month, a year or a decade, but he would always develop the same nagging feeling at the end. The one that caused him to regret his inactions and wish to go back and change them, thinking 'what-if' the entire time. These kinds of thoughts left the Italian dreading the oncoming future, what would happen next, and his meaningful decisions that would avert the path he continued walking on.

By the time Gokudera had reached that certain phase of thoughts, Yamamoto had already finished taking his shower and got dressed and ready for breakfast. During his shower he thought carefully about the Italian's unusually quiet attitude by gathering all to facts he knew about the situation so he could really do his best to support the other and help him get over the apparent depression. The facts were that the day before, the swordsman had another breakdown, and Gokudera calmed him down once again. Then, almost in a matter of minutes after everything seemed fine, the other boy had sunk in a sudden depression that left him acting indifferently towards everything and everyone.

As the rain guardian stepped out of the bathroom, all dressed and prepared to leave the room when the other was ready, he noticed that he had not even gotten up from the bed yet. The green eyes were open and staring blankly at the ceiling, this appearance proved the Japanese teen right in his suspicions that this pattern was a continuation of yesterday's behavior.

All the facts, were showing pretty clearly what was the number one cause to the depression. Yamamoto himself. Well, more likely the discussion that took place, but it still meant it was his fault. It was obvious really, because there was nothing else that took place between the conversation and the changes in behavior. So, certain in his reasons to put the blame on himself, the rain guardian decided to confront the storm one about his condition.

"Hayato." only then did the Italian notice his friend's presence in the room, and looked up at the other with exhaustion in his eyes. He didn't wait for the rest of the sentence before he sat up and left the bed with a sigh.

"I'm going to get ready now, don't worry, it won't take me much time to finish and then we could go have breakfast." he stated as he walked to the bathrooms direction. While passing by Yamamoto, he lowered his head and walked faster unconsciously. The only one in the room who noticed that the storm guardian hadn't even spared the other boy a glance after he ignored the words which were supposed to be spoken was the rain guardian himself. He stood alone in the infirmary and looked at the floor with his eyes full of sorrow as he heard the the flow of water coming from the other side of the door.


Breakfast didn't change much of anything, not that Yamamoto had expected it to, but he still had to have some hope. Gokudera was still acting the same as he was the night before and that morning before they arrived in the dining room. The rain guardian noticed that he wasn't the only one who noticed the change and was worried, but now he knew he probably was the only one sitting at the table who was able to do something about it. Firstly, because it was most likely caused because of him. And secondly, because the rest might have just associated the depression with the two boys' situation and didn't know how to delve into it without saying something offensive that might result in even more damage that what was possibly already there.

When breakfast was over and Gokudera automatically got up and headed for the door so he could return back to the room, once again without any words passing through his lips, Yamamoto got up as well and sent an observing glance across the table. Tsuna, Ryohei, Haru, Chrome, Kyoko, Fuuta and even Shamal and Reborn were all looking at him expectantly. Bianchi was too focused on her brother. Mukuro was too busy holding, strangely, Hibird in his hand as the yellow bird sang quietly. Hibari, for some reason that might have a connection to the small creature's choice of location, was glaring a hole into the pineapple's forehead. Actually, he was probably just annoyed he had been asked to come and eat breakfast with everyone else instead of alone in his room.

'All those expectant looks...' Yamamoto thought, his eyes returning to watch the storm guardian's back slowly getting further and further away. 'They know something is wrong, and are hoping that I could be the one to fix it.' he began following his roommate back to their private infirmary as one, last, noticeable thought crossed his mind. 'I hope I could make it better, too.'

It was easy enough for the rain guardian to catch up with the shorter teen, but he still knew better than to try starting a conversation. He could already predict the other's reaction, or lack of it actually. Just like the silver haired guardian was flying with an autopilot, not really taking interest for anything that was outside of his mind's territory. Walking through corridors and passages, the rather short path to the infirmary was made without any sort of exchange between the two. Some time around the halfway point to get to their room, Yamamoto had gotten this sinking feeling that Gokudera might have not even noticed he had company in his way back.

The door to their infirmary closed with a soft 'click' and with it went all possible interaction the two guardians had with the rest of the base's residents until dinner time would come.

The rain guardian felt like there would not be any moment better that that particular one to bring up the dreaded subject. He reminded himself of his friends' hopes and steeled himself for any accusations and faults that could be thrown at him, though he doubted Gokudera would intentionally try to hurt him. The storm guardian was lying on the bed, face down and body relaxed. He might have indeed not noticed his roommate's presence, or he just didn't care that he was there. Yamamoto didn't want to think which one was worst, to be ignored or to be unwanted. Probably the latter, but still, being ignored was not much fun either.

The rain guardian made his way to the bed in complete silence. He slowly sat on the edge of the bed with his back to Gokudera's upper body, he couldn't bear to watch an accusing look from the green eyed boy at the moment. He was already struggling to keep from crying at the lack of responses to his actions. He deemed it necessary to have physical contact to begin the conversation, because the verbal one didn't seem to work. That would be like talking to a wall. A really good looking one, maybe, but still unresponsive. So he put all his weight on his left hand as his right hand made it's way through the small bit of distance between it's previous location to Gokudera's hair. Landing softly on the silvery strands, the hand passed through them with it's shaking fingers and hesitating movements.

Yamamoto knew he had gotten his friend's attention as the previously hidden face was turned in his direction. The storm guardian's eyes were closed with comfort and appreciative sounds made their way through his throat only to be muffled by his closed lips.

"Hayato." The rain guardian was still not looking as he asked the question. "What's wrong?"

Had he been watching though, the swordsman would have witnessed the surprise that showed on the other guardian's face.

"Nothing really." he said honestly. The hand in his hair stopped and he hurried to explain at least part of what was going on, Yamamoto's hand just felt amazing and addictive as the long fingers went through his hair. "It's just that I have a lot on my mind."

"A lot of what?" the black haired boy asked, once again continuing to move his hand with a slow rhythm.

"A lot of thoughts." the Italian stated in a matter of fact kind of response.

"I knew that." Yamamoto said, pulling playfully on the part of the hair his hand was holding at the moment. "What I meant to ask was, what kind of thoughts? It must be something pretty serious because you have been distracted both yesterday and this morning."

At the hollow tone that accompanied the last sentence, the storm guardian had finally gathered enough self control to look up at the rain guardian without acting strange. Had his thoughts really blocked everything from the outside? If so, then he could probably see where the concern was coming from. For the first time in many hours, though for his they have passed more than twice as fast, Gokudera had noticed the fact that other than the previous day's discussion and the short conversation this morning, he had not acknowledged anything or anyone, let alone speak to them.

He slowly lifted his hand and pressed it lightly to the caressing palm, slowly closing his own on it.

"You shouldn't worry about it, give me a bit more time and it will pass."

Yamamoto was not really satisfied with this answer. He just had to ask the one question that persistently kept repeating in his head, not letting go.

"Does it have something to do with me?" it was a simple question. Yes or no, nothing more expected.

Gokudera could immediately see where this was going, and ha definitely didn't want the other to think he was at fault. Hell, the rain guardian didn't even know what it was all about so how could he have come to such a conclusion?

"Takeshi... " the name was spoken with an emotion that Yamamoto couldn't recognize, both in the voice and in his eyes. "Don't worry, its not something that you did."

And Yamamoto could just take his word for it.


What would you say? What would you tell?
Don't make me wait.
What would you do? How would you react?
Allow me to see your soul.


During lunch and then all the way through dinner Gokudera was quiet and it was making Yamamoto's anxiety levels rise. Any thought he had that the situation might have been improved was lost and disappointment took it's place. He knew it might be stupid to not take the Italian's word, could even be seen as disrespect, but he still couldn't shake off the feeling that he might still be at fault.

So when dinner was over and the two guardians arrived at their room together, the rain guardian tried to try once again to understand the situation. This time though, he went with his feelings and not with his mind.

"I'm sorry." he apologized right after they passed through the door and closed it.

"For what?" the other asked in surprise.

"I know you told me I didn't do anything, but I still get the feeling that it's because of me, even if not directly." the surprised expression on the storm guardian's face had said it all and his own face fell. "If it's true then why didn't you tell me, when I asked you earlier?" he just wanted to know the truth, he was too tired to keep chasing blindly after it.

Gokudera, who stood in front of the taller boy, took a quick step forward and the other, in response, took a quick step back. The storm guardian moved forward again, and again the rain guardian moved backward. That is, until his knees hit the side of the soft bed and buckled slightly. A gentle shove from one of the pianist's fingers was enough to make him sit down on the bed.

Gokudera was now looking at him from above with nothing but truth in his eyes and Yamamoto couldn't bear to witness it so he turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. "If you didn't want to hurt me, then I understand." he started, tears of frustration and hurt flowing down from his shut eyes. "But please just- " his voice was caught in his throat as he felt a warm hand on his right cheek. A thumb passed horizontally across the soft flesh and erased the tears that stained the pale face.

The thumb trailed down and ghosted over the slightly separated lips in a motion that took the rain guardian's breath away. It finally stopped moving as it settled down on the scarred chin, rubbing softly over the healed cut as the rest of the fingers dwelt across the guardian's firm jaw.

The fingers, softly but effectively, coaxed Yamamoto's head to look up and since his eyes were still burning from the tears and kept closed, he couldn't figure out what was happening. That is, until he felt the soft lips that covered his own. In fact, even then he couldn't really understand the situation. He just froze. Even as the lips left his after the short and hesitant kiss he didn't move. His tears stopped though, probably the shock, so he could open his eyes without worrying about the stinging sensation.

His wonderment was disrupted by Gokudera's next words. It seemed as if he had snapped out of the trance he was in once he realized the teller boy wasn't responding to the kiss at all. "I'm sorry."

The apology took Yamamoto by surprise, but couldn't find his voice in time to ask for the reason before the Italian himself began answering it.

"I don't know what made me do that. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." the storm guardian was trying to avoid going into a panic attack at the thought of losing his friendship with the rain guardian by taking deep breaths in between the short sentences. "Of course you wouldn't want me, who would?Someone as hideous and unwanted as me."

Being on his own since he was a child, Gokudera had many insecurities about himself. Since he had no one to take care of him he had to look for a Family that would accept him, but there was no one that wanted to have him for a long time as he looked for a place to belong to. This particular experience had made him develop an extremely distorted belief of how people view him.

Yamamoto seemed to have gained the ability to speak again at the other's words. He just felt the sudden need to prove to him that he was wrong about himself.

"You are wrong." he stated simply, drawing the other's desperate attention. "I look at you and I only see standing in front of me someone so beautiful that makes my heart beat faster." he said without being embarrassed at all. He didn't want Gokudera to degrade himself any more. "Your eyes are the most gorgeous green and your hair is a brilliant silver. You have an amazing skin, pale but not sickly, that not even the scars left on it could ruin.

"Gokudera Hayato, you are anything but hideous." the rain guardian stated firmly as he looked deep into the disbelieving eyes. Then his own gaze strayed to the floor no his side. "If anything, I don't get why you would want someone like me, all scrawny and not special at all like you are."

The Italian seemed to get over his shock at the complimenting words rather quickly after he heard the last sentence. Be it as feeble as it was, he still heard it.

"You are special to me." he whispered, but didn't seem to find it in himself to say anymore for some reason. Since Gokudera couldn't say anything he just looked up and into those dark eyes, deep with meaning, and saw all the insecurities that had piled up even before they landed in the future, only to be more than added to when they have been captured. The moment he saw those feelings, all those strong emotions, he showed every ounce of emotion that he was feeling at that moment.

This kind of display was difficult to ignore.

"You... want me?" the rain guardian asked in astonishment, the wave of emotions that he had seen through those bright, green eyes telling him what the voice could not have said.

A short nod to confirm the question as this time, his own gaze strayed to the side in self doubt.

Noticing the seeping insecurity, Yamamoto closed his eyes as he said, "If there are any questions here, then it should be why you would want someone as tainted... as used as I am?" a complete lack of confidence.

Gokudera was fast on this one though, "You are not-"

"-but I am." the silver haired guardian was cut off by the bitter words. "No matter how you look at it, I'm damaged and I--"

"Look, there is no hiding that the both of us have issues." the green eyed boy decided to put an end to the pointless discussion and go back to the main topic. And as much as he dreaded to do so, he had to admit it was much better than keeping the current subject. "But I really do like you, a lot more than I believe I should, and that what matters.

"If you don't think you could feel the same, then I will forget it this instant, you don't have to worry about anything. Nothing will change between us." he had to try hard to keep himself from not saying those words, but he knew they were necessary.

"You really do love me." the firm nod Gokudera sent Yamamoto's way set the room to another sequence of quiet minutes.

Yamamoto had an unreadable look in his eyes, that Gokudera couldn't know whether it meant good or bad for him. After sitting silently for what seemed like hours even though it had only been less than a few minutes, the green eyed guardian couldn't take it anymore.

"It's alright, I promised I will forget it, and I will. But just give me a moment." he said as he got up from the bed, his head down and his shoulders slumped. He headed for the door, since it was to only way to distance himself from the other guardian.

The action seemed to snap the rain guardian back to reality and, by using his instincts only, his hand cut through the air and caught the Italian's pale hand with a firm grip. He slowly got up and pulled on the other's hand softly, in an attempt to make him turn around to look at him, but the other just kept his feet planted to the ground underneath him and wouldn't budge. The storm guardian was silently refusing with all his might to turn around and face him, but he wouldn't have any of it.

With a sharp pull of his hand backwards, Yamamoto left the other no choice but to face him. In fact, not only were they facing each other now, but they were practically in each other's faces. The momentum that was created by the pull and the other's half spin, made their faces and bodies so close to each other that they could almost feel the other's warmth in addition to their connected hands.

"Look at me." the swordsman said in a strong voice that cut through the air with sharpness that stated he would not yield until the other would give up and face him, almost like an order. Beside making the silver haired guardian shiver slightly at their force, those words only made him look further down at the floor. Yamamoto was mad at him, he had no doubt at that, and it was understandable. Really. But when he heard those words, he suddenly got the uncomfortable feeling as if his body was paralyzed and the simple action of lifting his head to look up at the person he cared about did not seem so simple anymore. Gravitation seemed to be a very interesting and mysterious thing at that current moment.

The rain guardian could see the impact his words made on the normally temperamental boy, making him act even more timidly, but just that wouldn't make him stop. He had to make the other understand.

So with another sharp movement, his hand left the other's hand and swiftly attached itself to the shorter guardian's chin. "I said." the rain guardian started forcefully as he pulled the other's chin up so his face would not be able to resist looking up at him. This action had revealed the beautiful pair of eyes the storm guardian had, the silver hair was slightly messed up and scattered across the pale face at the rough and sudden movements. The rain guardian's other hand, as bandaged as it was, removed the silvery locks with tender movements and his dark eyes softened the instant they met the sorrowful eyes that glistened with tears at the dull, sunset light that filled the room.

"I said." Yamamoto repeated slowly, this time taking on a much more gentle tone, as he took in the traces of fear that appeared in the green eyes. "Look at me." he whispered. The other boy closed his eyes and and as he opened them, looking directly at the caring eyes of the taller boy, two more perfect tears made their way across his pale cheeks. Those were the last tears.

The bandaged hand wrapped itself firmly around the storm guardian's waist, pulling him even closer to the taller boy, now their bodies were definitely touching, as the other hand was raised to gently wipe the falling tears from the beautiful, warm face. The rain guardian took his time as he silently closed the little bit of distance that they still had between them. He stopped moving when finally, their foreheads were touching and closed his eyes.

"Right now, there is only one thing that I want to do." he said, and the other boy, who had already submitted himself for whatever the taller one wanted to do to him, had said nothing and just waited patiently for the rest of the sentence.

He was surprised however, when no words were said, and the other's warm forehead left his with complete silence. Soft lips covered his own and his mind stopped functioning from that moment onwards. No hurt, no pain, no surprise. Only passion could be felt at the tender kiss that the two shared.

"How could I not grow to love you after you allowed me to see every part of your soul?"

Well, that had said it. "But,"

"Just shut up and kiss me again." Yamamoto commanded sweetly and kissed the tip of the pale nose. "For real this time."

Gokudera had to admit. He had nothing else to say.

"Okay."

And from that moment on, no words were spoken. No more words were needed.


Would you believe me when I tell you that, as planned ahead as this story was, it went in an entirely different direction than what I tried to make?

Would you believe me when I tell you the prologue was written two years ago and the rest of the story was definitely not supposed to go this way?

I guess you probably would. After all, I have no reason to lie...

Once again, thank you for reviewing. I just can't seem to stop saying it, always the same, guess my creativity dies when I'm not writing chapters... *sighs and puts a hand on my forehead* 'what is wrong with me?' (my inner voice kinda tells me 'I told you so' right now. How was I supposed to know it will take all night to finish writing the chapter? Ah, that's right, it's always like this. Never mind :p)

…Anyway, kisses from Rishon, some of you might get them later than others, but don't blame me. Blame the planet.

Bye bye.